Song Lyric Sunday. To those I miss.

The lovely Helen Espinosa who has been missing her daughter this week has set us our Song Lyric Sunday . : ‘Post a song about missing someone you love.  Let’s let them know how much we miss them and can’t wait to see them again.’

Rules and Pingback here 

Andhere

This  is  just  so  hard  for  me  right  now  as  I am missing  so  many people  in my  life. Sadly  things  are  just  getting  worse  and  worse  , every  time  I  think  there is  a light  at  the  end  of  the  tunnel it  turns out  to be  the  the  express  train  heading  right  at  me.

So  what  to  do, the pain is  excruciating  and  things  are  just  tearing  my  family  apart  and  all I can do is  watch. I live in  fear  of  the next  blow up  …one is  actually  imminent.

What  to  choose I  do not  know?

Well the  way I  feel  now  it  is  harder  for  me  to  cope  with   my  son  and  his  family  removing  themselves  from  my  life , the loss of  my sister and my  best  friend  being  on  the other  side of  the  country !

Did I  say  a blow up  was imminent   well it  just  happened  again! I just feel  so low  and physically  sick.

This  is  too painful  to  write  so I shall let  Sia  say it  all for  me.

Eye of the Needle
Take me down
I’m feeling now
And if I move on
I admit you’re gone
And I ain’t ready
And I’ll hold steady
Yeah I’ll hold you in my arms
In my arms, in my arms
Whoa
And you’re locked inside my heart
And your melody’s an art
And I won’t let the terror in, I’m stealing time
Through the eye of the needle
Step and repeat
Whoa
Tears fall to the beat
Smile through the pain
Feel the acid rain
And I ain’t ready
But I’ll hold steady
Yeah I’ll hold you in my arms
In my arms, in my arms
Whoa
And you’re locked inside my heart
Whoa
And your melody’s an art
Whoa
And I won’t let the terror in, I’m stealing time
Through the eye of the needle
My bags heavy
Been filled by me
They weigh me down
Carry them ’round
It’s all mine all mine
I am blinded by the eye of the needle

 

Hedgehog in Reverse: A Poem

It  is  so  hard  to  stay  away   even  though circumstances  demand  I  must. So  Here  I  am  with  my  heart  on  my  sleeve  again. Just  a  quick  visit  to  get  an  annoying  set  of  words  off  my  brain  and out  of  my  heart.

9739f77602a3f673d4c0eafd65933dc1Hedgehog in reverse
It is such a curse
Deeper each day
The barbs don’t go away.

Piercing deeper than deep
Through my brain they seep
Sometimes they make me fall
Always they sting and make me small.

I close my mind to fears
When verbal barbs assault my ears
There is no where I can go
There is just no escape I know

 

Where is Paul?

Hi  I  am afraid  I  have  not  received an “If  we  were having  coffee” post  from Paul Curran  this  week. I am sure  all his and my  readers  will join me in  wishing him  well and hoping  he is  safe.

We  all are sending  you love Paul  and hope  to hear  from  you soon .  I have emailed Paul  but  had  no reply.

Sending  you  warm loving  and good vibes  Paul   via  wordpress xxxxxxxxxxxx

A Letter of Thanks to Mum and Dad.

Yesterday   Jean  at  Social Bridge   wrote  a post  about  writing  a thank you letter  to your  parents read  here. It  is  beautiful  and it inspired  me to write a  thank  you  letter  to  my  sadly, long gone parents.  Thank  you Jean.

Dear Mum  and Dad

Polesden  LaceyI don’t think I ever made  it clear enough  how I appreciated exactly  what  you did  for me. It is only  now  as a parent  that I see  what  you must of  gone  through.

Nine   children  you had, nine, you lost  three  but  that was never  your  fault. How  did  you cope  Mum it must of been hard, and Dad  worse  for you because in those days  grieving  was not  the done thing. I lost  three babies  too I could not openly  grieve  either  but  you knew  you silently  gave me strength.

How  did  you cope  Mum and Dad  how  did  you balance  help  and interference , how  come  you never  ended not  talking  to each other. What  do I do  to bring  my  husband  and youngest  back  together…. how  do I get them both to cross  the huge void  that is screaming  to be addressed!

Now  look see,  you have both  been gone so long  and I miss  you  both so. I need  you here  to give  me  the strength , kindness  and love. See  even now I am asking for  your  help. I am  so selfish, I was  so angry  when you died  Mum  because  you were not there  to talk to  me and  help  me, do you know  it took 7yrs  to accept  that  you had really  gone.

Who  helped you, did  anyone  or did  you have to struggle  through learning haphazardly! You  no  doubt  had  too and  that is  why  you were  both such  helpful parents. I am amazed  at  the sacrifices  you  must  of  made  to  keep us in  clothes, shoes  and food.

Dad worked as a  body maker  for LT making seats on the buses! Off to work at  5am and home at  5pm for dinner 6pm the BBC News … silence  reined!

Mum remember Wimbledon week  we had salad every evening because  you loved  the Tennis , funny  thing  Mum I can’t  stand  tennis! 🙂

Well I shall close  now  and  tell you  that  you gave  me lots of  love and  good advice and  support. I really  hope  that  you were both proud of  me!

I miss  you  and I love  you !

willow xxxxxxxx

PS. I think  things  are improving  on the  father  and son front so please  if  you can  pray  that  they continue  to improve!!

Wish You Were Here.

collage3We wish that you were here
So we could hold you near.
Today of all days we wish
That you our cheeks could kiss.
A mother in a million were you
We hope we told you enough , true.
In our thoughts you stay and on this Mother’s Day
We love and miss you so, that is all we have to say.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mother’s Day  in the UK   hense the Mum  poems. 

The photo  is of  my  lovely long gone Mum when  she was a young girl.

 

 

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