Be Alert

A little  niggle  a  little doubt

Don’t  delay  check it out.

It  may be nothing  it may  be nought

Yet  nothing is lost if help is sort.

 

Don’t  let that evil take it chance

Be alert  to it  lead it a merry dance.

Crush it  snap it in the bud,  dead

You  know if  something’s amiss in body or head!

 

The chances are there’s nothing there

But remember  don’t care  was  made to care.

So check you breasts  and watch for any sign

That something in you  might not  be benign.

 

Cancer is a sly  and vicious  enemy

It hides and devours you  in places  you can’t see.

So  be alert  don’t  hide  behind  denial

Sort niggles now, not in a while!

 

A little  niggle  a  little doubt

Don’t  delay  check it out.

It  may be nothing  it may  be nought

Yet  nothing lost if help is sort.

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Another poem  for Brest Cancer Awareness month. Well any  cancer! 

 

Whooping Cough

He was always being sick, I was not imagining it nor was I imagining that noise he was making . It sounded like whooping cough, but he was only two weeks old?

I was at my whits end, he had started being sick before I had even left the hospital, yet no one would listen to me. I had had enough and so here I was in the Drs surgery siting in the hall way, mind you, because my beautiful baby was coughing so much he was being sick and I could not stand the reproving looks from the other waiting, patients.

I was sweating  and stressed I knew this baby was ill, I had been through some very scary things with my other two boys .  P spending the first fortnight of his life in an incubator  because he had ‘post natal distress’ . Both boys had had collapsed lungs due to asthma, M had had his tonsils out then hemorrhaged when I got him home! he and P had both had Measles and Mumps and chickenpox to name a few , need I go on I did know a sick child when I saw one!

Finally the Dr called us in. I had known him now for the last nine years and he insisted we use first names  which did make things feel easier. He was not happy with J he was not sure if he had a blockage in his throat or stomach but also felt that as I knew my baby best, I could be right in my diagnosis ! I can tell you now I did not want to be right!

All the Dr could do was pat me on the shoulder and pack us off to the nearest hospital. He had rung ahead and alerted the pediatric  ward of our plight. I do no remember how I got to the hospital , there were no mobile phones, I did not drive in those days and I doubt I took the bus. I should think I had either phoned my husband from the surgery,and  as all of my friends who drove would also of had children and I could not in all conscience expose any of them to whatever it was that J had.

I remember being in the hospital though, I was with J in a single room a glass wall separating us from the nursing station. I did not realize immediately that J was on the danger list and we were in a Barrier Nursing Ward. I was wearing a gown and watching  my baby, my little boy sleeping fitfully and coughing , coughing, coughing!

I spent whole days there and often late into the evenings, my husband joining m morning e as often as he could. My neighbour helped by picking the boys up from school and feeding them for me. I had often looked after her daughter, even taken her on holiday……. but I still felt bad. I would drop them off at school in the morning  then go straight up to the hospital.  I don’t remember how but I managed to shop and do the washing look after the boys and one weekend we even had visitors.

One weekend my husband brought P and M and the little girl next door to see J, they were not allowed on the ward so my husband walked them right round the building and they waved and made faces through the window….. good job we were on the ground floor. It hurt me to see them touching the glass, looking so sad, they really loved and missed J.

For some reason it took the medical staff nearly a fortnight to finally tell us for certain that J had Whooping Cough! How did he get that straight out of hospital, I just don’t know. He was so ill it was awful, I had to watch him suffering that awful cough. Every time he was sick I had to feed him a bottle of milk  then he would sleep then the cough would start. Then one weekend I had gone home for a rest, ( we had visitors ). I had just had a bath and got ready to face the world when the hospital rang to say it was touch and go. They asked us not to come in as there was nothing we could do and we would only get upset.

Get up……… I was upset. I stood in the hall looking at the phone, when our guests came out to ask when we were going out for our meal. ……. I don’t remember what or if I ate all I remember is worrying…………….

However  he  made it  through  the  night, he  took months  to recover   infact it  was over a year  before  he really improved. I  could  not take  him out until the summer,  he was born in the January  and  was not able  to be taken out  until late May early  June.

He  is a grown man  now with a baby  of  his  own….

The hole in me

There is a hole in me. I know it is there but it is somewhere that I can’t see.

I feel it is slowly eating me but I don’t know why.

Something bad has a hold it will not let me fly.

There is a hole in my stomach and it is eating me. Growing and growing devouring me .

Why am I suffering what have I done wrong the pain has been gnawing at me for so long.

Suddenly I realize that the pain is not in me, the pain is in my child why could I this not see.

I bore them, I love them I have set them free. So why does their pain keep plaguing me.

How far is dawn

How far is dawn where can it be , how far is dawn will it ever come to rescue me. I watch the horizon as it creeps this way leaving all behind it lost and destroyed as it races this way.

How far is dawn where is the brand new day, has it disappeared  has it slipped away. The moon has hidden behind a cloud. My ears are filled with pounding of my heart as it beats out loud.

How far is dawn, is there a glimmering of light will it ever come or am I harbouring false hope this endless night. The hour before dawn is the darkest I have been told but I was not prepared for this utter emptiness or the stretching hour and the cold.

How far is dawn will things come right will the time stop stretching and will there be an end to this longest night.

 

 

The waiting relatives blues

 

How long has he been sitting there, is he  all right. how has he waiting do any of you care? believe it or not he has been there all night.

photo image google images

Has he had a cup of tea or anything to eat, no he has been there worrying tapping his fingers and his feet. Has anyone spoken to him told him what is going on, he brought his sick dad in here last night and now it ten hours on do you think that can be right!

How many times have you passed him by while he has been waiting here he looks so concerned, not one of you has offered him anything do you really think that fair.

What harm would it of done to make him a cup of tea or just sat there and talked to him don’t tell me you’ve had no time free. Would it really hurt you to put your book or knitting down , or stop your conversation don’t look at me and frown. These people are not here for fun these people have friends or family ill why can’t you care a little for them a few words or a touch are worth more than any pills.

No need to look at me askance that poor lad has been there long enough for you to comfort or help him out, you have blown it now,you’ve had your chance. I hope that if you ever find yourselves sitting in his shoes  you never have to suffer the waiting relatives blues.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was speaking to a friend today and she told me how she had had to spend a night in the local hospital waiting for news about her father, traipsing from A&E to CCU waiting in corridors nothing to eat or drink. Nurses and Drs alike ignoring her,  skilfully avoiding eye contact not bothering to talk or even smile.

This is so much the way of things today. No one cares, the milk of human kindness has dried up. A woman on her own in distress and people not only ignored her they made a point of ignoring her. Sadly at this time last year she lost her husband to cancer in this same hospital. As she told me it is too raw too close, probably all she needed was a friendly look or word.

I was in that hospital too, for a month, after my accident. I dreaded the nights when the nurses at the nurse’s station all but had a party every night and every mealtime was a joke. As I could not move ( being in a body corset ) unless someone ( not nursing staff) was not there to help I missed out on food! I am not going into all that it is not what I am writing about tonight !

Mummy says I am not allowed to say.

Every night it is the same, mum and dad play their game. Daddy shouts and mummy cries it is very frightening when daddy’s arms start to fly.

It no fun to hear things go bump and see mum fall after dad given her a clump.  In the morning  mum looks pale but she always smiles as the neighbours she hails.

I don’t like to see mum’s bruises or to hear the words that dad uses. I don’t want to go to school I want to stay with mum in case dad is cruel. He rings her in the day you see he and threatens her, I know I’ve heard yet they think that I don’t see.

Hiding  underneath the bed clothes pretending it is not real they just keep on and on not caring how I feel. Mummy says I must stay quiet and keep out of his way.I am not allowed to talk of this at school or mention that my dad treats my mummy so cruel.

Domestic Violence hurts everyone

SSSH! what was that awful scream, I hate daddy he is so mean…. that was the font door ……….. it is quiet now there is no shouting any more. Mummy Mummy are you there , mummy mummy are you there ( creeping forward and then down the stair ) Mummy is laying on the floor her head at a funny angle to the door. Mummy , mummy answer please , mummy mummy please don’t tease. Mummy mummy daddy has gone away mummy mummy speak to me something say.

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Another poem to bring the effects of abuse on children who live in fear of violence, out into the open. When parents fight the whole family suffer. Children live in fear. This is not right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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