Hi everyone as promised here is part two of my interview with Candice Louisa Daquin.
Now if you missed my first interview with Candice you find it here
Here is her bio because it shows what an amazing woman
Candice Louisa Daquin is of Sephardi French/Egyptian descent. Born in Europe, she work in publishing for The American Embassy and Chamber of Commerce. Before immigrating to the American South West to study and become a Psychotherapist, where she has continued writing and editing whilst practicing as a therapist. Daquin has worked at Jewish Community Centers and Rape Crisis Centers both in Texas and Ontario Canada. Her area of specialization is adults sexually abused as children. Prior to publishing her own poetry collections she regularly wrote for the poetry periodical Rattle and The Northern Poetry Review. Daquin is currently Senior Editor at Indie Blu(e) Publishing, a feminist micro-press.
Daquin’s poetic work takes its form from the confessional women poets of the 19th and 20th century as well as queer authors writing from the 1950’s onward. Her career(s) teaching critical thinking and practicing as a psychotherapist have heavily influenced her work, with explored key themes including, sexual-dysfunction, sexual-abuse, parental-relationships, mental illness and queer-identity. Daquin’s work is also significantly imprinted by Audre Lorde, Françoise Sagan, Angela Carter, activist Egyptian physician Nawal El Saadawi, Navdanya seed bank creator/campaigner Vandana Shiva, Pablo Neruda, Israeli PM Golda Mier, Toni Morrison and feminist philosophers bell hooks, Hélène Cixous and Luce Irigaray.
As a queer woman of mixed parentage and passionate feminist beliefs concerning equality, Daquin’s poetry is her body of evidence.
Welcome back Candice it is lovely to have you visit again. Could we discuss your Gadtroparesis and your macular degeneration. I think your story will help many others.
It’s a crazy story. In March 2017 I went to New England for a short vacation. Prior to this I had been probably the healthiest I’ve ever been no joke. I was in Salem (!!) and around 1 in the morning I began throwing up uncontrollably. It lasted 24 hours I thought it was food poisoning, the Dr I saw said more likely a virus picked up on the plane. I made a full recovery and thought no more about it. In June I had the same experience out of the blue, but having not eaten I knew it couldn’t be food poisoning. I was perplexed because I tend not to throw up unless very sick. The ER (I’d been throwing up for days unable to keep food down) thought it might be heart issues. I didn’t see how. But I went to a heart dr who said I had a murmur but it couldn’t be related. The feeling was in my chest though as well which was weird. A long time later I learned when you have severe stomach issues, it can mimic heart attacks because you feel a terrible anxiety and fluttering and pain in your chest area, but it’s really your stomach. In August after no answers, I began throwing up again, this time it didn’t go away or stop. I threw up every single day every single thing I ate, for months on end. I went down to 80 pounds and was very, very sick. Due to having a bad primary care Dr it took a while to get hospitalized, when I eventually was, they ran every conceivable test. No answers. Eventually months later, a Dr said they thought it had to be sudden onset Gastroparesis. I couldn’t believe it. I was told I would have to go on disability for life, and I would never be able to eat solids again. I decided I refused to believe this and I kept searching for a better specialist. After seeing quite a few I found one who said no it’s not Gastroparesis per say, it’s Gastric Arrythmia which is treated differently and that’s why I was not improving. I tried every kind of alternative medicine but nothing worked, eventually one drug did help a bit, but mostly I think time and changing what I ate and exercise helped the most. By diet changes I mean I was vegetarian since I was a kid and that’s not a good diet for someone who needs to avoid vegetables (which you no longer can digest) but I didn’t want to quit how I ate so I just ate more frequently and smaller and tried hard to juice a lot of what I ate. It was a very challenging time. Since your stomach produces what you need for your mental health it sent me into a very dark place. Not knowing what was wrong, not having family support, was hard. Now I realize I am much better but I will always live with this, which many do, with chronic illness. I try to make the best of it and be glad for it not being as bad as they originally thought. It has changed my life a lot because I cannot eat out with friends which was one of my favorite things to do, as was sharing a bottle of wine or something simple like that. I get sick more or less every month but I try really hard to get past the set-back and keep going. During all of this I was also told I had premature (very) macular degeneration. I’m an optimistic person so at first I really didn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it. Now it has been confirmed. I hope to be one of the lucky ones who doesn’t lose their central vision as that means everything to me. But given my young age it seems likely it will be hard to avoid. I haven’t given up hope but it’s been really hard, especially as people don’t really know what to say and I can’t blame them.
Oh! That was a real rollcoater of a health journey. I am so glad you persisted and got the correct diagnosis. Still not an easy one to accept but better the devil you know, don’t you think. The eye problem too is a hard one to accept but I have friend who was diagnosed with the same at the age of twelve ..she still, at 29 has central pinpoint vision…. I know everyone is different but I do hope this can help.
Can we discuss your work with Indi Blu(e)
I came on to Indie Blu(e) as a guest editor for WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED because as a Psychotherapist and having worked in three Rape Crisis Centers, the #metoo movement meant a lot to me. I wanted to help raise awareness. Since then I stayed on as an editor and began to do more and more. Years before, I worked in publishing but wasn’t expecting to slip back into working with a publishing company. It’s been edifying and hard work. It is a very thankless task at times, but I do believe it makes a difference and that’s all that counts. Our publications have mostly been social justice in theme and I am very proud of that. We have also produced some outstanding stand-alone authors books. Working with a small group of mostly women has been very fulfilling and I can honestly say my time at Indie Blu(e) was one of the best ‘jobs’ I have had, because of what we stood for, and tried to effect. The downside being we do a lot for very little and are all chronically ill, which at times can be challenging.
Can we also discuss you work as a Psychotherapist and if you like some of the work you have done in Community and Rape Crisis centers.
As a Psychotherapist I tried to work only with groups I knew I could benefit. I am not good working with kids or teens. I like working with adults and older adults, as well as minority populations because where I live, black people and hispanic people are more reticent and mistrusting of therapists who have traditionally been anglo. I think being mixed-race and foreign I broke through that a bit as most of my clients have been people of color. Additionally I worked with Jews and the LGBTQX population. I was offered to work with rapists in jail but I literally couldn’t do it. My speciality is working with adults who were molested or abused in childhood. I would say I’m good because I care and that’s so crucial. The system however, is broken and that really bothers me because I believe in socialized healthcare for all and that it be affordable if not.
Candice I was wondering if you would be willing to talk about why and how you came out.
I came out because I am gay and it seemed futile to try to pretend otherwise. I have always known although I did date one boy seriously when I was a young teen. I am not bisexual, I am not attracted to men sexually or emotionally but I respect all diversity within the LGBTQX rainbow. That said, I think lesbians don’t do themselves any favors and I wish we had more of an identity and less judgement within the lesbian ‘label’ including women who love women and don’t want those women to be dressing like men. I am definitely an odd duck as a lesbian. I get on better with straight people over-all which is weird. I think whilst it’s important to be proud, it’s also a very, very lonely life at times, and whilst I would not change who I am, I get tired of it sometimes. I came out because most gays I know are in the closet and I thought that’s partly why things can be hard for us. Things have changed a lot. It used to be that gays couldn’t marry or have legal rights. I had tremendous troubles during that time and I don’t forget, hence why I try to raise visibility and remember the struggle. I know some people get sick of it and I can appreciate that too but we all have our path. I love writing love poetry about women who love women. SMITTEN is the anthology I have worked on that I am most proud of for that reason.
I get frustrated sometimes at how the media or whomever, pick the ‘popular’ trending authors/writers/poets and overlook really truly talented ones. I don’t know how people who don’t fit the trending boxes, succeed, it is much harder than it was, when if you were talented, you usually could succeed. Now there are so many more variables and it’s exhausting trying to compete which so many people for just one (badly) paid job. I can see why creatives leave, and many do after a time. If I have one regret it’s that I wasn’t better at science and just did a job where it’s not as hard to go in and do your thing and succeed. The creative world is very competitive and cut-throat. Oh, and ageist.
Thank you for answering that question so openly. As a straight , what ever straight is, woman. I hear what you are saying and I completely agree. .
Thank you again for joining me and answering my questions so honestly. It has been a real pleasure to have you visit again and to open up so freely on all the subjects I brought up.
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Here is where you can find Candice Louisa Daquin.
on Facebook.
