Wednesday Challenge #4

More food for thought Zumpoems , I preferred the second method I found it much easier!

2 words    Still life

3 words A still life

still life

6 words  A beautiful still life so life like

12 words   It was a beautiful still life  so life like and vivid in colour

24 words   There it was hidden in a dark  dusty corner , it was a beautiful still life so life like and startlingly vivid in it’s colour

48 words    I approached the house  soaked by the heavy rain as I did, knocking  the door I  received no answer so I went  in from the thunderstorm there it was hidden in a dark  dusty corner , it was a beautiful still life so life like and startlingly vivid in it’s colour

96 words      As I approached the old run down house  soaked through to the skin by the heavy rain as I was knocking on the red door with its old rusty knocker I  received no answer I go no reply from ringing the door bell either so I circled the house looking for a way in finding the french windows on the latch I went  in from the thunderstorm there it was hidden in a dark  dusty corner , it was a beautiful still life so lifelike and startlingly vivid in it’s colour and shades it seemed to

107 words     As I approached the old run down house  soaked through to the skin by the heavy rain as I was knocking on the red door with its old rusty knocker I  received no answer I got no reply from ringing the door bell either so I circled the house looking for a way in then finding the french windows on the latch I went in out  from the thunderstorm then I saw it there it was hidden in a dark  dusty corner , it was a beautiful still life so lifelike and startlingly vivid in it’s colour and shades it seemed to call out to me

107 words

As I approached the old run down house  soaked through to the skin as I was

by the heavy rain I knocked on the red door with its old rusty knocker

I  received no answer I got no reply from ringing the door bell either

so I circled the house looking for a way in then finding the french windows on the latch

I went in out  from the thunderstorm then I saw it there it was hidden in a dark  dusty corner

it was a beautiful still life so lifelike and startlingly vivid in it’s colour and shades

it seemed to call out to me

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2words   Half Life

hiding from the light

107 words   We live in shadows hiding in doorways shying away from electric light’s glare unhappy in the daylight longing for the night writhing in pain if caught by the suns rays struggling hard to keep out of it’s way digging deep holes is how we spend the day tunnelling this way and that deeper and deeper we go hardly needing our eyes anymore that is why we now call this life we lead half life you on my left and you on my right we use drains now to move around we need to be private afraid to be found this half life to which we’re bound.

Half life

Half life

We live in shadows hiding in doorways shying away

from electric light’s glare unhappy in the daylight

longing for the night

writhing in pain if caught by the suns rays

struggling hard to keep out of it’s way

digging deep holes is how we spend the day

tunnelling this way and that deeper and deeper we go hardly

needing our eyes anymore that is why we now call this life

we lead half life you on my left and you on my right

we use drains now to move around

we need to be private afraid to be found

this half life to which we’re bound.

CLICK ON Mr. Linky IMAGE BELOW:

SUMMARY:

1.  Click on green “Mister Linky” link above.

2. Enter the URL (address of your response to challenge not of your website’s home page) of your post or page that has your response to this challenge.

3. For this challenge, start with a 2 words sentence and lengthen it following the steps above until you have a 107 word sentence, then change that sentence into a poem

4. Anyone that wishes to see anyone’s examples can click on the Mister Linky link above to view any and all of responses.

14 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Randall
    Nov 02, 2011 @ 17:08:59

    Very creative.

    Reply

  2. willowdot21
    Nov 02, 2011 @ 17:14:04

    Thank you will you be having a go?

    Reply

  3. zumpoems
    Nov 02, 2011 @ 19:32:59

    I am amazed by your speed and virtuosity. You have produced a really emotional, sensitive poem!

    You flirt with a run on sentence (fused sentence) between “we lead half life” and “you on my left” (independent clause) and at the end (“we lead”, “we use”, “we need”) but that is fixed if one sees either a colon or semi-colon there. Have added punctuation below to reflect how I read this:

    We live in shadows hiding in doorways, shying away
    from electric light’s glare, unhappy in the daylight,
    longing for the night,
    writhing in pain if caught by the suns rays,
    struggling hard to keep out of it’s way,
    digging deep holes is how we spend the day,
    tunnelling this way and that deeper and deeper we go hardly
    needing our eyes anymore that is why we now call this life
    we lead half life: you on my left and you on my right;
    we use drains now to move around;
    we need to be private afraid to be found;
    this half life to which we’re bound.

    I think this is one of my all-time favorites of yours. Really excellent imagery — nicely understated and appropriate — and really excellent content!

    Reply

  4. Trackback: Wednesday Poetry Challenge #4 « zumpoems
  5. willowdot21
    Nov 02, 2011 @ 22:09:52

    Thank you zumpoems I did like this poem myself , I like the idea of people living a half life hidden away afraid of the light! Thank you again for your praise I just hope I am worthy of it all.

    Reply

  6. jillnottelten
    Nov 03, 2011 @ 09:56:44

    This is fascinating work. Your poems are beautifully crafted.
    I will have to come back to this on a day when my computer is behaving itself – it is being very badly behaved today and have a shot at the challenge. It looks intriguing.

    Reply

  7. willowdot21
    Nov 03, 2011 @ 16:37:58

    Yes Jill you really should you would love it, it certainly gets the old grey matter working.

    Reply

  8. Jay
    Nov 04, 2011 @ 05:50:50

    Very creative without losing the meaning of sense. 🙂

    Reply

  9. willowdot21
    Nov 04, 2011 @ 09:24:42

    Thanks Jay, have you thought of entering the challenge ?

    Reply

  10. Trackback: Wednesday Poetry Challenge #5 « zumpoems
  11. Trackback: Wednesday Poetry Challenge #6 « zumpoems
  12. Trackback: Wednesday Poetry Challenge #7 « zumpoems
  13. Trackback: Wednesday Poetry Challenge #8 « zumpoems

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