loneliness

Sofia. The walk.

Through the years she walked finding solace where she could, changing with the world, yet knowing more than it would ever know. Sofia spent years wondering alone with only animals and the stars to keep her company. She saw man as a race come into being and grow, she swam through the weeks of the great flood and watched the dove carry the the olive branch to the ark.

Sofia was lonely she never met one of her own, she saw Moss receive the ten commandments and wondered to herself if man could adhere to them.

Then one day she could smell one of her own she ran she missed her wings but she could cover continents in hours .
Sofia revelled in the scent she knew it she loved it.

It was Gabriel and he was in the town of Nazareth visiting a young virgin to implant the seed of the one.

The warmth, the love she felt was amazing. Sofia waited in the alley below the young virgin’s window listening. Then when Gabriel left the young girl wondering what had happened to her, Sofia approached him. Silently she leant out and touched him and when he turned to face her she was shocked by the look in his eyes. It was strange there was grief, pity and fear “Gabriel” she said in not much more than a whisper “Brother , brother touch me please” Gabriel spoke with no emotion “I cannot touch you you have fallen from grace you may not look upon my face.” Weeping now she reached out and touched his arm. To her horror and dismay he withdrew his arm like lightening and produced his flaming sword.

Shrinking back she could not believe her eyes the pain she was experiencing was raw and new to her, it was tearing at her insides like a cancer. Glancing once more at Gabriel she turned and slipped away feeling dirty inside and out!

Gabriel watched her leave , beaten broken head bowed. He shook his beautiful head then as he turned to go he heard Sofia ask “What about forgiveness” hesitating he turned back once more to see her slinking off into the shadows….. something hurt his eyes it was a burning he moved his hand to rub his eyes to find that they were leaking water??

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Sofia was hurt deeply she found her grief all consuming,she hid in the shadows for days but she decided she was going to watch this young virgin in whom the One has entrusted such an important seed.

Gently she shadowed the young girl helped her take the sticks and stones and words that came her way, she even intervened with the man who was to be her husband. Sofia whispered in his ear that she was a good girl and that she had indeed been visited by a messenger of the the One, hard to believe as that was, it was true!

She followed them to Bethlehem and ensured that they had somewhere to stay. Sofia had to smile at how easily she was now finding getting inside the human mind and suggesting her will to them. The air was full of angels at every turn she could smell and feel her beloved kindred, sadly though they all ignored or even worse denied her. Stubborn though she stayed with the young couple doing her best to help them.

Finally when the child was born Sofia sat outside the stable weeping the angels had refused her entry she could not defy them she had not the strength. The warmth she was being denied was too much pain, more than she could bear, as she rose to leave the young woman asked why Sofia could not see the child she thought he was to save all. There was no answer and so the woman rose and slowly walked out into the shadows towards Sofia.

The warmth and the love Sofia had not dared to think of was walking towards her. The hope she received from the child was more that she had ever imagined . She looked into the eyes of the young mother and said” thank you”.

images from Pixabay.

He is out in the garden.

He is out in the garden with the secateurs again

The flowers are looking nervous and praying for rain.

The airing cupboard is wearing a smile

He’s is busy elsewhere so it has peace for a while.

We need to eat, it must be time for dinner.

No but we have pie and custard, always a winner.

Who is this woman, what is her name

It is my sister I have told you again and again

The gentleman is nice but why is he here

He is my sister’s hubby my dear.

Oh!You are busy, too busy to call?

Yes I’m okay I just cope with it all.

Thing is I am tired and really stressed

I’m at the end of my tether but doing my best.

He is out in the garden with the secateurs again

The flowers are looking nervous and praying for rain.

I am so lonely, with no conversation

I need some company for self-preservation.

*********

I wrote this poem about Altzhimers after a telephone conversation with my sister this morning.

After the Storm.

Stitch by stitch the future is sewn

North & South our dreams are blown

Wild winds assail us, drenching us

Wet and cold we arrive thus.

Image found here

Washed up on today’s shore

Troubles beset us galore

We sit on the beach

Weeping, peace for us, out of reach.

Homeless At Christmas

I originally wrote this in December 2013 but it is still relevant .

I hope it won’t snow this Christmas it’s one of my biggest fears.

It was so bitter last year even thinking of it makes me shudder and shed a tear.

They won’t be eating Turkey with all the trim

Unless they find a charity shelter and they can get in.

The people at the shelters are angels from up above they give their time and plenty love.

They really are saviours they really do so much good.

They give warmth and comfort and Christmas dinner and even Christmas pud.

OH! why are they out here I hear you say

There are lots of reasons, have you got all day? Dave got made redundant the bills he couldn’t pay So the bank stepped in and took his home away.

His wife could not stand the B&B that the social offered them

So she took the children off to live with her mum so Dave won’t see them again.

Jen, she was cheeky girl always having fun

Staying out late and playing up in the end it got too much for her mum!

After a big row one night in the summer she asked Jen to go,

So she is struggling along out here now,when your homeless it is amazing how fast your friends all go.

istock_000023730585_small-compressed — image found here

Rob well his story is very sad,

It all started with his drinking then he discovered drugs he became violent and everything turned bad.

He fell out with his mother’s boyfriend who told him he had to go

And then threw him out into the December snow.

The reasons are legion you can take your pick,

People who loose their jobs because they became sick

From parents who can’t cope

To addictions that make you loose all hope,

Parents or family who beat you, family who will not stop at a touch

They want you to give them way too much.

This may all seem morbid this may all seem too sad

I hate to tell you all, things can be so very, very bad.

People young and old see their hopes and dreams unfold and vanish in clouds of smoke

As they end up on the streets lost and without any hope.

So enjoy your Christmas parties, your families and your Yule tide fare

But as you raise a toast remember the homeless ones out there .

YOU CAN DONATE OR HELP HERE

Not now but soon

This part of Ronovan writes Friday Flash fiction . here is the pingback to his page and the rules

The challenge this week is to take the title of a favourite song and write a story from the title.
I chose Not now but soon , by Imogen Heap. You can hear it here. If you wish.

———————-

Not now but soon.

James was always busy, always in a hurry. He never had time to play with children or even finish a meal with his wife.
Work was demanding, it was important. Think about it, he would justify it to himself, if he did not work so hard they would not have this fabulous home. Every year they had at least three holidays abroad and it was not cheap boarding the kids to that private school .

Gen sat in her kitchen with a cup of coffee. All alone as usual James had left early on a business trip, the children still at school for another week.
She had asked James to stay and have a serious talk but had only got the stock answer from him, Not now but soon.

Gen felt the emptiness of the house engulfing her. She looked across at the pile of Christmas decorations in the corner of the room. She wept at the thought of decorating this empty space not a home not anything.

James passed through security at the airport heading straight for the gate. He decided to ring home to say bye to Gen and remind her to collet his suit for Thursday.

Gen was heading up the stairs when the phone in her pocket rang. ‘Hey babe’ he said, have you got my suit yet?’ She replied in the affirmative! ‘And my shoes’ he asks breaking in to a run.
Not now but soon he hears Gen say.
He stops in his tracks and asks her what did she say? The phone is dead, she has gone!

James settles on the plane slightly irritated by Gen’s reply about his shoes. Well it will just have to wait until his return Wednesday night.

Gen lies in her perfect bathroom light streaming in onto her face. Her eyes are closed. All her pain is slipping away, the bath water is red, the bottles of tablets empty on the floor next to the Whiskey.
Am I dead yet she wonders , calmly she knows not now but soon.

James dashes in Wednesday evening grabbing his suit from the hall he runs upstairs shouting to Gen that they must talk , not now he is running late but soon yes soon.

In the bedroom he sees his shoes laid out, he breathes a sigh of relief. Wondering where Gen is he could do with a sandwich before he leaves.

James enters the bathroom and there she is …….
__ __ __ __ __ __

This my first attempt at flash fiction so any comments welcome. Thanks.

Alone he stands on the beach

He’s come this far from all he has known

All goals and hopes smashed and out of reach

He has lost all, job, family, love and home.

The bottle’s content is his only friend

He’s cold and tired, no life he has lost all hope,

The sun sets another empty day comes to an end

Water laps his feet, tears burn his eyes he cannot cope.

Emptiness eats his soul the pain is deep like a cancer

He knows he had it all and lost it, his fault only

He was young and reckless and a bright romancer

Squandered days and nights,drink and drugs left him lonely

When did it start he does not know

But he prays it will end and soon

He lays down curled like a child, his tears flow.

Alone on the beach washed by sea and lit by moon.

Under The Same Moon

In dreams I stand upon the beach

You are there but just out of reach.

The sound of the waves fills my ears

It is loud but it does not drown out my tears.

I feel the sand, cool beneath my toes

The wet of the waves as in and out they flow.

The silver stars and moon light the skies

But there is only darkness in my eyes.

Where are you my love where have you gone

Leaving me here alone with only the night’s sad song.

I have had the soul and heart ripped out of me

Since I agree to say goodbye and set you free.

Sweet Emma May

Sweet Emma May has gone away

No good searching you won’t find her today!

Gone and no one knows where

And in truth not one of them gives a care.

Life got too hard for Emma May

Her lonely struggle every day.

At work she was friendly but quiet

A pretty girl but always on a diet.

All her life sweet Emma May

Had struggled with the weight that would not go away

People always teased her with names

At school she was taunted and shunned from games.

Boys and Men used sweet comely Emma May

She was good for a fuck but they always walked a way.

They did not want to take her out where they’d been seen

But in her room , the office or car they appeared so keen.

Binge eating always comforted sweet Emma May

But the guilt made her sick and she’d flush it all away.

No one knew that she was so ill or that she had hidden cuts

Cuts that bled and took the pain away from her soul and guts.

Tired and lonely Emma May took the razor and cut too deep

She did not stop the blood , she was too tired, she went to sleep.

Lonely sweet Emma May from sleep to death slipped away.

Her little body in a pool of blood was found the next day.

Sweet Emma May has gone away

No good searching you won’t find her today!

Gone and no one knows where

And in truth not one of them gives a care.

Love Is In Da Blog & SoCs : Aaquaint and or Friend

Just Fooling Around With Bee said : today is dedicated to “Stream of Consciousness” and Linda’s “Stream of Consciousness Saturday” which had its first birthday yesterday. So please enjoy our combined prompt and link your posts both to “SoCS” and “Love Is In Da Blog”

LindaGHill said :Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: acquaint and/or friend. Use one, use both, add prefixes or suffixes, but whatever you do, have fun!

Stop Look and listen

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We pass each other every day on this busy street.

We never make eye contact we never stop to speak.

Rushing here and there we do not stop to think

About the people around us who might be on the brink.

We are not allow to reach out or even to smile.

People would think you were mad if you try to stop them for a while.

There are so many lonely souls we pass them everyday

They always avert their eyes , why is that always the way.

Why is it so wrong to just turn and smile

To reach out to a passer by and talk to them for a while.

We all could make a difference. We all could make new starts,

We all could help each other out if we opened up our hearts!

Look at me fellow loners I am just like you

Busy out here building walls between me and you.

Let me reach out to you and you could reach back to me

Why can’t we join together and maybe set some of our fears free.

I could be a coat to you I could make you warm

We could make our way through this lonely night and out into the dawn.

Acquainting ourselves with each other

We could all find friends even lovers.

This post is part of SoCS:

Badge by: Doobster @ Mindful Digressions

This is Just fooling around with Bee Idea for a February daily challenge! To suit her spoilt inner child…. and mine come to that so here we go! Hold on to your heart! Join in here and here and here

Love is in Da Blog

Love Is In Da Blog: Thank you Bill Bailey and Cutty Saka

Just Fooling Around With Bee said : today I suggest to you to celebrate your imaginary friends:

‘You can’t sit there that is Bill Bailey’s seat’ I saw my poor mother’s face blanch that awful Bill Bailey had obviously graduated out of the house and was now on the 55 bus with us on the way to Chiswick!

I was eight years younger than my next brother and then the twins were ten years older and the other two remaining girls were twelve and fourteen years older, so I was, in most respects like an only child. This meant I had to amuse myself a lot. And I did. I had a huge imagination I loved making up stories and playing with my Teddy Jingles and my Rabbit Ozzy , not forgetting Bill the Badger who was a one eyed, one eared and one legged Badger….. mind you he was brown not the usual white and black of a real Badger .

Mum was nonplussed when Bill Bailey arrived he did not come alone he brought his not so nice partner Cutty Saka , don’t ask me where I got the names from esp Cutty Saka , Bill Bailey could of come from the song. I think they must of arrived very early in my life as I seem to always remember them throughout my early and middle childhood. They were there for me from when I woke up until I fell asleep and sometimes they populated my dreams. They were different and distinguishable from my three favourite toys ….. they were real.

It was usually just me and Bill Bailey , we would draw or paint together, we would dance and play with my toys in the garden, when I got a little older we would dance or make play houses on the crescent outside our house. I think I must of been about five by the time he started to venture out with us, poor mum she had a lot to contend with she must of been in her fifties having brought up a big family and contended with poor health to end up with an ‘unusual ‘ child with a vivid imagination populated with two strange characters!

Why have you not tidied up that mess, why have you not eaten your dinner, who spilt that drink , who broke that vase …… Bill Bailey, who else?

As a child I was bullied at school and Bill Bailey was a great comfort to have in my corner , Cutty Saka was good too but if I took her advice I always ended up in trouble. I did get into hot water too with Bill Baily ( he was always Bill Bailey never Bill) sometimes mum , dad or even my brothers and sisters would scold me if Bill Bailey turned up at a time that was embarrassing to them! On the whole though everyone was accommodating of him and Cutty Saka .

Would Bill Bailey like some beans on his toast, could Bill Bailey move up so I can sit down, I think it is time you and Bill Bailey headed up to bed!

I am not sure really when Bill finally went for good ( maybe he is still around but keeps his council) but by the time I was old enough to be spending time with my cousin Lindy he must of thought he’d buzz off while she was around but he still was there while I was at school.

I am very grateful to Bill Bailey he helped me through my childhood and I love him and Cutty Saka for that , I think they made me who I am.

Bill Bailey and Cutty Saka may be gone but I still have Jingles and Ozzy they are upstairs as we speak!

This is Just fooling around with Bee Idea for a February daily challenge! To suit her spoilt inner child…. and mine come to that so here we go! Hold on to your heart! Join in here and here

Love is in Da Blog