FanFoFeb, Why Don’t you see me.

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No one listens no there is no one to care

They wouldn’t notice if I was not there

I am so hungry but I will not eat

I can’t gain weight that would be defeat.

 

Mum won’t listen she is too busy with her latest date

When they get drunk he corners me and does thing I hate.

Dad is too busy with the  new baby and young wife

Where oh! where do I rate in their lives?

 

I am so hungry but I just can’t eat

If I gain weight then it would mean defeat.

Just some left overs in the fridge and cheese cake

If I just eat that , then sick I can myself make.

 

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I am not hungry, I shall eat later,I will take it to my room

I am so tired , I have no energy, I need to purge soon

Lock the door her boyfriends  round again

He smells and he’s brutal and he causes me pain

 

No one listens no there is no one to care

They wouldn’t notice if I was not there

I am so hungry but I will not eat

I can’t gain weight that would be defeat.

 

 

 

 

JusJoJan: What are we doing?

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If this offends you look away, you may

Not like what I have to show you or what I  have to say.

So many people tapped  in pain and fear

So  many souls asking  us for help loud and clear.

 

Wonderful people in the evening of their lives

Lonely and neglected, lost souls, lost husbands, lost wives.

Easy pickings  for bullying evil staff

Ignoring their charges, at their pain they just laugh.

 

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Teenagers starving themselves into ghosts

Believing the  thinner  they grow they will be acceptable to the heavenly hosts.

Their parents sins telling on them

Young tortured souls punishing themselves again and again.

 

Couples caught in merciless arguing rounds

Pulling each other deeper, deeper under ground.

Desperate and  hopeless attacking themselves.

 Cutting  and  bleeding into themselves deeper they delve

 

What are we doing how can all this come to pass

Blood  being let from veins  by scissors and glass.

Ignored,  neglected, forgotten brushed under the carpet

Look away now, pretend it’s not real. God help you pet.

No? this is none of your  doing? so don’t worry or fret!

I Hate Myself

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I cannot look in the  mirror because it hurts me so

I am ugly, you don’t need to tell me, I know.

Every day is a trial,I want to stay in my room

Cover all the mirrors, close the curtains I feel safer in the gloom.

You don’t need t be so mean,

Pointing out my faults and making a scene.

Why do always have to shout,

I get it, I am always wrong, you leave me in no doubt.

I wish that you would just go away

In my room safe I’d always stay.

You don’t have to hate me so

I hate myself enough so why don’t you just go!

The Blood is flowing faster now

From the cuts I did earlier, deep , deep and how

God it  finally feels I  have the upper hand.

You don’t need to hate me . I HATE MYSELF, do you understand.

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The above poem was inspired  by carrotykate  she very kindly allowed me to use this wonderful illustration. Do visit her page it is wonderful. 

Slipping Away

slipping away

It was true everyone said she was slipping away, drawn and thin and her eyes were always so red. Slipping away, disappearing a little more each day. The talk of her friends and family she is slipping away.Why can’t  she see .

Wasting away, the spirit all gone she is so painfully thin what on earth is going on.  Pushing us all away , friends, family and workmates more and more she retreats every day.

Eating when no one is there, huge amounts of rubbish food, chocolate, pizza or ice cream she does not care. It does not matter to her it is true. It momentarily lifts  her… then she will sick it all up, she knows just what to do.

Loathing, loathing she hates herself she will never be good enough she knows that, she has been told so, for years all her emotions ironed out and slapped flat! Bullied at school, abused at home no wonder she hides her past. She is sure if  her friends knew they would all leave and she’d be all alone, and fast!

Her teeth are all rotting,  her body wafer thin her eyes are so black you could drown if, too closely you looked in. Slipping away, disappearing a little more each day. She laid on her bed and spat at her demons as she gently slipped away.

Self loathing.

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Here I am, your dirty secret, the other side of you that’s not for others to see. I get raked up from your hell when you need to be set free.

I am here to salve your conscience I am here to do things you want to do but dare not to.

You make me whore for you against a door or wall for you. I am the queen of dark I stun the men and quiet the dogs before they bark.

I live your darkest dreams I roam your weirdest landscapes and fight your monsters  your evil side I gleam.

You do not know how low I think you are, you have no idea that I see your all innermost scars. I know the secrets of your evil soul I know inside out and I know you whole.