Today is the twenty fourth day of Advent, leading up to Christmas. I would like to re-run my take on the Nativity story. I first wrote this in 2011, in the style of prosetry. This though is another brand new chapter.
Mary awoke a looked at the star, it was brightest up in the sky by far. “Gabe said there would be star to say just where we are do you think we are safe here?” Jo told her that God would not let harm come to his son so they need not fear.
“What shall we call him?” Jo asked, “Gabe had told me his name” Mary whispered. “I want to choose his name” said Jo. “Okay” replied Mary, ” what do you want his name to be.” Jo thought the he smiled and replied, ” Jesus, let’s call him Jesus”. Mary smiled a huge smile and happily agreed, knowing that was the child’s chosen name.
“I shall teach him my trade I shall love him he will be my boy, Mary we will show him so much joy.” He will have a childhood just like all other children they both agreed.
I try not to mention how I am feeling too often because … well I suppose that is how I was brought up. If asked how you are , you lie through your teeth. Even if you are on your last legs you smile and say “I am fine thank you.”
Yes I did include you all in the last stages of my withdrawal from neuropathic and morphine based painkillers ( the prescription ones that most doctors hand out like sweets to keep you quiet) I am now prescription painkillers free and for that matter over the counter pills free too.
I was an addict and withdrawal is very hard and painful but it can be achieved. There is a problem though and I do try to keep it to myself but here I am spilling it all out on to the page for you all to see. Not very stiff upper-lip you might say.
PAIN,that is the problem. Constant nagging and stubborn pain. It hounds me all day, it pokes me to remind me it there all night while I sleep and it notches up a level when I least need or expect it.
Those of you you who suffer with constant pain will know what I am talking about people like Claire Saul and her Blog PainPals she will know what I am talking about and her blog is most interesting do visit her. Also is Caz’s blog at Invisibly Me well worth a visit too.
Life is a trade off isn’t it I could live a half life like a Zombie drugged up to the eye balls lulled in to a false sense that the pain is numbed. ( It isn’t really eventually they do not work at all and you realise you are taking them just because you NEED them to feel normal) Or I can have my brain working to full capacity and find ways to cope with the constant pain.
I made the choice I gave up the pills and I cannot really ever take any of them again because I am an addict. I am afraid to even take over the counter painkillers encase I wind up hooked on them. Most days I cope but on days like today , I feel like shit. I am exhausted, in pain , shorted tempered, freezing and tearful. I am finding so hard to even write this blog but I will …I hope that someone out there might just need to know they are not alone.
Where am I going with this, I don’t really know but I just needed to get my feelings out there. I have been trying to get my poems into some sort of order because I would dearly love to get a book published this year, I even have a working title ‘ A Blogsworth of Poems ‘ I am plodding away at that but I have so little time as because the stupid pain slows me down everything takes so much longer.
Enough now no more moaning lets look at some positives. I had a great weekend, Saturday we visited a local brewery with friends and we could take Ruby too as it has a dog friendly bar called the Taproom. No we didn’t do a tour we had a fabulous BBQ lunch and tried out their interesting original beers. I also found a beautiful bluebell wood to take Ruby for a walk in. Sunday we were out with our youngest son and his two boys the eldest of who was 5 years old last Wednesday.
We had a pub lunch and we took M’s birthday presents and the Easter eggs for both boys along with us. It was delightful to have our eldest grandson announce That his birthday present was “Just what I wanted ” The joy of see the grandchildren really helped with the pain… maybe the fact that we had so much fun at the weekend is one of the reason I feel so tired ( you might say) … but the pain and tiredness are constant
I do lots of walking daily ( the advantage of having a dog! ) and Pilates twice a week and I am so much better than I was this time last year and a thousand times better than I was three years ago.
I am fine , hopefully tomorrow I shall be even better I have a lot to look forward to. Next week is Easter. The week after I am going on a course ( The Lord of the Deep ) with the Silent Eye which I really looking forward too. I am also hoping we will see more of the grandchildren. Then June brings The Bloggers Bash!
Life is what we make it and nothing can last forever… I hope ❤
At Kat Myrman‘s suggestion,along with Jane Dougherty, I’m trying out the Lune form this month. The Lune is a three line poem, either 5/3/5 syllables or 3/5/3 words.
The other night while flying high across the cold black winter’s sky I saw a cluster of stars, they winked at me from afar. I was curious to see just why they winked when they saw me.
The tiny cluster of stars which were grouped together just south of Mars were celebrating with delight the shiny furnament of night.
The twinkling sparkling dancing light leapt from side to side across the night. I joined in and leapt and played and lazily from star to planet I flipped and swayed. Spinning through the universe the view from Rhea is diverse. Looking out into the distance I noticed a planet which looked so blue .
