WHY

Why am I so angry why am I so low

You’re driving me to distraction why, I do not know.

Always putting everyone else first, but not me.

Always pardoning everything for reasons I can’t see.

If I try to tell you to let others take their turn

You turn on me and give that look that sting like a burn.

I sick of being the baddy, having to zip my mouth.

Why not put me first, and stop me heading south!

Christmas Lies Bleeding

Image  found  here 

 

It  is gathering , it is growing  as it does  this time of year.

It is clawing my guts  out, as it shuffles  near.

It is spitting in  my face  and  screaming in my ear.

I am being wrenched  apart happy Christmas  my dear

 

Nobody ever does anything for  you..

Do you really believe that  crap is  really  true

Na  it couldn’t  be anything  you do…….. could it?

 

It always  happens at Christmas I have  to ask you why .

Why  take it up and screw it up, watch it bleed gasp  for air  and die!

Go on, make your selfish demands on me ,

Make  me  make the choices I never want ..never  set me fucking free.

 

Nobody ever does anything for  you..

Do you really believe that  crap is  really  true

Na  it couldn’t  be anything  you do…….. could it?

 

Bleed me  cut  me throw me in the gutter .

Make  me choose what I do not want, what the fuck  does it matter.

No doubt  you will relent  ungraciously  then be

The biggest  martyr you can, and blame your grief on me.

 

Nobody ever does anything for  you..

Do you really believe that  crap is  really  true

Na  it couldn’t  be anything  you do…….. could it?

 

Yes I bloody hate Christmas.  All it brings  is grief, arguments  and hurt.

Under  the pretence  of rejoicing many a  poor soul is being dragged  through  the dirt!

Adverts on the TV  show perfect families  enjoying the festive fayre.

It makes me want to choke  I don’t believe it, and I  think it so unfair

To ram  these lies of “happy happy times” right  down our throats .

It is just another bloody day

Everything that’s wrong still there  beneath  the  sugar  coat.

They’ll still be  there  tomorrow and  not  magically  go away

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A rework  of  a poem  I  wrote  for  NABLOPOMO back in  NOV 2013

Please  excuse  the language   and  remember  it is  a poem.

Wordless Wednesday: Frustration!

The Wall

The invisible wall

We travel together , but apart

Your distance from me is braking my heart.

Our seats are side by side

Yet as you sit down you build  a wall  behind which  you  hide.

We move along together but in our separate ways

In silence we start and end our days .

I set the table with cloth and crockery

Put down the food which we eat ,nothing to say? It is all a mockery.

We are busy  avoiding the truth, all the time.

You with your work and I with mine .

When did this all happen  were did our love go.

Now there is a huge void between us it is physical I cannot get through it 0r round it, I have tried, you must know.

We disembark together collect our luggage and the car

Then continue the journey , I read as you drive far.

I reach out to touch you I see that flinch

Am I that awful that simple contact  makes you wince ?

We look at the scenery and discuss the flight

We talk but we do not communicate, there is no reaching each other, now that is not right.

We book in jointly and walk up the stairs

I draw in the scenery. You pour us a drink we chink glasses, cheers!

I need you to see me, I need to see you.

We must work together, you know that is true.

Brick by brick the wall has to go

But I need your help .You already know.

We walk through the field inches apart

Yet miles of ice caverns separate our hearts.

Sitting on the pier surrounded by sea

I can’t scale the emptiness can you come to me?

We enjoy the sun set and say how gold are it’s last rays ,

We are good at that, joining to give away praise.

I look at you and you avert your eyes

I know you are not with me but with her, another part of me dies.

We need to be honest and work this all out

We still have a chance to turn this about.

Our paths may be different and take us apart

But we need to discover what is left in our hearts.

It may mean we no longer present this united front.

Let take up sledge hammers and smash this wall , lets be blunt.

We are not living in this relationship its true ,

And it is not enough for either of us to continue as we do.

We need to be honest we need to talk ,

It scares the hell out of me and I know you’d rather just walk.

We could face the facts and work out what to do

I have said my piece now it is up to you!

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A poem  I  wrote   in 2011

EvDaDaDec : Can’t cut the cord.

http://th00.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2010/226/2/f/Mother_and_Son_by_NikyNever.jpg

He is sad now, lost and lonely  full of regret

Thinking now of what he thought he had

She has moved on  she found it easier to forget.

It hurts, it really does. He wants to run, to feel less sad!

I bleed for him I really do, they say you feel their pain, it’s true.

I want to hold him I want to hug him. Take the  pain he’s had.

I am so far away from him and it hurts that there is nothing I can do.

He is special he is precious I hate to see him hurt again. I feel for what  he had.

http://ak8.picdn.net/shutterstock/videos/2893609/preview/stock-footage-sad-depressed-young-man-in-the-city-stabilized-shot.jpg

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When  they are  young they  brake  your  back  when the grow  they break  your  heart!

So  true .

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I apologize  I  just  could not post  yesterday  so her is an extra EvDaDaDec

NaBloPoMo: Christmas Lies Bleeding

http://th02.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/f/2012/079/1/f/anguish_by_teelamb-d4tduoz.jpg

It  is gathering , it is growing  as it does  this time of year.

It is clawing my guts  out  as it shuffles up to me near.

It is spitting in  my face  and  screaming in my ear.

I am being wrenched  apart happy Christmas  my dear

Nobody ever does anything for  you.. do you really believe that  crap. Do you really think its  true.

Na  it couldn’t  be anything  you do…….. could it?

 

It always  happens at Christmas I have  to ask you why . Why  take it up and screw it up  , step on it, kick it … watch it bleed  to death, gasp  for air  and die!

Go on, Go on, make your selfish demands on me , make  me  make the choices I never want ..never  set me fucking free.

Bleed me  cut  cut  throw me in the gutter . Make  me choose what I do not want, what the fuck  does it matter.

No doubt  you will relent  ungraciously  then be  the biggest  martyr you can  and blame your grief on me.

 

Yes I bloody hate Christmas.  All it brings  is grief, arguments  and hurt.

Under  the pretence  of rejoicing many a  poor soul is being dragged  through  the dirt!

The  adverts on the TV  show  the perfect families  enjoying the festive fayre.

It makes me want to choke  I don’t believe it, and I  think it so unfair

To ram  these lies of “happy happy times” right  down our throats . It is just another bloody day

All the things  that are wrong  are still there  and  they  will not  magically  go away!

Frustration !

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma2q49xTdT1qllucco1_500.jpg

I am  so stressed and frustrated  with wordpress! I cannot  comment where I want to. I have numerous attempts to access my blog, like a post or even leave a comment.

I have wanted to congratulate people on  wonderful post  and have have not been able to, sometimes I cannot even click the like button!

Here is my problem as I presented it to wordpress earlier. The problem has been affecting me for days!

“I know many people are having this problem  but I keep getting \”data  not received \”  when trying to use  wordpress, write a blog  or comment  on  mine  or anyone\’s blog. I have done all I can my end , cleared , browser, cashes and cookies , check with my internet supplier  and checked my router! HELP PLEASE!! willowdot21

So please everyone be patient  and forgive me please.!

hugs to you all!

OH! Yes I want to congratulate  Helen Valentina  on the publication of her new book, The Seed. 😉

NaPoWriMo, Day 25. I give up

http://en.blog.files.wordpress.com/

NaPoWriMo Day 26 : I refuse to even attempt to explain today’s prompt. But I did write a poem about it!

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I Give up!

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Okay I can’t do it you finally have me beat

I cannot do today’s prompt, you have me in defeat.

I hummed and I have harred  but my mind has turned to lard!

I spent an hour or two working on “The night they took the news from Aix to Ghent.”

I tried to erase the in fact I shortened it  a lot  but it was not good enough and my patience was spent.

So there it is you have it, I have done my very best. Sadly you have got me banged to rights.

I have given you my all and followed your every prompt through all these April nights.

So Aix to Ghent three riders went. Two f them had their horses keel over

The third one got to Ghent God knows why he went , but when he arrived his horse did keel over!

So though I am not happy, in fact I am feeling very crappy I have to write an entry

Because I love a challenge , which I have answered all month so it’s elementary

Because  I cannot  do today’s erasure challenge, you finally have me beat

I cannot do today’s prompt,I am weeping loudly for  you have me in defeat.

http://www.napowrimo.net/

ENOUGH!

photo credits http://ellys-art-x.deviantart.com/

I am so angry, I am pissed that bloody woman makes me want to spit. She seems to enjoy setting one against the other she has no care that they are sister and brother ! Of course she knows she is their mother!

She will push and she will pull and stretch your temper, over whelm you with her bull. I am angry,  I am so mad the way she treads us makes me so sad!

Stick a knife in twist and turn that’s the way  sear and burn. A stressed out mess is what she makes of us there is no reason for this. She makes me want to cuss.

No I will not show respect! That is something that needs to be  earned its not something you just get! Why should she have it all her own way. If she carries on like this I will have to have my say!

I’ve put up with her for all these years I done my best to please her but I have had enough tears ! I think it is time for me to take a stand, time to be counted show my hand. To be that harsh for me is tough but listen to me now as I tell you I have had enough! He no doubt he will forgive but me…. not as long as I shall live.

 

April’s Story

photo credits http://www.anglican-mainstream.net/

Just because I am not the same is fair I am the butt of their game. Every day I dread  to go to school because it is always the same they treat me mean and make me the fool.

OH! I hate each and every break   that’s when my loneliness hits me and sadness over takes. It is no fun to be the one everybody picks upon, they rip my coat and trash my books and all through class they give me dirty looks.

Sometimes they follow me home, why won’t they just leave me alone. It doesn’t stop there, not all. As soon as I get in they start to call and send texts to my phone. Swearing taunting calling me names do they enjoy playing these games.

I tried to fight back I tried to reason  but I can’t to anything to please them. I tried to tell the teacher but she was not listening and then because of that they shoved my head down the toilet and gave me a christening!

photo credits http://www.shizzledizzlemagic.com/

I feel that it cannot get worse  then someone goes and takes my purse. For fun and good measure they give me a hearty beating leaving me cuts and bruises to treasure!

Sitting here in the hall I am bleeding but no one stops to give me the reassurance I am needing. So I slog home hurt and grieving  all hope gone nothing left to believe in.

Mum and dad, they have have done their best they have begged the school to get that gang to give me a rest. Every day it is relentless it just goes on and on on it is just endless. Nothing happens nothing is done they never stop they never will they could not give a shit about me I am just their fun.

I have had enough I shall not go on, harassment on my computer has now begun. Another way for the evil ones at my expense to have fun. Well.” NO YOU BASTARDS I have had enough take your cruel taunts, your punches texts and up yourselves them stuff. I have got a piece of strong rope I have written you all a beautifully neat note. So round my throat I knot this rope  I am sick of you all I really can no longer cope.

Children are now bullied so badly at school even when they get home they cannot escape because the bullies abuse them via, their phones and computers. What have we become when our children can hound each other to suicide just because they look or act or speak differently?

Another poem for Child Abuse Awareness Month.