He was there yesterday, but I was very tired. I’d worked so hard to loose him, I had prayed he had expired.
But no he was back today, slowly weighing me down, dragging at my heels trying to make me drown.
I was not pleased to see him believe me I was scared I had worked so hard to loose him , serve me right to think I had won huh! I should not of dared!
He sat in the corner and watched me all night I was gripped with pain and fear and there was no one there to help me in my plight no not one soul near..
I was slow to rise this morning for all my strength he had drained, it took me ages to wash and dressed there seemed nothing to be gained.
He had sneaked into my cupboards and altered all my clothes. I look all right in them last week now they are too tight for me and my curved back shows.
Sitting in the dark dusty corners of my brain, he whispered reasons not to visit the gym, your fat, your lazy you have too much pain.
I have had to battle him all day long and I am feeling very tired and low, he slowed me down and dragged me back this evening on my walk, I felt he was laying on my chest why does he hate me so?
Female, wife, full time mother and Grandmother. I am not as happy go lucky as I used to be but I am still bubbling along on simmer! I have three handsome sons all grown and flown.The youngest married with a beautiful wife and two sons of his own. Back in 2010 I was working, running a home, driving and socializing then bang in a split second all that was gone. I had an accident at home. I broke my back, not for the first time, I had broken it 10 years previously as well. Unfortunately this time I had broken it really badly and it was truly messed up so I had to have two operations. I was told before each operation that the outcome could mean I spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Still as some guy once wrote "I am still standing " yes "better than I ever was " I no longer use the walking stick . I had lots of friends before the accident but when things like this happen, you loose most of them. Their lives move on and mine stood still and so they left me behind ...I know that is just the way life is but it hurt and always will. Then I looked around and saw those who were still there for me, these friends are the roses in my garden they need to be tended well. They are the diamonds in the dust. I will of been married 53yrs this comming year. I have found different ways to approach life, use my pain befriend it almost...yer right , well that is what they tell me at the pain clinic ROFLMAO ...... if only I could! I have found an outlet for my fears, frustrations and night terrors . I have started writing poetry if that name can be applied to my writing. I hope I do not come over as a moaning winger. I hope I am past all that. I also hope that you might see how the poetry is moving from very dark through the grey and hopefully in to light.
My back is no longer straight it is C shaped because of the injury and I have lost two and a half inches in height but my Pilates and Core teachers have helped me to stand up as straight and be as strong as possible. Pain and depression are still hanging on my arm but I have weapons to use against them and if I say so myself I cope well.
I have made lots of new friends, real diamonds. I am also very grateful for all the support and help I have encountered here on Wordpress. Hugs and welcome to everyone who visits.
View all posts by willowdot21
Oh I know that visitor well! Just wanted to say that I stumbled upon your blog and LOVE it, will be keeping an eye out for future posts. You write with such a captivating & honest style – thank you for being so open & honest, and letting others share in your experiences. Take Care x
Thank you for dropping in you are most welcome. I am sorry you have met my unwelcome, unruly and unpredictable visitor. Thank you for your kind words ,I was at my wits end the end of last year, suffering from pain from an accident when a pain physiologist suggested I start to write my feelings down. So I did, which is why my first poems are very sad and dark. I hope I am now getting used to living with pain and that hound! I wish you well and happy and hope to speak again.
The feelings raised by the Damned Black Dog
came back so fast.
The feelings of utter hopelessness raised their haunting faces
drawn by the damned Black Dog
who came back from caverns of Hades so fast.
The feelings of utter hopelessness, despair and torment
raised their prideful haunting faces,
drawn to the fore by the damned Black Dog
who came creeping back once more
from his dark and loathsome cave
in the bleak and horror filled caverns of the valley of Hades
so fast.
From my gut I felt the swelling of the old feelings so familiar;
those of sheer and utter hopelessness, despair and torment
raised their prideful haunting faces,
drawn urgently to the fore like flies about rotting waste,
by the damned Black Dog who came again,
as though he had never been banished,
defiant;
creeping back once more from his dark and loathsome cave
in the bleak and horror filled caverns of the valley of the river Hades
where the shadows of the very flames of Hell cast creatures of torment in the walls-
so fast.
I laughed from my gut, sighed,
and let go when I felt the swelling of the old feelings so familiar;
those of sheer and utter hopelessness, despair and torment
who raised their prideful haunting faces,
drawn urgently to the fore like flies about rotting waste,
by the damned Black Dog who came again,
as though he had never been banished,
defiant;
creeping back once more from his dark and loathsome cave
in the bleak and horror filled caverns of the valley of the river Hades
where the shadows of the very flames of Hell cast creatures of torment in the walls–
where he is chained so fast.
Jill that is an amazing poem it shows such an incite into that nasty hound, you must know him well. Your words have helped me greatly I shall be printing this poem off and using it when the black dog comes barking at my door.. he is sitting at my side now but I am not looking into his eyes.
the challenge poem is for you to remind you that the dog has a home and even though it feels like it sometimes, it is not with you. There are joys that he can never experience and places he will never see – he tries to share his misery and rob you of what he can’t have. He’s a thief, lurking. Your victory over him is in the places that you can go where he cannot follow you. My thoughts are with you as you wrestle with him at the moment.
Thanks Jill that is a very positive way to look at things and I honestly had not considered that point of view. So though I shall not pity him because he is mean and evil and after me, I shall at least feel blessed that I have a choice, an escape. I shall do my best not to feed him today.
Such loneliness and despair, Willow, the deep fall into depression which I call the ‘Black Cloud’ which follows me and knows when to pour it’s ‘ dark feelings’ down upon me… Pain is a post I did a few years ago, when I descended deep down into the pit and my self worth was at an all time low… Thankfully I pulled myself out, but now and again I can still feel it’s terrible and destructive fingers, trying to take hold…but we have to fight it. my friend, … always.. xPenx …
Yes call it cloud or dog it is black and evil and it is always waiting in the background waiting to catch us Unaware to do their worst. Yes Pen we must spend our time fighting them off. Keep it up Pen we shall over come. Sending you positive vibes
Thank you, it is a hard line to walk never giving in never giving up, looking neither to the left or the right being caught up in the work of putting one foot in front of the other.
Hello and welcome to Heartland Echoes! I am thrilled to have you here. So, sit back, relax, and stay awhile as you explore my diverse range of written poetry, mental health articles, motivational quotes, and ten captivating chapters of my autobiography. Get ready to be inspired and uplifted as you delve into the world of Heartland Echoes.
He was there yesterday, but I was very tired. I’d worked so hard to loose him, I had prayed he had expired.
willowdot21 
heavy (!_!) thriller
Maybe but I wish he would slip his leash and go thrill someone else! d*-*b xx
Oh I know that visitor well! Just wanted to say that I stumbled upon your blog and LOVE it, will be keeping an eye out for future posts. You write with such a captivating & honest style – thank you for being so open & honest, and letting others share in your experiences. Take Care x
Thank you for dropping in you are most welcome. I am sorry you have met my unwelcome, unruly and unpredictable visitor. Thank you for your kind words ,I was at my wits end the end of last year, suffering from pain from an accident when a pain physiologist suggested I start to write my feelings down. So I did, which is why my first poems are very sad and dark. I hope I am now getting used to living with pain and that hound! I wish you well and happy and hope to speak again.
Black Dog
The Black Dog
The damned Black Dog
came back
The feelings raised by the Damned Black Dog
came back so fast.
The feelings of utter hopelessness raised their haunting faces
drawn by the damned Black Dog
who came back from caverns of Hades so fast.
The feelings of utter hopelessness, despair and torment
raised their prideful haunting faces,
drawn to the fore by the damned Black Dog
who came creeping back once more
from his dark and loathsome cave
in the bleak and horror filled caverns of the valley of Hades
so fast.
From my gut I felt the swelling of the old feelings so familiar;
those of sheer and utter hopelessness, despair and torment
raised their prideful haunting faces,
drawn urgently to the fore like flies about rotting waste,
by the damned Black Dog who came again,
as though he had never been banished,
defiant;
creeping back once more from his dark and loathsome cave
in the bleak and horror filled caverns of the valley of the river Hades
where the shadows of the very flames of Hell cast creatures of torment in the walls-
so fast.
I laughed from my gut, sighed,
and let go when I felt the swelling of the old feelings so familiar;
those of sheer and utter hopelessness, despair and torment
who raised their prideful haunting faces,
drawn urgently to the fore like flies about rotting waste,
by the damned Black Dog who came again,
as though he had never been banished,
defiant;
creeping back once more from his dark and loathsome cave
in the bleak and horror filled caverns of the valley of the river Hades
where the shadows of the very flames of Hell cast creatures of torment in the walls–
where he is chained so fast.
Jill that is an amazing poem it shows such an incite into that nasty hound, you must know him well. Your words have helped me greatly I shall be printing this poem off and using it when the black dog comes barking at my door.. he is sitting at my side now but I am not looking into his eyes.
the challenge poem is for you to remind you that the dog has a home and even though it feels like it sometimes, it is not with you. There are joys that he can never experience and places he will never see – he tries to share his misery and rob you of what he can’t have. He’s a thief, lurking. Your victory over him is in the places that you can go where he cannot follow you. My thoughts are with you as you wrestle with him at the moment.
Thanks Jill that is a very positive way to look at things and I honestly had not considered that point of view. So though I shall not pity him because he is mean and evil and after me, I shall at least feel blessed that I have a choice, an escape. I shall do my best not to feed him today.
Such loneliness and despair, Willow, the deep fall into depression which I call the ‘Black Cloud’ which follows me and knows when to pour it’s ‘ dark feelings’ down upon me… Pain is a post I did a few years ago, when I descended deep down into the pit and my self worth was at an all time low… Thankfully I pulled myself out, but now and again I can still feel it’s terrible and destructive fingers, trying to take hold…but we have to fight it. my friend, … always.. xPenx …
Yes call it cloud or dog it is black and evil and it is always waiting in the background waiting to catch us Unaware to do their worst. Yes Pen we must spend our time fighting them off. Keep it up Pen we shall over come. Sending you positive vibes
It’s so frustrating when we think we have overcome something — for example an injury, a dark mood, etc. Very well expressed!
Thank you, it is a hard line to walk never giving in never giving up, looking neither to the left or the right being caught up in the work of putting one foot in front of the other.