Gethsemane

This is a poem I wrote last Easter, I just wanted to give it a rework and then post it anew. 

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Help me father I need you. I am left here alone frightened and so far from home.

Peace be with you, peace be with me. Help me father can you not set me free.

I am alone here in Gethsemane this beautiful garden where I have often rested.

They are coming for me soon father and I shall be arrested.

What can I say father what must I do I am so frightened and scared please may I have a word from you.

Can you not take this bitter cup away from me.

I do not want to be whipped and crucified, I do not want to be questioned and disbelieved.

OH! Father I am scared help me pleased or would that make you too aggrieved.

OH! Father they will drag me through the streets they will laugh at me, my disciples  will all deny me.

Father are you there have you denied me , speak father I do not hear you, give me sign you are there father, let me see.

I am so tired father I have done all you have asked of me.

I sat and broke bread with them and told them the message that they have to spread.

They will have to do it now in my name as I will be dead.

I hear them coming any second  Judas will give me a kiss

OH! Please father let me give it all a miss.

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Oh! okay I finally understand

the holy dove is here to hold my hand .

I shall do my part I shall do my best.

I shall full fill every part of your request.

Thy will be done, thy will be mine.

I shall do my best father I shall shine.

Just stay with me father stay with me please

I am so scared I am weak at the knees

…OH! no here comes Peter he will try to stand up for me

I do not want him mixed up in this bit with me.

Okay I am ready I think I can stand

thank you father for sending the dove to be at my right hand.

You are looking for Jesus of Nazareth ………….. I am he.

Who to trust.

I never saw them face to face but I knew that they were there. The sniper had me fixed between his wires, the burning pin points in my back was his stare.

I could not trust him I could not let my guard slip, one second off the ball and he would fell me like a whip. I had to watch the children and the women too, well I was not on their side and if the boot was on the other foot I’d expect the same from you.

I knew exactly who killed and maimed my mates . Yes they never shook my hand or showed their faces but I knew exactly who to hate. I knew just who and where, were made the plans that would lead to my downfall and I knew as much about them too and if I could of I’d of killed them all.

I knew all this, it was all as clear as day, the enemy on one side and me on mine . Open , clear, dangerous, obvious warfare come what may.

 

I am home now, but nothing is the same I have no idea who I can trust this is a whole new game! I go out by the front door on my way to sign on, but someone slams a car door I drop like a stone and shout BOMB!

I fall asleep on the sofa while cooking the tea , the alarm goes off and the wife comes in from work and shouts at me. The children don’t really like me , I am not quiet the Dad they knew it not so easy with the pain to join in the things they do.

I fought for my country so all of you could walk free. I have come home a broken jobless man… pray who takes care of me. They cut my battalion they slashed it out of existence with  one strike of a pen, government saving money … quicker,and  as deadly,as the Taliban!

I fought a war for my country, I fought the Taliban. I came home to a wounded heroes welcome a jobless broken man. No job no hope no help terrifying visions in my mind . Once the celebrations were over everyone shut me to the very back of their mind’s.

So tell me who do I trust because I just do not know, is it the loud boys on the corner or the fighters in the pubs are there snipers out there waiting for me hiding in the shrubs. Tell me, tell me now for I don’t  understand. It is the government who lies and who sells me short , so tell me why I should trust them any more than the Taliban.

The Addict

You love them so, this they know, but how to respect that is something they don’t know.

There will always be the need for extra  money,

the excuse is always good somehow their requests are coated with honey.

They will sell their clothes and their belongings and if they can they will sell yours.

They have no conscience, until maybe after the act when it is too late  and they have time to think and pause.

Always they need , always they want . You will never sate their thirst.

The  need for the needle, the bottle or the gamble is ever present and that will always come first.

Hide your purse, hide the cash, hide the car keys or you will loose them.

Then when that happens  they will cover up and lie and swear on your life.

After the lies comes remorse.

The food can go from the cupboards, presents and toys too,

furniture, clothes nothing is sacred they have no choice the demon in them drives them to.

They loose care and love for family and friends.  They will take from anyone,

anything  they will break your heart and it never ends.

Is there hope, well there is some, but so much hard work must be done.

Recovery is hard so very hard, even when they are counting the days, weeks or years

you never can relax you are never out of the woods.

The thought of the demons’ return is ever here, an ever present fear..

You love them so, you help, you sort them out time and time again.

They will bleed your bank dry and bleed your heart  dry they will cause you so much pain.

With any request for money the fear is always there,

do they need it for what they say or are they off the rails again….. OH! if only I did not care.

The Crow Queen and The Human

Resting  where she had landed the crow queen sat and took stock. The humans had let her down again but not so had this member of her flock. Nestling in her lap he tried to ease her mind . He understood her non belief at how her husband could be so unkind.

She had married the human in good part eyes open, and wholeheartedly all she had asked of him was when she needed to, he would let her fly free. She only asked her flock be allowed to roost near by and that when there was no moon she could be with her feathered family and fly.

Why had he not trusted her, why had he lied. Why had he taken her and into a giant cage he had, had her tied .  Why had he not listened to her as she begged him please, not to tie her down like this, to trust her to return all she needed was release.

When he had  been sleeping in a drunken haze she had picked at her ties and tethers it had taken days. Her favourite crow brother had come to her aid. With his beak he had opened the lock on her cage. She who would of loved and cherished this man rushed out and took his life in a rage.

With her nails like talons she ripped open his chest but pausing before she ripped out his heart she pleasured him the way she new that he liked the best. As he lay sated and aroused by the sweetest of pain she ripped his heart out asking him why he had treated her so, again and again.

She left his castle with such sorrow for she, her husband had truly loved. They would find his body on the morrow and her cage would be found empty and a killer she would be dubbed. They would never catch her , she would never a human man trust again, no she knew better now she would stay with her flock, they would never change their game.

A tiny part of her heart was still held by the man she had married, who had treated her so unkind, all his promises he’d tarried. To tether and cage her and not let her out of his sight, when she had made it clear she loved him and would always return to him after her midnight flights.

So late at night when the moon was low in the sky she would  visit his grave, her flock of crows around her, she would often cry. The flock were there to protect her they were known as her flight. They made sure that her freedom was held on to , tight.

Never again to trust a human, never to fall for their lies again she was happy to stay with her flock, they loved her and would never cause her pain.

WHY

Hi I wrote this in November of last year. Today I am feeling tired and cold and if I am honest very low. This poem of mine came into my head so I revisited it. I keep thinking that I have moved on and that he has too but then another kick from the gods of fate comes resounding into the small of my back and I open my eyes and see nothing has changed nothing at all.

I have changed about two words, they probably make no difference to the poem but I needed to change them. A little tweakette. Oh! that we could do that with life. The keys at the end of the poem are very symbolic to me. I feel locked up, trapped in a cell. Yet to the world I present this smile, “I can do ” appearance. What a joke that is I feel hardly capable of standing today.

Okay that is enough,I have subjected you all to more than you need to know about my bleeding heart and life so lets wipe the blood from the page and hope for a cheeky chirpy next post…… yer right!! 😦

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WHY?

Just how do you do it time after time.Why do I let you do this to me, there is no reason or rhyme.  It makes no sense, why do you tear up this life of mine. Do you have no sense of occasion do you not even care, have you no feelings left for me, do you even need me there.

photo credits vanilla.wordpress.com

I think I must be stupid I think I must be mad to let you carry on the way you do, it is all so wrong, it just makes me feel so bad..

Why do you want to live two lives it surely it is not on. You are missing most weekends, sometimes weeks at a time and that is surely wrong. I have dodged the questions asked about you from family and friends I hate to lie for when that starts it never, never ends.

People take their sides they do not realize that they have, they make a choice which means  different rules  apply. The first time I was shown this my heart was turned to stone. I thought that I would die.

This really was a shock to me, I am a bit stupid  you see, the fact that life is like that was staring at me glaringly.

It has been so many years now but time has not made any of the pain recede. In fact time makes no difference  the pain just grows indeed. It has turned into acceptance which is a bitter seed.

Why have I taken this all for so long, why when I know it is all wrong. Family yes, appearances no,I lost all pride long ago . For my comfort maybe, I need help I need someone even if they  don’t want me.

WHEN WE LET GO WE ARE FREE

HEART OF STONE

I sit and watch the rain as it relentlessly falls like tears down the window pane.I can see you but can you see me locked up inside here longing to be free.

I may look like you flesh and bones but inside I am frozen, cold, cold made of stone.

Make the right noises do the correct things follow the pattern and accept the shit life brings. All around, you see people fall, fools and jokers one and all.

And still that rain falls pear drop tears plop plop on the window sill echoing and amplifying this world of fears.

Best close the window and lower the blind take hold of your memories, throw them over your shoulder and leave them behind. Behind? it is thorny, bleak landscapes and skies that are black. Forward, forward one foot after the other and never look back.

Deep breath now life must go on. I maybe cold and empty but I can’t change what has gone. So on with smile force a light into my eyes and  treat with care whatever crumbs of happiness that fall from the skies.

Why are we falling apart.

google images

Stop, stop you are breaking my heart. Why now, why is it all falling apart. It was good, it was great at the start so why why is it all falling apart.

You no longer listen to a word that I say, there is a split and it is growing larger every day.Why, oh! why when it was so good are we throwing it all away.

Stop, stop shouting at me , the louder you shout the less likely I am to agree. We were so together, what was it that happened that made you hate me.

Falling, falling apart. I can’t take much more you are breaking my heart. Listen, please listen don’t slam that door because if you do there will be no way back to how it was before.

google images

Gallipoli Poetry Challenge #7 30/09/2012

I did not post my poetry challenge last week as I could not get to my computer. I am finding myself saddened more and more by the futility of war of the unwillingness of man to learn and grow. I honestly feel that more I am learning (and believe me I am learning)  my heart is bleeding at the idiocy of it all.
Sometimes a picture or a video says more than any words .

photo credits google images

Those heroes that shed their blood and lost their lives…
            you are now lying in the soil of a friendly country.
          Therefore rest in peace.
          There is no difference between the Johnnies and the Mehmets
          to us where they lie side by side here in this country of ours..
         You, the mothers, who sent their sons from far away countries
         wipe away your tears; your sons are now lying in our bosom and are in             peace
         After having lost their lives on this land they have become our sons as well.
        — Atatürk 1934
Please take a moment to read  the information below  the deaths the injuries incurred during  just one campaign in ‘ THE WAR TO END ALL WARS’ at Gallopoli WW1.
Sadly that war did not end war, WW2 followed by countless other and our troops whether they be involved under their own flag or that of their own flag accompanied  by the blue of the UN still continue.
Gallipoli casualties
Source: Australian Department of Veterans’ Affairs
Dead Wounded Total
Total Allies 44,092 96,937 141,029
– United Kingdom [40] 43,000 76,696 119,696
– France (estimated) 10,000 17,000 27,000
– Australia[5] 8,709 19,441 28,150
– New Zealand[5] 2,721 4,752 7,473
– British India 1,358 3,421 4,779
– Newfoundland 49 93 142
Ottoman empire (estimated) 86,692 164,617 251,309
Total (both sides) 130,784 261,554 392,338

Poetry Challenge #7 is to create a journal of links and your reactions to poems by established (living or dead poets.) Details are here.  Example response is here. Mr. Linky for Challenge #7 is directly below

Why,why,why.

This is me here I stand, do you want my heart. Take it and crush it in your hand. Words don’t fit they beat me down all loops and bloops you watch me drown.

In my own blood you see me thrash, go on get your mates you could all lay bets as to when I’d crash!

Beat me, slap me with my words I’ve taped my mouth so my screams cannot be heard. Cut me carve me it is nothing I have not done before . I’m lost and wrecked on unused emotion’s shore.

Abuse me use me sate your need then throw me off like an unwanted weed. See my heart you have rent it in two I pull it out of my black hole and wear it on my sleeve for you .

Fuck me suck me dry you just don’t look or see the need within my eye. There is not much more that I can do you miss hear and miss understand all that I do. I stand here screaming silently bleeding need and blood constantly.

Hit me kick me just don’t look at my face, no matter how hard I have tried I cannot win this race.Here it comes the huge and vicious mouth I lost, I lost can’t take any more I fall and tumble all legs and arms I stumble south.

Damn you damn you what can I do to get to respect or love from you. Love okay it’s too late  but kindness now would compensate.

 

Truth wept

photo credits google images

The light is blinding and white. I try to take a step but I am frozen by fright. What is there beyond the door , we have all wondered and asked this before.

If fear is the enemy then who is by my side I thought it was truth  but truth wept as it  lied.

There is something though I feel a steadying hand and a voice that is telling me that all has been planned.Tell me please, I start to cry,why did he leave me, why did truth lie?

I reach for the peace I long to hold, it always eludes me and leaves me cold. I tread carefully along the floor, it always betrays me and creaks as I near the door. Will I ever know the answer, will my fears ever fly, I thought truth was my ally but truth ,well, truth  lied.

I am tired now my strength is all spent I look for hope but he also went. I move forward,  escape to gain but  I am betrayed, my efforts in vain. My eyes are opened  my vision now cleared I turn for support  but it ends as I feared.

If fear is the enemy then who is by my side I thought it was truth  but truth wept as it  lied.

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