Well the last time I did a #WDIIA Was the 6th July 22days ago. So why have I decided to do one today and why have started with Annie Lennox and a Whiter Shade Of Pale. Well all will be revealed.
So it’s been even more samey for me because of the drain my ‘friend’ now for seven weeks! Basically awake at stupid o’clock, breakfast in bed if feeling good up by 10am if not between 11/12 pm …do a few jobs nothing taxing or heavy, read, blog, a walk round the block on hubby’s arm . Totally knackered by 9pm so back to bed. Sunday evening we have a virtual meet up with friends from up the road, but apart from a few friends/ family socially distancing in the garden it’s just been hubby and me. We have had hospital visits and a couple of trips to the surgery to have my drain dressing changed. Heavily masked up and socially distanced.
Went to the hospital today for me to gave a Fluoroscopy. It was painful! I was surprised I am usually okay with discomfort. Also I am loosing blood now because the Dr said she had disturbed everything. So now I have a bleed to keep an eye on. I am praying it will stop on it own without the need to go to hospital for that awful clotting drug or worse blood. Unfortunately the drain cannot come out because the massive stone is still blocking the neck of the gall bladder which is not draining on its own at all. The surgeons have to. Review the fluoroscopy and then get intouch with me again to organise an appointment to organise the removal of drain and gall bladder.
Plus Hubby’s brother is being awkward again about MIL’s estate? Why when neither of hubby’s siblings want to help and leave it all to him to do, do they cause trouble??
All that is leaving us exhausted!
Anway it’s time for a happy song. I think we need one today!
She said.”Because if you’re like me and stuck at home already, or if you’re going to be like me soon, the days of the week are going to be hell to keep track of. We have a wonderful community here on WordPress, and I’m sure many people are feeling nervous and/or isolated. I want to make sure every one of us has somewhere to congregate and someone to talk to.
Why am I writing this post ?
Because it’s day ? since we have been told by Bossa to stay home and socially distance ourselves. We are all in different circumstances and yet we are all in the same boat.
Well I don’t think I want to live forever but I would like to live a little longer….maybe a lot longer. Non of us are immortal and after MIL’s passing losing friends over the years it brings it home to you. One day the boys are going to be the ones to step up to the plate and deal with our funerals.
Now Hubby and I had sorted out a funeral plan for ourselves and we have paid up front, about four years ago. When my sister Mary died, she had arranged every aspect of her funeral and the wake and it made things much simpler and less painful.
It’s not morbid really, we decided we had done our wills ages ago why not make it easy for the boys and sort out our funerals too. So it’s been sorted for s couple of years now.
We could never get Hubby’s mother to sort her funeral or arrangements out infact she would get down right hostile about it! It was a great deal of work to sort it all out…. So we decided to sort ours out. Hubby did his on Friday. He designed his order of service, his music and poems and speeches. So I thought I am a captive patient at the moment so Saturday afternoon I set to and have organised my funeral too.
Like hubby,order of service, music, and where I would like my ashes scattered. ( In Pitshsnger Park Ealing London with Hubbys) I, like Hubby want a simple humanist service with a Celebrant. Up beat an hopefully happy.
We are hoping that this way it will be easier for which ever of us goes first and ultimately easier for the boys …. It is not what any of us want to think of but it will make life a lot easier for those we leave behind. That’s what it’s all about isn’t it.
I have thought long and hard about what music I want and come up with these. I want to go in to Canto Della Terra by Andrea Bocelli
No hymns instead The prayer by Donna Taggart
I have written a thank you note to everyone and asked God / Gaia to look after everyone left behind . Instead of a prayer I feel it’s more heartfelt. I don’t want them feeling they have to say a prayer by rote.
I am going out on a high note with Sia’s Your Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile.
I was tired after that so I was in bed by 9pm but I was in a lot of pain so I could not sleep but I got through the night. As it was the 4th July both Independence Day film were on , I couldn’t concentrate so we recorded them to watch later.
Sunday 5th July 2020.
Awake at stupid o’clock, my wound was really sore and I had a thumping headache. I had a paracetamol and that helped a little. I rested in bed until 1pm then got up , Hubby and I had a walk round the block to keep my legs working… I rang the changes and wore a different long scarf to hide my bag.
We had a quiet afternoon and at 5pm we went out and clapped for the NHS’s 72th Anniversary and to wave to our neighbours. I was a little disappointed as not many bothered to come out but that’s their choice , those of us who did showed our gratitude.💜
We had our weekly video virtual get together with our friends up the road, it was hilarious as usual. I was tucked up in bed again by 9pm. It took me ages to get to sleep but eventually I did and I slept better and woke up in less pain.
Mondy 6th July
Awake at not so stupid o’clock, and was feeling marginally better. Hubby walked Ruby and did the housework. I rang round and found a dog groomer who would cut Ruby’s claws for us. She has long quicks in them and we don’t like to risk hurting her. I did get her an appointment and hubby dropped her off there and waited while she was done. It only took 5mins and then he took her on for her afternoon walk.
It’s been a quiet day of mixed weather, we have heard from the boys and one of my sisters. I ached today so after dinner I have asked hubby if we can do a walk around the block to ease things up.
That’s about it for now. I hope you are all feeling good, sending hugs to you all.
This song is so much deeper that it appears on first hearing. It’s all about depression, or maybe that’s too strong a word. Perhaps apaphy is better word. ” I can’t change my mould, I am here in my mould, and I am million different people from one day to next, I can’t change my mold”. To me that’s very poignant especially these strange days. On the face of it the video could easily be about flouting social distancing…. Don’t get me started.
As I am recovering with this bag , my new friend things have become even more ground hog and indistinguishable! I still wake at stupid o’clock. Though now Hubby does most things I used to. I do as much as I can, even if it’s behind his back. I don’t tell him and it’s always one less job for him to do.
At some point over the weekend our friends Debbie and Chris came to socially distance in the garden, that was lovely but it rained…. We spoke to the boys and did all the usual things, plus our weekly virtual night at the pub with our friends. I was tucked up in bed by nine.
Hubby is also busy sorting out his Mum’s estate, so much involved with that and busy.
Monday 29th June 2020.
Up at stupid o’clock, hubby walked Ruby and I got dressed. We had a hospital appointment to have the drain and bag checked. We arrived just after 10am, parking was not easy but eventually we got a space. Hubby went and found me a wheel chair and we were off.
We arrived at the ADSU at about 10.30, they did seem very busy. The nurse incharge seems very abrupt but we had an appointment. We were waiting around for a while then they found us a bay and bed.
Things looked up when our nurse arrived, she was really nice and welcoming and very confident. So bloods, stats and four hour wait we had a 6mins consultation.
The two doctors we saw were really helpful, if not a tad rushed. But the answered all my questions and addressed my worries. They told me all was looking okay. The bleeding seemed to have stopped 🤞the dressing, tubes,drain and bag all good too. I have to go back in about four weeks to have special X-ray and see the surgeon about the removal of drain and operation. I am hoping we will be looking at another 6 weeks. Hubby had got us a sandwich and drink while we were waiting and we had lunch in the car before we headed home.
I was knackered when we got home 💜
Tuesday 30th June 2020 to Friday 3rd July 2020.
Well it’s almost been sleep, eat repeat. Not too much eat though. Hubby walks the dog, we keep in touch with friends and family. I empty my cholecystectomy bag daily. Hubby shops, cooks and cleans, I do my bit and will my body to heal. I walk round and round the garden and house to keep fit.
Last night and tonight hubby and I walked out the front door, around the block and back into the back door. All good exercise. Not far but it’s a start. Also our middle lad popped round to social distance round the garden.
That’s really all I have to tell at the moment so it’s time for a happy song . I have used this song before but I am going to use it again. Because I need to be brave and positive and this song makes me feel both!
For visually challenged writers, theimage shows a pale pathway meandering through a field of purple heather towards the green of distant hills.
Sleep would not come, just waves of fear and pain. There was no silence either. Voices discussing, the news, gardens, family, Covid… I can’t blame them this was their day. Their shift, they would go home and sleep.
The scariest thing was the voice that echoed through the ward of the disturbed patient who repeated and repeated “It’s the Covid cough, the Covid, Covid, cough gonna get you” If he was not sleeping that’s all I could hear. It was better during the day because he’d call out for “Tea tea” and the nurses would bring him one and then he would shout “Happy Birthday” and we’d all smile.
At night it felt like he was closer, he was not, he was on the male side of the ward but sound carries at night. I was frightened, unreasonably so by this prophet of doom. I was lonely and in pain.
Then the pain spiked I had to give in and use my buzzer, the nurse came I told her I couldn’t take the pain. She gave me some intravenous painkillers as an extra to the antibiotics and fluid IVs. She stayed a while and then thankfully I drifted off to a better place.
It’s the fifth Tuesday of the month! This is our chance to work with a specific syllabic poetry form. Take this opportunity to learn more about the particular form.
This week’s form is:
Haibun
As an added bit to the challenge… please use Frank J. Tassone’s photo as the inspiration for your Haibun. Frank says this spot is called Getrude’s Nose, a Rocky promenade located in Minnewaska Preserve State Park, in the Shawangunk Mountains outside New Paltz, New York (about a 2 hour drive out of NYC). Please include the copyright to the photo in your post.
I decided to take on Colleen’s challenge and write about part of my recent time in hospital.
I lie on my side, voices above my head are panicked. Another voice arrives, a quick discussion ensues. Angiogram is mentioned, I am moved. It’s all panic and pain. My head searches for escape, trees, rock, warmth and peace. The voices decide what they are doing. A voice barks orders at me, the pain increases…..
Hello now why did I pick that song by James Blunt. Well it’s for the lines
“I put a smile on my face To hide that I feel outta place Should I give it all up? I’m on the edge and letting go After the highs you feel the lows Should I give it all up?”
And
“Could you hold my hand? ‘Cause it’s getting dark And I’m losing grip On my heart Could you lift me up ‘Cause I’m breaking down And I need you here With me now”
Yes I am feeling insecure, it’s the cholecystectomy bag, or is it the tube coming out of me. I don’t know really. I just don’t feel like me. Anyhow since I last wrote a post on the 16th June. I have been resting and recovering. I lost blood the first week and had to visit the hospital twice, the last time was Saturday 20th anyway things have settled since then. 🤞. My next appointment is this Monday, for a “drain check”.
So it’s been difficult to sleep, hubby being absolutely great doing most things and helping me. We are both still getting up at stupid o’clock. After four days I felt strong enough to get washed dressed and sit in the garden. I have progressed to folding laundry, and I am walking round the garden, getting stronger. I have had a sort of shower and washed my hair… Both endeavours, though on different days wore me out.😴
This is my view as I sit in the shade and read all your lovely posts. So there really is not much to tell because I really am not doing much. It has been great to read all your posts and news. I am waiting for my muse to return, she has cleared off and left me high and dry!
Then I got a lovely surprise, this afternoon WordPress sent me this lovely Surprise..
So Happy Anniversary to me 💜
So I amazed to see I have been blogging for 9 years. It been and gone in a flash!
So that’s it for now I need to conserve energy, for getting better and also for keeping a smile on my face and supporting hubby, who is “Chief cook and bottle washer” , dog walker on one hand and exectuter to his mum’s will on the other.He is working so hard so I want to support him all I can. I don’t want him worrying about me too much he has a lot to cope with right now. So I need to support him too.
That’s all for now Folks, and Thank You WordPress.
Dear friends, and you are all friends, you have proved this more than once. I feel I should explain my absence since 4th June. I have been unable to write or even read any one’s posts, my apologies. Then this morning I spotted how Darswood had said she had wondered where I was and had sent condolences for the family that I should give you a heads up for now.
Firstly, MIL died late night 3rd/ early hours 4th June. The Covid and frailty won in the end. MIL did not go quietly she fought it to the end with every ounce she had. She made her goal, her 100th Birthday and was conscious, up and dressed to celebrate it with the hospital staff and hubby.
Then the days began to blur we fell into a pit of organisation. As you will know if you have been following my #WDIIA posts hubby and his brother and sister do not get on too well. But when MIL died they agreed hubby should organise everything, this is just as well as otherwise it would of been chaos. So he threw himself into arranging the funeral. I gave all the support I could but he was a man on a mission, he wanted to do his mum proud.
We got up at stupid o’clock, we walked Ruby , Hubby arranged the funeral this strange pandemic life continued with its highs and lows.
Stangely I was feeling ill, sleeping, eating and doing even less. I found it hard to write or read. Pains in my shoulders, back, chest, neck, jaw all escalated until we thought heart attack? … But for days? Eventually I rang our GP surgery.
Now going to the GP surgery these days is not normal. You ring up and talk to a non medical receptionist who quizzes you, luckily I was deemed unwell enough to see a duty Dr at 5pm that evening. Instructions : Arrive at carpark wearing a mask and gloves, stand at the first yellow line by the emergency exit and someone will let you in. I was greeted by an woman in brown scrubs, plastic apron, gloves, mask, goggles and a visor. She was actually the Dr. Her PPE and my mask made conversation rather difficult, anyway I had a chat with her then a nurse gave me an ECG. And an appointment for blood test was arranged. ECG was fine.
I am not well
It was a very painful weekend though Saturday we got to see our son , his wife and the grandchildren, under brand new rules we are now allowed to have a BBQ of six people who must socially distancing. You may not go into the host’s house at all. So we had a lovely bbq.. and it was cold and windy and some of the time it rained thank goodness for heavy garden umbrellas. But it was the first chance to see them since lockdown and it was lovely. Some of the above rules have changed again.
As the weekend progressed I got worse. Monday was terrific, pain, Monday night thought I was dying, Tuesday I took to my bed. By 4pm we had to call 101, they sent an Ambulance which took me to E.D. Home at 5am next morning then back at AEC at 11am tests all day, then Ultrasound found the problem. A massively swollen gall bladder full of bile and large stones, one huge one blocking the neck. I was admitted.
Now again because of the pandemic we have to go to hospital unaccompanied, so hubby had spent Monday night and Tuesday not really knowing how I was really coping. Luckily we were in touch by mobile.
Wednesday after nil by mouth I.V. antibiotics, fluids and painkillers overnight on the ward it was decided they would put in a drain and fit a cholecystectomy bag. Mid morning I was taken to ultrasound, the procedure did not go smoothly and it had to be done twice with a CT Angiogram done half way through to see what was going wrong. I might talk about that later but not today, the drain and bag are with me now for 6 to 8 weeks with appointments arranged with the surgeon and then another operation to remove the gall bladder.
Hospitals too at the moment are dark and scary places , staff wearing PPE, and inpatients and outpatients wearing masks and gloves. I will write about about my experiences, fears, what I heard and saw but not now I am tired and I don’t have the muse with me she is on holiday.
I was discharged from hospital Saturday evening, wearing my new accessary the cholecystectomy bag, with scant instructions on how to empty and keep it clean and even less on what I can and can’t do myself, but there’s always Google and my brain to help me with that . So Sunday dawned warm and it was so good to feel safe at home, hubby and I emptied the cholecystectomy bag , over 200mls good I thought it’s draining well , We had a very quiet day and it was good to relax and eat something edible though small. A neighbour rang and whilst they were chatting I was dozing. Hubby looked at my bag and there was another 150 mils in it. He said our neighbour had said it should not be red and looking like tomato sauce and over 300mls was an awful lot to loose since coming home. Thankfully we listened as we knew she was a nurse albeit 34yrs ago.
So it was Sunday evening I was back in hospital much to my distress, thank goodness after 24hrs, more tests, bloods and two nasty injections through a cannular I am back home , grateful and determined to stay here.
Last night I slept like a baby, we were up at a quarter to stupid o’clock. But today is MIL’s funeral and sadly I can’t go, I am not well enough. That again is another post. .
So I am going to stop now as I am exhausted, I have been trying to finish this post on and off for over 12 hours now but I am determined to do so.
The funeral went well, and MIL’s road was lined with her neighbours, family and friends. A mark of the woman she was. Our middle son followed the hearse to the Crematorium as a mark of respect, a one man Cortege. He payed his respects to the 10 family members allowed into the funeral then drove to our house to look after me. In the garden socially distancing.
Hubby and our two other sons attended the funeral, hubby read his lovely eulogy to his mum, the Celebrant spoke beautifully about MIL from what hubby had told her. Hubby and our to other lads joined The middle lad and me in the garden, we made a party of six with Ruby dog, and we were all socially distanced. The boys drifted off one by one the youngest first home to his family, then the middle to his flat our eldest and hubby took Ruby for a walk . Then he went off home too.
Below the music from the funeral.
Mil entered to this as it was a favourite of hers.
This hymn was for all to join in, with was this version.
Unforgettable, bless she is. Was her exit anthem.
So I think that is that for now, I still don’t feel up to being back full time yet. The loss, the cholecystectomy bag, the next op, the fear and pain, pandemic is all a little to much just now. I am here I am trying and it’s so good to know you are all there.
Thank you to Sue at Daily Echo and Ritu at But I Smile Anyway for seeing me through a dark night on the ward. Thank you Marjorie Mallon for her kind words and Darswood for giving me the shove I needed to write this post. To all of you , you know who you are Betty, Geoff, Di, Hugh, Colleen, Dale, Ronovanwrite’s, Kat, John, Jim all of you out there, I am here. I am coming back I just need some time. If your name’s not there consider yourselves all mentioned.
She said.”Because if you’re like me and stuck at home already, or if you’re going to be like me soon, the days of the week are going to be hell to keep track of. We have a wonderful community here on WordPress, and I’m sure many people are feeling nervous and/or isolated. I want to make sure every one of us has somewhere to congregate and someone to talk to.
Why am I writing this post ?
Because it’s day ? since we have been told by Bossa to stay home and socially distance ourselves. We are all in different circumstances and yet we are all in the same boat.
Yes the show must go on, however we feel like shouting STOP! It won’t. We must find our way through the mis-imformation and the contradictory advice, the two faced politicians who treat us with contempt. Yes it’s up to us now to “be alert” what ever that means, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland have to “Stay home.” I know what that means… But “be alert” ?? Nah! What’s that all about.
Monday 25 May 2020.
Hubby and I up at stupid o’clock, I really don’t need to tell you but incase anyone has newly arrived I shall explain.
Oh! Look another new normal, Hubby was up at even more stupid o’clock than I . He could not sleep worrying about his mum. So there we were both battling with stupid o’clock.He took Ruby out after his breakfast and after he’d rung the hospital. So started another day… Too early.
Monday was a bank holiday, not that that should mean anything on partial lockdown. Well it didn’t to us really but I am sad to say and appalled by some people in this country, who dashed off to beaches and beauty spots throwing caution and social distancing to the wind.
We spent most of the day trying to get hold of the hospital, it is harder to get through the eye of needle than get any proper information on MIL. Most of the day was spent, cooking, gardening and housework!
News re MIL. Hubby spoke to ward. No change re MIL. Asleep now. Had a comfortable night. Doctor seeing her later and advised to ring back at 2pm.. I asked how long will she stay in bed and how long on introvenous food. .”The nurse didn’t know that’s down to occupation therapist and doctor. Again mentioned hearing aids, his note and MIL having responded to written notes. She said she would write that down…… 🤔….
In the afternoon as advised we tried at 2pm… After calling a dozen times with no answer eventually phone was answered by a physio. He said no nurses around who dealt with MIL. He did not know MIL but got her notes out and said at doctors round this morning the doctor had recorded, no lumber puncture required (no reason stated in the notes!) , to do a CT scan of the head and an ECG. The physio said if he wanted to speak to a doctor I should call between 9 and 10am. Said I had done that today and told to ring back at 2pm. He didn’t know what to say. Communication by them is extremely poor. I fear another complaint to PALS is looming.
We tried again in the evening but didn’t get any real information, she had been restless but was sleeping now, nurse was busy. We felt very frustrated and fobbed off. Not a good day!
Tuesday 26th May 2020
The day started the same as any other of late, Hubby worried about his Mum, endless and fruitless attempts to get through to the ward with no luck. Rang early same old same old. Hubby did the shopping, another successful trip, home safe.
Hubby rang again about 10am and spoke to a Dr who said they would ring later. We waited in all day then at about three when we were taking Ruby out a Dr rang . We picked middle sons washing up for him .
Look all I can say is that this week’s been a rollercoaster of ups and downs. MIL is not in a good way, this lock down is getting me getting me down. The easing back of restrictions is even more stressful. I actually don’t want to talk about it anymore this week.
ENOUGH
Wedneday 27thMay.2020
Up stupid o’clock, Pilates at 10.30am, walked Ruby in the afternoon.
Numerous calls to hospital no good news.
Thursday 28th May 2020
Same as same as. No Pilates. Last official clap for NHS. May carry on if everyone else does.
Friday 29th May 2020.
Bad night waking up every two hours with cramp and bad dreams. So up at Stupid o’clock today hubby was so tired he stayed in bed until nearly 9am. So I fed, medicated and let Ruby out.
Before Hubby got up I did two Lesley Sansone exercise videos. Then after breakfast we took Ruby to a completely different places for a walk. She loved it we loved it, it was great to have a change and there were not too many people around! As it was around 10am , drs rounds hubby rang the hospital it took hubby an hour to get through to the ward but it was worth it as a Dr answered the phone.!
The Dr said MIL sitting up and looking around, he also said no change and still treating her for inflation of the brain due to Covid19. He said she is frail and it could go either way. They will decide if she can be moved to us but at the moment they just don’t know which way it will go. Feel a bit more positive as she is sitting up and alert.
We got home hubby contacted the boys, and people who want to know about MIL. I did the housework. I do feel better than yesterday, let’s hope the rest of the day can be as nice, less stressful and free from mixed up messages. I am sorry I lost it yesterday… I shall leave that in because this is real!
Time for a happy song. This one is to all WARRIORS. MIL IS ONE TOO.
Fearful I am trapped in this dream. At odds I stand against the night Lost in shadows longing for light. Breathing deeply my mind I clear. I am rooted to the spot with fear. To make my escape I am keen From this unwholesome and dark theme In vain I try to forge ahead Feet sinking in this mire of dread. Reality just elusive.
This is part of Ronovanwrite’s Décima Challenge. For this particular challenge the word DREAM must be one of the A position words. Then the other two C position words must rhyme with DREAM.
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Here is the quick description of a Décima:
There are 10 lines (stanza) of poetry that rhyme but in this case there is a set rhyming pattern we must stick to. In addition each line must only have 8 syllables. The rhyme pattern is; a b b a a c c d d c For this particular challenge the word DREAM must be one of the A position words. Then the other two C position words must rhyme with DREAM.
