#JusJoJan 2019 Daily Prompt – Jan. 27th

Our prompt for JusJoJan 2019, January 27th is brought to you by Enthralling Journey! Click here to find her last postand say hi while you’re there! Enthralling Journey’s word for our prompt today is “cathartic.” Use it anywhere in your post or make it the theme of your post. Have fun!

Cathartic

Last year those of you who know/ follow me helped me through the last withdrawal from all pain medication. A few years back I managed to get off of tramadol. That was a long and hard journey but I got there so when it came to getting off of Gabapentin.

I thought this can’t be so hard? It’s a neuropathic painkiller. I had been on it for over eight years I weaned myself down from four times, six hundred mgs a day to one hundred mgs twice a day then finally 100 mgs every other day. With no great help from the doctors who just want to hand them out like sweets to keep me quite.

I kept you informed up to a point until I was taking one 100 mgs morning and night one day and just one 100mgs in the evening on the alternate day. Then down to one pill every other evening. I have said nothing since but I am tablet free and have been over five months now but even more important I am no longer measuring the pill free time.

It is Cathartic ( yes finally I am using the prompt word) to be free of the ties that being addicted to painkillers bring.

Yes, I am free, the physiological freedom, the purging of needing is truly Cathartic. If anyone is going through the same journey I will say it is not easy. Emotions, physical pain and true fear are battles to fight but if I can do it anyone can. I am not pain free but I am drug free.

I have kept quiet about being free of all my medication because at first I was afraid to actually say it out loud, publicly. So please keep it up if you are going through withdrawal of any kind. Drugs, drink, gambling, being in an emotionally bullied situation. Do persevere, do ask for help do let friends and family in. The results are Cathartic.

Thank you all for listen and your support. 💜💜

Withdrawal is the End in sight.

I have been telling you all, about (I hope) the last few weeks of weaning myself off of Gabapentin. It’s a neuropathic painkiller. I have been on it for over eight years I have weaned myself down from four times, six hundred mgs a day to one hundred mgs twice a day then finally 100 mgs every other day. With no great help from the doctors who just want to hand them out like sweets to keep me quite. Recently I had been altenating between one 100 mgs morning and night one day and just one 100mgs in the evening on the alternate day. Now as I said I am down to one pill everyother evening.

Today Geoff of TanGental (a great person and a great blogger) asked me how I am getting on. He made me think two things… One: I have not been sharing with you guys because I have gone down so low.

Two: Fingers crossed and not to anger the gods of withdrawal I do actually feel I am turning a corner.

🤞 Maybe the final corner. I am down to one tablet every other night. Really the big barrier is phsycological l need to be a big girl and drop this last pill. I have about a months worth left and to make sure I cannot cave and re-order any Gabapentin I have had them removed from electronic prescription so I can’t get anymore without a drs say-so.

Even though I have been resting and healing a nasty sprained and strained ankle and foot I have managed to keep my spirits up. Also I kept away from any painkillers apart from one ibufen at night to help me sleep.

It has been a long journey ( over 8 years ) and though I am not there yet I do feel I am getting there and I am hoping that just like the Tramadol I can beat this!

I treated myself today and had my nails done.

Time to hopefully feel confident and spoil myself a little. Thanks Geoff for making me think.

Thanks to all of you for your amazing support I am so grateful. I just wanted to say it has been no picnic and I wish I had never started on these tablets, Tramadol and Gabapentin but I did. I am nearly there I kicked Tramadol about 2 years ago and the end is in sight for the Gabapentin.

I hope anyone going through this same journey might read this and take heart. I wish you well and know you can do it.

Thank you everyone.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Withdrawal . Nearly there?

I have been telling you all, about (I hope) the last few weeks of weaning myself off of Gabapentin. It’s a neuropathic painkiller. I have been on it for over eight years I have weaned myself down from four times six hundred mgs a day to one hundred mgs twice a day. With no great help from the doctors who just want to hand them out like sweets to keep me quite. This week I am altenating between one hundred mgs morning and night one day and just one hundred grams in the evening on the alternate day. It is hard,harder than I thought. This last part is so hard I just want to reach for the pills. So you guys can help me by listening to me writing it out.

A big thank you for baring with me.

Well I have not said anything about how the withdrawal has been going for a while. So I thought I let you all know how things are going.

My mood is very low, I feel like crying most of the time so I do have to fight it. Everything upsets me, the tone of hubby’s voice, TV , adverts, reading blogs, writing blogs..you get the picture.

Pain, I am in a lot of pain , I am determined to fight it and am using every weapon in my Armoury to do so… But it is constantly there.

Exhaustion I am way past tired! Anxiety levels are very high, temper short! Spiders on and off. Sniffing, it’s driving me mad. I did think this would be the easy part.
Enough no more negatives. I am still standing, I am down to 100mgs of Gabapentin every other evening, from 2,400gms a day. This has taken me two and a half years to achieve.

The weekend was hard, a friend was ill on Friday evening and I was at her house until 1am , then Saturday I spent the morning with her at the hospital. Thankfully is okay she now but the sitting around did nothing for my pain and stress levels.. I am getting good at hiding these though.

Wednesday we went to London for Prime Minister’s Question Time. It was very interesting and the weather was gorgeous. But the train journeys and sitting in very cramped conditions for the PMQs for over an hour was painful and stressful.

Hubby did get a little miffed with me because he said I was ratty, miserable and a tad awkward. He took a photo of me on the train going home…. I do look “miserable” but I did try. I certainly did not complain.

I was actually tired and in pain. But hey it had been a long day enjoyable but long.

I survived.

Yesterday and today hubby been staying at our eldest flat on the south coast, helping him decorate it so he can sell it. I have done things at my own speed so I am feeling little less anxious.

The weekend looms and I know it will be busy. I am getting there but it’s harder than I thought. Hey ho I am nearly there!

Friends tell me I doing great at that I look okay … I just wish I felt okay.

Thank you for listening. 💜💜💜💜

Withdrawal Update 2

I have been telling you all, about (I hope) the last few weeks of weaning myself off of Gabapentin. It’s a neuropathic painkiller. I have been on it for over eight years I have weaned myself down from four times six hundred mgs a day to one hundred mgs twice a day. With no great help from the doctors who just want to hand them out like sweets to keep me quite. This week I am altenating between one hundred mgs morning and night one day and just one hundred grams in the evening on the alternate day. It is hard,harder than I thought. This last part is so hard I just want to reach for the pills. So you guys can help me by listening to me writing it out.

A big thank you for baring with me.

Well I got through the weekend, I actually found Sunday, a pill day harder than the Saturday which was a no pill day.

Strange as Sunday was the busier day having the hubby’s mother over for lunch as usual, walking the dog and keeping people happy. I would of thought it would of kept my brain off my symptoms…. But no.

Monday morning was not good but I managed to keep going. In the afternoon we took Ruby with us in the car and dropped in on hubby’s mother. Then went for a long walk with Ruby and on the way home we stopped off at friends. They asked us to stay for dinner which we did and had a laugh and set the world to rights.

I was in bed by 10.30 and slept fairly well apart from unsettling dreams.

Today is supposed to be a pill in the morning day but something in my brain was telling me not to take it. So here I am at 12.30 and I have not taken any Gabapentin. I am okay-ish, physical symptoms: cold-like symptoms, slight headache, a little shaky with joint pains, itching (the spiders) on and off. Phycological symptoms: stressing bordering on fear / angxiety , exhaustion.

The worse part is the depression it won’t lift and things that I usually can shrug off are weighing heavily on my mind.

Anyway let’s be positive I am here I am trying, and I can do this.

Thank you all for listening.

Withdrawal update

Yesterday I wrote about how I have been feeling the last few weeks. I have been telling you all, about (I hope) the last few weeks of weaning myself off of Gabapentin. It’s a neuropathic painkiller. I have been on it for over eight years I have weaned myself down from four times six hundred mgs a day to one hundred mgs twice a day. With no great help from the doctors who just want to hand them out like sweats to keep me quite. This week I am altenating between one hundred mgs morning and night one day and just one hundred grams in the evening on the alternate day. It is hard,harder than I thought. This last part is so hard I just want to reach for the pills. So you guys can help me by listening to me writing it out.

A big thank you for baring with me.

Today is a pill in the morning and a pill at night day. Yesterday was just one at night. It was a hard day the imaginary spiders were all over me even in my hair , I was edgy and stressed, no energy and hot and cold sweats. Not to mention the aches and pains.The night was not good either.

So far today I have had an upset tummy, the sweats… No spiders..yet. I have kept myself busy this morning hoovering, washing floors and getting Ruby’s meal, the hubby walked her. I am exhausted now but at least I have achieved something. I have had to cancel my Pilates lesson today just to tired and achy.

I don’t want to moan so positives: jobs are done, I am washed,dressed and I have make up on.

Look I am smiling too. The thing is I do have to make a huge effort or I will just curl up on the bed… I have been there before and it doesn’t help.

So upwards and onwards, don’t want hubby to worry mind you I might bite his head off before the day is out.

Okay I am not going to bang on about this everyday but I will keep you informed of progress.

Oh!the spiders attacking my left side….

42 Day Thirty One

Jane Dougherty has come up with a theme for May . It is 42, now Jane describes it thus: “42 after Douglas Adams’ answer to the question of life, the universe and everything. The form is like the Cherita in its structure with a bit of added interest. The first line/stanza asks a question or makes a statement that begs a question, the second stanza/two lines sets the scene or the background, the last stanza/three lines answers the question or resolves it in some way.

Today’s Cheritas from day 27 to day 31 are about my ( I hope) last few weeks of weaning myself off of Gabapentin. It’s a neauropathic pathic painkiller. I have been on it for over eight years I have weaned myself down from four times six hundred mgs a day to one hundred mgs twice a day. With no great help from the doctors who just want to hand them out like sweats to keep you quite. This week I am altinating between one hundred mgs morning and night one day and just one hundred grams in the evening on the alternate day. It is hard,harder than I thought. This last part is so hard I just want to reach for the pills. So you guys can help me by listening to me writing it out. A big thank you for baring with me.

Am I afraid

Can this battle be won

I am so tired I fear I can go on

At the end of the tunnel is a light

Towards it I take flight

Freedom from hell’s worth the fight.

42 Day Thirty

Jane Dougherty has come up with a theme for May . It is 42, now Jane describes it thus: “42 after Douglas Adams’ answer to the question of life, the universe and everything. The form is like the Cherita in its structure with a bit of added interest. The first line/stanza asks a question or makes a statement that begs a question, the second stanza/two lines sets the scene or the background, the last stanza/three lines answers the question or resolves it in some way.

Today’s Cheritas from day 27 to day 31 are about my ( I hope) last few weeks of weaniny myself off of Gabapentin. It’s a neauropathic pathic painkiller. I have been on it for over eight years I have weaned myself down from four times six hundred mgs a day to one hundred mgs twice a day. With no great help from the doctors who just want to hand them out like sweats to keep you quite. This week I am altinating between one hundred mgs morning and night one day and just one hundred grams in the evening on the alternate day. It is hard,harder than I thought. This last part is so hard I just want to reach for the pills. So you guys can help me by listening to me writing it out. A big thank you for baring with me.

Sleep has deserted me

Night hours drag hot then cold

The Night Terrors are set free

A thousand spiders crawl

But I will beat them all

I shall be survive and be free

42 Day Twenty Nine

Jane Dougherty has come up with a theme for May . It is 42, now Jane describes it thus: “42 after Douglas Adams’ answer to the question of life, the universe and everything. The form is like the Cherita in its structure with a bit of added interest. The first line/stanza asks a question or makes a statement that begs a question, the second stanza/two lines sets the scene or the background, the last stanza/three lines answers the question or resolves it in some way.

Today’s Cheritas from day 27 to day 31 are about my ( I hope) last few weeks of weaniny myself off of Gabapentin. It’s a neauropathic pathic painkiller. I have been on it for over eight years I have weaned myself down from four times six hundred mgs a day to one hundred mgs twice a day. With no great help from the doctors who just want to hand them out like sweats to keep you quite. This week I am altinating between one hundred mgs morning and night one day and just one hundred grams in the evening on the alternate day. It is hard,harder than I thought. This last part is so hard I just want to reach for the pills. So you guys can help me by listening to me writing it out. A big thank you for baring with me.

Can I leave the house

Fear is eating me up

I am as scared as a mouse

Keep checking the doors

They’re locked it can be done

Step out into the sun

42 Day Twenty Eight

Jane Dougherty has come up with a theme for May . It is 42, now Jane describes it thus: “42 after Douglas Adams’ answer to the question of life, the universe and everything. The form is like the Cherita in its structure with a bit of added interest. The first line/stanza asks a question or makes a statement that begs a question, the second stanza/two lines sets the scene or the background, the last stanza/three lines answers the question or resolves it in some way.

Today’s Cheritas from day 27 to day 31 are about my ( I hope) last few weeks of weaniny myself off of Gabapentin. It’s a neauropathic pathic painkiller. I have been on it for over eight years I have weaned myself down from four times six hundred mgs a day to one hundred mgs twice a day. With no great help from the doctors who just want to hand them out like sweats to keep you quite. This week I am altinating between one hundred mgs morning and night one day and just one hundred grams in the evening on the alternate day. It is hard,harder than I thought. This last part is so hard I just want to reach for the pills. So you guys can help me by listening to me writing it out. A big thank you for baring with me.

Can I really do this

It’s taken so long

It feels all wrong

Every inch of me aches

My stomach quakes

Yes I can really do this

42, Day Twenty Seven.

Jane Dougherty has come up with a theme for May . It is 42, now Jane describes it thus: “42 after Douglas Adams’ answer to the question of life, the universe and everything. The form is like the Cherita in its structure with a bit of added interest. The first line/stanza asks a question or makes a statement that begs a question, the second stanza/two lines sets the scene or the background, the last stanza/three lines answers the question or resolves it in some way.

Today’s Cheritas from day 27 to day 31 are about my ( I hope) last few weeks of weaniny myself off of Gabapentin. It’s a neauropathic pathic painkiller. I have been on it for over eight years I have weaned myself down from four times six hundred mgs a day to one hundred mgs twice a day. With no great help from the doctors who just want to hand them out like sweats to keep you quite. This week I am altinating between one hundred mgs morning and night one day and just one hundred grams in the evening on the alternate day. It is hard,harder than I thought. This last part is so hard I just want to reach for the pills. So you guys can help me by listening to me writing it out. A big thank you for baring with me.

Why should I stop the pill

It’s too difficult and it hurts

Skin crawling , energy in spurts

The medication is not needed

The want in my brain is seeded

I feel so ill, I must stop the pills.