Paradise Lost

Image Pixabay

The beach was empty like our hearts.

Our feelings ripped into tiny parts.

The wind was bitter just like you.

What Day is it Anyway. July 28th.

Photos of blood , beware if you are screamish.

Well the last time I did a #WDIIA Was the 6th July 22days ago. So why have I decided to do one today and why have started with Annie Lennox and a Whiter Shade Of Pale. Well all will be revealed.

So it’s been even more samey for me because of the drain my ‘friend’ now for seven weeks! Basically awake at stupid o’clock, breakfast in bed if feeling good up by 10am if not between 11/12 pm …do a few jobs nothing taxing or heavy, read, blog, a walk round the block on hubby’s arm . Totally knackered by 9pm so back to bed. Sunday evening we have a virtual meet up with friends from up the road, but apart from a few friends/ family socially distancing in the garden it’s just been hubby and me. We have had hospital visits and a couple of trips to the surgery to have my drain dressing changed. Heavily masked up and socially distanced.

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So what’s different today?

Went to the hospital today for me to gave a Fluoroscopy. It was painful! I was surprised I am usually okay with discomfort.
Also I am loosing blood now because the Dr said she had disturbed everything. So now I have a bleed to keep an eye on. I am praying it will stop on it own without the need to go to hospital for that awful clotting drug or worse blood.
Unfortunately the drain cannot come out because the massive stone is still blocking the neck of the gall bladder which is not draining on its own at all.
The surgeons have to. Review the fluoroscopy and then get intouch with me again to organise an appointment to organise the removal of drain and gall bladder.

So I have gone from this seven weeks ago

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To this yesterday 15mils/20mils of bile up to yesterday.

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To this again today.

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Hense the opening song: A Whiter Shade Of Pale.

Plus Hubby’s brother is being awkward again about MIL’s estate? Why when neither of hubby’s siblings want to help and leave it all to him to do, do they cause trouble??

All that is leaving us exhausted!

Anway it’s time for a happy song. I think we need one today!

Right no more moans 🎶The Only Way Is Up Baby🎶

This is part of LindaGHill’s #WDIIA

Be kind to eachother.

So tired

Be safe our there

Colleen’s 2020 Weekly #Tanka Tuesday #Poetry Challenge No. 187 #PhotoPrompt

It’s the third week of the month! For Colleen Chesebro’s Tanka Tuesday. Time for a #PhotoPrompt!

I thought I would try another Haibun .

Sally Cronin provided the photo for this month’s photo challenge:

Image Credit: © Sally Cronin

Early morning on the beach my mind being swept clean by the North wind. Waves lashing at my feet I contemplate the mistakes I have made in life. I see a lobster pot washed up on the beach, coloured ropes attached to it, full of detritus. I stop and look.

Washed up on life’s shore

Ties broken full of salt tears

Hope gone, deserted.

Sofia. The walk.

Through the years she walked finding solace where she could, changing with the world, yet knowing more than it would ever know.  Sofia spent years wondering alone with only animals and the stars to keep her company. She saw man as a race come into being and grow, she swam through the weeks of the great flood and watched the dove carry the the olive branch to the ark.

Sofia was lonely she never met one of her own, she saw Moss receive the ten commandments and wondered to herself if man could adhere to them.

Then one day she could smell one of her own  she ran she missed her wings but she could cover continents in hours .
Sofia revelled in the scent she knew it she loved it.

It was Gabriel and he was in the town of Nazareth visiting a young virgin to implant the seed of the one.

The warmth, the love she felt was amazing. Sofia waited in the alley below the young virgin’s window listening. Then when Gabriel left the young girl wondering what had happened to her, Sofia approached him.  Silently she leant out and touched him and when he turned to face her she was shocked by the look in his eyes.  It was strange there was  grief, pity and fear “Gabriel” she said in not much more than a whisper “Brother , brother touch me please” Gabriel spoke with no emotion “I cannot touch you you have fallen from grace you may not look upon my face.” Weeping now she reached out and touched his arm. To her horror and dismay he withdrew his arm like lightening and produced his flaming sword.

Shrinking back she could not believe her eyes the pain she was experiencing was raw and new to her, it was tearing  at her insides like a cancer. Glancing once more at Gabriel she turned and slipped away feeling dirty inside and out!

Gabriel watched her leave , beaten broken head bowed. He shook his beautiful head then as he turned to go he heard Sofia ask “What about forgiveness” hesitating he turned back once more to see her slinking off into the shadows….. something hurt his eyes it was a burning he moved his hand to rub his eyes to find that they were leaking water??

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Sofia was hurt deeply she found her grief all consuming,she hid in the shadows for days but she decided she was going to watch this young virgin in whom the One has entrusted such an important seed.

Gently she shadowed the young girl helped her take the sticks and stones and words that came her way, she even intervened with the man who was to be her husband. Sofia whispered in his ear that she was a good girl and that she had indeed been visited by a messenger of the the One, hard to believe as that was, it was true!

She followed them to Bethlehem  and ensured that they had somewhere to stay. Sofia had to smile at how easily she was now finding getting inside the human mind and suggesting her will to them. The air was full of angels at every turn she could smell and feel her beloved kindred, sadly though they all ignored or even worse denied her. Stubborn though she stayed with the young couple doing her best to help them.

Finally when the child was born Sofia sat outside the stable weeping the angels had refused her entry she could not defy them she had not the strength. The warmth she was being denied was too much pain, more than she could bear, as she rose to leave the young woman asked why Sofia could not see the child she thought he was to save all. There was no answer and so the woman rose and slowly walked out into the shadows towards Sofia.

The warmth and the love Sofia had not dared to think of was walking towards her. The hope she received from the child was more that she had ever imagined . She looked into the eyes of the young mother and said” thank you”.

images from Pixabay.

Thursday photo prompt: Glisten #writephoto

This week’s prompt ~ Glisten. Part of Sue Vincent’s #writephoto.

For visually challenged writers, the image shows a twilit beach, the sea shimmering in the low light. There are rocky islets silhouetted against the water and what might be a figure, running towards…or away from the waves.

Sofia stood on the shore and looked longingly at the silver pathway that the moon was casting on the water. A distant memory touched her mind of when she would of been able to walk that path.

From where she stood she could see the storm gathering momentum , she thought of Peter and his friends who were out there on the water. She had wondered why the son had sent them on ahead with a storm coming in.

Sofia smiled to herself, testing, testing why did he always test.. As she watched the moon glisten off of the sea she knew the answer. There he was walking on the water towards the fishing boat arms outstretched, probably that smile on his face.

As ever all she could do was watch, she saw Peter leave the boat and walk towards the son, doing well at first. Then the fear of drowning in the storm over powered him and he began to sink. Failed, thought Sofia sadly. Then she saw the son reach out and steady Peter and lift him back into the boat. Then the son entered the boat and miraculously the storm ceased.

Sofia felt a pang of jealousy why could he forgive this sinner for losing faith, he hardly knew him. Yet he had known her eons and she was cast out.

As the boat came in to shore, she watched them all joyously celebrating the cessation of the storm and their safe return. As they passed her he looked into her eyes. Sofia felt the pain, the deep pain that consumed her.

The men walked on and she fell to ground and wept, her back hurting where her wings had been.

She felt Gabriel and Michael walk past her, not even s glance in her direction, and out to sea. She watched long after the glisten had faded into dawn. Alone again Sofia trudged on.

One-Liner Wednesday, July 8th 2020

If you are going through Hell keep walking.

Winston Churchill.

This is part of LindaGHill’s One-Liner Wednesday.

Thursday photo prompt: Dream #writephoto

This week’s prompt ~ Dream

For visually challenged writers, the image shows a pale pathway meandering through a field of purple heather towards the green of distant hills.

Sleep would not come, just waves of fear and pain. There was no silence either. Voices discussing, the news, gardens, family, Covid… I can’t blame them this was their day. Their shift, they would go home and sleep.

The scariest thing was the voice that echoed through the ward of the disturbed patient who repeated and repeated “It’s the Covid cough, the Covid, Covid, cough gonna get you” If he was not sleeping that’s all I could hear. It was better during the day because he’d call out for “Tea tea” and the nurses would bring him one and then he would shout “Happy Birthday” and we’d all smile.

At night it felt like he was closer, he was not, he was on the male side of the ward but sound carries at night. I was frightened, unreasonably so by this prophet of doom. I was lonely and in pain.

Then the pain spiked I had to give in and use my buzzer, the nurse came I told her I couldn’t take the pain. She gave me some intravenous painkillers as an extra to the antibiotics and fluid IVs. She stayed a while and then thankfully I drifted off to a better place.

There lies the path

Through seas of purple heather

Morpheus lifted

Me off to the land of dreams

Fear and pain was then banished.

This is part of Sue Vincent’s Thursday Photo Challenge, #writephoto

What day is it Anyway. 25th of May to 29th May 2020

Why is Linda hosting this post.

She said.”Because if you’re like me and stuck at home already, or if you’re going to be like me soon, the days of the week are going to be hell to keep track of. We have a wonderful community here on WordPress, and I’m sure many people are feeling nervous and/or isolated. I want to make sure every one of us has somewhere to congregate and someone to talk to.

Why am I writing this post ? 

Because it’s day ? since we have been told by Bossa to stay home and socially distance ourselves. We are all in different circumstances and yet we are all in the same boat.

Yes the show must go on, however we feel like shouting STOP! It won’t. We must find our way through the mis-imformation and the contradictory advice, the two faced politicians who treat us with contempt. Yes it’s up to us now to “be alert” what ever that means, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland have to “Stay home.” I know what that means… But “be alert” ?? Nah! What’s that all about.

Monday 25 May 2020.

Hubby and I up at stupid o’clock, I really don’t need to tell you but incase anyone has newly arrived I shall explain.

Oh! Look another new normal, Hubby was up at even more stupid o’clock than I . He could not sleep worrying about his mum. So there we were both battling with stupid o’clock.He took Ruby out after his breakfast and after he’d rung the hospital. So started another day… Too early.

Monday was a bank holiday, not that that should mean anything on partial lockdown. Well it didn’t to us really but I am sad to say and appalled by some people in this country, who dashed off to beaches and beauty spots throwing caution and social distancing to the wind.

We spent most of the day trying to get hold of the hospital, it is harder to get through the eye of needle than get any proper information on MIL. Most of the day was spent, cooking, gardening and housework!

News re MIL. Hubby spoke to ward. No change re MIL. Asleep now. Had a comfortable night. Doctor seeing her later and advised to ring back at 2pm.. I asked how long will she stay in bed and how long on introvenous food. .”The nurse didn’t know that’s down to occupation therapist and doctor. Again mentioned hearing aids, his note and MIL having responded to written notes. She said she would write that down…… 🤔….

In the afternoon as advised we tried at 2pm… After calling a dozen times with no answer eventually phone was answered by a physio. He said no nurses around who dealt with MIL. He did not know MIL but got her notes out and said at doctors round this morning the doctor had recorded, no lumber puncture required (no reason stated in the notes!) , to do a CT scan of the head and an ECG. The physio said if he wanted to speak to a doctor I should call between 9 and 10am. Said I had done that today and told to ring back at 2pm. He didn’t know what to say. Communication by them is extremely poor. I fear another complaint to PALS is looming.

We tried again in the evening but didn’t get any real information, she had been restless but was sleeping now, nurse was busy. We felt very frustrated and fobbed off. Not a good day!

Tuesday 26th May 2020

The day started the same as any other of late, Hubby worried about his Mum, endless and fruitless attempts to get through to the ward with no luck. Rang early same old same old. Hubby did the shopping, another successful trip, home safe.

Hubby rang again about 10am and spoke to a Dr who said they would ring later. We waited in all day then at about three when we were taking Ruby out a Dr rang . We picked middle sons washing up for him .

Look all I can say is that this week’s been a rollercoaster of ups and downs. MIL is not in a good way, this lock down is getting me getting me down. The easing back of restrictions is even more stressful. I actually don’t want to talk about it anymore this week.

ENOUGH

Wedneday 27thMay.2020

Up stupid o’clock, Pilates at 10.30am, walked Ruby in the afternoon.

Numerous calls to hospital no good news.

Thursday 28th May 2020

Same as same as. No Pilates. Last official clap for NHS. May carry on if everyone else does.

Friday 29th May 2020.

Bad night waking up every two hours with cramp and bad dreams. So up at Stupid o’clock today hubby was so tired he stayed in bed until nearly 9am. So I fed, medicated and let Ruby out.

Before Hubby got up I did two Lesley Sansone exercise videos. Then after breakfast we took Ruby to a completely different places for a walk. She loved it we loved it, it was great to have a change and there were not too many people around! As it was around 10am , drs rounds hubby rang the hospital it took hubby an hour to get through to the ward but it was worth it as a Dr answered the phone.!

The Dr said MIL sitting up and looking around, he also said no change and still treating her for inflation of the brain due to Covid19. He said she is frail and it could go either way. They will decide if she can be moved to us but at the moment they just don’t know which way it will go. Feel a bit more positive as she is sitting up and alert.

We got home hubby contacted the boys, and people who want to know about MIL. I did the housework. I do feel better than yesterday, let’s hope the rest of the day can be as nice, less stressful and free from mixed up messages. I am sorry I lost it yesterday… I shall leave that in because this is real!

Time for a happy song. This one is to all WARRIORS. MIL IS ONE TOO.

This is part of LindaGHill’s #WDIIA.

WE ARE WARRIORS

STRONG AND BRAVE

BE SAFE, BE AKERT.

Ronovan Writes Décima Poetry Challenge Prompt No. 7 (DREAM). This week, it’s the A rhyme spot.

Image from Pixabay

Fearful I am trapped in this dream.
At odds I stand against the night
Lost in shadows longing for light.
Breathing deeply my mind I clear.
I am rooted to the spot with fear.
To make my escape I am keen
From this unwholesome and dark theme
In vain I try to forge ahead
Feet sinking in this mire of dread.
Reality just elusive.

This is part of Ronovanwrite’s Décima Challenge. For this particular challenge the word DREAM must be one of the A position words. Then the other two C position words must rhyme with DREAM.

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Here is the quick description of a Décima:

There are 10 lines (stanza) of poetry that rhyme but in this case there is a set rhyming pattern we must stick to.
In addition each line must only have 8 syllables.
The rhyme pattern is;
a b b a a c c d d c
For this particular challenge the word DREAM must be one of the A position words. Then the other two C position words must rhyme with DREAM.

Colleen’s 2020 Weekly #Tanka Tuesday #Poetry Challenge No. 179, #ThemePrompt

WELCOME TO TANKA TUESDAY!

It’s the fourth week of the month! Are you ready for a theme prompt? Merril D. Smith from last month’s challenge selected a special theme:

So this month’s theme is:

“How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a weary world.”

― William Shakespeare,

Maybe I should of written a sonnet but it was a Gogyohka that really spoke to me. I wrote this one about the world situation but it could apply to any situation really. The title is Caring Light.

image from Pixabay

So deep the depths of despair

Separated by nescesity we show care

No touch, isolation bites deep

Yet the light of love we keep

Flickering warming it’s healing we keep.

*****

Part of Colleen’s Tuesday Tanka