Nerves

Image from pixabay

Taught
Stressed out
On the edge
Coiled like a spring
Cracks starting to show
Just ready to combust
Primal scream is welling up
Had enough, can't take anymore
Can't stand still my brain is exploding
Need flight, take to my heels, I am empty.

He is out in the garden.

He is out in the garden with the secateurs again

The flowers are looking nervous and praying for rain.

The airing cupboard is wearing a smile

He’s is busy elsewhere so it has peace for a while.

We need to eat, it must be time for dinner.

No but we have pie and custard, always a winner.

Who is this woman, what is her name

It is my sister I have told you again and again

The gentleman is nice but why is he here

He is my sister’s hubby my dear.

Oh!You are busy, too busy to call?

Yes I’m okay I just cope with it all.

Thing is I am tired and really stressed

I’m at the end of my tether but doing my best.

He is out in the garden with the secateurs again

The flowers are looking nervous and praying for rain.

I am so lonely, with no conversation

I need some company for self-preservation.

*********

I wrote this poem about Altzhimers after a telephone conversation with my sister this morning.

WHY

Why am I so angry why am I so low

You’re driving me to distraction why, I do not know.

Always putting everyone else first, but not me.

Always pardoning everything for reasons I can’t see.

If I try to tell you to let others take their turn

You turn on me and give that look that sting like a burn.

I sick of being the baddy, having to zip my mouth.

Why not put me first, and stop me heading south!

Christmas Cheer

Image from Pixabay.

See the reflection in the Christmas ball

Does it tell the truth, does it show us all?

The presents around the tree are they really what you see?

Is everyone as happy as they appear,

All relaxed and full of good cheer.

Did the food all get to the table without a hitch

Did we get on all day without someone being a bitch.

Are grannie’s jumpers really brill?

Did your sister’s mince pies make you ill.

Do you really need another drink?

No, just chuck those glasses in the sink!

If you are not happy, don’t tell me today.

At Christmas everything has to be hidden away.

The drunk can still beat his wife Uncle Nobby can rob a young child of their happy life.

Nothing changes nothing ends, Peace and quiet does not descend.

The poor are still poor and hungry

The irritable are still brutally angry.

Sadly all the bad things don’t go away.

Just because it’s Christmas Day.

One-Liner Wednesday,17/10/18

This is part of LindaGHill’s One-Liner Wednesday.

Life is too short to deal with customer service of phone company, bank or government department!

I just have not got enough life left to cope with them!

Quote from ME. After a stressful day.

Caught in the Webb

As each day slides through the window

Pouring itself onto the carpet below

I close my eyes and pray for sleep

That will not come, fear begins to creep.

From my soul it spreads about

Clouding rational thoughts out

Where did it all begin to fall apart

Leaving me with a broken heart.

Trapped in a spiders webb

Watching normality start to ebb

Out of reach and out sight

I struggle with the day, and dread the night.

Photo from Pixabay

Withdrawal . Nearly there?

I have been telling you all, about (I hope) the last few weeks of weaning myself off of Gabapentin. It’s a neuropathic painkiller. I have been on it for over eight years I have weaned myself down from four times six hundred mgs a day to one hundred mgs twice a day. With no great help from the doctors who just want to hand them out like sweets to keep me quite. This week I am altenating between one hundred mgs morning and night one day and just one hundred grams in the evening on the alternate day. It is hard,harder than I thought. This last part is so hard I just want to reach for the pills. So you guys can help me by listening to me writing it out.

A big thank you for baring with me.

Well I have not said anything about how the withdrawal has been going for a while. So I thought I let you all know how things are going.

My mood is very low, I feel like crying most of the time so I do have to fight it. Everything upsets me, the tone of hubby’s voice, TV , adverts, reading blogs, writing blogs..you get the picture.

Pain, I am in a lot of pain , I am determined to fight it and am using every weapon in my Armoury to do so… But it is constantly there.

Exhaustion I am way past tired! Anxiety levels are very high, temper short! Spiders on and off. Sniffing, it’s driving me mad. I did think this would be the easy part.
Enough no more negatives. I am still standing, I am down to 100mgs of Gabapentin every other evening, from 2,400gms a day. This has taken me two and a half years to achieve.

The weekend was hard, a friend was ill on Friday evening and I was at her house until 1am , then Saturday I spent the morning with her at the hospital. Thankfully is okay she now but the sitting around did nothing for my pain and stress levels.. I am getting good at hiding these though.

Wednesday we went to London for Prime Minister’s Question Time. It was very interesting and the weather was gorgeous. But the train journeys and sitting in very cramped conditions for the PMQs for over an hour was painful and stressful.

Hubby did get a little miffed with me because he said I was ratty, miserable and a tad awkward. He took a photo of me on the train going home…. I do look “miserable” but I did try. I certainly did not complain.

I was actually tired and in pain. But hey it had been a long day enjoyable but long.

I survived.

Yesterday and today hubby been staying at our eldest flat on the south coast, helping him decorate it so he can sell it. I have done things at my own speed so I am feeling little less anxious.

The weekend looms and I know it will be busy. I am getting there but it’s harder than I thought. Hey ho I am nearly there!

Friends tell me I doing great at that I look okay … I just wish I felt okay.

Thank you for listening. 💜💜💜💜

Christmas Cheer.

See the reflection in the Christmas ball

Does it tell the truth does it open up and show us all?

The presents around the tree are

They really exactly what you see?

Is everyone as happy as they appear,

Are we all relaxed and full of good cheer.

Did the food all get to the table without a hitch

Did everyone get on all day with out thinking someone is a bitch.

Are grannie’s jumpers really brill? Did your sister’s mince pies make you ill.

Do you really need another drink ,

No don’t just chuck those glasses in the sink!
If you are not happy, don’t tell me today

Because Christmas is supposed to be special and so all has to swept up tidy and hidden away.

The drunk can still beat his wife

Uncle nobby  can rob a young child of their peaceful life.

Nothing changes nothing ends,

Peace and quiet does not descend.

The poor are still poor and hungry

The irritable are still  brutally  angry

Sadly all the bad things do not go away

Just because it’s Christmas Day.

Waving and drowning!

Image Found Here

Hi everyone  I know we all have stress and busy lives but I am so behind!! All I can say is I am doing my best to catch up!! 

Be patient I am ploughing through 💜😉💜

Out Damn Spot.

Today  a grease stain was found on the sofa😱. It was not caused by me or hubby but a guest. Personally I would have left it until tomorrow and used the talc powder remedy. But hubby is impetuious. …. Now it is worse. To destress I have written three Haiku.

                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stain on the leather

Out, out damn spot, it won’t go.

It’s there forever.

It’s hard to believe

How much this made hubby grieve

Stress making me sieve!

Damn, damn greasy stain

Here now to stay what a pain

HUBBY! Leave it now!