Love Is In Da Blog : love we have shared with lost friends!

Just Fooling Around  With Bee said: So today we celebrate the love we have shared with lost friends!

To those who went

The  scene  a  cafe  in town  we met  for a coffee.  The  usual  kiss on the cheek  coffee  brought  and  then I ventured “What  did  you mean on  the phone, yesterday. Why  don’t  you want  to see my  son’s  wedding photos. ” Looking  me  straight in the eye  she said ” If I  am  not  good enough  to  go to  the wedding  I don’t want  to see  the photos.” It was like  she had  punched me  in the chest the pain was  immense and lasted  for days. I told  her I had  been told  I could  not have any  friends  as  the  guest list  was tight  and as there  were lots of  family  on  my side  I had to be fair  and I had agreed. It was  their  day  after all.

I am not  sure  how I managed  to drink  my  coffee and  chat, I  left  in a daze,  gutted is  the word. That  was it  the  end  of a  twenty  year  friendship ,  three years  later  it  still hurts .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To F

Why did  you  change

What  made  you act  so strange.

So  close  we had  been

Through our  trails  we’d seen

Your  words  cut  me like a knife

Then you  walked out  of  my  life.

The  pain cut so deep , deeper  than

The pain caused  by  any  man.

I had trusted  you so  much

We  communicated   with a smile or a touch.

I was  there  for you  when you  needed  me

And  you  had always  helped  when the answer I could  not see.

Your  words  cut  me like a knife

Then you  walked out  of  my  life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This  second  poem is to Karen  who died  from Cancer in December  2010. You  may  be gone  Karen  but I  will  never  forget  you !

To Karen

         

Karen

I rang her each day for over a year,

I begged to come see her but she would not let me near.

We laughed with each other often but more often we cried.

I wanted to be with with her but her fears, this to me denied.

I begged her to fight it she told me she was tired

I nagged and bullied she said I was fired!

Things never got better she slipped from my grasp

I tried hard to see her but she still refused, so I did as she asked.

Then finally the day came and I got the call

At last I got to visit , not that she knew at all.

I talked of blue skies and beaches and clouds

I did not whisper I told her out loud.

She was struggling for breath then I caught her eye in a moment of clarity

I told her I  loved her she flashed at me   “no pity!”

Her hands were dirty her nails were lined black

Her pain and the squalor are the memories that keep coming back.

I spent four days in her company

I could not believe what I had to see.

I hated  her suffering as she breathed her last,

Sadly these horrid memories stuck in my mind, the ones which I cannot get past.

It was a foggy freezing December day

When we all met at the Crematorium  our goodbyes to say.

To a larger than life, loud colourful girl

Who with a flash of her eyes could set our working day in a whirl.

I sat there sobbing but she had to have the last word

“Get a grip you silly cow” were the words that I heard.

Then as her coffin disappeared for her final bow

She went out  with  a flourish to Queen’s ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’.

Karen 1958 –  2010

This  is  Just  fooling  around  with  Bee  Idea  for  a  February  daily  challenge! To  suit  her  spoilt  inner  child…. and  mine  come  to that so  here  we go! Hold on to your heart!  Join in  here    and  here

Just Jot it January : Tic Toc.

Tick Toc

Stop the clock

I don’t  want any more

Of  this hateful war

Please stop

This painful clock

I have taken all I can

To break us all apart  is  that  your plan

I want my family

All my family.

Stop Stop Stop

The  clock

Tic Toc

 

This post is part of Just Jot It January hosted by Linda G Hill.

Thanks for tuning in and if you want to join, feel free to click on the link and start jotting!

 

Just Jot It January: Dull Days

Dull days  full of  rain

Will the sun ever  shine

On my tired  face  again.

Empty days like a shrine

To  a former brighter life

Gone  all  hopes of mine

No  warmth  only strife.

 

Long dark lonely  nights

Muddled  thoughts attack my head

I am tied down unable  to take flight

Agonies and fears circle my bed

There is no where to run

Was it too much to ask

To enjoy  a  growing bundle of fun

Sadly it seems  not to be my task……..

 

 

This post is part of Just Jot It January hosted by Linda G Hill.

Thanks for tuning in and if you want to join, feel free to click on the link and start jotting!

 

 

 

 

 

Monster In The Corner.

Monster in the corner

It is  hiding in the corner

Nipping at my ear

Making me a loner

Filling me  with fear.

Taking  joy, in clawing at my heart

Repeating all it’s venom inside my head

Giving not a shit  for me tearing me apart

Picking at all my scabs, I am wishing I were dead.

Laughing at my sorrow

Enjoying all my grief

It has stolen  my tomorrow

Denying  my  souls relief.

 

This post is part of Just Jot It January hosted by Linda G Hill. Thanks for tuning in and if you want to join, feel free to click on the link and start jotting!

 

New Year , old problems.

Well here  we are  another year……….. I am sorry to say  yet again  no  special  magic  occurred  at  midnight. Famine,  Hunger, Pestilence  and  War  did  not  suddenly  dismount  and  say ” Hey Death  let’s  call a truce , lets  have  some  coffee  and cake  and  sort  this  poor  suffering  planet out! ” Did  they  hell!

Nothing  magical  happened  either  at Christmas  or  New Year. The  problems  I was eluding to  before  Christmas  did not  suddenly  disappear in a puff of  “joyous  goodwill  to men” Did they,  Bollocks!

No  there is still a  huge chasm of misunderstanding and raw  emotions   eating  me up from the inside out and I hate it, I hate  it  I bloody  hate it. I do not hate  anyone involved  but  the longer  things  go on  the more  the  feelings  and  rewriting  of  what  happened  grows within them. You  would  not  believe  what a petty incident  caused  all this  out pouring of  venom.  Yet  it  has  grown  and spread  like a cancer! I fear it is  becoming  incurable.

Both sides  are locked in their self rightfulness, any  attempts mediation  on my  part  are  met  with  anger  and mistrust  and I always come off  the worse!

So  there  you have it  Christmas  was stressful, I  did not  make  it any  better  because  I did not  want  to be away, but in  all honesty I tried  and it had  lots of  good points   and highs  but  the pain and worry  was ever present.

Now I stand  here at  the beginning  of a New Year  and I  feel flat, empty, desperate, bereft . I feel as if  everything  I so long awaited  has been stolen from me ………….. I could  go on and on  about  all the things  that are eating  me up believe  me  they  are legion!

Manners  stop  me, I do apologize for  going  on but I shall publish  and be damned. So Christmas Spirit  where  were  you ? New Year magic   where  have you been all my  life ……… eh eh ??

I also  have to apologies that  I got  so distressed  trying to wade  all your  wonderful  posts  and comments, I felt  I was drowning  so  I  have to admit to   hitting  the delete  button   but I will get through  them  as when I can in the reader. You  may  only  get  likes  and a short  comment   but I love  all your  work  everyone of  you  so please  forgive  me, for  moaning  and  not  answering  all your  posts!

Why  did I  pick  the video  of “Say Something? ” Because  they need to talk  and  I can’t  fix it . I love  them all  but  they all see that  as wrong……………………

 

 

This post is part of Just Jot It January hosted by Linda G Hill. Thanks for tuning in and if you want to join, feel free to click on the link and start jotting!

Fallen angel’s Plight

I need to run I need to hide,

My wings  are clipped  my feet are tied.

I need to scream, but I can not cry.

Afraid  to stay , too tired  to fly

Alone  under a moon lit sky.

 

Can I run, can I hide,

Can I beat this pain inside

Will it  end, will I be  no more

Will I find  the key to the locked door.

 

Broken angel  that is  me

No longer blessed no longer free.

Shackled so harshly tied down

Lost  to all now bound to the ground.

 

 

Over the Abyss : Day 12 Nano Poblano

Still, all around is still

The night is black the air is chill

The fear is harsh inside  my guts

White pain through out my soul erupts.

 

Lost, lost am I

Screaming soundlessly into the sky.

On the abyss I stand

The devil waits to take my hand.

 

No one, no one cares to save my soul

Not one prepared to keep me whole

The demons start to tear me limb from limb

They greedily draw my intestines from within.

 

No more is left of me

 

Just  my tortured Spirit entrapped , unfree

Gone  forever over the abyss

No one cares I am not missed

 

 

The Ghost on the shore.

Sun shines on the water silver fairies dance

The  geese come in to land  watch their webbed feet prance.

The sun is climbing  higher in to the blue blue sky

I stand alone on the beach, alone . I ask myself why.

 

I see the children run along  the beach

I wonder where  they’re headed and if their goals  they’ll reach.

Mums and Dads  follow on with picnics carefully wrapped

Standing here I can only  watch a tormented soul truly trapped.

 

For eons I have stood here only allowed to spectate

All I can do is pray for kindness, all I can do is wait.

Then at last I see him, my child emerging from the sea

He runs to me after all this time we are united and finally both of us are free.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Cold now the water is col,  it was warm at  first

It holds  me down yet  carries me  but it does not quench  my thirst.

I do not thirst  for water only for warmth  and light

It is  so cold and  dark  down here I can’t say if it’s day or night

 

Where is my mum, where has she gone

She was here with me playing why has it all gone wrong.

Years  have come  and years  have gone and yet I am still here

I think I’ll never  feel the sun or sand,  or see my mum again I fear.

 

Then at last  the angel came  and gently lifted  me

In to the sun and the blessed warmth up out of the sea.

I see my  mum standing  there rooted to the spot

I feared she might of left, I am glad  that she has not.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Two souls  at last united  after years and years apart

At peace now united peaceful at last in God’s heart!

Miss Parry Jones and H

Yesterday  TanGental  gave his page  over to the Archaeologist, his brother, to do a guest post. The  post was called  “What happened next ?” It  is a beautiful post  about  a correspondence  between two young people on the eve of WW1 . The Archaeologist lays out  what  was said  in  a post card  from H  to Miss Parry Jones, he  then asks what  happens next.

Well I really urge  you to read  this wonderful  post  here  below is the reply  I sent to the post. I have fallen for  H and Miss Parry Jones  and here I want  to share my  story with you. Do go and read  the post  and think about  what  might of happened to these two young people in that historic era.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Miss Parry Jones loved the bones of H
They had one last chance to meet before their world would change.
Both would be thrown into the maelstrom of war, where every thing was strange.
He was for the trenches bound, though this he did not yet know
While she, Miss Parry Jones, her world turned upside down into a factory would go.
Young H would carry his gun, at first with pride. Before he, terrified, lost his youth.
Miss Parry Jones watched her fingers turn yellow from using TNT though she never knew the truth.

 

Miss Parry Jones loved the bones of H
In love they corresponded back and forth from Brighton to France
They both fought tiredness and hunger while fate led them a merry dance.
Their letters filled with their private code hid their love and fears
Both wept alone in the cold and dark and drank deep of bitter tears.
Mud and blood and noise finally took H’s mind
He got his ticket back to Blighty leaving the trench horrors behind.

 

Miss Parry Jones loved the bones of H
She went to the munition factory for her shift every night
While H was being brought home a gibbering wreck, deaf and with no sight.
Miss Parry Jones knew her man was returning home, this filled her heart with joy.
God was looking elsewhere when she dropped a shell,her dying words where for H, her boy.
H loved the bones of Miss Parry Jones sadly that was all that he came home to.
He did recover in body though never in his mind. He lost his lovely girl.Their moments together too few.

Miss Parry Jones loved the bones of H

Lady from the tower of light.

Lady From The Tower Of Light

 

IMAG1350Lady from the tower of light

Speed you safely on your flight.

We are so sad  to see you go

To where or  what  we do not kow.

You went so suddenly  into  the night

You  had  your reasons not to fight.

We had no time to say goodye

But from our souls, to you, our feelings fly.

 

Lady from the tower of light

Now is our chance  to set  things  right.

We have  always held  you dear

That  will not change now  you are not here.

Goodbyes that where not  said

Feel worse while rumbling around inside a head.

You were a joy to us all your days

I think we showed you so in a thousand ways.

 

Lady  from the tower of light

In our thoughts,  though out of sight.

You  have left a wonderful legasy

Johnathan, Nicholas and Lyndsey.

They always filled  your  heart with pride

And grandcildren your love,  for whom, you could not hide .

They will have you with them for all their years

You  will share  their laughter and dry  their tears.

 

Lady from the tower of light

We send you forth with happy  thoughts  for your flight.

Now we have our chance to say what we feel

You  where good  and kind your actions real.

You may be out of touch and far away

Yet we will think fondly of you often, if not each day.

So lovely lady from the  tower of light

Sit back relax  and enjoy  your flight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The name Madeleine is a Hebrew baby name. In Hebrew the meaning of the name Madeleine is: From the tower. Also The name Madeleine is a French baby name. In French the meaning of the name Madeleine is: Woman of Magdala. Tower.

I change the meaning slightly for poetic affect.

My tribute  to a dear friend.

 

 

 

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