Edge of Infinity

Alone in silence and at  the edge

My silence bought so cheaply

Fears rising  from depths I dare not dredge.

Slipping from this reality into infinity.

 

A hair’s breadth miss of  the angel’s sword

He  has spared me  with just a threat.

Always I’d  walked  the righteous path was this my reward?

Done all that was ever asked of me, I am in no one’s debt.

 

So subserviently I hung  my head

I helped with open heart  the living

While truly  and quietly I  mourned  the dead.

Received what I was owed while  happy to be giving

 

Yet here I am deserted left out here on my own

In  need of love and comfort feeling  needy.

Why should I feel so lost and alone

Slipping from this reality into infinity.

 

Broken Swan

 

 

 

The urge to fly free was always there

Escape  the planet fair and square.

Above the day’s bump and grind

Forget the pain, unwind.

Slash  the tethers tight

All hope set flight.

Your soul’s blood

In mud

Ground.

 

 

FanFoFeb : Stress and then Madness

My head is  full of anger  my  head is full of fear

I feel  so stressed and strung out , what  the hell is going on here.

Today  should of been a breeze  today  should of been a doddle

But  now it’s all gone pear shaped and my brains have all began to coddle.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Madness Nonnette

~~~~~~~~~~~

Hands reaching out to trap me fast.

To secure me in their misery.

Holding me down drowning me.

Loving it hear them sing

Enjoying my drowning.

Wanting my soul

Pain their goal

Swallowed

Whole

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Post on your site, and join FanFoFeb . The rules are easy!

1. It’s never too late to join in, since the “FanFoFeb   Fantasy for February lasts all month . (it doesn’t have to be a post) counts as a “post.” If it makes it to WordPress that day, great! If it waits a week to get from the sticky note to your screen, no problem!
2. If you write a FanFoFeb  . post on your blog, you can ping it back to the above link to make sure everyone participating knows where to find it.
3. Write anything!
4. Have fun!

 

 

 

 

 

HOMELESS AT CHRISTMAS

I hope it won’t snow this Christmas it’s one of my biggest fears.

It was so bitter last year even thinking of it makes me shudder and shed a tear.

They won’t be eating Turkey with all the trim

Unless they find a charity shelter and they can get in.

The people at the shelters are angels from up above they give their time and plenty love.

They really are saviours they really do so much good.

They give warmth and comfort and Christmas dinner and even  Christmas pud.

OH! why are they out here I hear you say

There are lots of reasons, have you got all day? Dave got made redundant the bills he couldn’t pay So the bank stepped in and took his home away.

His wife could not stand the B&B that the social offered them

So she took the children off to live with her mum so Dave won’t see them again.

Jen, she was cheeky girl always having fun

Staying out late and playing up in the end it got too much for her mum!

After a big row one night  in the summer she asked Jen to go,

So she is struggling along out here now,when your homeless it is amazing how fast your friends all go.

Rob well his story is very sad,

It all started with his drinking then he discovered drugs he became violent and everything turned bad.

He fell out with his mother’s boyfriend who told him he had to go

And then threw him out into the January snow.

The reasons are legion you can take your pick,

People  who  loose  their jobs  because  they became  sick

From parents who can’t cope

To addictions that make you loose all hope,

Parents or family who beat you, family who will not stop at a touch

They want you to give them way too much.

http://nolimitshelp.org.uk/sites/default/files/imagecache/main/Homeless_Young_Man_1.jpg

This may all seem morbid this may all seem too sad

I hate to tell you all, things can be so very, very bad.

People young and old see their hopes and dreams unfold and vanish in clouds of smoke

As they end up on the streets lost and without any hope.

So enjoy your Christmas parties, your families and your Yule tide fare

But as you raise a toast remember the homeless ones out there .

NaBloPoMo : Sister Susie

Are you looking in the mirror sister Susie what do you see.

The face  of sinner or angel which would you be.

Do they pay for what you give them  or do you give it for free.

Tell me sister Susie what do you see.

 

You  dance  for them early  you dance for them late

Why do you dance  for them, this was never your fate.

Do they pay for your dancing  or do you dance  for free.

Tell me sister Susie  what do you see.

 

Your make up is harsh now ,your make up is dark.

When you look in the mirror do you see those dark marks .

Does it hurt you Susie when off you they spark

Do they pay when the hit you or do you let them hit you for free.

Tell me sister Susie  what do you see.

 

Will you leave here Susie will you ever be free

Will you walk out of here Susie do you hold a key.

Do they pay you to stay here or do you stay here for free.

Tell me when you look in the mirror sister Susie  what do you see.

Lonliness

Day breaks , silence is shattered the birds start to stir

Waiting on the branches for crumbs to be scattered.

Open the blinds put out the light

Unbolt the door set forth out of the night.

Out of the night towards the sun,

Life just goes on it does not grind screaming to a halt because you have gone.

It is not right it all feels wrong why does the world not mark your passing?

I want to scream to make them all see how deep my wound is. Why are you not here, I keep asking.

keep asking why did you go, my hands reach up to the sky,

I miss you so. My tears could fill an ocean blue, my lips still asking why.

So another day is here and I have fed the birds, put on my coat of lies.

Paint my face,  dry my eyes.

Check the clock walk the path leave the safety of the hearth.  

Again I take my place among them, surrounded by so many but I stand alone.

 I arrive at work and greet my friends and stay there until I can go home.

The phone the screen the printer, coffee cups and a break ….

I keep going on this endless road smiling, laughing but it’s all fake.

Smiling, laughing but it’s all fake. Home again and it is late.

I stayed out drinking for the emptiness here is what I hate.

The weekend is here tomorrow but I shall be busy so busy so I can hide from sorrow.

Friends for coffee, family for lunch out in the evening with a great bunch.

I cannot stop not even for a minute or I shall see the hole you left ….yes and I am in it.

For Lindy x

Truth wept

photo credits google images

The light is blinding and white. I try to take a step but I am frozen by fright. What is there beyond the door , we have all wondered and asked this before.

If fear is the enemy then who is by my side I thought it was truth  but truth wept as it  lied.

There is something though I feel a steadying hand and a voice that is telling me that all has been planned.Tell me please, I start to cry,why did he leave me, why did truth lie?

I reach for the peace I long to hold, it always eludes me and leaves me cold. I tread carefully along the floor, it always betrays me and creaks as I near the door. Will I ever know the answer, will my fears ever fly, I thought truth was my ally but truth ,well, truth  lied.

I am tired now my strength is all spent I look for hope but he also went. I move forward,  escape to gain but  I am betrayed, my efforts in vain. My eyes are opened  my vision now cleared I turn for support  but it ends as I feared.

If fear is the enemy then who is by my side I thought it was truth  but truth wept as it  lied.

Lets face some truth

Fear is what it is.  I cannot explain it any other way. I see endless years stretching out ahead of me  with not quite enough for me to do. Not quite enough energy for me to do it with, not quite enough to occupy my mind or my body not quite strong enough to support me in what I want to to do.

What is the answer, I just do not know but I fear it, I fear being useless I fear getting fat, I fear getting boring and having nothing of interest to say. I still miss my job, I thought I had got passed that but no when I am low it hits me and I miss my friends and the public so. JJust as if it was yesterday and not three years on. I feel lost, cut off, isolated, frightened like a child but as I am not a child I have to cope.

Wastelands of my mind

I am frightened and I feel lost. I do not know which way to turn.I have reached the wastelands of my life and I am panicking,I am sweating blood at the thought of what is left to me. I do not know what to do I only know I must be brave. I must use all the inner strength  that I have, every emotion every  tactic that I can draw upon to keep me sane.

Of course now having come this far I cannot give in to my fears I have to stand and face them and I hope that I can win. I must face this, same wall of fear every few months I have to smash it  and pound it and get over it. It is not easy with pain snapping at your heels and age pulling at your body and the nastiest bogey of them all, fear. Blinding your eyes and cloaking all your thoughts. I shall not give in I shall do my best. This is no reflection on those around me. This is my fight and mine alone.

Run from chaos!

From chaos

Out of the chaos of truth and light we emerge exhausted into the softness of the night. Tired and weary we have grown, since chaos took hold and our hopes were blown.

Gingerly to the edge we creep, laying down on the earth over the edge we peep.There fall the answers that we seek they are gone now lost to us, born off on the wind before we even got a peek.

The heavens above us full of planets and stars laughingly look down on this arduous life that is ours.We are left here cold and naked our clothes have all been ripped off and stolen by the wind. Pointlessly we try to hide this awkward shape that our bodies are in.

we try to hide our nakedness. http://www.john-birch.co.uk/

Panic spreads through us as we all look around. Our pride and our honour have all gone to ground. Things that were normal sudden seem strange and out of place. Now we all realize how far we have fallen from grace. One by one the realization of what we have lost is shown on our faces.

Turning as one we run to the door from whence the light outside shines through on to the floor. But as we near the beckoning light we see the doors are closing  and outbreaks a fight. Fear and anger runs through us all. I stand and I see we have escaped nothing at all.

So we have run from the chaos of truth and light we emerged exhausted into the softness of the night. Tired and weary we have grown, only to realize nothing has changed except the light is gone and in darkness we roam.

Homeless at Christmas

Homeless at Christmas

I hope it won’t snow this Christmas it one of my biggest fears it was so bitter last year even thinking of it makes me shudder and shed a tear.

They won’t be eating Turkey with all the trim unless they find a charity shelter and they can get in. The people at the shelters are angels from up above they give their time and plenty love. They really are saviours they really do so much good. They give warmth and comfort and Christmas dinner and even  Christmas pud.

OH! why are they out here I hear you say there are lots of reasons, have you got all day. Dave got made redundant the bills he couldn’t pay so the bank stepped in and took his home away. His wife could not stand the B&B that the social offered them so she took the children off to live with her mum so Dave won’t see them again.

Jen, she was cheeky girl always having fun staying out late and playing up in the end it got too much for her mum! After a big row one night  in the summer she asked Jen to go, so she is struggling along out here now,when your homeless it is amazing how fast your friends all go.

Rob well his story is very sad, it all started with his drinking then he discovered drugs he became violent and everything turned bad. He fell out with his mothers boyfriend who told him he had to go and then threw him out into the January snow.

The reasons are legion you can take your pick, from parents who can’t cope to addictions that make you loose all hope,parents or family who beat you, family who will not stop at a touch they want you to give them way too much.

This may all seem morbid this may all seem too sad I hate to tell you all, things can be so very, very bad. People young and old see their hope and dreams unfold and vanish in clouds of smoke as they end up on the streets lost and without hope.

So enjoy your Christmas parties, your families and your Yule tide fare but as you raise a toast remember the homeless ones out there .

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