It Hurts

Friday I wrote about the pessures put on people by the media and society to follow their ridiculous demands by showing us the body beautiful. Resulting in Anorexia and Bulimia.

Even children as young as 5yrs are worrying about weight and looks . It’s not only women and girls effected boys and men are  too.

Today I am writing about mental health, be it eating disorders, self harm, depression, anxioty …all of the above.

This poem talks of the “system” phyciatric care or maybe the lack of it. I witnessed some of this first handwhile helping a friend who’s daughter has phyciatric problems. The daughter also once spent a night in a police cell, the discription is almost interchangable.

I have also had the same experience nearly thirty years ago looking after a close family member (male) going through a “nervous breakdown” nothing much seems to have changed, the surroundings, the staff most of who do, do their best, the lack of information and support, the locked doors ( I know they need to be)

Well here is another reworked poem I do hope it can open an eye or two and hopefully let others know they are not alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It Hurts.

Shoe laces taken

All you know, shaken

Not  a  razor  or  knife in sight

Still  the pain sears  through  the night.

Corridors full of  eternal walkers

Going  nowhere, watched  by  stalkers.

Screams  erupt  so do  tussles

Held down by  ‘staff ‘ with muscles.

Nothing  stops  the pain  NOTHING

Smile  at  family  don’t  let  them see  the  bluffing.

It hurts, it  hurts  you  needs  to  bleed

A sacrifice  to the demon’s  seed.

Doors  slam locks  turn

Fears  grow behind  doors  souls burn

Help me  please help me

Blind eyes don’t see…………………….

Shoe laces taken

All you know,  shaken

Not  a  razor  or  knife in sight

Still  the pain sears  through  the night.

https://youtu.be/ouddJKXcVWY

Dark Thoughts

Dark  is  the  night , heavy  this pain  I bear

Empty  feelings , black  thoughts emotions  flair.

The  pain is  eating me  up pounding in  my  head

Evil, sugar sweet voices tell me I’d be better off dead!

 

I cannot  breath my chest is too  tight

The  horrors  crawl  towards  me  every night

They  engulf my  very essence strangle  my  soul

The  rip  me  open  and  devour  me  whole.

 

So dark  the  night  so  dark  my  soul in such plight

I need someone to find me  and  lead  me  to  the light.

One  more  cut, one  more  pill, I pray it will be my last

My ugly  face, my  ugly  body into the black pit  be cast.

 

Cut  my arms until  they bleed

Cover  them up  to hide  my  need.

 

Have  another  drink  and  take more  pills

Fall into  oblivion  to  escape  my  ills.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For  those  suffering  with  depression

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FanFoFeb: I Cut therefore I bleed.

In goes  the blade and the blood seeps out

The relief is immediate all of the pain escapes in a spout.

You have to be careful  that the scars will not show

This  is yours  only, yours no one else must ever know.

 

This you secret, as dirty as can be

You need to cut yourself, you have to cut yourself  to be free.

Hounded all day and nagged at  by night

Why don’t  you go out anymore with your friends, why do you look such a fright.

 

Oh! that is a deep one, Oh! look at  the blood flow

The warm wet is comforting , this is really soothing you know.

Oh! it won’t  stop, what shall I do. OMG that’s  a pool of my blood on the floor.

I am feeling cold and tired , I’ll just close my eyes,I can’t fight anymore.

 

 

Lots of  young girls self harm and cut, it is true,

But never forget lots of young boys do this too.

Boys are  venerable and easy to hurt as well

They suffer  and pretend lost in their private hell.

 

Look out now  for your daughters  and sons

It is too late to help them if  they are dead and gone.

Watch out for the signs ,look out for signs of strife

If  you ignore them you could regret this  for the rest of your life.

 

 

 

Places of  help

http://www.harmless.org.uk/

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/#.UwPhMvl_uSp

Or talk to me.

 

 

FanFoFeb, Why Don’t you see me.

No one listens no there is no one to care

They wouldn’t notice if I was not there

I am so hungry but I will not eat

I can’t gain weight that would be defeat.

 

Mum won’t listen she is too busy with her latest date

When they get drunk he corners me and does thing I hate.

Dad is too busy with the  new baby and young wife

Where oh! where do I rate in their lives?

 

I am so hungry but I just can’t eat

If I gain weight then it would mean defeat.

Just some left overs in the fridge and cheese cake

If I just eat that , then sick I can myself make.

 

I am not hungry, I shall eat later,I will take it to my room

I am so tired , I have no energy, I need to purge soon

Lock the door her boyfriends  round again

He smells and he’s brutal and he causes me pain

 

No one listens no there is no one to care

They wouldn’t notice if I was not there

I am so hungry but I will not eat

I can’t gain weight that would be defeat.

 

 

 

 

FanFoFeb : Monster under the bed.

Sitting under the bed watching and  judging me

Why do I do this what is the point, is there a reason

My nails scratch my back till it bleeds, it’s for no one else to see

I scratch till I bleed, it helps me cope with what is wrong.

 

I am  worthless I am useless and  very  stupid.

Go on says the monster, scratch your back or your arms or even your legs

Do it now go on deeper watch the blood flow just make sure the scars are hid!

Rip your pain out, guts and gore, you are worth nothing. No more than the dregs!

 

I can no longer fight you monster under the bed.

You have worn me down I feel so worthless.

Yes  you have won, I am convinced you have entered my head!

I can no longer fight, no longer  repel, here I am ready  for your viscous  caress!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Post on your site, and join FanFoFeb . The rules are easy!

1. It’s never too late to join in, since the “FanFoFeb   Fantasy for February lasts all month . (it doesn’t have to be a post) counts as a “post.” If it makes it to WordPress that day, great! If it waits a week to get from the sticky note to your screen, no problem!
2. If you write a FanFoFeb  . post on your blog, you can ping it back to the above link to make sure everyone participating knows where to find it.
3. Write anything!
4. Have fun!

Self Harm : a Nonette.

Screams rise from my  tortured and empty  soul

Desire  dragging  me into a cavernous hole.

Demons ripping the clothes from my back

Grabbing,  thrashing blindingly  black.

Biting and scratching

Sucking  my blood

Heaving and retching

Tears flood

Mud.

JusJoJan: What are we doing?

If this offends you look away, you may

Not like what I have to show you or what I  have to say.

So many people tapped  in pain and fear

So  many souls asking  us for help loud and clear.

 

Wonderful people in the evening of their lives

Lonely and neglected, lost souls, lost husbands, lost wives.

Easy pickings  for bullying evil staff

Ignoring their charges, at their pain they just laugh.

 

Teenagers starving themselves into ghosts

Believing the  thinner  they grow they will be acceptable to the heavenly hosts.

Their parents sins telling on them

Young tortured souls punishing themselves again and again.

 

Couples caught in merciless arguing rounds

Pulling each other deeper, deeper under ground.

Desperate and  hopeless attacking themselves.

 Cutting  and  bleeding into themselves deeper they delve

 

What are we doing how can all this come to pass

Blood  being let from veins  by scissors and glass.

Ignored,  neglected, forgotten brushed under the carpet

Look away now, pretend it’s not real. God help you pet.

No? this is none of your  doing? so don’t worry or fret!

Cutting the pain

Shut the door , shut them all out  cover your ears

Pull the curtain, drop the latch wish you could shut out your fears.

The pain is building, pumping in your blood,  echoing in your head .

Find the tin box, the one you hide , with the knife and tissues under your bed.

 

Put the light on take a deep breath not long now release is at hand.

Take the knife watch it cut , cut deep see the red line expand

Seeping out it takes the pain , make it work this time again

Make it work deeper we go  , damn it’s gushing tissues quick make no stain.

 

Why won’t it stop , just watch it flow

Making all my pain and fears go

I am feel so cold ,I can’t stop shaking

Falling, falling all is fading something is all my agony taking ………………….

 

 

 

 

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