The Black dog returned

He was there yesterday, but I was very tired. I’d worked so hard to loose him, I had prayed he had expired.

But no he was back today, slowly weighing me down, dragging at my heels trying to make me drown.

I was not pleased to see him believe me I was  scared I had worked so hard to loose him , serve me right to think I had won huh! I should not of dared!

He sat in the corner and watched me all night I was gripped with pain and fear and there was no one there to help me in my plight no not one soul near..

I was slow to rise this morning for all my strength he had drained, it took me ages to wash and dressed there seemed nothing to be gained.

He had sneaked into my cupboards and altered all my clothes. I look all right in them last week now they are too tight for me and my curved back shows.

Sitting in the dark dusty corners of my brain, he whispered reasons not to visit the gym, your fat, your lazy you have too much pain.

I have had to battle him all day long and I am feeling very tired  and low, he slowed me down and dragged me back this evening on my walk, I felt he was laying on my chest why does he hate me so?

I thought that I had beaten him I thought I had given him the slip I was sure I had rounded him and all his stuff up and dumped him off at the tip.

I feel so lonely, I feel so very lost I shall carry on fighting him but this is all at such a cost.

I think I shall just rest now I am so very tired I see him watching me again he all my futures has mired.

 

12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. zendictive
    Nov 04, 2011 @ 18:28:55

    heavy (!_!) thriller

    Reply

  2. willowdot21
    Nov 04, 2011 @ 18:33:35

    Maybe but I wish he would slip his leash and go thrill someone else! d*-*b xx

    Reply

  3. Hannah
    Nov 04, 2011 @ 19:53:46

    Oh I know that visitor well! Just wanted to say that I stumbled upon your blog and LOVE it, will be keeping an eye out for future posts. You write with such a captivating & honest style – thank you for being so open & honest, and letting others share in your experiences. Take Care x

    Reply

    • willowdot21
      Nov 04, 2011 @ 20:08:16

      Thank you for dropping in you are most welcome. I am sorry you have met my unwelcome, unruly and unpredictable visitor. Thank you for your kind words ,I was at my wits end the end of last year, suffering from pain from an accident when a pain physiologist suggested I start to write my feelings down. So I did, which is why my first poems are very sad and dark. I hope I am now getting used to living with pain and that hound! I wish you well and happy and hope to speak again.

      Reply

  4. jillnottelten
    Nov 04, 2011 @ 23:50:04

    Black Dog

    The Black Dog

    The damned Black Dog
    came back

    The feelings raised by the Damned Black Dog
    came back so fast.

    The feelings of utter hopelessness raised their haunting faces
    drawn by the damned Black Dog
    who came back from caverns of Hades so fast.

    The feelings of utter hopelessness, despair and torment
    raised their prideful haunting faces,
    drawn to the fore by the damned Black Dog
    who came creeping back once more
    from his dark and loathsome cave
    in the bleak and horror filled caverns of the valley of Hades
    so fast.

    From my gut I felt the swelling of the old feelings so familiar;
    those of sheer and utter hopelessness, despair and torment
    raised their prideful haunting faces,
    drawn urgently to the fore like flies about rotting waste,
    by the damned Black Dog who came again,
    as though he had never been banished,
    defiant;
    creeping back once more from his dark and loathsome cave
    in the bleak and horror filled caverns of the valley of the river Hades
    where the shadows of the very flames of Hell cast creatures of torment in the walls-
    so fast.

    I laughed from my gut, sighed,
    and let go when I felt the swelling of the old feelings so familiar;
    those of sheer and utter hopelessness, despair and torment
    who raised their prideful haunting faces,
    drawn urgently to the fore like flies about rotting waste,
    by the damned Black Dog who came again,
    as though he had never been banished,
    defiant;
    creeping back once more from his dark and loathsome cave
    in the bleak and horror filled caverns of the valley of the river Hades
    where the shadows of the very flames of Hell cast creatures of torment in the walls–
    where he is chained so fast.

    Reply

    • willowdot21
      Nov 05, 2011 @ 09:13:05

      Jill that is an amazing poem it shows such an incite into that nasty hound, you must know him well. Your words have helped me greatly I shall be printing this poem off and using it when the black dog comes barking at my door.. he is sitting at my side now but I am not looking into his eyes.

      Reply

  5. jillnottelten
    Nov 05, 2011 @ 00:01:19

    the challenge poem is for you to remind you that the dog has a home and even though it feels like it sometimes, it is not with you. There are joys that he can never experience and places he will never see – he tries to share his misery and rob you of what he can’t have. He’s a thief, lurking. Your victory over him is in the places that you can go where he cannot follow you. My thoughts are with you as you wrestle with him at the moment.

    Reply

  6. willowdot21
    Nov 05, 2011 @ 09:09:12

    Thanks Jill that is a very positive way to look at things and I honestly had not considered that point of view. So though I shall not pity him because he is mean and evil and after me, I shall at least feel blessed that I have a choice, an escape. I shall do my best not to feed him today.

    Reply

  7. penpusherpen
    Nov 05, 2011 @ 13:35:24

    Such loneliness and despair, Willow, the deep fall into depression which I call the ‘Black Cloud’ which follows me and knows when to pour it’s ‘ dark feelings’ down upon me… Pain is a post I did a few years ago, when I descended deep down into the pit and my self worth was at an all time low… Thankfully I pulled myself out, but now and again I can still feel it’s terrible and destructive fingers, trying to take hold…but we have to fight it. my friend, … always.. xPenx …

    Reply

    • willowdot21
      Nov 05, 2011 @ 14:25:07

      Yes call it cloud or dog it is black and evil and it is always waiting in the background waiting to catch us Unaware to do their worst. Yes Pen we must spend our time fighting them off. Keep it up Pen we shall over come. Sending you positive vibes

      Reply

  8. zumpoems
    Nov 05, 2011 @ 19:42:22

    It’s so frustrating when we think we have overcome something — for example an injury, a dark mood, etc. Very well expressed!

    Reply

  9. willowdot21
    Nov 05, 2011 @ 20:29:01

    Thank you, it is a hard line to walk never giving in never giving up, looking neither to the left or the right being caught up in the work of putting one foot in front of the other.

    Reply

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