Reflections

photo credits google images

I look in the mirror and what do I see. That is not my face looking back at me. Where have those lines come from that pallor of skin, that face is in such the type  mess I never want to be in.

Look at the worry that pours forth from those eyes they are no longer blue , they no longer challenge the skies. Lips once red now seem so grey, almost dead.

My hair, no longer lustrous or long is now grey and in tatters, something is disastrously wrong. I look in the mirror and what do I see. That is not my face looking back at me.

Who stole the hours who took them away how did years fly when it only felt like days.  Where are my children where are my friends is this really all there is, is this where it ends.

 

LOOK AT ME

I said, what more can I do to prove my love for you. You said, it’s raining again! I threw myself at your feet to stop you not even seeing me. No use it was in vain. I cooked the best dinner I could, put a lot  of myself into it, you though the carrots tasted like wood.

photo credits google image

I fell from a window in an effort to attract your attention cracked myself open to offer you my blood . You did turn around then……..but only because you had heard the thud.

Cleaned and polished, I rubbed and scrubbed and I worked so hard but you hadn’t noticed and I’d played my best card.

I cleared up the garden I trimmed and skimmed I pruned and tended the blooms still you didn’t notice me. I called you to come and look but what I missed was all you could see.

So I packed my bags and gathered my things. I took off my jewellery and I gave back my rings, that still did nothing you ordered a taxi and when it arrived you put in my things.

So I gave up!

 

A CHANGE OF HEART

She came in on the midnight hour looking warn and weary like a wilted flower, tired bedraggled sloven and bereft of any power.

Rain had washed her make up off and she looked half her age, her hair hung limp and wet there was a nasty taste in her mouth and her belly was full of rage.

Peeling off her soaking clothes letting them fall to the floor through the house naked she walked oblivious to all, her soul in bits she could feel no more.

She crept into the shower and let the water run, hot hot hotter then she took the scrubbing brush she must undo what had been done. So she let the water run and run.

She closed her mind to all that had run before she bent her head and stared at  the chipped tile on the floor. So tired, so tired and in such pain do it right do it wrong it is all the bloody same.

photo credits google images

What to do, she did not know she had to sort things this she did know. Slowly the water was turning red and there was whirling in her head .

Sagging knees she clutched her belly she tried to move but she had turned to jelly.

The sound of water was calming the warmth of the water was too, yet the pain was alarming……..

Sometime later the water ran cold she awakes and shivers and realizes she must move, she must get a hold. Where is her mum she needs some help then she remembers with a whelp.Crawling up she stops the water , dries herself off and looks in the mirror to see if she has altered.

Dressed again she makes her way down stairs moves the wet clothes that are hers, still in the house no one stirs. Leaving the house the rain has stopped she almost flies to the grave yard to retrieve what she has dropped.

Her nerve is running out as she approaches the warden’s shed she is pain and light in the head.Opening the door she slips inside there where she left it her bundle she spies. Picking it up and holding her breath she unwraps the smelly blanket .

Silence…………..she touches the face the lips, she lifts the tiny hands and kisses them suddenly a a movement a wriggle she holds her breath and then a cry ….. The answer to all her wishes.

Photo credits google images

Lifting the little bundle up full of such relief that God , thank God this could so almost of ended in grief. Taking in a deep breath as that awful pain returned, it was really hurting now and she was quite concerned.
There was nothing for it, the one thing she  really did not  want to do. With a shaking hand she picked up her mobile ………. Hi Mum I really, really  need you She was very frightened no idea what to expect  but with him in her arms now she had no regrets!

Flight with the doves

First the white foundation warm and just the right texture to stick to her face it’s colour causing consternation.

Then koal black applied around, above and below the eyes. Black, black as the night looking so stark against the white.

Lips now red as a rose or more to the point, the colour of blood as it flows from the heart emptying  a soul of life. The end of mortality the end of strife.

Brush the hair a hundred times, it will dazzle everyone the Moon it will outshine, it dazzles, it blinds.

Now at last the green and flowing dress the one that displays her figure best. It compliments her eyes and hair . Where’re ere she goes folk stop and stare.

Opening the window she looks out on the night. She sees a flock of doves spread their wings and take to flight. The roses round her windows give off a sensitive scent but tonight she refuses to smell it, for tonight she has but one intent.

She looked in the mirror and detested what she saw she had done this every night for ten years and she refused to do it any more. Taking in a deep breath she left the room she hurried to the stables and took her stallion from the groom.

No longer would she be the plaything of fat and smelly men, no more would their hands search her inner parts no more would she spread her legs and ice over her heart.

Then it was she saw them again that flock of doves. She spurred her horse toward the cliffs and took off into the night as the doves did the same above. She whispered an apology to her faithful steed. I am sorry she whispered into the horses ear “I can no longer stand the life I lead”

They found her in the morning smashed to pieces on the rocks her body once so perfect was sadly smashed and bruised but at last she was free and could be no more used……………..

 

It has been too long

Do you remember the last time we kissed I do not mean a peck on the cheek.It was so long ago. When did you last just reach out and touch me, the knowledge leaves me weak. You have no idea how much I have missed  a hug a cuddle or just being kissed.

How has it come to this, how can we have slipped so far from married bliss. I know that love cools but ours has turned to ice there is no affection no heat but you can be kind you can be very nice.

I am lost and lonely there has been just you and you only. I should of guessed I should of known you found someone else and away from me you have grown.

It has been twelve years now, why have I stayed, why have I accepted things do you think of me as a stupid cow? When you first went, the bottom fell out of my life how could you do this to me, how could I not of known after all I am your wife.

I took you back, I got on the see saw I have no one to blame but myself for all the times I have hit my head against the door.There is no tenderness there is no lust it hurts me so, my heart has turned to dust. I have no longer any tender care I have no longer passion. I have so wanted love and sex why did I accept to live life in this fashion.

Over forty years we’ve been man and wife,  you have put a hold on my life.

So many times you are away I have to cover up I have to think of something  to say. Silences, angry quiet, and yet sometimes there is fun what is  this double life OH! what have we become.

It was never easy it has never been a smooth run but I have always loved you, you’ve been my moon and sun. I never have been good enough and neither now are the kids but would you be good enough for them, if they knew what you did.

I am sitting here alone on this rainy afternoon I feel my life has been stolen I have been left here like a ship marooned. There is no right , there is no wrong the last twelve years thrown away for a song.I was so young when we met I have good memories which I have kept.

I never know what will set you off when I will do something wrong so you can shout or shut me out ,which you can do for so long. Where is the honour where is the respect … I have always obeyed . I think I am stupid now this life could of been better played

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I have always loved this song Alanis Morissette has always sung my life.

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What is she to you?

Yes those eyes have seen it all , deserted babies, raped women, executed men . Every word ever written on the brick wall. See her colours green and blue , her red lips will spill words of truth  in every hue.

What do you see within those eyes morning stars and midnight skies. See her skin the colour of scorched  earth,  burned by warfare and men’s lack of worth.

Are those bruises around her eyes or just blackened skin from tears she has cried. Is she reaching out to you she begs an answer and it must be true.

Who is she  this haunting host , she is Mother Earth , she supports us the most. Providing us with all we need we cut her open and leave her to bleed.

photo credit google

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Journal For Poetry Challenge#20/05/2012

Without Death, Bloodshed and Suffering

Without death, bloodshed and suffering wars are never won
And only hatred and grief survives when the fighting is done
And war heroes honoured in every war street parade
By war men the memories of war not allowed for to fade
The politicians the praises of the war dead do sing
Their politicizing of war for sake of power not an honourable thing
For God, Flag and Country and National Pride
Far too many good young people in wars have died
one war leads to another war as the wise one did say
And millions for patriotism in wars with their lives do pay
For the sake of war the war men create us against they
And for the love of a flag the young and brave die in wars today
And on Remembrance Day the war men parade up and down
In a show of patriotism through the streets of the town.

Francis Duggan
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Francis Duggan

(1946 – Present) I have been penning stuff since 1973 have written up to nine thousand individual pieces which can be seen on various online poetry sites, I was born and raised in Millstreet Co Cork Ireland and I have been living in Victoria Australia for the past twenty three years………. Francis Duggan.

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This modern poem is timeless it could refer to any war! It says all the things I have said in the months since January. The tears I have shed whilst researching this challenge are witness to the fact that no one wins in war. No one , no person, no country, no religion, no sect nothing and nobody wins,only the politicians and the arms makers ………….. They win hands down every time .

Politicians plot scheme and win, our young people in the armed forces are maimed and killed, sacrificed on the altar of their greed ( the politicians greed that is). Then the truth is sanitized and  the politicians brush things over! We never learn, it has been this way since the beginning of  mankind and I see no changes yet . willow.

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Poetry Challenge #7 is to create a journal of links and your reactions to poems by established (living or dead poets.) Details are here.  Example response is here. Mr. Linky for Challenge #7 is directly below:

Under Ice

Under ice, cracks are showing. On the edge short of breath waters flowing! Cold, fingers blue on the nail lost in the stress of you.

On the ledge searching the horizon,lost in this vale of tears. All is lost crawling now in the wilderness years. The flags are up the piper paid the dye is cast all plans are laid.

Run for the hills get out of the water, break through this ice. Cross the Rubicon damn you someone must pay the price. I am not cold I am quaking in my boots shut all the doors  put out the lights close every route. Your on your own from tonight.

photo credits http://vi.sualize.us/

April’s Story

Just because I am not the same is fair I am the butt of their game. Every day I dread  to go to school because it is always the same they treat me mean and make me the fool.

OH! I hate each and every break   that’s when my loneliness hits me and sadness over takes. It is no fun to be the one everybody picks upon, they rip my coat and trash my books and all through class they give me dirty looks.

Sometimes they follow me home, why won’t they just leave me alone. It doesn’t stop there, not all. As soon as I get in they start to call and send texts to my phone. Swearing taunting calling me names do they enjoy playing these games.

I tried to fight back I tried to reason  but I can’t to anything to please them. I tried to tell the teacher but she was not listening and then because of that they shoved my head down the toilet and gave me a christening!

I feel that it cannot get worse  then someone goes and takes my purse. For fun and good measure they give me a hearty beating leaving me cuts and bruises to treasure!

Sitting here in the hall I am bleeding but no one stops to give me the reassurance I am needing. So I slog home hurt and grieving  all hope gone nothing left to believe in.

Mum and dad, they have have done their best they have begged the school to get that gang to give me a rest. Every day it is relentless it just goes on and on on it is just endless. Nothing happens nothing is done they never stop they never will they could not give a shit about me I am just their fun.

I have had enough I shall not go on, harassment on my computer has now begun. Another way for the evil ones at my expense to have fun. Well.” NO YOU BASTARDS I have had enough take your cruel taunts, your punches texts and up yourselves them stuff. I have got a piece of strong rope I have written you all a beautifully neat note. So round my throat I knot this rope  I am sick of you all I really can no longer cope.

Children are now bullied so badly at school even when they get home they cannot escape because the bullies abuse them via, their phones and computers. What have we become when our children can hound each other to suicide just because they look or act or speak differently?

Another poem for Child Abuse Awareness Month.

 

 

 

 

Hush Little Baby

Can’t you stop that child crying he is doing my head in! He goes on and and on incessant crying there’s no bloody peace and that smell gets in to your skin.

Shut up! Shut up!! will you shut up your driving him up the wall. You scream, he nags the blame’s always laid at my door. You won’t eat you won’t sleep shut up I don’t know what to do at all! Stop, Stop my head hurts , now look I’ve knocked you to the floor.

Be quiet, be quiet, ssh! he really needs his rest . He has to be up up for work he doesn’t realize I am doing my best. Here drink this bloody bottle ..what now is it too hot ! Okay, okay if you don’t want to feed you can stay there in your cot!

Be quiet, please please be quiet will you settle now , stop stop !! If you don’t let me change this nappy I just won’t bother …….. now. OH! for goodness sake will you stop that noise why can’t you be like other babies bundles of cooing joys?

ARRRRRGH! I can’t take it any more shut your bloody noise stop, stop I am sick of you………… there  that shut you up.

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Covering up her baby the young woman walks away, silence ,golden silence she has not had that for days. Memories flood in to her head, her mother screaming at her, screaming in her face and being hungry and cold in her bed.

The vows she made the love she craved, the mistakes she’d said she’d never make. OH! no she’d been just like her mother again she’d shouted at and hurt the babe. But what was she to do. She has no idea of what to do with a baby, three of them in this squalid, two room flat, living hand to mouth would drive anyone crazy.

She goes back in the room the baby is silent still. Yet he does not look right …. something does not look good is he breathing ? It is hard to see in this light. Bending down she picks him up …ah! yes at least he is breathing . Gently now and quietly she takes him into their room her boyfriend’s asleep  now she prays that neither will stir for any time soon.

There is dirty washing everywhere, the cupboards are bare of proper food she sits there hugging baby tight ( too tight) silver light from the TV flickers and to it she is glued.

Where is the help these children need where is the help they were promised. It is quiet now but that will not last, will someone take away their baby and will these older children be admonished . Will some one end the circle of abuse.

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Another Poem for Child Abuse Awareness Month

 

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