Well the last time I did a #WDIIA Was the 6th July 22days ago. So why have I decided to do one today and why have started with Annie Lennox and a Whiter Shade Of Pale. Well all will be revealed.
So it’s been even more samey for me because of the drain my ‘friend’ now for seven weeks! Basically awake at stupid o’clock, breakfast in bed if feeling good up by 10am if not between 11/12 pm …do a few jobs nothing taxing or heavy, read, blog, a walk round the block on hubby’s arm . Totally knackered by 9pm so back to bed. Sunday evening we have a virtual meet up with friends from up the road, but apart from a few friends/ family socially distancing in the garden it’s just been hubby and me. We have had hospital visits and a couple of trips to the surgery to have my drain dressing changed. Heavily masked up and socially distanced.
Went to the hospital today for me to gave a Fluoroscopy. It was painful! I was surprised I am usually okay with discomfort. Also I am loosing blood now because the Dr said she had disturbed everything. So now I have a bleed to keep an eye on. I am praying it will stop on it own without the need to go to hospital for that awful clotting drug or worse blood. Unfortunately the drain cannot come out because the massive stone is still blocking the neck of the gall bladder which is not draining on its own at all. The surgeons have to. Review the fluoroscopy and then get intouch with me again to organise an appointment to organise the removal of drain and gall bladder.
Plus Hubby’s brother is being awkward again about MIL’s estate? Why when neither of hubby’s siblings want to help and leave it all to him to do, do they cause trouble??
All that is leaving us exhausted!
Anway it’s time for a happy song. I think we need one today!
No I noticed that by today’s date on Linda’s rules page is the word Poke.
The definition of poke is. To jab or prod (someone or something) with one’s finger or a sharp object.”he poked Benny in the ribs and pointed”
To poke the fire
Makes the flames grow higher.
To poke your nose in where it’s not needed
Makes people angry and rows get seeded
Okay I really don’t know why I am writing the above. Today I have to go into hospital for two small operations. I am nervous, I have had them before but that does not make it easier. Yesterday was a write off as I had to take some nasty medicine which has totally cleared my insides out. So here I am starved for over 24hrs waiting to go to the hospital to be poked about with cameras. I should be home today . So I will speak to you all soon. Sorry I really did not feel like blogging yesterday . Have a good day everyone, if you are at a loose end you could always go and have a poke around in your spare room or attic you might find something interesting, or not. But don’t poke an anthill or a bees nest 💜
Ritu said : “Nothing too serious or tedious.Just a chance to share some songs! If you fancy posting a song for any reason this March, tag it #musicalmarch and link back to one of my posts so I can listen to your special songs too!
Today is day 4 of Musicalmarch and I never made a secret of the fact that I love Imogen Heap! When I think back to the time I was in hospital after breaking my back ( the second time ) and all I can say is Immie saved my life. Her music and talking books : Alex Cross books written by James Patterson, were the two things that kept me sane. I could only lay flat, I could not move, I was in a body brace.
Also when I was learning to walk again Immie’s music was always there for me. I did email Imogen and tell her and thank her and she wrote me back a beautiful and kind email back.
I have put in a few excerpts from when I wrote about some experiences and feeling I had whilst in hospital with tracks I listen too a lot at that time. The last track Life Line was written later but it fits the way the male nurse I talk about helped me and the others on one of the ward I was on.
8.30am ” Hello willow time to wash dress you and change your bed”. I just smile I hate this , I understand it has to be done and they do it well but they talk over me about their lives, have they have mistaken me for one of the old ladies in here that cannot or will not comunicate . Shall I interupt their chatter or shall I…… there you go all clean and comfy now. They walk away and I am alone again time for Imogen I think !
12midday dinner arrives, Oh! I am in luck today the young girl is here to help me. She is African and so pretty she has a pretty nature too. She smiles and talks to me as she feeds me , she listens to me , she really does. I ask her is she going to be a nurse , no she is going to be a pharmacist , shame she would be a great nurse.
1pm the cleaner is here she is nice always smiling but she does not speak a word of English. She has the most lovely eyes.
I ring for a bedpan the nurse says ” surely you have a catheter” “yes” I said ” I do not need to pee”. It is almost impossible to use a bed pan when you are laying flat. This nurse leaves me on the bedpan for over 20mins then longer after I have rung for her to help me. I ask her have I been , no she says walking away. ………. Why can’t I tell if I have been, why can’t I go, why can’t I feel . My stomach really hurts, so does my back hurt so much, I start to cry then the cloak of sleep surrounds me again.
“Hello” , a new voice, foreign , gentle sing song , what nice eyes. “Are you awake willow” I am tempted to not answer but politeness gets the best of me. “I am here to help you, would you mind if I gave you a bed bath” I hesitate because it does not seem right, a young man asking me if I would like a bed bath. However I have not had a good wash let alone a bed bath since I was admitted, he is also offering to change my pyjamas and the bed. So far I have had a lick and a promise and I am longing to feel fresh again.
What a change from the usual begrudging treatment I had received so far. I was bathed put in clean pyjamas and in a freshly changed bed I was exhausted but comfortable. The young nurse told me he had been at the hospital for about a year. His kindness and respect made me feel safe and at no time threatened.
Over the next week I learnt a lot about him, he had been in the French Foreign Legion, a Gendarme and now a Nurse. He used to come into our ward and chat when he had the time and sometimes if he was not too busy he would have a cup of tea with us. More than once when I was feeling really low he would make me a bird or a flower with paper. He was an extremely talented and kind young man who lived life to the full and who was not afraid to put himself out to help others. He made my life bearable I missed him when I was moved to yet another ward!
So where ever you are, dear young french male nurse, I want to let you know you helpped me through a terrifying lonely time. Your large and small acts of kindness helped me through. So thank you nurse you made a difference.
The Just Jot It January 13th prompt, brought to you by Charlene Bullard of FaithtoRaiseNate.com, is: “Hospital.” Use it any way you’re inspired to. And make sure you stop by and say hi to Charlene as well! Here’s her blog:http://faithtoraisenate.com/
#jusjojan
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A Day in Hospital after I broke my back for the second time January 2009
In and out of sleep, it is very confusing. There is no rest really the pain does not let up and it is only when the drugs are administered that I drift off properly. Gwen is as ever calling for Audrey , the lady next too me is dosing and I feel so odd. My husband has put some books on my Ipod the only trouble is that I drift off mid story and it is so hard to rewind.
6am lights on and breakfast, it is easier to have toast I can eat that lying down, though I would like some porridge but there is no one to help me …. so toast it is. The lady next to me tells me how nice the porridge is… yes I bet it is. Time for blood pressure and temperature, “have you passed a motion willow” “No not yet” I reply. “we can give you some medicine for that” the nurse says ………….. they can give medicine for everything but can they make me walk. I drift off again.
8.30am “Hello willow time to wash dress you and change your bed”. I just smile,I hate this, I understand it has to be done and they do it well but they talk over me about their lives, have they have mistaken me for one of the old ladies in here that cannot or will not communicate . Shall I interrupt their chatter or shall I…… there you go all clean and comfy now. They walk away and I am alone again time for Imogen I think !
My head is so messed up where the hell am I … oh! God I can’t move , help, help!
“Hello Willow I am just doing your blood pressure , it is high are you okay? ” I look at the nurse and I try to say I am scared I keep having bad dreams and I feel so trapped in this body brace. What I do say is “I am okay just having strange dreams, do you know when my operation will be ?” No she shakes her head.
She doesn’t know, I watch her walk off and I am slipping off again, Imogen is singing in my head
10.am The lady comes round with the hot drink, I have coffee in a beaker with a straw , it tastes funny but it the only way to get a drink.
…………. “hi ” It is a doctor now, ” what are you listening to?” I am about to tell him but he is asking me more questions , it is so hard to concentrate but I do my best.
12midday dinner arrives, Oh! I am in luck today the young girl is here to help me. She is African and so pretty she has a pretty nature too. She smiles and talks to me as she feeds me, she listens to me, she really does. I ask her is she going to be a nurse , no she is going to be a pharmacist, shame she would be a great nurse.
1pm the cleaner is here she is nice always smiling but she does not speak a word of English. She has the most lovely eyes.
“Hello Willow how was your morning ” it is my husband he is here to help me through the afternoon, trouble is I keep slipping in and out of sleep. Why will they not operate I will feel safer, stronger, better after they have. My husband talks and I listen, he tells me how cold it is , how bad the snow is. I want to be awake but I just keep slipping away.
3pm the tea lady again she gives me a beaker of coffee and my husband a cup of tea. The lady in the next bed had has two biscuits.
6pm dinner arrives, my husband helps me, he is getting good at this.
He stays till about 7.30pm I urge him to go home and rest.
I ring for a bedpan the nurse says ” surely you have a catheter” “yes” I said ” I do not need to pee”. It is almost impossible to use a bed pan when you are laying flat. This nurse leaves me on the bedpan for over 20mins then longer after I have rung for her to help me. I ask her have I been, no she says walking away. ………. Why can’t I tell if I have been, why can’t I go, why can’t I feel . My stomach really hurts, so does my back I start to cry then the cloak of sleep surrounds me again.
11.30pm I hear the nurses starting the drugs round the night shift must be here , they are so noisy, blood pressure, temperature , pulse, tablets. Straighten the bed. Lights out ..not bad tonight it is midnight. Let me get these headphones back in shut the ward out.
Welcome to Willow’s weekly coffee and tea garden. My name is Paul, I’ll be your barista today and I’m happy to be here once again. Please come in and make yourself comfortable. Willow has plumped the cushions and started a cozy fire so we can warm ourselves while we have a cuppa and chat. As usual, I’d be pleased to bring a pot of whatever beverage you prefer – we have a wide range of teas and coffees to satisfy our world-wide readership. Also available is a large selection of spirits for addition to your cuppa or in its place. We can relax while we discuss the affairs of the week both personal and/or worldwide. How has your week been?
Well, this week has been busy for me. A week ago Friday, I had numerous appointments at the General Hospital in preparation for an operation on Wednesday. All the appts were in the same module – PAU, Pre-Admissions Unit – and included a pharma review, paperwork with a surgical nurse, and a meeting with an anesthesiologist. They were all quite upbeat and positive and I was surprised when I told the anesthesiologist that I would arrange an extra dialysis appt for Tuesday night so as to be prepared for the operation and he replied: “You can do that?” Oh yeah. I also found out that I have shrunk and inch and a half – I used to be 6’ 3 1⁄2” and am now 6’ 2”. Drats! The things you learn. The operation itself is to correct a problem created by kidney failure. Healthy kidneys are involved in regulating the parathyroid glands, which in turn produce a hormone that balances calcium and phosphates in the body. These in turn affect bone density, muscle strength, joint function, heart rate, and nerve function, amongst others. Because my kidneys are not working properly, they are not regulating the parathyroid glands, which are running amuck and allowing serious imbalance of calcium and phosphates. To fix this it is necessary to remove the majority of the parathyroids (there are typically 4 but may be less and occasionally may be more – my doctor said she’s seen up to 11). They are little fellas about 6 mms long and 2-3 mms wide, shaped like lentil seeds and they are clustered around the thyroid gland in the neck.
Would you like another cuppa? Perhaps a sweet? Anyway, I was told to be at Day Surgery at 12:15 on Wednesday, so there I was with my humble bag of clothes and toiletries and a case of nerves. I’ve had small surgeries here before but there is always a sense of falling down a big hole with no idea what’s on the other side. Yeaaa Haw! I actually arrived about 20 minutes early and as soon as I walked in and registered, the nurse called my name. She took me to a prep area where I had to strip naked (for an operation on my neck?) and put on the silly hospital gown. I met with my doctor who reassured me and then off we went. Chats with a few doctors and nurses outside the operating room on my gurney and then wheeled into the scary room itself. More polished stainless and chrome instruments hanging from every piece of wall and ceiling and that silly little narrow table that doesn’t even support your shoulders, let alone arms. You’d think they’d be able to afford a wider table, wouldn’t you? And about 8 people all gowned and masked and standing waiting to do their special part. They all introduced themselves, but those names never even made it to my short term memory. The very cost of having all this sitting here waiting for me is mind-boggling. Then they couldn’t find the doctor, but she was along in a minute or so. A couple of breaths through an oxygen mask and the anesthetic started through the intravenous line and I woke up in recovery.
Another cuppa? Perhaps something a bit stronger? So, I was starving and ugly and complaining. After a bit they rolled me up to my room and I was still complaining about being hungry – remember I wasn’t permitted to eat since the day before and it was after 6 pm when I arrived at my room. The nurse was vey kind and brought me a boxed lunch – a sandwich and juice and pudding. Not much. As she was delivering that my room mate’s daughter brought him in a McDonald’s meal and carried out his untouched prepared supper. I called the nurse and told her that I’d eat his supper too if it was OK and so she carried it back in, along with his snack of a sandwich which he hadn’t touched. Ha! Now I had two sandwiches and a full meal and all the trimmings – two teas, two salads, soup and lots more. A veritable feast. I dug in while the nurse watched and kept saying – “Be careful of nausea.” No nausea here – ha! After polishing that off and having my pain killer, I asked for some toast and jam and then I slept like a log. The next morning after breakfast and toast, I did a survey of the damage and found a scar about 3 inches long at the base of my throat and another small scar in my right forearm where the doctor had re-inserted one of the parathyroid glands so it could do its business at a much lesser rate. This placement also allowed future adjustments of the gland size if it grew too big. There will be no mark or evidence of its position once the incision is healed. Well, now it was time to start planning my exit strategy. The ENT (Ear, Nose Throat) Docs said I would have to stay until the calcium/phosphate balance was re- established. But, they were assigning that responsibility to my kidney doctor. So, I saw my kidney doctor and she said I would have to stay until after my Friday night dialysis– which would then be the weekend and no chance of escape. So I argued with her that I did not want to stay any longer than necessary and she agreed to move my dialysis to Friday morning and then do an assessment and let me go if all was OK. So, I got the ENT docs back and told them the plan and wanted to know if they had any reason why I should stay longer than Friday. They hummed and hawed but decided it would be OK and wrote my discharge papers contingent on an OK by the kidney doc. I celebrated with some toast, jam and tea.
Friday Dialysis (yes, I’ve let my beard and hair grow –non-corporate length) My kidney doc saw me passing in the hall at one point as I arranged all this and wanted to know what I was doing. I just put my finger to my lips and went “Shhh!” She laughed. Dialysis Friday morning went like a charm and after the blood tests were analyzed, they agreed to let me go. I had some toast and jam then they gave me a prescription for pain killers but there is no pain – just a slight itchiness – so I didn’t get it filled. I was told that the stitches were of the dissolving type and I just had to remove the steri-strips over the incisions after a week. Already I feel stronger and am walking easier. Hopefully this will continue to improve. It seems like the week has flown past as I sit here writing this now. I hope that your week went well but less complicated than mine. Time for some toast and tea. Ha!
That’s about all we have room for this week, so it’s time to settle in with another cuppa and watch the fire. Sweets anyone? Please join me in thanking Willow for her invitation to tea. We are all honored that you dropped by today to visit. I hope you’ve enjoyed yourself and the conversation and please look around at Willow’s other posts while you’re here. Willow is over there serving her guests and chatting it up. Let’s go see how she is today. Have a great week. We look forward to seeing you back here for sweets and beverages of your choice again next week.
The ‘pain control nurse’ had been and chaned my dosage …. up as usual. The trouble is the pain is no different but I just seem to find it more and more difficult to concentrate. I was drfting off now ………
“Hello” , a new voice, foreign , gentle sing song , what nice eyes. “Are you awake willow” I am tempted to not asnwer but politeness gets the best of me. “I am here to help you, would you mind if I gave you a bedbath” I hesitate because it does not seem right, a young man asking me if I would like a bed bath. However I have not had a good wash let alone a bed bath since I was admitted, he is also offering to change my pyjamas and the bed. So far I have had a lick and a promise and I am longing to feel fresh again.
What a change from the usual begruding treatment I had received so far. I was bathed put in clean pyjamas and in a freshly changed bed I was exhausted but comfortable. The young nurse told me he had been at the hospital for about a year. His kindness and respect made me feel safe and at no time threatened.
Over the next week I learnt a lot about him, he had been in the French Foreign Legion, a Gendarme and now a Nurse. He used to come into our ward and chat when he had the time and sometimes if he was not too busy he would have a cup of tea with us. More than once when I was feeling really low he would make me a bird or a flower with paper. He was an exstremely talented and kind young man who lived life to the full and who was not afraid to put himself out to help others. He made my life bearable I missed him when I was moved to yet another ward!
So where ever you are, dear young french male nurse, I want to let you know you helpped me through a terrifying lonely time. I often listened to Alanis Morrisette and Thank You at that time, and the dreamlike video shows how exposed and out there I felt. Small acts of kindness helped me through. So thank you nurse you made a difference.
BTW that is just a random photo the nurse I met was much more handsome!!
It is dark and they are coming to get me ………. I hear the footsteps in my ears , then a gun shot. BANG! Oh! help my eyes fly open and I am in bed on the ward. The footsteps and the gun shot come from my Ipod and the book I am listening to. I had dozed off again. I am so stiff if only I could turn over but as ever I am trapped in this brace.
My husband had downloaded some James Patterson, books on to my Ipod and mostly I am enjoying them just every so often I loose my hold on reality and it all turns into a nightmare. I am not sure of the time, it all regimented in here but also very easy to loose all sense of time.
When did I get here which ward am I on, I can’t hear Gwen calling for Angela. Think willow, think where am I did I move……… Yes I did that Nurse upset me, the one with the funny name she really stressed me out.
I get so upset and I cry easily, I am not like that. I do not cry at the drop of a hat. I try hard not to but it just happens. When is my operation, no one will tell me , I wonder why !
The story is getting very scary again, this man has is stalking Detective Cross and his family they are all in danger, am I in danger . I just wish I knew which ward I am in and where I am.
Will I run free, OH! God will I ever walk again…………………….
In and out of sleep , it is very confusing. There is no rest really the pain does not let up and it is only when the drugs are administered that I drift off properly. Gwen is as ever calling for Audrey , the lady next too me is dosing and I feel so odd. My husband has put some books on my Ipod the only trouble is that I drift off mid story and it is so hard to rewind.
6am lights on and breakfast, it is easier to have toast I can eat that lying down, though I would like some porridge but there is no one to help me …. so toast it is. The lady next to me tells me how nice the porridge is… yes I bet it is. Time for blood pressure and temperature , ” have you passed a motion willow?” “No not yet” I reply. “we can give you some medicine for that ” the nurse says ………….. they can give medicine for everything but can they make me walk. I drift off again.
8.30am ” Hello willow time to wash dress you and change your bed”. I just smile I hate this , I understand it has to be done and they do it well but they talk over me about their lives, have they have mistaken me for one of the old ladies in here that cannot or will not comunicate . Shall I interupt their chatter or shall I…… there you go all clean and comfy now. They walk away and I am alone again time for Imogen I think !
My head is so messed up where the hell am I … oh! God I can’t move , help, help!
“Hello Willow I am just doing your blood pressure , it is high are you okay? ” I look at the nurse and I try to say I am scared I keep having bad dreams and I feel so trapped in this body brace. What I do say is “I am okay just having strange dreams, do you know when my operation will be ?” No she shakes her head.
She doesn’t know , I watch her walk off and I am slipping off again, Imogen is singing in my head
10.am The lady comes round with the hot drink, I have coffee in a beaker with a straw , it tastes funny but it the only way to get a drink.
…………. “hi ” It is a doctor now, ” what are you listening to?” I am about to tell him but he is asking me more questions , it is so hard to concentrate but I do my best.
12midday dinner arrives, Oh! I am in luck today the young girl is here to help me. She is African and so pretty she has a pretty nature too. She smiles and talks to me as she feeds me , she listens to me , she really does. I ask her is she going to be a nurse , no she is going to be a pharmasist , shame she would be a great nurse.
1pm the cleaner is here she is nice always smiling but she does not speak a word of English. She has the most lovely eyes.
“Hello Willow how was your morning ” it is my husband he is here to help me through the afternoon, trouble is I keep slipping in and out of sleep. Why will they not operate I will feel safer, stronger, better after they have. My husband talks and I listen, he tells me how cold it is , how bad the snow is. I want to be awake but I just keep slipping away.
3pm the tea lady again she gives me a beaker with a straw of coffee and my husband a cup of tea for my husband. The lady in the next bed had has two biscuits.
6pm dinner arrives, my husband helps me, he is getting good at this.
He stays till about 7.30pm I urge him to go home and rest.
I ring for a bedpan the nurse says ” surely you have a catheter” “yes” I said ” I do not need to pee”. It is almost impossible to use a bed pan when you are laying flat. This nurse leaves me on the bedpan for over 20mins then longer after I have rung for her to help me. I ask her have I been , no she says walking away. ………. Why can’t I tell if I have been, why can’t I go, why can’t I feel . My stomach really hurts, so does my back hurt so much, I start to cry then the cloak of sleep surounds me again.
11.30pm I hear the nurses starting the drugs round the night shift must be here , they are so noisy, blood pressure, temperature , pluse, tablets. Straighten the bed. Lights out ..not bad tonight it is middnignt. Let me get these headphones back in shut the ward out. …………………………
“Is that a huge black slug or a nasty black worm ” I asked my eldest son . He was sitting next to my bed and holding my hand, ” where mum ” he asked on a laugh! “Up there I said over the clock, I don’t like it , it keeps moving” Quizical look and and gentle reassuring ” No mum I think you are tripping again. You know it is me, not you that does weird !”
He was right I do not not do weird I was the sensible Mum here. I was the adult ( even though he was 36yrs at the time, 40yrs now ). He was right though I was finding it so hard to hold things together my head was buzzing and my back hurt so much . I had a catheter which was good but I was totally constipated all the time. My body seemed to have gone totally haywire. My brain addled with painkillers was panicking , will I ever walk again, will I even stand up will I ever manage to go to the toilet again……… sorry but base as that is that was what I was panicking about, that and what was the black slug/worm doing on top of the clock.
The Dr , no sorry he is a mister, a surgeon , is standing at the bottom of my bed again with all his minions , a sea of faces , international faces. I wish I knew when they will operate , perhaps they have forgotten what they said they would do. I will ask him again. Mr ……. can you tell me exactly what you are going to do. ” I told you yesterday do you rally think I have nothing better to do with my time than to tell you again today? “OH! his bark is as bad as his bite, er no I suppose not. Oh! well I give up , lets put my Ipod on and loose myself in a story.
“Willow” , a hand on my shoulder, “Willow sorry to wake you , ” Oh! it is that really nice registar Mr … ” Willow I am sorry Mr … is very brisk he doesn’t mean anything by his way. He just thinks it is as easy for everyone to understand what he is doing, as it is for him! ” He is smiling at me now and explaining again what they are going to do but they have to wait for the kit to arrive and the swelling to go down. Why am I so scared.
OH! Another Dr what now ? Hello, OH! big smile, it is no d0ctor it is my husband . He has got here through the snow again. He has bought me a rasberry mousse , thank you so much. I have fallen asleep again then the pain wakes me up . Time for oramorph then back to sleep again.
My patient husband he used struggle in to visit me every day, and we were in the throws of one of our really bad winter spells snow and ice everywhere. But he percivered .
The weather was bad and lots of old ladies ( and men no doubt but I did not see too many of them.) were addmitted at regular intivals of the day and night.
Angela , Angela where is Angela ? That was a question that I was going to get very used to. It would be asked morning , noon and night by Gwen. Angela arrived everyday at 2pm and she stayed until 8pm at night.She was as quiet as a mouse and she was always smiling . It did not matter whether she was there or not the question was asked every few minutes.
I remember there were four of us in the ward and we were all tired , there were Mavis and Joan oposite me and Barbara beside me . It was 2am and none of us could sleep because Gwen was calling for Angela . As Gwen asked for the where abouts of Angela for the 9o99th time we all chorused “Shut up Gwen” We were all amazed when she did . We all relaxed , it is amazing how it grates on the nerves to hear someone in true distress appealing for someone , not knowing if there are there or not. We all enjoyed 10mins of total silence … well almost silence the night staff were as usual chatting about their exciting lives giggling and being generally noisy. But it was bliss.
Angela , Angela where is Angela ? what could we do we all just bust out laughing……………… what are those tears , yes I am so tired . Angela , Angela where is Angela ?
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