Vlad and Millaine the Vilaine

http://www.dailypaintings.com/2006sep.html

It was getting dark again and so the Empress padded over to the window and gingerly jumped up onto the window ledge. They were still there she could see them at the far end of the garden. Heaving and multiplying.

What could she do, things were not improving, she was now concerned about the safety of her two humans who were not as young as they were. The last thing she wanted was these two sweet humans being caught up in all of this.

Yawning she again took in the scene and decided that strong measures must be taken. There was nothing for it she would have to contact Vlad.

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Vlad was most surprised when opening up his coffin in answer to a loud and rather rude knock to find a Magpie with a royal looking communication in his mouth.  He was even more surprise when he opened it ( carefully in case it was from the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape.) to discover it was actually from his friend The Empress Valentina.

The Empress I should explain is a cat…no ordinary cat I must add but one of Russian and Royal connections. She has two human servants who she is very fond of , even though they are most peculiar and would you believe they think they own her. It always makes Vlad  laugh when he hears about the way humans delude themselves!!( In his view).

The Empress lives with her two servants, who are blissfully unaware of the peril they are presently in. Since last week Millaine has been gathering his forces now some forty thousand strong and slowly but surely they have been advancing, inch by inch up the garden towards the house. Poor valentina has been sitting, and watching through the big picture window that looks out on the newly painted decking. So far she has been able to keep the humans safe and unaware of the impending danger ( strange really but she really cares for them?) But as time is passing and Millaine and the hordes grow ever closer she has realized she is fighting a loosing battle, before she even starts. Being a very clever cat she decided to wait no longer and ask Vlad for my help(well what else is a girl in trouble to do)

Now I know this Milaine of old and a nastier , meaner, ungentlemanly piece of work you would be hard put to find. Vlad has  had more than one run in with him.

It would appear that he has been laying siege to Empress and she she has been trapped there for over a week.
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I will describe Millaine the Villaine and  I will just set the scene for you imagine dusk falling and……Outside in the garden a huge black mass was moving slowly up the lawn towards the decking and the, thankfully, shut window. The mass was not solid nor was it liquid but it was fluid and sieving with energy and to be honest it was leaping up and down as it relentlessly moved ever closer to the house. On closer inspection it will become clear that it was not one thing but millions!!!

At the front of it was the strangest creature you could ever wish, not to meet. Though not big he, it was definitely a he, was bigger than the others. Covered in lightweight armoured plate from top to toe, though I should say ankle and will explain why shortly. The armour being black, shiny and completely waterproof was very flexible and so the thing had no problem in moving faster and jumping higher than all the rest. I mentioned his armour reached to his ankles well that is because on his feet, all six of them, he wore tiny dark blue slippers!
His entire ensemble was covered by a shield that was strapped across his back with a yellow sash.

Now you know what he looks like, you can imagine the fear the sight of him can instill in a poor cat. Even one of high Royal Russian birth!
Well Valentina decided that she had best employ Mabbs the Magpie of “Magpie Message delivery Services”. the Empress  knew she could delay no longer  requesting help.
Later that evening when The Empress could hear glasses clinking and plates rattling she deemed it safe to write out her request for help. Wasting no time and pulling no punches so wrote… ‘My Dear Vlad, I have a grave problem here. I am being laid siege by Millaine the Viliaine and his evil hoards! They are threatening to over throw my home and attack my dear sweet humans. So far I have been able to keep them outside but I fear this is no longer the case and they are growing in numbers and strength all the time. Please, please help me if you can, you are my last hope! With affection The Empress Valentina.’

The message written and sent she resigned herself to the fact that she had done all she could over the last few days to repel the pest at her door. All she could do now was to wait for Vlad’s reply and thank Heaven “Magpie Message delivery Services” for knowing she had done all she could for moment The Empress found herself a comfortable position on the office chair and waited for a reply.

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Waking with a start The Empress nearly slipped of the chair as the tap, tap at the window aroused her. Yawning and flexing her claws she sat bolt upright and listened. She could still hear the sound of clinking glasses and laughter so she knew she was safe to open the window and retrieve the answering message, hopefully from Vlad. Reading the message with baited breath she was relived to see it was from Vlad..

‘Dearest Empress, I was shocked and saddened to hear of your plight. Do not despair I am prepared to assist you in your hour of need. Fear not as my bravery and strength know no bounds. What is more to the point I am preparing to come to your rescue. Be strong and brave help is on the way. Do not give into fear and keep your spirits up. II shall be with you soon. Vlad the impeccable!

All The Empress could do now was await the arrival of the super hero Vlad!

Outside in the garden, unaware that help had been summoned, the hoards had reached the decking and to were leaping and hopping about happily awaiting instructions from their illustrious leader. Shifting about on his three pairs of blue clad feet Milaan was pondering upon his next move. He listened for awhile to the idle chattering and gossiping of his troops as an idea formulated in his head. Eventually he drew himself up to his full height and puffed his chest out as much as he was able, gave a sudden cough, causing some of the younger and more excitable minions at the outer edges of the mass to jump so much that they fell off the decking landing in the mud beneath with a loud plop!
“Hurrmph” Milaan said getting everyone’s attention. “Here is the plan for tonight. Battalions 5 & 6 you have not fed for three weeks so you may pop next door and feed on that scabby mutt living there. The rest of you sort your amour then get some rest we have a big day ahead of us. This may not be the biggest battle we have ever fought but it is an important one. We will be a laughing stock because this cat, the Empress has kept us at bay for so long. So remember that tomorrow I want everyone going in with the right attitude.” Here he paused for either breath or effect then he continued. “No quarter will be taken and none given I expect every flea to fight dirty. Use everything you learnt from the Flea master and use it well!!” As he ended he raised his shield high above his head a swung it around three times for effect.

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Well there it was  these hoards were fleas, cat fleas to be precise, obviously not fussy whether or not their victims were cats, dogs or even humans, but cat fleas never the less and down right Nasty ones at that! Suddenly Milaan grabbed the nearest foot soldier to him and screamed in his ear “What are we going to be tomorrow?” “’Orrible, ‘orrible, we is going to be ‘orrible!” replied the scruffy but bold flea. “What are we going to do tomorrow?” enquired Milaan. “Win sir win!” shouted the flea. “Right “shouted Milaan. “You have your orders …so get to it…NOW!!” With that he turned and headed off to his tent for a good nights rest blissfully unaware of who and what was heading his way!!…………………………………..

As soon as Vlad was made aware oof the Empresses’ plight he called an extraordinary meeting of a few chosen friends. All those invited to attend were most intrigued as to what could be happening . When they had assembled Vlad called them all to order. “Hurrmph!! Could I have everyone’s attention please?” Vlad had to raise his voice slightly to be heard above the general chatter. “I have received a most disturbing message from the Empress Valentina .” Stopping for effect, here as there was a sharp gasp of recognition from every creature present. Raising a paw to silence everyone he  continued. “Yes I know we all know her well, but haste is of the essence and there is no time for questions or idle chatter.” Vlad now had their full attention and as soon as he had caught his breath he carried on. “The two Slove Bats have been on a mission to appraise the situation and it is grave indeed. Not only is there a hoard of fleas laying siege to the house were she lives but” and here again he paused for effect, an old trick of his and  it always works and he had them all hanging on his every word. “But their leader is none other than Millaine the Villaine the notorious escapee from the Vonshoster International Flea Circus.”
For a second you could have heard a pin drop or a heart beat if any of those present had of had a heart to beat, which they did not! Then all hell broke loose as everyone spoke at once….Vlad allowed this to last for a few seconds then noticing that the Vladdette was getting agitated about Baby Vlad being woken he called the assembly back to order.
“Right listen to me will you there is nothing to be gained from all this racket!” he  could see no one was taking any notice of him. So with a wave of his paw he filled the room with a blinding flash of light and a deafening BANG!!! Well that did the trick, again there it was, the deafening silence. Once he had had everyone’s attention he continued. “As I have already said the Sloves have been over to the house to see how things are progressing and the news is bad. So we must prepare and leave tonight. Abbi my friend I need to ask that you take care of the Vladdette and Baby Vlad in my absence.” This was answered by a deep nod of the head from Abbi the Rabbi who was sitting reading his Big Book in the corner. “Right White Ted is everything ready to go?” Vlad asked turning to his best friend. “Yes Vlad I have done everything you asked  me and I have also prepared some food for the journey.” White Ted always liked to go that extra mile especially for his mate Vlad. Taking up the list he had prepared earlier Vlad went through it muttering to himself as he did so. ( it always looks good if you mutter) When he reached the last page he looked up and started issuing orders. First he asked the two Sloves if  they were ready for the return journey, they were, had Sapphire and Jade Ted prepared the weapons, they had. Lastly Vlad asked all the remaining creatures if they were up to the task of being extra visible around the house while we, the small task force were busy saving the Empress Valentina so that the humans would not miss them !they were!!….

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Outside in the back garden the Vladdette kissed Vlad lovingly one the Cheek and wished him luck. “Luck does not come into it, my dear” he said to reassure her. Though to tell the truth Vlad did have his paws crossed behind my back.“Come now we must be off” he said clapping his paws to get everyone’s attention. “Now the Two Slove Bats can travel with Sapphire and Jade and go straight to the house and keep an eye on things but be sure that you are not detected. White Ted and I will, under my cape of invisibility, go straight into the bungalow and speak with the Empress.” As he finished speaking one of the Black Slove Bat, the elder of the two and the bolder, said. “I suppose that we are carrying the weapons?” he turned to await Vlad’s reply, which was fast and to the point “Well there are four of you!!Without any more discussion The Vladdette returned to the house and stood at the window with all the other bears and of course Abbi the Rabbi and waived as the dark figures on the lawn jostled and heaved at the big Black weapons chest. After much to-do and squabbling Vlad had to step in and sort the situation out. “Enough. One of you at each corner. Sapphire and Jade at the front to guide you and you two Sloves at the rear to take the weight and generate the speed. Now get on and make sure that you are not seen!” Then standing back, next to White Ted, he watched as the weapons chest, rather untidily took off and headed, at a dangerous speed and altitude towards the brick wall that enclosed the garden. It only just cleared the coping on top of the wall, skimmed the top of a nearby lamppost and then disappeared from sight. Turning to White Ted Vlad said  with a laugh. “Lets hope they get there in one piece.” “Yes” replied White Ted. “It would help if they did not argue all the time! And just worked together as a team.” Rubbing his paws together Vlad said . “Before we see the Empress I need to speak with my father and mother, not only are they close friends with the Empress they know a great deal about Millaine the Villaine.”
As they flew up into the night sky, White Ted holding tightly onto Vlad’s Cape, he asked as to which of the  family’s many residencies they were now headed. To his delight Vlad replied. “The Winter Palace on the Kola Peninsular.” Oh! Good thought White Ted I love it there!” Being an immortal Vlad can travel at amazing speeds and even though their journey took them all the way across Europe and up to the boarders of Russia because Vlad  was in a hurry it only took  five minutes to get there so before White Ted had got too excited we were stepping down on the gravel drive outside the elaborate Golden Doors at the front of the Winter Palace.
As they were brushing the snow from their cloaks we heard the sound of paws running across the marble floors within. “Vlad my boy is that you? Annuska my darling our little cub is here to visit quickly tell your darling mother that he is here and that he has that nice chap White Ted with him.” This was, of course my father Ivan rushing to open the door to greet us. As the doors bust open there was a resounding thud as Poor Ivan hit the deck. From deep within the large entrance hall they could hear a nasty cackling laugh.
“The Grandmother with the Invisible Cape” whispered White Ted. “Bless her” Said the bruised Ivan!

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After he had picked himself up and brushed himself off Ivan, a smile the size of China on his face, hugged Vlad  and White Ted. “I am so pleased to see you both, what brings you here so unexpectedly?” Ushering us both into the ‘Glassier room ‘so called because it not only had the most wonderful views of frozen sea and white landscape but also was completely constructed of ice and was decorated with jewelled stalactites and stalagmites, the whole chamber moved gently and the sound of grinding ice was like sweet music. This is a very private Family room, much loved by family and close friends, we do not use it for functions… unlike the ice ballroom which we used for the Party.…………. As is customary in such temperatures, Ivan handed both White Ted and Vlad a pair of fur lined skates, which they happily put on. Together they glided across the floor. Vlad  showing off as usual with spins and Triple Sulkos galore and leaps all met with applause. Finally after a while he  stopped and remembered why they were there.
Joining Ivan and White Ted at the glass table by the window Vlad took a deep breath and surveyed the amazing view!
Looking across at  Ivan, Vlad asked him if he would tell them all he knew about Millaine the Villaine. Ivan looked very serious ( I do believe that that was the very first time Vlad had ever seen his father look or react like that) He sat upright and said ” Listen to me son you do not want to mess with that snidy bit of work!!”

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This was a first no one had ever seen Ivan react like this before, never had Vlad even seen him look remotely concerned! Yet when we mentioned Millaine the Villaine to him he actually paled! He reached for the bottle of vintage blood plasma that was sitting on the table and knocked back a glass and a half before he continued to speak. ” Many moons ago Your mother and I crossed paths with Millaine, when we first met he seemed a very amicable chap.It was not until we had been in his company for a few days that he started to show his true colours!” Here Ivan stopped and drank another two glasses to steady his nerves! Glancing over his shoulder as if to see if anyone was there he took another swig and carried on. ” He is a very clever chap , all smiles and pleasantries on the surface…. but full of black deeds and thoughts underneath!! He kept trying to get your mother and I to buy a time share out on one of the rings of Saturn!! Well he convinced us to go out there and take a look, we quite liked what we saw and after we had all downed about three vats of wine …… we rather stupidly ..signed on the dotted line……………………………” At this point the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape came into the room! ” Vladimir is that you my Boy?” Her chair scratching its’ way across the floor as it bore her ever closer to the table !! What a sight this was, an angry black caped figure sat in the wondrous chair ( that I described before) .There she sat all four inches of her, oozing menace and splendour at the same time. From the tiny black ears that stuck out menacingly from her lace head dress to the silver buckles on her pointy shoes, that poked out of her voluminous black skirts!! ” I hear from the Idiot Ivan that you are about to mess with that Villain Mellaine?” Looking at Ivan who was pouring her a glass of warm plasma and smiling lovingly at her she spat “Well you half whit what is going on how is it possible that Millaine has escaped from Vonshosters International Flea Circus?? I told you to ensure he was there for the rest of his unnatural!! ” With those words the Grandmother raised her black ivory cane with the silver scull at its tip and shook it at Ivan …who was suddenly slammed up against the icy ceiling. The sudden uplifting movement caused him to spill the Grandmothers plasma…” Clumsy oaf ” she snarled…

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…..Annuska,Vlad’s mother,  arrived and suggested that we all sit down and discuss the situation. We all obeyed and sat at the table each with a glass of plasma, White Ted and I told of the message outlining the  Empresses plight. Ivan and Annuska retold of how the evil Millaine had tried to con them into buying a run down hut on one of outmost rings of Saturn and how he turned nasty and had tried to kidnap Annuska when they had refused to pay him!! The Grandmother finished the proceedings by telling them how she had traped and caught Millaine and delivered him into the hands of Dr. Vonshooster to be a part of his world famous Flea Circus!!
The grandmother then informed them that she could not stay in the same room as the aboninable Ivan a second longer!! At which Ivan lept up and escorted her to the far doors….You could hear her protests as she left and over them Ivan telling her what a lovely creature she was!!!!!!!

That left White Ted and Vlad alone with Annuska, who told told them about the weeknesses that she and Ivan had found in Millaines armour! After a while Annuska took White Ted and Vlad along to the Armoury and handed Vlad the Sword of Invincibility and to White Ted she gave the Shield of Greatness. “Use these only in times of great need and danger and they will never let you down!! ” Then she leant forward and Kissed them both on the forehead and told them that she and Ivan were never more than a call away if we were in need or any great danger.

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Annuska had given White Ted and Vlad the Sword of Invinsiblity and and the Shield of Greatness. Unfortunately WhiteTed had great difficulty in holding the Shield for more than a few minutes but Annuska had assured him that if his need was great he would be able to hold it as long as was needed. Ivan then returned having escaped from a huge spiders web that the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape had thrown at him to stop him following her. “Your Grandmother is such wonderful fun always ready with a joke I do love visiting here with her” Ivan said brushing off the silver strands of the web from his long black ( and if you are reading this Ted., VERY SMART ) cape. “Can you boys stay to dinner “he asked….Annuska gently patted him on the shoulder ( sending dust everywhere) and told him that they  must be off as they still  had an appointment with Millaine the Villaine.
Reluctantly Vlad said to White Ted that they should take their leave now as time was ticking away and the others would be waiting for them.
They left the Palace as a fresh coating of snow was silently covering the gardens and the surrounding countryside and the moon was rising. It was no trouble for Vlad ( being of super human strength) to carry White Ted and Both the shield of Greatness and the Sword Of Invincibility! Well it took hardly any time at all to cross Europe and land in Valentinas’ garden on the Isle of Wight.
The first thing that Vlad noticed was how quite things seemed…he was immediately suspicious and was just about to take off again when he heard a ” hiss hiss” coming from the far side of the hedge where he had landed. Quickly telling White Ted to sit on the near by garden seat while he  investigated the noises Vlad rounded the hedge to meet , to his  relief the two Slove Bats and Sapphire and Jade Ted with the weapons chest!! “Where have you been Boss we have been waiting here hours!” said Jade Bear ” Those Slove Bats have been itching to get stuck in. we have had a terrible job to stop them from rushing in” Vlad told them that he was glad that they had managed to hold off showing themselves as that would of spoilt the surprise.

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The two Slove Bats and Sapphire and Jade Bear, had  arrived before Vlad and White Ted  with the weapons chest and and settled behind a hedge and carried out reconnaissance on Millaine and his evil crew. After Sapphire Ted had bought them up to speed and Jade Bear had had told them exactly how many we were encountering……………………..1890000003 in all. It took, even Vlad’s breath away!! the two Slove Bats were all for wading in ( sense and numbers have never been their forte) fortunately for all Vlad  managed to deter them and suggested that they make their way up to the house as quickly and quietly as inhumanly possible!!
quietly …that’s a bl##dy joke the two Sloves and two Gem bears carrying a huge weapons chest …..well none of that should even be in the same sentence. Never the less they  did manage to gain entry to the house without MILLAINE OR HIS SENTRIES ( OR EVEN VALENTINAS’ HUMANS) spotting them!! A minor miracle in itself!
Once inside Vlad quickly found Valentina in the conservatory watching the black mass moving up the lawn ( the same one  they had just skirted under Vlads’ cape of invisibility) To say she was pleased to see them was an understatement . The look of relief on her face was a picture!

After Vlad  introduced everyone and covered the weapons chest with invisiblity dust  so the humans would not see it White Ted got out the food and drink he had bought and  they all settled down to make their Plan of Attack!!…… White Ted, Valentina the Slove Bats ,the Gem Teds and myself were all sat in the conservatory discussing the plan of attack! It was a plan of attack because Vampires do not do defend they attack! Valentina was so glad they had arrived and went out to her kitchen to get some plates and glasses so we could have the food White Ted had bought with him from home. They had only  left home two hours before but it seemed as if they had been away at least a week. Vlantenia returned from the kitchen looking rather worried someone had been out into the garden and left the door open and she was concerned in case any of Millaines hoards had gained entry to the house, well before Vlad could stop them the two hotheaded Slove Bats had dashed off and were investigating the entire place to see if any of them had got in. Vlad took Valentina out to the kitchen and searched every draw, cupboard, nook and cranny for evidence of illegal entry. As it was they all drew a blank and as soon as they  were all satisfied that the house had not been breached they enjoyed  their meal and even found time to reminiscence on old times.
When they had all eaten and drunk and remembered old times they got down to business. We checked the contents of the weapons chest and found that they had all that was need…Battle axes, sling shots, battering rams,cross bows ,long bows,gauntlets,shields, pots for boiling oil in and of course ….The Sword of Invincibility and the Shield Of Greatness…..and of course the the users manual.

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Vlad drew up a plan of the garden , with Valentinas help, they deduced where Millaines’ troops would have the most difficulty in advancing and the best places we could lay traps…Vlad refused to lay defences as VAMPIRES DO NOT USE DEFENCES! Tactics discussed, plans sorted, weapons divided they settled down for the night to have some rest..the battle would commence at dawn!
In the morning they all awoke early and eager for the fray. After breakfast and going over the  tactics for the morning the band of  assorted Vampires and helpers were ready for battle. Leaving Valentina to keep watch as she would not be joining in the battle.( She is a female feline after all and so Vlad could not allow her to be put in danger.)
It was chilly and there was a fog as they gingerly opened the patio doors and ventured out onto the damp decking. All was quite and nothing was moving in the garden. The two Slove Bats were standing behind us their long bows at the ready Jade bear and Sapphire Ted were boiling oil in cauldrons and had the sling shot machines ready to fire them!White Ted to his amazement was standing at the front holding the Shield of Greatness aloft as if it was a feather.And Vlad  was by his side wielding the Sword of Invincibility.
In the bushes halfway down the garden a sieving mass of bouncing blackness was watching and wondering who these awesome warriors were??…….. Who were they…OH! keep up will you…. it was Vlad and his band of warriors!

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As Vlad and the guys  stood there watching the black mass, the black mass was watching watching them. A large Black Crow landed on the lawn in front of Vlad. In his long  beak he held a note. Vlad took the piece of paper from him and opened it up.It read………. Millaine wants to parle’. Well they were rather taken aback by this request but after some consideration Vlad  decided it could do no harm and a little mediation was not a bad thing. So it was that, ten minutes later they were all assembled it the inner garden by the fish pond. Millaine and three of his generals ( a motley crew if ever there was one) and two of his flying core, two over dressed , over fed and obviously over paid gnats!! We on the other hand were resplendant in our CAPES and holding our shiny weapons aloft! After a good bit of argi bargi and harsh words said on both sides it was agreed no one could not agree. Millaine and his chiefs scuttled off to rejoin their troops White Ted and Vlad turned on their heels and marched back to the others and prepared for battles commencement.
At first there was a deathly hush all around, all that could be heard was the plup, plup of the boiling oil bubbling in the cauldrons. Then the, grey early dawn sky went black as millions of gnat fighters flew over head dropping garlic bombs.But White Ted was ready for them with amazing strength ( that came from who knows where) He raised the Shield of greatness above his head and as he did it trebled then quadrupled in size providing us all with shelter from the  bombs. Deftly darting in and out from the protection of the shield the two Brave Slove Bats shot their arrows true and swiftly taking out many of the black and and noisy flyers! ( I know I have referred to them as hot headed and rash in the past but on that morning the only word for them was MAGNIFICENT ) After several flights from the gnats, and after they had taken heavy casualties, their bodies strewn across the lawn there was an ear piercing shriek of an out of tune horn. Then silence! After a few minutes ( that seemed like hours) all that  could hear was the sound of swords banging on the backs of metal shields. Slowly and rhythmically the sound advanced up the garden. As it drew closer the ground  began to vibrate. Finally as the noise got higher and higher in pitch, then they saw them. Coming through the dawn fog. The million strong hoards of Millaine were closing in on Vlad and the guys and at the front with his shiny black armour polished to a high sheen and his blue slippers moving as one, his shield tied to his back by the bright yellow sash  was the Villaine himself!

What a horrible sight that was and the noise was deafening! Vlad  told Jade and Sapphire to ready themselves and asked White Ted who by now had lowered the Shield of Greatness and fastened it to his back with a leather strap that Valentina had made for him the night before, to go and assist them.The Slove Bats said it was useless to fire off any more arrows as the hoards were employing the Roman tactic of covering themselves with shields ( so that they were boxed in …almost like a huge armoured caterpillar ) so they sheathed their bows and joined the others.
Closer and closer came the mass of shields and from inside there could hear other shields being beaten rhythmically, then there was the the chant. “Knock them out and suck their blood”
Well that might send tremors down your spine but think about what Vlad is and what his  stock in trade is??? When it comes to blood suckers no one holds a candle to him!!
Vlad told everyone to let them get to within a few feet  before doing anything, let them think they had stunned the warriors  into not be able to move! ( AH! HA! poor deluded fools) Finally they were right where Vlad wanted them and he gave the order for Sapphire and Jade to lease the boiling oil, as they did this Vlad told the slove Bats to fire some flaming arrows into  oil ( I am not swearing I mean arrows of FIRE) This done all hell was let loose the neat advancing ‘armoured caterpillar ‘ fell apart as the hoard jumped here and there to avoid the boiling and by now flaming oil. Millaine blew a whistle and a squadron of gnats flew out and lifted him up and out of harms way, they flew with him back to the safety of the centre hedge!

I ask you what type of general leaves his men to fend for themselves.  Well they had them on the run now they were leaping all over the place and their shields were down so the warriors managed a few more salvoes and wiped out hundreds before they had time to regroup and join Millaine and the gnats in the centre hedge.

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They were doing pretty well as there were only six of them and about a million of the fleas!
There was an acrid smell of burning pervading the entire garden and everywhere you looked all you could see were black and charred bodies.The two Sloves were all for dashing after those of Millaines’ troops who were now fleeing the battlefield. Fortunately for all concerned Vlad   is older and wiser than than anyone ( except maybe the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape, on a fine day with the wind behind her!!) So Vlad halted them and ordered them back to their posts and only just in time because as they begrudgingly returned to their positions a new air attack began. Again White Ted lifted the Shield of Greatness and as the bombs began to fall  the Shield expanded and gave  all shelter!

Things were beginning to get very nasty indeed  Millaine could be heard shouting orders over a megaphone and see all the troops who had fled the field regrouping!! Vlad and the warriors opened the weapons chest and got out the sling shots and the insect repelant and started to bombard the sky born bomber gnats but they were quick and very nifty. Then to their dismay a stray bomb slipped under the shield. Vlad  threw himself in front of the others, being immortal he knew he could take the full blast and not be injured ( maybe a bruise or two). Well he did take the full blast but to his horror , when the noise of the bomb and tremors and black smoke subsided he discovered that his best friend White Ted had been hurt and by the look of him he was in a lot of pain!! The two Gem Teds rushed to his rescue . Leaving Vlad and the two sloves to fight of the gnats. Vlad grabbed a slingshot from where one of the Gem Teds had dropped it and began to slay those evil gnats!! This went on for half an hour but at least the Sloves and Vlad could see that they were winning and the gnats were getting fewer and fewer………….. White Ted on the other hand was not fairing so well! He was failing fast and that called for desperate measures!! So Vlad stepped forward from beneath the shield and holding his cape in front of him so he was invisible he flew up into the air.

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Things were looking bad, really bad. The sky was full of gnats, the lawn was covered with dead bodies we were running out of amunition, White Ted was badly wounded and Vlad had run out of ideas. He had done all he could he had been up into space and called his mother and father for assistance! All was looking black when there was a clapp of thunder and from out of the skies came an army of Vampire bats!! Leading them brandishing gleaming swords and shields was Ivan and Annuska. Each was wearing black armour polished and gleaming like glass, they were riding on the back to two bats, no normal bats these, huge silver creatures with massive wing spans which darkend the garden as they swooped accross.
Ivan stopped his bat above the centre hedge where he could see Millaine cowering and there he hovered waving his sword aloft with one paw and shouting “Come out you snivelling coward Millaine and face me like the Flea you are” Meanwhile Annuska on her silvern bat had produce a leathal gnat spray and she was wiping out what was left of Millaines air core as fast as the eye could watch!! It was like standing in black heavy rain but boy it felt good and Vlad rejoiced in it. Annuska was a wonderful sight in full flight, her beautiful face bent on destruction of the flying pests, her blood red robes flying out behind her, where they had escaped her black armour.Edged with gold they made her look magnificent and terrifing at the same time. As she finished off the last few hundred gnats with a swat she had had strapped to her back she spotted Vlad and co under the shield…cheering her on. She finished off the last of the air core and then joined Vlad.Taking one look at White Ted she sighed and told us she had only just reached us in time as she could see White Ted was slipping away.Gently she lifted his head and poured some violet mixture out of a green amphlet ( wonderful as she is as a mother she was never one for colour co-ordination in her apothecary)
From one of her long flowing sleeves she drew out a purple/red mesh in which she wrapped White Ted. ” He must stay in here until he begins to awake ” she said gently putting him into one of her pockets ( after emptying it of dead petals)
Meanwhile there was a deadly hush outside Millaines air core had been defeated and lay across the lawn as far as the eye could see. All the bats has taken up positions ( hanging upsidedown in the nearby trees) and Annuskas’ magnificent beast was standing to one side of her awaiting instructions.The only thing breaking the deathly
hush was Ivans voice baiting Millaine.
The noise of the hoards banging on their shields had stopped and the stamping of their feet had ceased also! They stood ( the hoards ) just inches from us meserised by the thousands of bats in the trees ( blood thirsty bats, and they the hoards not long fed were full of blood) Annuska waived a clawed paw and a few bats flew down and devoured several battalions of the hoard!
Then with a swish of her cape, throwing dead flowers everywhere she sent the bats back to the trees. She flew up on to her silvern bats’ back and was off calling to Vlad as she left. …….. “When you finish here collect some Giant Sunflowers on your way back to the castle I shall be needing them. And she was gone taking White Ted with her. I cannot describe the lonely feeling that hit Vlad in the chest as she disappeared from view with his best pal ( it is strange but true Vlad had only known that bear for the blink of an eye , several of your years, but to  an imoratal, he had come to mean more than some whom Vlad had known for Millenia!

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Vlad stood heavy hearted under the Shield of Greatness and watched his mother disappear into the distance carrying precious cargo ,White Ted. All around the battle, though at a momentry stand off , continued and Vlad could hear the two Sloves and the gem Teds discussing which of the weapons Annuska had left should be used first. Suddenly a gentle and wet nose nudged Vlad’s paw. It was the Empress Valentina, she had left the safety of the house and had come out to comfort Vlad. “My dear Vlad ” she said puting her paw on his shoulder.”I am so grateful that you and your band of warriors have come and defended me and I am truely saddened that your dear friend White Ted has been wounded.” She hung her head and looked away. As Vlad turned to answer her, he saw huge tears rolling down her face. ” Take heart dear lady ” he told her. ” We are about to win this battle indeed the war!! ”  finishing on a flourish  with each word he could feel his strength and courage return. Vlad now tried to persuade Valentina to return to the house but she was having none of this and so we found her some armour and kitted her out.

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Meanwhile Millaine was holed up in the centre hedge and had recalled all that was left of his troops ( there were not that many left by then. All that could move had rushed back to the shelter of the hedge at the sight of the bats devouring their comrades!!) Millaine was worried now, he was now the one vastly out numbered . There were only three battlalions of his foot hoards left standing ( and they were the motly crew that always hung back in any battle) his entire air core had been wiped out and the rest of his allies and generals had deserted him.Basically he was alone, and he was not happy. Then above all else there was that blooming idiot Ivan hovering above him , waving his sword around and shouting abuse at him and worst of all that silver bat he was flying on had crapped on him for the third time in the last fifteen mimutes!!!!! The tide had turned on Millaine and he felt he was about to drown. Then as the sun finally broke through the clouds and the smoke revealing the carnage on the lawn and made all the wings of the bats hanging in the nearby trees glint like silver. There advancing up the lawn was a ( to Millaine ) a horrendous sight…..( to you and I it would of appeared magnificent) Steadily and gracefully like a tiger , came Valentina resplendant in shiny black armour. On her back rode Vlad holding aloft the Sword of Invincibility in one paw and the Shield of Greatness in the other. As this posession came into view a great cheer went up through the ranks of bats hanging in the trees and then they were joined by Ivan shouting out “COME ON MY SON SHOW THAT MILLAINE WHAT YOUR MADE OF”. Millaine took a deep breath and stepped forward.
IShe was arrayed in the shinyest of black armour and looked a fearsome sight. As we drew near we saw a long black trail of Fickle Frightened Fleeing Fleas Flitting off ( try saying that after a glass or three of ginger wine) We had routed them and they were on the run. The bats in the trees swooped as one and made short work of the runners. At that point Millaine the Villaine stepped forward.
He did not look so scary now! No his black armour was dirty and lack lustre , his gold sash was blooded and had a rip in it so his shield was listing to one side and all three pairs of his dark blue slippers had mud all over them. A very sad and sorry sight.There he stood looking all bedraggled not a patch on the terrifying sight he had been a week before when he had started this siege. Valentina turned her head and said to me ” He looks so small now Vlad thought he was a giant he  was just about to challenge Millaine to a duel when there was another clapp of thunder.The Wind ceased to blow, the birds stopped twittering, the bats stopped attacking and everything held it’s breath. There was no movement or noise they all stood as one ( even Ivan was silenced)
There was a roar that as it got nearer became a recognizeable cackle ! Ivan was the first to realize who it was, bearing down on us . Mother -Law he shouted and started jumping up and down sending millenia of dust flying fom his cape!!
” Shut up you Baffoon and stand still before I staple your claws to the ground” Shrieked the Grandmother with the Invisible Cape as she touched down on the lawn. Her Throne a couple of seconds behind her. The Flea hoards had been routed, the air core of gnats had been iradicated and Millaine had been shamed into facing up to Vlad!! .
The Grandmother touched down on the lawn with a gentle THUD!! closely followed seconds later by her throne.After she had silenced the ever rambling Ivan who was babbling with excitment at his favorite creatures’ arrival!!
Millaine on the other hand was obviously not pleased to see the grandmother, infact he looked totally horrifed!!Lets face it the last time they had met she had, had him hauled over the coals ( and I am talking litterally) and had him taken into longterm custody by the famous Flea master Dr Vonshooster to star in his cirus.If you recall he( Millaine) had tried to con Vlad’smother and father out of money for what turn out to be a shed on one of the outer rings of Saturn.He had turn extreemely ugly when they had refused to pay for the hovel and had tried to kidnap Annuska!
The grandmother brushed her long, voluminous skirts and straightened her viel. Then turning and clapping her hands she sommond her throne which scuttled up to her and in which she sat down with a bump! She cleared her throat and shrieked ” Bring that quivering jelly closer will you so I can see him properly!! Six of the bats flew down from the branches were they had been hanging and escorted Millaine to the Grandmother.

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If you recall the Grandmother with the Invisible cape had seated herself in her throne, after her dramatic entrance. After she had threatened to do something nasty to Ivan who was so pleased to see he was actually bobing up and down on the giant silver bat that had born him to the Battle! She had ordered six of the bats assembled to bring Millain the Villaine to her.
Millaine by now , bedraggled, muddied and dirty, a sad and sorry shadow of his former self stood before the Grandmothers’ throne, shaking like a leaf all twelve of his legs knocking together making quite a racket. There was an uncanny hush all around the garden , the local birds had settled in the trees with the bats to see what was happening , even the snails and slugs had stopped in their munching to see what would occur next. Also couple of red squirrels and a fox had stopped to watch proceedings.
Noticing that she had a captivated audience the Grandmother cleared her throat, then pausing for maximum effect started to polish the silver scull on the end of her black wooden cane, all the while the tap tap scratch scratch of the claws on the end of the long boney hands and feet of her throne could be heard.

When she felt the moment was right she demanded of Millaine an explanation.There was none forth comming. He just stood there shifting from one set of legs to another and looking extreemely sheepish!! “Well” demanded the Grandmother “You must have something to say for yourself you had enough to say last time we met”…………………

Still silence. The Grandmother, not known for patience or her forgiving nature, was tapping her cane on the side of her chair and the feet and claws on the end of the legs of her throne were tapping and scratching too!! ( being vexed because the Grandmother was hitting them.)
After a few minutes, and the sound of knocking, scratching , clawing and tapping had all become deafening!! The Grandmother cleared her throat and announced to the assembled onlookers that she was tired of waiting for an explanation, she had had enough and that if Millaine did not speak up in the next thirty seconds he would be shot with a silver bullet, have his head chopped off and for good measure be pinned to the gates of the Transylvanian castle by a wooden stake! This did the trick, not only were the entire assembly struck by the horror of the punishment but it certainly loosened Millaines’ tongue.
At first all that could be heard was a mumbling then he gained some of his lost self respect and started to tell the Grandmother why he was trying to invade the home of the Empress Valentina. First he told her how he made extensive use of the Vanshooster Circus gym, and built up his strength. He had then bided his time untill the moment was right and the Circus  was here on the Isle of Wight. After one of the performances he over came his guard and made his escape and by the time the guard was found he was miles away and in hiding. He had waited untill Vonshooster had given up the search for him and left the island ( having professional commitments to honor).

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Millaine had then set about recruiting and training an army of fleas!! After a a few months he had what he cosidered to be an elite fighting force! He then announced his evil plan to invade and infest every cat on the island. Unfortunately for him he had set the Empress as his first target. It transpired that he had no idea that she had any connection to Vlad and his family. Perhaps had he started at the other end of the island it would of been far harder a task…as it was it was  nipping it in the bud.
“Well sunshine” cackled the Grandmother ” you certainly picked on the wrong Pussy here!” Millaine shuffled his feet and nodded agreement. The Grandmother then, to the accompaniment of more thunder, stood up and marched up to Millaine and hit him with her cane. Then turning to the six bats flanking him she ordered them to take him at once to the dungeons at the Transylvanian castle and keep him there untill she had decided what to do with him! Then turning on her heels ( all six inches of them and sharp like knives) she returned to her throne sat back down and then ….she was gone……………………………

The Grandmother had gone and as the last of the thunder died away  all that could he heard was Millaine protesting he had had a hard life and an uhappy childhood ( a fact Vlad personally know to false he infact came from a very loving and happy family!) Well his words were falling on deaf ears, the bats that had been charged with his safe passage to Tranylvania were not listening they all had their ear pieces in and their ipods on! and so it was to no one in particular that he was complaining as they took off with him in tow and receeded into the distance.

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As normality returned to the garden and the sun burned away the clouds and smoke, the birds flew down and feasted on the debris ( remains of the dead air core and foot soldiers). Vlad and his companions stood and watched as the last of the remaining flea army fled the sceen.
Later sitting in the bungelow sharing a celebratery breakfast with Valentine they wondered how their beloved friend White Ted was faring. Vlad  assured everyone that he would be fine in his mother’s care ( Annuska was a brilliant nurse, she brillant at everthing she turned a claw to).

After they had gone over the events of that morning and thanked their  lucky stars that Ivan and Annuska had turned up with the troops just in the nick of time. Everyone  helped Valentina to cover all the  tracks so that her pet humans would never know anyone had even been there let alone fought an horrendous battle.
All too soon it was time for them to leave. They were all assembled on the lawn The Gem bears , the two Slove Bats and Valentina and Vlad to say their goodbyes…Valentina asked Vlad to keep her informed of White Ted’s progress and not to leave it too long before he bought the family over to visit her!

In turn Vlad asked her to contact Tinker who would be worring as to the outcome of the battle and to let the Vladdette know that they were on their way home. Then with their usual aguements and  niggling the two Sloves and the Gem Bears flew off ( haphazadasly with the weapons chest) and then after a last farewell Vlad left a happy and safe Valentina sitting on her front drive. As Vlad disappeared he heard her female human calling her in for her elevnses……………….
All was well on the Isle of Wight.