Deep Thoughts.

Ifs and buts.

Don’t you find it funny that sometimes when we read our Blogily friends posts that a theme is there screaming at you. Well today is one of those days and the themes are ‘second chances’, ‘why we are who we are.’ and ‘choices’

I shall be the first to admit I have made some catastrophic life decisions in my time. I have made some good ones too, so why is it today I feel trapped and lost? Maybe it is this weird bug I have making me feel low or it could be the fact that I am cutting out the last of my neuropathic pain killers. This has been a three year struggle. I had got down to one in the morning and one at night equalling 600mgs a day which was no mean feat as I was taking 2400 mgs to start with and that was for six years. Anyway I am try to get rid of them completely and so started reducing the dose again am down to 400mgs a day and when I feel a little more myself I shall drop to 300mgs and so on, fingers crossed. It has not been easy.

Ah! I digress, Sue Vincent spoke of how things we learn , consciously and unconsciously in our childhood make us who we are. I recognize a lot of what she says, do read her blog Cold Comfort it makes a lot of sense, Sue is a lovely Lady. I was the youngest of a large family born late after an eight year gap to my next brother and fourteen years between me and my eldest sister. I spent a lot of time alone almost a only child and I bullied at school.

Then there was Ritu’s Spidey yes they got me thinking about how whatever life throws at you , you have the choice to make it good or bad. How life can be changed in a second but then there is always tomorrow. We must make the most of every second because we do not know when time will run out. Read Ritu’s post here at Spidey’s Serene Sunday. Right now I don’t feel like living for the moment but I know I should.

Also another blog that spoke to me and very much touched on how I feel right now was Michael at Morpethroad, read his #SoCs post Doors . Michael writes some brilliant post but this one!

There are many times in our lives where we could have changed things I look back and think if only I had stood up and said something. I should of done this that or the other BUT if only doesn’t mean diddly squat the fact is I didn’t, for what ever reason I didn’t.

Is the dye cast, I don’t know. I hope not. There are some family issues that are giving me much grief but when ever I intervene things get worse. Anyway that is not a subject I would burden you guys with.

So what do I say now, where do I take this post. I think I should stop now and go for the safe ‘least said soonest mended ‘ safety net. I hope this has not been a ‘poor me fest’ I did not mean it to be.

Please read the posts I have linked they are so thought provking. If you have any advice, kicks up the bum or just want to share how you feel or have felt I shall be interested to hear what you have to say.

NaBloPoMo : Storm Dance.

30 Days, 30 Posts: NaBloPoMo

 

One  by one they fall they are lifted  by the wind  and hurled

Around outside my window . In a mad St Vitus’ dance twirl,

Round and round  like tarantella spiders spiraling in all directions

Almost  kissing tenderly as they pass, pseudo affections.

 

And now the music starts  in the trees across the road

Swaying musicians  they are abandoning themselves in rhythmic overload.

Now comes the tippa tapping  the pitta patting window rattling

Fast and furious the dance is curious and strong , the windows rattling.

 

So it continues the beating  music and the  mad dance

The flowers join the leaves  as they skim the grass in a  light fandango they prance.

Shall I join them ? No not me here in the warm I would rather be

As I watch them an old failure feeling crept over me. Yes I wished  like them I was free.

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