Thursday photo prompt: Wistful #writephoto

This week’s prompt ~ Wistful

For visually challenged writers, the image shows the early morning mists rising over an empty moorland scene beneath a soft pink sky.

The Earth breathed a sigh

All that was human gone

Birds the only inhabitants of the sky.

The animals and her at last alone.

Mother Nature shed a tear.

Was this guilt, that she felt

Or just relief at the end to her fear.

She had shown her strength with the last blow she’d dealt!

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Welcome to Sue Vincent’s # writephot prompt.

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Love is in Da Blog: Mindful Monday

Just Fooling Around With Bee mentioned that  Mondays are dedicated to Mindfulness and Colleen’s Mindful Monday ~ Healthy Living!

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And what on Earth might healthy living have to do with Love?

Bee believes changing your life style to a healthier mode is part of self-love. She also thinks that love always starts with us. If we are not able to accept ourselves and love ourselves, it’s hard to love others or do things we love.

Pingback and  rules

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Well now I don’t use any apps to help me with mindfulness but I do use a book, music, Pilates and a Blog. All of  these  I have  grown to  love.
Okay a book, music and Pilates and a Blog does sound as exciting or exotic as The bell, the book and the candle! Yet it works.

The second time I broke my back I was in a bad way, I was flat on my back in hospital in a body corset unable to move for over a month. After three operations I was frightened, in pain and depressed. I had to rely on my hubby for everything. I felt trapped, controlled  and  angry.

I soon  found out  who  my  real  friends  were  and  believe  me  I  saw  so  many  drop  away. I  could  not  return  to  work , social events  were  difficult . Let’s  face  it  being on  crutches  and  not being  able  to  walk  far  ( I measured  my  progress in  Lamp posts) I dropped off  the radar. Then  all the  friends I  thought I had  turned out  to be acquaintances.

This  depressed  me more.The  pain  was  getting  me  down  and  so I was  sent  to  a pain  clinic. I  went  expecting  nothing . The  first  visit  was  a disaster  the  Dr  there  decided  to  change  my  neuropathic  pain  killers  ( pain killers  that  work on  the  nerves and  brain) from Pregrabalin  to  Gabapentin    These  are  really  strong  tablets  with  nasty  side effects. I asked  the  Dr how I  should  go  about  the  change   as I  was  on a  huge  dose  of  2 x  300mg 4 times a  day!  Well  she  told  me  to  tail  the Pregrabalin down over  a week  then  start  the  Gabapentin…………….. After  five  days  I  was  suffering  withdrawal  on  the  sixth  day  I  went  to  see  my  Dr…. well my  hubby  took  me  and I  crawled in!

My  Dr  informed  me  after I had  given him  my  symptoms  and  he had  examined  me  that I was  suffering  from withdrawal from the  Pregrabalin. He  said  it  should  of  been impressed on  me  to  come off  of  them  slowly over  a longer  period. He  said I just had  to go cold turkey. I know  what I had  been  told  though!

The  withdrawal lasted  nearly  three months  I stayed in bed most of  the time , I  was hot, I was  cold, I  shook, I had nightmares and  daymares, I ached  all over, I hallucinated, I had  night sweats  and  terrors and I was  sick. Hubby  had  to  sleep in  another  room I craved  the  tablets  and  much  much  more   I wanted  to  die.

Well I  survived  and  had  to start  the Gabapentin …. I was  also  taking  Tramadol, Omerprazole, Cylizine I was  a walking  pill box I rattled! Anyway I  am going on  a tad  so  long  story  short! After much  tooing   and throwing  the Drs  at  the  pain  clinic  decided I  should  see  the pain physiologist. This  actually  was  a life  saver.

I was lucky  for once  she and I  got on and  she helped  me to visualize  and  fight  my  pain. She  told  me to  accept it  as  a friend.  She  suggested I  start  a  blog  and  write out  my  pain. I did  everything  she  suggested  and it helped.

The Book:

Living Well With Pain And Illness:  written  by  Vidyamala Burch 

I identified with  the  author  after  the  first  page, as  soon as  she described  her  time in hospital  and her pain  I  realized  she  had  to know  what  she  was talking  about! She is  an expert on mindfulness. I do  strongly  recommend  her  to  everyone!

THE  PILATES,CORE  AND GYM 

 

I started  going  to  the gym  and  started  core  classes  and Pilates . I was  told  by  a specialist  that I had no  core  strength in  my  spine  and  that  my  legs  were  taking  all  the strain. The Pilates  and  the  core  teachers  pushed  me hard. I start off  almost  bent  double  and using  a walking stick . Seven years  on from breaking  my  back  and  five years   since I  started  back at  the  gym, Pilates  and  core have got  me  standing up  as  straight  as possible  and  walking  and  feeling  strong . My teachers  and  the trainers at  the gym  have  helped  me so much. Although I have a  curve in  my  spine  that  will never go and  may  get  worse tougher  the  staff and teachers  have  helped me.

THE MUSIC

All through this  Music  has been  the sound track to my life Imogen Heap, Sia , Alanis Morissette and Alabama 3 and  many  more  have kept me , walking  , training  and  frankly  sane!

Music  to  walk and  exercise  by.

 

A good  few years  back I  returned  my  disabled parking  badge  ( boy  that  was  difficult) and  stopped  my  disability living  allowance, it  was  the lowest ( boy  that  was  even  harder) ! Sometimes  I  think it is  harder to stop benefits  than  get  them…. well maybe  not  but  you get  my  drift.  So no benefits, I still suffer  pain  and  some days  I  get  so tired  from pain  it is  a job to  move  around  the house let  alone  walk outside  but  hey I  am not in a  wheelchair I am standing ! I have made new  friends  and  you know what they are great!!

So listening  to the  book, the  music , my teachers  and my  blog I have  grown in mid fullness.

This is  the first  Positive Mindful poem I ever wrote. March 2012

Dancing in my  head 

You will not lose that curvature and  your figure will never be the same and I am sorry to say, dear, you need to get used to that pain.

Looking out the window I heard the words they said  but I was miles away by then dancing in my head .

When I get tired-out walking dragging through rain or snow their words creep back to bug me but I’ll work hard and all of them  I’ll show.

When I feel pushed and pressured and all I can think of is the words that they said. I close my eyes and bugger them I go dancing in my head!

When looking in the mirror is too much to bare and my clothes don’t look as they should so I feel none of them can I wear. I close my eyes and pick up the music thread and bugger them I go dancing in my head!

When pain is over baring and I can’t get out of bed I close my eyes and bugger them I go dancing in my head.  I am still me I know it even though I do not look the same when I am feeling at my worst I play my saving game. I am sorry if you think me rude and blanch at things I’ve said but when it all becomes too much I go dancing in my head.

I always loved to dance and get angry when I look back for not dancing more. Okay I would of had to have done so on my own my other half would not of joined me but now it is too late my dancing days have flown. So when I feel  tired or in pain or all I can think of is the words the doctors said I close my eyes and kick out, bugger them I am dancing in my head!

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Okay  I have gone on  enough I had  no intention  of  writing  any of  this  but it  just  poured on  to the  page! So I  apologize . So to finish here is  a  poem I have  just  thought up using  the  first mindfulness exercise I ever learned .

Be Aware  be Mindful

Close your  eyes  and  listen what  can  you   hear

The beating  of  your heart, the  pumping of  your  blood

Feel the  cold wind  on your face, release  you mind let go of fear.

Kick off  your  shoes and  freeze  your  toes in  the mud.

Feel the  world around  you  but be at  one with yourself 

Experience  it  all and  be mindful of  the  world and  your  health 

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love-is-in-the-blog

 

Second Chance

The  light  went out  as  the  door slammed  shut and  she  was alone  again.

Thrown against  the  wall she  suffered  physical  and  mental  pain.

Silent  and  dark  was  better  than the  light  when they are  there

The  groping  the jokes  the  filthy  things  they did  to her

Captive, their plaything, she  was imprisoned  for her no one had a care.

 

She  was once  the  star  the main attraction  when  she  was on view

Everyone one  stopped  to  look, she  was  the  vogue  embodying the new.

Now  she  was left in here, alone  her  arm twisted  and  set behind her  back

All she  could  do was dream of  better  days  when things  were right on track.

 

The  light  came  on  and  she  closed  her  eyes  and hung  her  head

She  did  not  want to  see  them,  her  tormentors , she wished  them dead.

But  gentle hands  touched  her  and  carefully lifting  her  from the  wall

No  harsh  or  brutal  moves,  they lifted  her  head  and  her arm and  she stood tall.

 

A voice full of  excitement and hope  said  she  will be  perfect

That’s  fine  said  one of  the  men  she dated  and  a reject.

Later  after  being  washed  and  dressed  she looked  the part

Up on  a pedestal the  centre  of  attention….. she  was art!

EvDaDaDec : Out with the old in with the New

Okay time  to pull myself up  by  my boot lace

Paint  the smile of make up on  my face

Out with the old in with the New

Sorry  dear friends  for casting  my worries on  you.

 

The old year  tired and worn  is slowly packing its bag.

Lets not detain it, it’s course is run.  Raise it’s cloak to ease  the drag.

The world is waiting  for the New Year , though why I am not sure

Nothing magical ever happen’s, nothing changes. Yet wait  here comes Hope a knocking at  the door.

 

 

Blue Skies

The horizon is falling in, I run as fast as I can but still it catches me.

The water is rising I am fighting for my life as I am tossed on this sea.

All my hopes are lashed to a horse that will never tire

A beautiful horse midnight black fast as the wind with eyes like fire.

The roses bloom around me alas they are devoid of colour

The water smells rancid and my skin has taken on a grey pallor.

I am striving to survive but I am sinking in the mire

Just when all seems lost the sun brakes through and sets the world on fire.

The horizon crashes to a halt as sunshine warms the land

The flowers take on rainbow hues as if painted by some divine hand.

I feel as if the ice in my heart has begun to melt

A peace is coming over me , a peace that I have never felt.

 

 

REJOICE REJOICE

Mary and her friends arrived early on the Sunday morning

The sun was up, the sky was clear and the birds were announcing the dawning.

At the entrance to the tomb sat a young man dressed in white

He was fair of face and had a manner so bright.

Raising his hand to the women he said  “Sisters you are too late

He is gone, he is risen he has gone  to his father in the high estate.”

Mary was upset where was her son she needed his body there were rights to be done.

 

The tomb was empty only a shroud left behind

No hint of  his whereabouts could they find.

Rejoice said the angel rejoice and  pleased

He is now with his father from all his worldly pains relieved.

Mary and her friends then all began to smile

Jesus had risen proving the truth they had known all the while.

 

Rejoice Rejoice he has risen above rejoice, rejoice we have been saved by his love.

 

HAPPY EASTER

I want to wish my entire wordpress family and everyone who visits my blog a very Happy and Blessed Easter.

No matter your nationality or religion we are one underneath. So May your God bless you all.

With love willow xxxxx 

I am Free

I stand on the edge of the abyss. I wander why it has all come down to this.

My heart starts to beat like a drum booming loud in my chest. I breath deep, then scream “calm” I need to rest.

I look down into the deep, pray the Lord my soul to keep. Will anyone miss me, over my grave will they weep.

My heart starts to beat like a drum booming loud in my chest. I breath deep, then scream “calm” I need to rest.

The  wind starts to blow from the north and it’s cold. I shiver and wish I’d bought a shawl. The dark is bring my fears forth. I totter and I nearly fall.

My heart starts to beat like a drum booming loud in my chest. I breath deep, then scream “calm” I need to rest.

I believe I am ready now, I set free all my short falls  raise fist to the moon and avow . That my soul  will survive this somehow. I see light wings escaping from  my skirt they become birds and fly from me unhurt. OH! may this be the way of my soul when my depraved body hits the dirt. My heart starts to beat like a drum booming loud in my chest. I breath deep, then scream “calm” I need to rest.

The  clouds close in on the moon driving the the last of the light off too quickly too soon. I loose contact with the earth thoughts explode in my my head memories of my birth. I am falling the ground rushes up to smash me when I am loosed, I am a bird OH! God I am free.

My heart starts to beat like a drum booming loud in my chest. I breath deep, then scream “calm” at last I have  rest.

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