Thinking out Loud/ 2

Floating gently in the sea is all I want, just too be free. I don’t care what lurks beneath if it kills me it would be a relief.

I don’t need all this doom and gloom the way things are I may as well be on the moon.

I cannot run I cannot fly. I feel like a trapped bird with clipped wings so I cannot fly.

Never knowing which way things will go kindness, reason or will the insults will flow.

There are only so many egg shell you can tread before it messes with your head.

Version 1 was too personal

Author: willowdot21

Female, wife, full time mother and Grandmother. I am not as happy go lucky as I used to be but I am still bubbling along on simmer! I have three handsome sons all grown and flown.The youngest married with a beautiful wife and two sons of his own. Back in 2010 I was working, running a home, driving and socializing then bang in a split second all that was gone. I had an accident at home. I broke my back, not for the first time, I had broken it 10 years previously as well. Unfortunately this time I had broken it really badly and it was truly messed up so I had to have two operations. I was told before each operation that the outcome could mean I spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Still as some guy once wrote "I am still standing " yes "better than I ever was " I no longer use the walking stick . I had lots of friends before the accident but when things like this happen, you loose most of them. Their lives move on and mine stood still and so they left me behind ...I know that is just the way life is but it hurt and always will. Then I looked around and saw those who were still there for me, these friends are the roses in my garden they need to be tended well. They are the diamonds in the dust. I will of been married 53yrs this comming year. I have found different ways to approach life, use my pain befriend it almost...yer right , well that is what they tell me at the pain clinic ROFLMAO ...... if only I could! I have found an outlet for my fears, frustrations and night terrors . I have started writing poetry if that name can be applied to my writing. I hope I do not come over as a moaning winger. I hope I am past all that. I also hope that you might see how the poetry is moving from very dark through the grey and hopefully in to light. My back is no longer straight it is C shaped because of the injury and I have lost two and a half inches in height but my Pilates and Core teachers have helped me to stand up as straight and be as strong as possible. Pain and depression are still hanging on my arm but I have weapons to use against them and if I say so myself I cope well. I have made lots of new friends, real diamonds. I am also very grateful for all the support and help I have encountered here on Wordpress. Hugs and welcome to everyone who visits. View all posts by willowdot21

18 thoughts on “Thinking out Loud/ 2”

Wendell A. Brown, aka. The Brown One Poet says:

Aug 14, 2012 at 6:41 pm

You are flesh and spirit for all of us the flesh passes away but the sprit leaves the body as your lasting breath into a new beginning! Embrace this for even the Lord told and showed that when he appeared it was with a spritual body that could do many things. And as he also told the thief on the cross next to him who was dying on the cross beside him…today you will surely be with me in heaven! The other thief could not and would not believe…and that surety was not given to him. You have know him all your life stop embracing your pain, embrade with your spirit, His spirit and embrace faith that His promise is ever true. Live and share the blessing that are alive in your heart and also the love you still have to share…you are alive and still can help perfect change in your brothers and sisters. I am with you in love each day, in prayer and in spirit ! Much love to you!

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1. willowdot21 says:
  
  Aug 14, 2012 at 8:05 pm
  
  I don’t know exactly what you are saying but I know that I am grateful for your support. I need to be stronger and not give to despair and self pity. Thank you for caring words.
  
  Reply
granbee says:

Aug 14, 2012 at 6:46 pm

May the peace represented by these wonderful peace lilies bloom afresh in your heart, dear lady!

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1. willowdot21 says:
  
  Aug 14, 2012 at 7:43 pm
  
  I knew there was a reason I picked those lilies. After the dark comes the light after the storm comes the calm. I pray. Xx
  
  Reply
mountainmae says:

Aug 14, 2012 at 8:44 pm

I understand walking on eggshells- it is hard, the emotional guarding takes a toll. I hope you can find the place of calm within yourself and recognize words that cut you down are lies.

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1. willowdot21 says:
  
  Aug 14, 2012 at 9:12 pm
  
  Thank you. It is exhausting. It is good to know that you are there and understand. Xx
  
  Reply
zendictive says:

Aug 14, 2012 at 10:03 pm

“I am not and never will be a victim” from the movie …The Crow
when you say, I feel down… the first two letters tell you where the problem lies, within your self and that is where reconstruction should start… the heeling begins within…

(~_~)

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1. willowdot21 says:
  
  Aug 15, 2012 at 6:05 am
  
  And from within I shall grow and heal no one else can do it for me. X
  
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Maryam says:

Aug 15, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I hope the bird will get its wings back soon…

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1. willowdot21 says:
  
  Aug 15, 2012 at 3:16 pm
  
  Thank you Maryam I have the splints in now as I type!
  
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eof737 says:

Aug 15, 2012 at 7:51 pm

Lilies are also strong blooms… Keep your head up… the bugs will soon dissipate. ;-0

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1. willowdot21 says:
  
  Aug 15, 2012 at 9:31 pm
  
  Thank you I will , I love lilies! XX
  
  Reply
  1. eof737 says:
    
    Aug 15, 2012 at 9:44 pm
    
    Same here! 🙂
  2. willowdot21 says:
    
    Aug 15, 2012 at 9:52 pm
    
    😉
eof737 says:

Aug 15, 2012 at 7:55 pm

THINKING OF YOU…

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1. willowdot21 says:
  
  Aug 15, 2012 at 9:32 pm
  
  Thank you and I am receiving strength from that and thinking of you too.
  
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becca givens says:

Aug 16, 2012 at 10:16 pm

May your journey through the storm find you in immeasurable peace. Many blessings ~~ becca

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1. willowdot21 says:
  
  Aug 17, 2012 at 4:11 am
  
  Thank you so much for your kind words may your journey be peaceful too
  
  Reply