Drowning.

Drowning

Cold

Can’t breath

Lungs bursting

Pain exploding

Out of time and breath

Drowning I sink deeper

Darker ever the light recedes

I am trapped hopelessly in weeds

Held fast I silently breath my last

So sad, there’s nothing to flash before me.

A

Wasted

Pointless life

No one will miss

I leave not a mark

Unseen, unheard, undone

Wasted years lost on cold hearts

No songs for me, I was not free

Unloved, uncared for, useless, wasted

Lost from the beginning I could not see.

Cry for Help.

Cry For Help.

Help she screamed I cannot cope

No one turned no one spoke

Help he pleaded I am depressed

No one listened or her pain redressed

Help she begged I can’t go on

No one heard above their lala song

Help someone it hurts me so

No one bothered, as she swam against the flow

Help she whispers as ended her life

No one reached out to save her from strife

She said no more, she had died

No one noticed no one cried.

Depression cuts.


STOP  THE  PAIN 

it  is  eating  me  again!

Sharp, sharp steel blade

The  only  rlief , the only  difference  made.

STOP  THE  PAIN 

Before  it  takes  my life  in vain

Please  show  me  a better  way

I can’t  bleed  through  another day.

STOP  THE  PAIN 

I don’t  want  to stay  the same.

Please, please  just someone help me

Save  me from  myself, don’t let death  be  the only thing  to free me!!

STOP  THE  PAIN 

My lips are  sealed I am still sane.

Yet I cannot talk I cannot  tell you.

But  I want  your help, honestly  true. 

STOP  THE  PAIN 

it  is  eating  me  again!

Sharp, sharp steel blade

The  only  rlief , the only  difference  made.

Release!

The  wind  blew  and  I  cried

My  tears  fell, they  burned  as  they dried .

All I  had  was gone, ripped  from  me  torn,  set free

Sinews stretched  and  torn, all that’s  good  stolen  from me.

 

I screamed  blue  murder  and  railed  at  the  moon

I  held  my  breath, ripped  at  my  skin , bit my lip  until I  swooned.

I shouted  and  swore  that I  would  take  no  fucking  more…..

Then  pockets  full of  rocks  I  threw  myself  to  ocean floor.

 

Silence, cold  and  deeply  cocooned. Life’s  light  from me  begins  to sweep.thankfully  devoid.

I am empty   of  all feelings . Hardly  aware  of  all  I  have  done, I am vaguely  annoyed

Crawling  from the  wreckage that I  have  become  all  self-respect  and  life  slipping  away

Drowning  slowly but  thankfully. Thank God  I  will not  have  to face another  day!

 

Sweet Emma May

Sweet  Emma May  has  gone  away

No good  searching  you won’t  find  her today!

Gone  and  no one knows where

And  in truth  not  one of  them gives a care.

Life  got  too hard  for Emma May

Her  lonely  struggle  every day.

At work  she was  friendly  but  quiet

A pretty  girl  but  always  on a diet.

All her life sweet Emma  May

Had  struggled with the weight  that  would  not go away

People  always  teased her with names

At school she  was taunted  and shunned  from games.

Boys  and Men used sweet comely  Emma May

She  was good  for  a fuck  but they always walked a way.

They did not want to take her out where they’d  been seen

But  in her room , the  office  or  car  they appeared so keen.

Binge eating  always  comforted  sweet Emma May

But the guilt  made  her sick and she’d  flush it  all away.

No one  knew  that she was so ill or that  she had hidden cuts

Cuts  that  bled  and  took the pain away from her  soul  and guts.

Tired and lonely Emma May  took the razor  and cut too deep

She  did   not  stop  the  blood , she was too tired, she went to sleep.

Lonely sweet  Emma May from sleep to death  slipped away.

Her little  body  in a pool of  blood  was found  the next  day.

Sweet  Emma May  has  gone  away

No good  searching  you won’t  find  her today!

Gone  and  no one knows where

And  in truth  not  one of  them gives a care.

Just Jot It January: Peace Flight.

Silence is golden

Quiet places, empty spaces were all she sort

Noise in the city hurt her ears and shattered her thought,

Silence could no  longer be bought. A little  me time

Was impossible  to find. Nowhere without music or a light that shines.

She ran up, up to the  roofs. The light grew dimmer

A girl from the ghetto she scaled the walls

The higher  she climb the  more  she was enthralled.

The lights were all tiny  just like fairy lights

All looked pretty and sparkly  in the night.

Even with her headphones on full silence

There was still no escape !

 

There was no where else to go

The sound of  below hurt her ears so!

As she reached the very top here eyes wide

To the amazing view . “Stop the sound” into the wind  she cried!

But it  would not . It entered her head via her  ears

It filled her whole body  and agitated each one of her fears!

The lights sparkled and glimmered in her  eyes

She  wept  and howled at the moon. No one heard as she cried.

Not  one soul  missed her, no one looked for  her the next day

After her soul had given up and  she was gone. Given up they’d say.

She had just stepped up to the edge  stepped off and flown away.

Silence was  the last thing she heard, divine nothingness, thankfully quiet.

Quiet beauty peace at last.

 

This post is part of Just Jot It January hosted by Linda G Hill.

Thanks for tuning in and if you want to join, feel free to click on the link and start jotting!

Dream Before Dawn

It is the grey just before dawn,

The lightening flashes from side to side of the grey sky so forlorn.

The tide turns shifting sand in the shallows and the deep

From seaboard to seaboard such secrets they keep.

What use is an umbrella in a thunderstorm,

Why wear a towel in the sea it will just get heavy and disappear as by the waves, from you it is torn.

The umbrella will blow inside out

You will be left naked and cold without a doubt.

It is getting cold now and the wind whips up a pace

Your wet hair slaps you hard around your face.

You kneel cold and lonely on the edge of the sea

A broken umbrella, a sodden towel and a soul that begs to be set free.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Another poem from my earlier days, 2012 : I am sorry to keep using  my older work  but I am so tired  and busy .

 

Breaking Hearts

I step forward you step back

Dancing around each other, I am loosing track.

Fingers brushing thoughts causing blushing

I step forward you step back , the rejection is crushing.

 

Too many people here

They are all watching me see  them stare.

I reach for you  but you have already gone

Slowly I bow my  head  in shame, cover my ears as they play our song.

 

Falling slowly from the tower

For this second I feel a rush of power.

No pain yet, maybe I’ll sprout wings and fly

Sadly this real life  you will not catch me . You’ll depart and let  me die.

 

OH! OH! THE PAIN,  ALL PAIN NO GAINS

I am warmed  by the blood evacuating my veins.

Will you turn back will you run and take my hand

Will you hell, you barely acknowledge me,I am not registering in your plan.

 

I step forward you step back

Dancing around each other, I am loosing track.

Fingers brushing thoughts causing blushing

I step forward you step back , the rejection is crushing.

 

Edge of Infinity

Alone in silence and at  the edge

My silence bought so cheaply

Fears rising  from depths I dare not dredge.

Slipping from this reality into infinity.

 

A hair’s breadth miss of  the angel’s sword

He  has spared me  with just a threat.

Always I’d  walked  the righteous path was this my reward?

Done all that was ever asked of me, I am in no one’s debt.

 

So subserviently I hung  my head

I helped with open heart  the living

While truly  and quietly I  mourned  the dead.

Received what I was owed while  happy to be giving

 

Yet here I am deserted left out here on my own

In  need of love and comfort feeling  needy.

Why should I feel so lost and alone

Slipping from this reality into infinity.

 

Broken Swan

 

 

 

The urge to fly free was always there

Escape  the planet fair and square.

Above the day’s bump and grind

Forget the pain, unwind.

Slash  the tethers tight

All hope set flight.

Your soul’s blood

In mud

Ground.

 

 

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