Suicide

Wet beneath my feet

Fresh morning smell, sweet.

Light between the green leaves

Early warmth, my skin gratefully receives.

 

Light on the water sparkling

Blinding  my eyes, thoughts darkling.

Early  bird in to the blue yonder soars

Reaching the bridge  my agony roars!

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Pain pounding in my head

Negating all good things said.

Heart bursting ,feet bleeding brain screaming

Reaching the edge of the bridge blinded by tears streaming.

 

Running  now I need the release

Stepping off the side craving peace.

No more  pain, no more hurt no more grief.

Falling now, floating now I welcome this feeling of relief.

 

The water is ice cold

I flail a little but find nought to hold.

Silence, silence soft as silk and so pure.

Peace at last I can endure no more.

 

 

 

NaBloPoMo : Red

They  called her Red ,

Popular and good in bed .

Red hair  collar and cuff

 

She is fun you know she likes it rough.

Her hair  flies like flame

Balloons attached, they  all think she is game.

They don’t care she good for it again  and again.                                                                                                                                                      That is not a smile it’s  a grimace of pain.

 

Drops of blood form on her toes

Where is she bleeding  from no one knows.

Nobody cares it won’t stop their fun

They only want her for one thing,  excitement and cum.

 

Here eyes are hidden  you only see her smile

Here eyes are dead she is empty  all the while.

Red  her  dress, red her hair

Red , red blood everywhere.

 

They  called her Red ,

Popular and good in bed .

Red hair  collar and cuff

She is fun you know she likes it rough.

Red Lemmings

You can taste  the fear  and smell the sweat and  the noise of the wails burns your ears and  yet

The sight of the Red Lemming’s annual jump, is something that  you will never  forget.

The fear and loathing are strong enough to taste , and blood flowed crimson in the sea below.

One by one they jumped to  their death. Every  now and then one would  miraculously turned into Crow.

Death was relaxing   on the sea shore , warming his bones in the moon’s pale light

His ghastly death mask   fixed in a maniacal grin as he counted the bones and begrudging the escapees who became crows and took flight!

 

Jump for the moon

A minute,wait a minute,a small voice in her head said

There really is no hurry is there now you will be a long time dead!

Sitting here above  city looking up at you

I realize  my life is as empty as your light is blue!

 

I wonder if it will hurt when I touch the ground .

I wonder will I look a mess when my body is found.

It is getting  very dark  and it is getting really cold

I can’t sit here forever , but for the next step I need to be very bold.

I Hate Myself

I cannot look in the  mirror because it hurts me so

I am ugly, you don’t need to tell me, I know.

Every day is a trial,I want to stay in my room

Cover all the mirrors, close the curtains I feel safer in the gloom.

You don’t need t be so mean,

Pointing out my faults and making a scene.

Why do always have to shout,

I get it, I am always wrong, you leave me in no doubt.

I wish that you would just go away

In my room safe I’d always stay.

You don’t have to hate me so

I hate myself enough so why don’t you just go!

The Blood is flowing faster now

From the cuts I did earlier, deep , deep and how

God it  finally feels I  have the upper hand.

You don’t need to hate me . I HATE MYSELF, do you understand.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The above poem was inspired  by carrotykate  she very kindly allowed me to use this wonderful illustration. Do visit her page it is wonderful. 

Cold, cold,

Cold ,cold my heart has grown old

You have stolen my heart and loosened my hold

On reality. Lost I am so lost.

Out here in the cold where my breath turns to frost.

 

Let me in , let me in , I am you, yes I am it is true.

Yes, you can see me here, outside your window looking at you.

I am your soul,without me you are not whole.

Cold , cold I am so cold you have no heart but I am your soul.

 

I fading , fading from view. If you hesitate I shall be gone from you.

Please reach out and touch me pull me back in

Help me please suicide is a waste and a sin.

Don’t let me go , I am you , let me in let me in.

 

Slowly, slowly  open the door You and I need to join, to be as we were before.

Enter me that’s right let us become one , one more time. Trust me I am sure

We need to be together as one , as we are now ever more.

Slowly , slowly let us walk towards the moon,no need to go back to the house any more.

 

Together we walk into the dark , me and I , feeling the snowflakes falling down from the sky.

Tiny our footprints burn shapes in the snow silently determinedly we see the end ,  we know!

We are glad we are united, we are glad to be one. We slow up now ready together we die.

Silently, silently, colder than cold together , together . I will be found whole in the snow.

 

NaPoWriMo Day 27,A Cat May& Many Hands Make

NaPoWriMo Day 27 : Today’s prompt is  to use the wondrous powers of the Internet to help you write, and I have a particular method in mind. Think of a common proverb or phrase — something like “All that glitters is not gold,” or “If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.” Then plug the first three words of the phrase into a search engine. Skim through the first few pages of results, collecting (rather like a poetic magpie) words and phrases that interest you. Then use those words and phrases as the inspirations (and some of the source material) for a new poem.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Cat May (Warning)

A cat may, that is what everyone says

Owning a cat may shorten your days

Toxoplasma gondii parasite 

Insidious, unseen, malicious and quiet

Excreted escaping hoping to invade

Depressing the nerves with an unhappy parade

A cat may without any thoughts of harm

Can infest your blood and remove life’s charm.

In muscles and brain hides the  nasty nasty little parasites

They will push you , and push you to take your life.

So a beautiful cat may look at a king

But everyone in the castle should be aware what he is hiding within.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Many hands make Fractals Tactile

Many Hands make Fractals Tactile.

That’s sounds so hopeful it makes you smile.

Many hands clear the deck especially in the sun

The more of us together makes us more inclined to fun.

Many hands all wearing rings with diamonds will catch the light

The more of us there are, the sooner the job gets done right.

The more hands lifted to the sky reaching far reaching high

So remember Many Hands make Fractals Tactile and your heart fly.

Deep love

Silently she stood there, riveted to the spot. Her eyes searched the floundering ship for sight of her man…. that sight there was not.  So near, so near and yet so far.

The wind was high and the waves dashed against the shore the clouds were heavy and lightening flashed across the sky. Her whole life was ebbing away right before her eyes and faintly on the wind she could her the survivors plaintiff cries.

She knew her man was there and he could not be saved it broke her heart to watch her beloved and crew as they sank to their grave. All day and all night she stood and watched the ship she refused to to leave the beach she wept and prayed to God, alas it did no good.

Ghostly she looked as she walked into the waves , her heavy dress dragged her down but she did not struggle she swam out to the wreck and joined her man and his men in their watery graves.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUiu-JztpKE

May it burn their ears

It’s was always the same she got left out of their games. Pushed around and ostracized, taunted with nasty names. If she tried to ask for help they made a worse reprise.

Her tummy and her head always caused her pain, mum took her to the Drs, again and again. So why did no one see the hurt did no one see her tears somehow it all got missed through out the early years.

Puberty and another set of rules she changed faster and looked different from them which made their tongues more  cruel.

She worked hard and kept her head down but that did her no good they painted on her  coat “I AM THE SCHOOL CLOWN’. She just accepted that…well they new she would.

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Always out on a limb always on her own surrounded by many but always left alone .

Every year she’d tell herself this one would be better every year they found nastier and meaner ways to get  her.

In her room at home she’d sit and cut herself the blood felt good as it seeped away that was pain she could control and she did so every day.

She cut her arms she cut her thighs and below her waist anywhere that didn’t show it all hurt less than the bullying she faced.

Home was no escape you see her mobile and the computer were just another way the bullies could get to her.Such wicked lies and doctored images of her, she just could find no peace . She blessed the days she got off sick for they were a release. Rest-bite for a while until they came to visit and fooled her mum with a smile.

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Eventually all the cutting that she did could not compensate for the messages, the gossip on face book the texts and all the hate.

She could not tell her teachers she could not tell her mum there was no one else she could tell so what was to be done.

They took some pictures of her in the changing room. They posted them on face book, beebo and myspace too. She knew they were all laughing at her but  what was she to do.

Her mum was worried witless by the state of her lovely girl , she was pale and listless and hair fell out by the curl. Even worse she suspected that she was cutting herself she’d found a bloodied blouse dropped on the laundry shelf.

Determined she could sort this her mum went up to the school , everyone told her that her mum was such a fool.

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They found her Monday morning hanging in the hallway, some screamed some cried some where sick but not one of them had a nasty word to say. So yes she had silenced them but at such a price  she paid so dearly for them to stop, she paid for their silence with her life.

The whole school attended  the funeral , flowers ever where, and photos of her, she was a very pretty girl, that made them stop and stare.

They had never really look at her, her tormentors and her piers. I hope they learned the lesson and that her suicide note burns their ears.

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There is too much bullying too much weight on how you look , well beauty is skin deep if you look into my book.

It isn’t only girls who get bullied and pushed around there are just as many boys who have bullies screwing them around.

Teenage Mum

photo credits google images

Drip drip the rain gently falls she looks out on the empty streets lined with ugly walls. Five minutes peace this may be all she’ll get the baby is asleep and he’s not crying yet.

Long lonely hours why is life so cruel, she even now regrets all the hours she wasted avoiding  school. Her boyfriend does not care for her even less for the boy they argue every evening so short lived was their joy.

She had just been fifteen he had been the same they felt so clever and grown up it was like a game.

He could of gone to Uni that’s what everybody said but they wanted to get married, soon all their dreams were dead. He worked with a plumber but apprentices’ pays not much the money hardly met their needs and with all her friends she lost touch.

Every day was lonely everyday the same a round of washing, feeding, sleeping inside a nagging pain. Yes she loved her baby she did her very best but he never slept at night so neither she or her boyfriend ever got any rest.

He got up and left early and “deserved” an evening drink with his mates while she washed the nappies and put away the plates.They always seemed to argue they soon began to fight and many, many was the time she cried herself to sleep alone at night.

Then one day she saw a persistent butterfly, outside of her window fluttering by and by. She watched it for hours as it a dance it did fly she was so wound up in this she did not hear her baby cry. Tears fell freely from her dull and tired eyes she could not help herself as she opened up the window and stepped outside to fly.

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