They brake your back when they are small and when they grow they break your heart. This is some learned knowledge my mother did impart. I did not understand, I was too young to see just how wise she was when she said that to me.
This tiny baby lying here, safe inside it’s cot will grow and turn your black hair grey , I am joking I hear you say. I certainly am not. You wait, until they catch a cold or even worse an ear infection they will scream in your ear and make you walk the floor , they will without exception.
God forbid it can get even worse you end up in the hospital with drips and lines and stress, comfort offered from a friendly nurse.The joy and relief when you can take them home is truly overwhelming but so is the fear for their health and the sense they must not be left alone.
life within your grasp
The tiny toes and fingers the spark of love in their eye will breed in you the deepest purest form of love, for them you will lay down and die.
The sleepless nights begin to fade and the bottle secedes the breast and soon they are eating solids you make it all yourself, they deserve the very best.
Don’t close your eyes don’t look away don’t you even wink for they will grow so fast and change so quick that you will miss it in a blink. Savour every blessed second none of it will you ever be able to repeat. Though when they are sad or in pain you will wish you could hit delete.
Very soon they learn to walk with bumps along the way they waddle and they toddle and make you smile more each day. You will need to be quick and have eyes in the back of your head they will run you ragged and you will sleep well in your bed!
The next step is their first word and that is often daddy , mind you if you’ve done all the work that can make you maddie !¬ Seriously though it is only because it is easier to say Da, Da than it is to say Mummy!
You wake up one day and they have started school the first time you drop them off they run off smiling and you are left crying all the way home like a fool! Very soon you become a taxi, you run them here you you drop them there , they are always growing , always hungry you never have a second to spare.
School can be a hard and cruel place and you will need all your wits about you, as children can do and say the meanest things so you must encourage and help to. You just begin to think the worst is past when teenage years beset you. You cannot do right for doing wrong the way they act you could believe that they actually hate you.
Why are there so many things just waiting to hurt them , drink and drugs the pain of love, look out for religious cults .The fear of their first driving lessen , the relief of them passing their exams. Then they are off to college bless them.
I could go on the pain is still strong when any of mine are ill , or if life or work or girls or wives hurt them. I want to stride up and fix their problems but I have to stand back and let them fix things.
So now I see what my mother meant when she gave me her knowledge it was not about getting the best of schools or buying the right brand of porridge. The love we have for or children is deeper than the sea. We can make things good when they are young but when they are grown we have to set them free.
I rang her each day for over a year, I begged to come see her but she would not let me near. We laughed with each other often but more often we cried. I wanted to be with with her but her fears this to me denied.I begged her to fight it she told me she was tired I nagged and bullied she said I was fired! Things never got better she lipped from my grasp I tried hard to see her but she still refused so I did as she asked.Then finally the day came and I got the call and at last I got to visit , not that she knew at all. I talked of blue skies and beaches and clouds I did not whisper I told her out loud. She was struggling for breath then I caught her eye in a moment of clarity I told her loved her she flashed at me “no pity!”
Her hands were dirty her nails were lined black her pain and the squalor are the memories that keep coming back. I spent four days in her company I could not believe what I had to see. I hated her suffering as she breathed her last, sadly these horrid memories stuck in my mind are the ones which will last..
It was a foggy freezing December day when we all met at the Crem our goodbyes to say. To a larger than life, loud colourful girl who with a flash of her eyes could set our working day in a whirl. She had to have the last word and as I sat there sobbing “Get a grip you silly cow” were the words that I heard. Then for her final bow she went out to Queen’s Don’t Stop Me Now.
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