QUICK PINT DOWN AT THE PIG & FERRET PUB.

I not against small dog.  Many home have small dog – and in my home is small dog.  What to do? Estonia we like big dog.  Proper dog is Eesti Hagijas, you call Estonian Hound. Yes? What is not small dog, not big dog, but half a big dog.

With three childs, one wife and small house we must have small dog. Worse, small dog name Bananas.  Yes, stupid name I think.  Good Estonia name for dog is Mimmi, Tontu or Spartak, yes? Bananas only good name for yellow fruit.

What you mean by Bananas is small dog yellow also, huh?

Coming to this blog next week.

Check out The Usual Muttwits

A Quick Pint Down the Pig & Ferret

You never sipped vegan beer?  You are missing something very special my friend. There’s so many and from big names, too.  Carlsberg, Stella, Heineken and others, I think. And non-alcoholic, umm, I think, isn’t that right Mayumi my little precious?

Yes, she’s such a sweet doggy.  Always does what she’s told.  Always sleeps when we sleep.  Always eats vegan – and loves it!  And don’t bark a lot.  Hate dogs wot bark a lot, don’t yu?Yeah, me boyfriend’s from the Middle East.  They love dogs out there. And me grandparents are from China.  And, umm, they love dogs out there…

Do visit The Usual Muttwits at Westly Piddle.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday: Jour.

Linda G Hill said :Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “jour.” Find a word containing “jour” or use it as is. Bonus points if you start or end your post with that word. Enjoy!

image from Pixabay.

Jour means day in French. How much nicer it sounds in a language that is not our own. To me jour sounds exotic and special, unlike day which is ordinary every day, unlike Tous Les jours which sounds very sauve (another French word for smart or chic). Then there is sojourn , a French word a short stay.

Then there is journal, another French word for for, diary, paper, magazine. That leads to journalist, journalism, journalistic.

I could continue journey, to travel, journeyman, a workman/ tradesman. I could continue but I will not.

This is my post of the day Mon poste du jour.

Badge by Shelley Krupa

This is part of LindaGHill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday #SoCs

Usual Muttwits TREACLE PART 3

Butt lickin’ muttwits just dont appreciate my responsibilities Treacle is grumbling as he drags Sixlegs towards home so easy for GitOrrf and thems hundred other West Pid muttwits – wotz trotting about squirting and pooping all they wants 

Ah, to slip the leash in Herdwick pooping park and be allowed to run. To run. Free. Not him, alas. Not a service-assist dog.  Life zipping him by, tethered to a handicapped hindlegs. Can’t even cross the road anywhere he lyks.  Must always snifz out the designated crossing point, always waiting peep peep peep before it’s safe to trot on.

If only…

“nowlookhereTreacle,you’regoingtoofast” Sixlegs yanks at his handle “thisain’tarace,don’tyerknow?”

I don’t, coz I never been in a butt-lickin’ race, boss

continue reading at Usual Muttwits

The Argument.

Here is  another old  Halloween  poem  this  time  from  2013. I bring it out every year, it’s one of my favourites, so I make no apologies.

~~~~~~~~~~

I know that it is  raining,  I can see that it wet

But you are my familiar,  and not a blooming pet!

I have asked you nicely I have even said please

Now go and get me food or I shall infest you with flees.

Excuse me, Lady  Mistress, this does not seem quite right

Just where in my contract does it say I have to work for you at night!

You have run me ragged every minute of today.

I am tired now and my feathers are wet and here in the warm I need to stay.

Pardon me! my fine feathered friend,pardon me my beauty.

I am not requesting, I am demanding that you do your duty.

I am the one in charge not you , I am a tortured soul Vampire.

You do as I bid and don’t argue. Go, go on, What are waiting for. Wet weather attire?

Well Mistress that would not go amiss for I am not a duck,

And if I get lost  you will miss out and that would be such bad luck.

Be Gone! Get out! and find me fresh blood

And if you play your cards right I shall dip you in the stream on your return to remove the mud.girl_gloom_rain_raven_3512_1280x1024

Scream into  the rain

One-Liner Wednesday. Weather.

Photo by Valiphotos on Pexels.com

Someone once said, “The weather is like people, it’s changeable”

Well that’s bullshit! People never change , they are what they are!

Part of LindaGHill’s One-Liner Wednesday. #1linerweds

Halloween Nightmare.

A Witch’s worse nightmare.

Image from Pixabay

It is hard when you’re witch,

Your presence gives polite society an itch.

When you float by in your latest gown

Women scream and men hit the ground.

Now all of the above could be a boon

Were it not Halloween very soon.

It is not my job to please them.

It is enough to make you shout and scream

When your hair looks good on Halloween.

A careless sprite has cleaned my dress

Dabbed away all signs of mess.

No that really can’t be right, looking tidy on All Souls Night.

To make it worse I just received a call to say

My Vampire friends can’t come and play.

OH! tell me what’s a girl to do

I think I am coming down with flu.

I think I have really lost the plot, that guy over there just told me I look hot!

photo credit

Look at me, I look like a fairy,

What’s going on, I should be Bloody Scary Mary!

No, I did not think so,

Eek! I just looked in the mirror where did all my attitude go?

What is a self respecting witch to do

Some pesky imp has used all my goo !

There are only four days left until Halloween

And I look like a Fairy Queen.

It gets worse, damn, this just is not fair

None of my rags are fit to wear.

They all make me look stunning .

This is the work of evil and cunning

I guess I shall just have to go and hide

Looking like this, the gossip I’ll never survive.

I shall just climb into a box

And dine on pig’s swill and slops.

I just don’t know what I have done

I even crave a little rest in the sun??

Help, this is not right I am a creature of the night.

Some sneaky sprite has put a hex on me.

The only thing I can do is flee.

The A Mused Poetry Contest 10/17 – 10/23/2020

Welcome to the A Mused Poetry Contest! Chelsea Owens said “Come, tickle your funny bone or leave us in stitches!”

The theme for this week is a Diamante poem about gold-diggers

Thomas
Lythe, handsome
Pleasing, flattering, dancing
Money, diamonds, bedroom, cars.
Coaxing, grabbing, ageing
Arthritic, Madame.

This is part of The Mused Poetry Contest.

One-Liner Wednesday.

Has anyone tried turning this year off, waiting 30seconds and then rebooting. … No, why not?

I don’t know who said it but it makes sense.

A bonus for the alternative Dictionary :

Kenya: Scottish for “Do you know? “

This is part of LindaGHill’s One-Liner Wednesday.

Badge by Laura

Constipation

Our friends Sue Vincent and Mary Smith are both fighting Cancer right now. Both have hit another capital C. I am not talking about chemo nasty as that is. No I am talking about Constipation! Well all I can say is I have been there and it is horrendous! It may not seem like a big health issue but believe me it is. It certainly is not glamorous. So I am hoping to bring a smile to their faces and anyone else in the same or similar position. They have both discussed constapation in the comments on Mary’s blog and Mary has written about it at length, so I am betraying no secrets.

So to any of you who don’t do bodily functions or honesty perhaps this is not a poem for you .

Ruddy Constipation

Oh! This bloody constipation
It is causing me such consternation
I try my best eating veg and fruit
But do I shift it, no, I just toot.
Oh! The pain is so extreme
I push and push, grimace and scream.
Just to pass a motion now seems like a dream
The truth is more a nightmare
This dam shit is set on staying there.
I stand, I sit, I squat but the body is not playing
That,the laxative will work soon! I am truly praying!

**********

So I am sending this out to everyone suffering with cancer or any illness or disability. Keep fighting and keep taking the laxative!

Mary and Sue keep fighting!

You can visit Sue and Mary’s blogs using the Links at the beginning of this post.

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