Lune 11

At Kat Myrman‘s suggestion,along with Jane Dougherty, I’m trying out the Lune form this month. The Lune is a three line poem, either 5/3/5 syllables or 3/5/3 words.

Image from Pixabay

Looking back in time

Could it be

My fault for what’s mine.

Homeless At Christmas

I  originally wrote  this in  December  2013  but it is  still relevant .

I hope it won’t snow this Christmas it’s one of my biggest fears.

It was so bitter last year even thinking of it makes me shudder and shed a tear.

They won’t be eating Turkey with all the trim

Unless they find a charity shelter and they can get in.

The people at the shelters are angels from up above they give their time and plenty love.

They really are saviours they really do so much good.

They give warmth and comfort and Christmas dinner and even  Christmas pud.

OH! why are they out here I hear you say

There are lots of reasons, have you got all day? Dave got made redundant the bills he couldn’t pay So the bank stepped in and took his home away.

His wife could not stand the B&B that the social offered them

So she took the children off to live with her mum so Dave won’t see them again.

Jen, she was cheeky girl always having fun

Staying out late and playing up in the end it got too much for her mum!

After a big row one night  in the summer she asked Jen to go,

So she is struggling along out here now,when your homeless it is amazing how fast your friends all go.

Rob well his story is very sad,

It all started with his drinking then he discovered drugs he became violent and everything turned bad.

He fell out with his mother’s boyfriend who told him he had to go

And then threw him out into the December  snow.

The reasons are legion you can take your pick,

People  who  loose  their jobs  because  they became  sick

From parents who can’t cope

To addictions that make you loose all hope,

Parents or family who beat you, family who will not stop at a touch

They want you to give them way too much.

This may all seem morbid this may all seem too sad

I hate to tell you all, things can be so very, very bad.

People young and old see their hopes and dreams unfold and vanish in clouds of smoke

As they end up on the streets lost and without any hope.

So enjoy your Christmas parties, your families and your Yule tide fare

But as you raise a toast remember the homeless ones out there .

 

YOU  CAN DONATE  OR  HELP HERE 

 

BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS

Blood on  my  hands, bright  red  and  warm

Where is  it  from , sticky  thick . Have  I caused  harm?

It  runs  slowly  down  my  fingers then drips on to the sand.

Where  am I , alone  here  with  blood on my  hand.

 

You  are  guilty it  is  your  fault all your  doing

The  machine of  war  keeps  turning  all hell ensuing

You can carry  all the blame, look at  this  world  you have  built

Never  mind  the blood on your  hands  there are  gallons  more  you’ve  spilt.

 

Who  are  you to  blame  me,

Show  yourself , reveal  your face  let  me  see.

Why  me,  what  have I  done  to have  blood on my  hands.

I have  done  nothing , I do not  wage  war I don’t  make  stands.

 

You  are  guilty it  is  your  fault all your  doing

The  machine of  war  keeps  turning  all hell ensuing

You can carry  all the blame, look at  this  world  you have  built

Never  mind  the blood on your  hands  there are  gallons  more  you’ve  spilt.

 

I am  no one  just  an ordinary  woman, I have  never  hurt  anyone

I have  never have I  killed  so why  is there blood on my hands

Why am I here, this empty place, dirty under  this  sun

I need  to  wash  this blood  from  my  hands.

 

You  are  guilty it  is  your  fault all your  doing

The  machine of  war  keeps  turning  all hell ensuing

You can carry  all the blame, look at  this  world  you have  built

Never  mind  the blood on your  hands  there are  gallons  more  you’ve  spilt.

 

I am your conscience, your  last  chance

Take off  your  blindfolds  and  stop  the devils  dance

Love  each other, share  what  you have   for a  change 

Before it is  too late , have compassion. That is not  so strange.

 

STOP IT.

 

I have a guilty secret I have written about it here   I think it is called   Dermatillomania .

 

The  more I try to stop the habit the  more it seems to plague  me.

I scratch my  back and  my shoulders until  they bleed

The more I scar myself  the more I have to hide so no one will see.

I just do not know why I have to do this, what ever is the need.

 

I am going on holiday soon  I shall be in the sun

But I shall have to cover up  to hide what I have done.

My husband does not like this,  he does not understand

Why I make such a mess of myself, my back, my arms and now the fingers of my hand.

 

Why do I do this, why can’t I handle life

Sometimes it looks like I have attacked myself  with a knife.

The more I tell myself to stop  the more I seem to do it

My husband tells me I must stop,  as if  there is nothing to it.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am not as bad as the picture  but I do now have many scars. Unfortunately I have several new scabs on my  back and  shoulders. I really  do not understand why I do this I am not a teenager  or even a young  person. I feel so ashamed  that I do this  when I am a mature woman with children and grandchildren.

WHY IS LIFE SO HARD. 

 

 

EvDaDaDec : Guilty secret

I am a grown up, I must be,  look at my age

But  I self harm just like a teenager , it must  be all the rage!

I don’t cut  but I scratch until I bleed

I make sure it does not show, no to show is not a need.

I do it because I hate myself, because I am so unsure

Sometimes it is the only  thing  that helps  me life  to endure.

Right now I feel I am loosing  the tenuous grip I hold on life

There seems  to be only fine lines and they all lead  to strife.

I really  should  be passed all this,I am a grown up woman

But when things get fraught  I scratch because I can.

I do not want to do this I am ashamed  to admit

I hope that if I write it down, I find  a way to stop it.

This  is not  my back but it could be

Why do I do this, what is wrong  with me.

I know I am not alone many struggle with this curse

I want  to find the strength to stop and not get worse.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I feel the need to face up to this  as I have now been chewing my fingers… I have  never attacked my hands before.

I have found  this on the  web Dermatillomania  does anyone know about it .

HOMELESS AT CHRISTMAS

I hope it won’t snow this Christmas it’s one of my biggest fears.

It was so bitter last year even thinking of it makes me shudder and shed a tear.

They won’t be eating Turkey with all the trim

Unless they find a charity shelter and they can get in.

The people at the shelters are angels from up above they give their time and plenty love.

They really are saviours they really do so much good.

They give warmth and comfort and Christmas dinner and even  Christmas pud.

OH! why are they out here I hear you say

There are lots of reasons, have you got all day? Dave got made redundant the bills he couldn’t pay So the bank stepped in and took his home away.

His wife could not stand the B&B that the social offered them

So she took the children off to live with her mum so Dave won’t see them again.

Jen, she was cheeky girl always having fun

Staying out late and playing up in the end it got too much for her mum!

After a big row one night  in the summer she asked Jen to go,

So she is struggling along out here now,when your homeless it is amazing how fast your friends all go.

Rob well his story is very sad,

It all started with his drinking then he discovered drugs he became violent and everything turned bad.

He fell out with his mother’s boyfriend who told him he had to go

And then threw him out into the January snow.

The reasons are legion you can take your pick,

People  who  loose  their jobs  because  they became  sick

From parents who can’t cope

To addictions that make you loose all hope,

Parents or family who beat you, family who will not stop at a touch

They want you to give them way too much.

http://nolimitshelp.org.uk/sites/default/files/imagecache/main/Homeless_Young_Man_1.jpg

This may all seem morbid this may all seem too sad

I hate to tell you all, things can be so very, very bad.

People young and old see their hopes and dreams unfold and vanish in clouds of smoke

As they end up on the streets lost and without any hope.

So enjoy your Christmas parties, your families and your Yule tide fare

But as you raise a toast remember the homeless ones out there .

No escape

ooo2

escape

escape

escape

I thought I had escaped at last the clinging ties that hold me fast. I though with age things would relent and all the harsh things you’d said were just not meant.So many years I have carried the fears that have weighed me down and reduced me to tears.

How long is this path I have to walk while all my short falls on your, black board, you chalk. I just think I see the light and as towards it, my way I fight. You watch me nearly reach my goal then you scoop me up and drop me in your goldfish bowl.

How long can this torment last? When will you loose these chains that have me in their grasp.Why must each day be another trial that sees me fail , stupid, lazy , ignorant and vile.Why must it always be your way, why must I adhere to everything you say. You march on your eyes and ears tight shut and I am dragged in your wake all bruised and cut.

I am tired and and weak of heart lost for words, by your demons I am  slowly torn apart. After all these years I cannot melt your icy heart but I guess I new that from the start. How can I fight these devils, they are yours not mine but still they are killing me as around my heart they entwine.

 

WHY

Hi I wrote this in November of last year. Today I am feeling tired and cold and if I am honest very low. This poem of mine came into my head so I revisited it. I keep thinking that I have moved on and that he has too but then another kick from the gods of fate comes resounding into the small of my back and I open my eyes and see nothing has changed nothing at all.

I have changed about two words, they probably make no difference to the poem but I needed to change them. A little tweakette. Oh! that we could do that with life. The keys at the end of the poem are very symbolic to me. I feel locked up, trapped in a cell. Yet to the world I present this smile, “I can do ” appearance. What a joke that is I feel hardly capable of standing today.

Okay that is enough,I have subjected you all to more than you need to know about my bleeding heart and life so lets wipe the blood from the page and hope for a cheeky chirpy next post…… yer right!! 😦

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHY?

Just how do you do it time after time.Why do I let you do this to me, there is no reason or rhyme.  It makes no sense, why do you tear up this life of mine. Do you have no sense of occasion do you not even care, have you no feelings left for me, do you even need me there.

photo credits vanilla.wordpress.com

I think I must be stupid I think I must be mad to let you carry on the way you do, it is all so wrong, it just makes me feel so bad..

Why do you want to live two lives it surely it is not on. You are missing most weekends, sometimes weeks at a time and that is surely wrong. I have dodged the questions asked about you from family and friends I hate to lie for when that starts it never, never ends.

People take their sides they do not realize that they have, they make a choice which means  different rules  apply. The first time I was shown this my heart was turned to stone. I thought that I would die.

This really was a shock to me, I am a bit stupid  you see, the fact that life is like that was staring at me glaringly.

It has been so many years now but time has not made any of the pain recede. In fact time makes no difference  the pain just grows indeed. It has turned into acceptance which is a bitter seed.

Why have I taken this all for so long, why when I know it is all wrong. Family yes, appearances no,I lost all pride long ago . For my comfort maybe, I need help I need someone even if they  don’t want me.

WHEN WE LET GO WE ARE FREE

Why are we falling apart.

google images

Stop, stop you are breaking my heart. Why now, why is it all falling apart. It was good, it was great at the start so why why is it all falling apart.

You no longer listen to a word that I say, there is a split and it is growing larger every day.Why, oh! why when it was so good are we throwing it all away.

Stop, stop shouting at me , the louder you shout the less likely I am to agree. We were so together, what was it that happened that made you hate me.

Falling, falling apart. I can’t take much more you are breaking my heart. Listen, please listen don’t slam that door because if you do there will be no way back to how it was before.

google images

Lifes Confusion

photo credits http://stuffkit.com/

Riddle, riddle has the cat found a fiddle or is it a violin? Riddle,riddle the cow is in a space suit suffering from original sin.

Humpty Dumpy took up cookery  he was all excited. He burst into tears when he was invited.He heard he couldn’t make a cake without breaking eggs, it only confirmed his worst fears.

Little miss Muffet  sat on her tuffet eating Humpty’s cake she put in her thumb and pulled out a plumb and that was not her first mistake. The little dog laughed until his sides ached.

Skipperty, slipperty the floor boards are rickety and little boy Blue had put on weight. Since he’d met simple Simon and they’d mugged the pie man crashing through floor boards was their fate.

Ding a ding dong the old woman sang a song , climbing the walls in her mind. The children were driving her mad.She hit a few and sent them crashing screaming and shouting that her old man was a cad!

I riddle , riddle my whole life is a fiddle not knowing what is to be done. But tell me now why your laces are undone my diddle dumpling son John.

Fly high skies,mind the custard pies if left too long they attract dirty blue flies! So rockaby  my baby on the tree top. Who the f**k put you up there! If the storm rages you will fall and I will be arrested for neglect so damn it all!

 

 

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