ILLUSTRATING A BOOK

For those who wonder how the stories are illustrated, edited and brought to the book, your curiosity ends here…at least I hope so.

There are many ways one may choose to create illustrations but let’s simplify it and mention two main methods; traditional and digital. Basically, traditional illustration means the artist creates them using real pens, brushes, paint, paper, canvas, water, coffee… you name it, we use it! Digital illustrations on the other hand require an electronic device (like a pad, tablet, and of course an electronic pen).

Read More At Usual Muttwits.

Book 2 Bananas

CHAPTER 2

Coz Bananas is so well behaved – and wouldn’t say boo to a flaplegs as the old saying goes – she’s not always attached to the lead. Perhaps, on the other paw, coz Oskar’s so well behaved he don’t need to be on his lead? 

Wotever! 

Yor’all very well behaved today she barks happily at Oskar and his siblings. The older brother and sister always go on walkies with Oskar coz packmom don’t let any of thems go on walkies alone.

No lead means Bananas can do wot she wants – which is not a lot coz Pugs are boisterous but not necessarily adventurous.  Mostly, she trots along in front of Oskar snouting her familiar way towards Herdwick pooping park, squirting on familiar markers, checking out potential noshing opportunities, and occasionally bumping snoutz with her fourlegs mates.

Snifz yu, Missy Biscuits yaps Bananas happy to see her bigger sister the red-merle Australian Shepherd.

Snifz yu, too, beautiful replies Missy Biscuits equally pleased to bump snoutz with Bananas, the only female fourlegs in West Pid wot don’t act the jealous stonk.

A short bit of rough and tumble in the park, followed by a very small poop – Arjom dutifully bagging it in that specially scented plastic glove packmom provides him; and then it’s off to the High Street. The older pups have got a shopping list of errands to run for packmom.  Bananas lyks these errands coz she gets to stay outside in the street with Oskar and play while the older pups disappear inside the shops.  But she can always snifz thems wherever they disappear to.

“watchBananas” they scritch at Oskar, wobbling off.

Don’t fret about Oskar, I got him well under control she yaps back.

Today, the older pups go wobbling into the Organic shop on the corner of Short Cut.  Bananas ain’t sure wot organic is but it sure don’t involve nosh coz they never bring back anything sniffy. 

Wot a waste of good noshing time considers Bananas. 

She turns her attention elsewhere for some fun and a bit of chin-wag.  

Who better than Paddles sitting upon his tartan blanket halfway along Short Cut and blazing away in a big fuzzy blob of neon pink.  Funny thing is the bright hot ball in the sky now shines on Squeezy squeezing her accordion and lighting up Paddles in an eyeball-watering corona.  It ain’t the pink color wot Bananas eyeballs – coz fourlegs don’t catch many colours, ‘cept blues and greys – but Paddles fuzzy shape reminds her of thems strange things Oskar lyks to stick on the end of little twigs; wot he calls pencils.

Hey Paddles, snifz yu she trots forward, Oskar pulled close behind.

Don’t interrupt Paddles grunts sharply performing to the pedestrians, init

Bananas snifz about the blanket, attracted to the small metal bits, discovering a lot about individual hindlegs and wot they’ve eaten and how healthy they are from the greasy touch of thems handpaws.

And don’t touch ‘ems, coz Squeezy’s gonna take thems home and nosh ‘ems

Nosh ‘ems?

Sure! shocked that Bananas could even ask such a muttwit question.

Squeezy stops squeezing the accordion for a break   “woooooph-huuuuuuh” she immediately tokes on her e-cig.

Thank dog that noise is over sighs Paddles now I gotta wait permission to take a squirtz

That makes no sense to Bananas.  Any normal fourlegs can squirtz whenever it wants to.

“whyisyourdogpink?” Oskar scritches at Squeezy.

Normally Squeezy won’t scritch anything back about dogs and colours but coz Oskar is just a pup she allows a rare exception “coz,apinkdogattractsmorepeople–andmorepeoplegivemoremoney,makesense?”

Wot? asks Bananas, coz she understands Oskar but don’t understand wot most other hindlegs scritch – the same for most fourlegs, as it happens.

Pink.  I’m pink for more money

Money?

Corss. From thems pedestrians.

The fact that both hindlegs have got no clue wot they’re barking about is irrelevant.  But wotz a bit more relevant is glittery plum bobs. In that great mind between his short, thick and furry earflaps Paddles recalls Squeezy’s promise to spray his plumbs with glitter.  Yes. That’s totally butt-lickin’ relevant. Coz he don’t want the glitter. 

Uh-uh!

And he tells Bananas all abouts it.

Paddle’s plum bobs are of no great interest to Bananas – but glitter is.  Thank dog no one scritches about promising to glitter her plum bobs. The fact that she don’t have any ain’t the here or over there.

Hindlegs think they can do wot they lyk she grumbles, trotting off with Oskar to join his siblings for the long wobble home.

Ya, snifz yu, Bananas Gunther stops squirting on growling roundlegs and trots over to bump snoutz.

Hello, Gunther, snifz yu followed by a token sniffing of mutual rear ends.

Westley Piddle is looking up sez Gunther fräuleinmate and me are making spritzen on one BMW 450i roundlegs, one Mercedes C220 roundlegs, diesel corss, one Porsche 9–

That’s many ones comments Bananas

Ya Gunther pants happily.

“prettychildren” scritches fräuleinmate at the three hindlegs pups “allfromUkraine?”

“Estonia,actually” scritches Arjom politely.

Wotz outside Westley Piddle adds Bananas, catching the sound of ‘Estonia’.  She does some heavy thinking of any other places she knows between her short black earflaps.

And she then recalls glittery plum bobs – and Paddles – and the disaster of glittery plum bobs on Paddles – one stuck to the other. 

Gunther, wot do yu know about glittery plum bobs?

German brand? he barks immediately.

Not sure

Not German, not worth a spritzen

..yu come and go, yu come and go…Karma, Karma, ka…

As it happens, Paddles and Squeezy pass by on the mowta making all sorts of strange scritchy Boy George sounds. Off for a squirting break and a bit of nosh.

Gunther raises his snout and sniffs disdainfully at the mobility scooter.

Wot is the world coming to he grunts, dismissively.

And, all of a sudden, Bananas earflaps start flapping in great agitation. She’s thinking.  Something most fourlegs won’t, don’t, can’t do much of.

Gunther, wotz that growling roundlegs? pointing her flat snout – wot ain’t so easy to do – at the mowta.

Not German – and not growling.  Just a whiny, skinny roundlegs he replies getting bored and wanting to trot on and spritzen on a Jaguar F-Pace he’s sniffing, wotz illegally parked at the end of Short Cut.  

Sure, but wot.is.it.?

Gunther who knows everything there is to know and wotz cleverer than most fourlegs – with his straight back, tail up and all tip-top, best of breed, lyk – delivers his lecture.

Ya, das ist a mobility scooter he begins in a patricianly manner TGA Breeze, mark 4 – if I am not mistaken – wot runs on two standard 12 volt, deep cycle, lead acid batteries, zat produces 24 volts… 

“thatdoglikesbarking” scritches Oskar

“ya,German” scritches fräuleinmate, and the hindlegs pack watch in amusement as the two fourlegs yap at each other.

..running a class 3 mobility scooter with a maximum trotting speed of eight miles per h– 

Eight wot?

Don’t matter continues Gunther now into his element with ze turning radius of one hundred and seventy four centi–

Brother interrupts Bananas,

all big black eyeballs staring up at the curly grey Standard Schnauzer I just wanna bump snoutz with that mowta and start some big submitting!

Ya, so? Gunther’s earflaps prick up in astonishment yu appear a bit small to do any big submitting, meine schwester

I’m female her flat snout brooking no further argument.

And, without no further argument, Gunther barks at her wot she’s got to do. 

Book 2 Bananas.

Chapter 2 of Bananas coming to this Blog Monday

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Book 2 – Bananas Chapter One.

BANANAS

Welcome to another blisteringly cheerful day in Westley Piddle, all fourlegs noshing themselves silly. Including Bananas the happy yellow Pug, and Paddles the neon pink Chow Chow. Fourlegs all living the life. Hundred percent bang on perfect… and it ain’t even rainlicking!  

A particularly cheerful day in Westley Piddle, that unexpected little town on the Thameslick between Bisham and Cock Marsh. Hindlegs are up and wobbling about, scritching good mornings to everything and anything; scratch are lazily licking their murderous long scratchy paws and planning global domination; flaplegs are flapping ‘round abouts everywhere in a blitzkrieg of poop. Life as normal.

Fourlegs, not to be outdone in this struggle of cheerful bon hommie, add their daily morsel of intellectuals to the cacophony – 

Helloooo!

Shuddup mammal

Another day, same poop

And yuz can shuddup an’ all

Oi, trot over here and bark that!

All in all, it’s another particularly dogs-dinner day of unbearable cheerfulness. 

Paddles the overweight Chow Chow wears his cheerfulness beneath a neon pink-coloured fluffy hide.  Newly sprayed, his snout twitching in mild allergies, and getting last minute touches from Lavinka before his presentation to the pedestrians in the big city – West Pid. that is.  She combs his fur over and over til static makes it stand on end in a big electric pink fuzz. Lavinka then ties a Union Jack bandana ‘round his large neck, completing the look with a pair of gold-tinted aviator shades squashed over his small eyeholes. Paddles is transformed into a teddy-bear Elvis Presley, standing foursquare with black tongue clenched between teeth, quietly enduring this ritual of tender loving care.

I think I wanna vomit

“suchabigbeautiful,brightdoggy” scritches Lavinka the busker, known as Squeezy to the intimates – coz of the accordion she squeezes in and out, this way and that.  She grabs his snout in her handpaw and eyeballs him in his huge, frizzy face “rememberPaddles,pedestrianswholovedoggy,lovegivingmoney”

Gottit

Paddles is not sure wot money is but pedestrians sure love throwing little metal things at him when Squeezy starts some squeezy-stretchy action on the accordion and Paddles sits looking lyk a furry rockstar.

Can we go now?

Downstairs and ‘round back of the apartments, Paddles enjoys the first squirtz of the morning as Squeezy unplugs the mowta and growls it out of the lock-up into the early light of day.

That’s better Paddles lifts a fluffy pink rear leg and lets go a solid stream.

To be specific the mobility scooter don’t actually growl coz it’s electric.  Instead, it whines at a high-pitch wot makes Paddle’s short thick earflaps vibrate. 

“comeon,then” and Paddles hops into the space between Squeezy’s footpaws “andlet’sgiveitsomeBoyGeorge”

And off they whine towards West Pid. town center.

Dessert loving in yur eyes all the waaay

They whine off from the lock-up and turn onto the pavement of Hazlehurst Road.

..a man without conviiiic-tion

Odds and sods hindlegs are wobbling out the way of the trundling mowta scritching Boy George – Paddles pushing his pink frizzy face into the gentle wind.  The round hot ball, wotz only just been thrown up in the sky, reflecting off his gold-tinted shades.

…yor wicked words every daaay

Squeezy mowtas towards Short Cut, that stretch of pedestrians-only pavement where all the clothfurs shops are and wot only hindlegs are allowed to wobble about on; wotz a short cut between the High Street and Nelson Avenue.  

..Karma, karma, karma, karma, kar– 

The mowta stops whining. Boy George stops scritching. Paddles leaps off and starts sniffing the street.

‘don’tpooponthepavement,Paddles,pedestriansdon’tlikeit”

Squeezy unclips her accordion, sticking a large paint bucket on the pavement and unfolding the tartan blanket.  She sits on the upturned paint bucket and Paddles sits on the blanket.  Squeezy starts stretching some dog-damn awful wheezy noises and Paddles takes a deep breath.  Let the day begin. Let the pedestrians come and throw thems little metal things. 

“oneforyou” Oskar scritches softly at Bananas “andoneforme”

How abouts one for yu and two for me? Bananas the young fawn-coloured Pug sez to Oskar.

The little hindlegs boy is from Estonia – wot is somewhere just outside Westly Piddle, according to Bananas –sticking his spoon into the wonderfully-sniffy peanut butter and not quite decided who’s going to get the next mouthful.  Bananas lifts her flat snout to the spoon and opens her chops and decides it for him there and then.

That’ll be mine, I reckon she licks the contents off the spoon. The next spoonful follows the same route as the last – straight down her nosh hole.  

Bananas knows that nosh is never more than a snifz away from her chops in the Rebane houseden.  In fact she is one of the few fourlegs in all Westley Piddle wotz not constantly hungry – well, not constantly – nosh being always licked off spoon, handpaw, or from the floor. 

Liisa, Oskar’s older sister,  enjoys pickles and smoked fish – fishes are good for Bananas.

Then there’s Arjom, his older brother, wot enjoys cheeseburgers and fries – cheeseburgers are good for Bananas.

And, there’s packdad wot lyks all sorts of nosh but don’t lyk sticking it anywhere, ‘cept down his own little nosh hole.  This unnatural behaviour is a work in progress for Bananas.  Finally there’s packmommy who don’t lyk much of anything and who certainly don’t lyk sticking nosh down Bananas’ anytime. That’s also a WIP.  But, at least the three pups lyk sticking nosh down Bananas nosh hole and that’s a fine start.  All in all a sort of C+ houseden according to the fawn-coloured Pug, suggesting a lot of improvement room for canine welfare.

Bananas languidly burps don’t let that remaining peanut butter go to waste in the jar, Oskar – Oskar?

But Oskar is already wobbling out into the hallway and pulling on his footpaw covers along with his brother and sister.

Out?  We’re trotting out?

Bananas snifz the rising excitement of the three pups whilst eyeballs the cozy temptation of her favorite cushion good noshing also deserves good sleep straight afters, don’t it?

Before she can happily trot towards her cushion Arjom sweeps Bananas up in his handpaws “nicewalkies” he softly scritches in her black earflap “beforefeedingtime”

Can’t argue with that, s’pose Bananas licks her chops.  Even so she turns large black wistful eyeballs towards her cushion and the unfinished jar of peanut butter on the kitchen table. The front door opens. 

 Alright, let’s make it a short walkies before nosh then, please!

The door shuts in a clatter of footsteps.

Squeezy squiiiz, squeezy, squiiiz the accordion stretches this way and that in endlessly awful noises.

Squeezy’s handpaws are stretching in and out in and out.  Paddles sits perfectly still behind his gold-tined shades, eyeballing wotz going on up and down Short Cut. The squeezy noises are plain horrid but the pedestrians must be loving it coz they keep throwing little metal things.

Not at me he snorts to me, on the tartan!

Snifz yu, Paddles Gitorrf! trots up and bumps snoutz.

Clear off, I’m performing

Oh! GitOrrf! sez well impressed but not clearing off.

The squeezy noises get louder and uglier.

Squeezy don’t lyk interruptions

Uh-huh

Wot comes between the artist and thems pedestrians GitOrrf! don’t know any pedestrians – perhaps they are bit lyk hindlegs or some or some kind of scratch who live in Short Cut. Wotever! all he can snifz are hindlegs wobbling about carrying paper bags full of nosh from the coffee shops.

Brekkers? suggests GitOrrf!, the sniffy paper bags reminding him he’s hungry, again.

Don’t be a muttwit, I’m working, init sighs Paddles but, if yu snifz any of thems sausage rolls then bring us some, know wot I mean?

Righty ho the thought of sausage rolls, wotz part of Greggs all day brekkers, compels GitOrrf! to stick one furry paw in front of the other and wander off following his snout towards his standard morning nosheries.  He is a Border Terrier after all with a snout fully trained to snifz out all  sorts of noshing potentials.

Squeezy squiiiz, squeezy, squiiiz awful noises chase him up Short Cut.

A pedestrian stops wobbling, ohs and ahhs and throws a bit of metal at paddles.  

Not at me – to me, on the tartan!

Paddles snoutz the metal – there’s brekkers snifz rubbed onto it from the hindlegs handpaw.  He stands up, eyeballing Squeezy. She stops her squeezing, struggles up from the paint pot, stretches and wobbles over to the mowta.

Paddles licks his chops.

Squeezy returns with a plastic bag and lays out two bowls on the pavement.  One for biscuits and the other for waterlick.  Brekkers interlude.

Biscuits are good an’ all chomps Paddles, snout buried in his bowl but sausage rolls is waaay better dreamily sniffing Greggs up the High Street.

Squeezy squiiiz, squeezy, squiiiz 

Ffff! Here we go again!

As it happens, another pedestrian wotz wobbling along don’t lyk the squeezy squiiizy sounds, either.

“nonsense,nonsense,nonsense” the pedestrian scritches at Squeezy, waving a handpaw towards Paddles.

Ain’t me wotz doing the squeezings, izit!

“mydog!” scritches Squeezy “Icanpainthimpink,ifIwant,anycolourIwant,okay?”

“nonsense,nonsense,nonsense” the pedestrian scritches aggressively and making Paddles nervous.

Maybe this pedestrian needs a bit of submitting!  But it soon wobbles away and, wotz more, don’t even throw any metal bits.

nexttime,he’llhaveglitter-sprayedballs” scritches Squeezy after the pedestrian “that’sright,glittered!”

Glittered? Paddles turns towards Squeezy balls?

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QUICK PINT DOWN AT THE PIG & FERRET PUB.

I not against small dog.  Many home have small dog – and in my home is small dog.  What to do? Estonia we like big dog.  Proper dog is Eesti Hagijas, you call Estonian Hound. Yes? What is not small dog, not big dog, but half a big dog.

With three childs, one wife and small house we must have small dog. Worse, small dog name Bananas.  Yes, stupid name I think.  Good Estonia name for dog is Mimmi, Tontu or Spartak, yes? Bananas only good name for yellow fruit.

What you mean by Bananas is small dog yellow also, huh?

Coming to this blog next week.

Check out The Usual Muttwits

A Quick Pint Down the Pig & Ferret

You never sipped vegan beer?  You are missing something very special my friend. There’s so many and from big names, too.  Carlsberg, Stella, Heineken and others, I think. And non-alcoholic, umm, I think, isn’t that right Mayumi my little precious?

Yes, she’s such a sweet doggy.  Always does what she’s told.  Always sleeps when we sleep.  Always eats vegan – and loves it!  And don’t bark a lot.  Hate dogs wot bark a lot, don’t yu?Yeah, me boyfriend’s from the Middle East.  They love dogs out there. And me grandparents are from China.  And, umm, they love dogs out there…

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Usual Muttwits TREACLE PART 3

Butt lickin’ muttwits just dont appreciate my responsibilities Treacle is grumbling as he drags Sixlegs towards home so easy for GitOrrf and thems hundred other West Pid muttwits – wotz trotting about squirting and pooping all they wants 

Ah, to slip the leash in Herdwick pooping park and be allowed to run. To run. Free. Not him, alas. Not a service-assist dog.  Life zipping him by, tethered to a handicapped hindlegs. Can’t even cross the road anywhere he lyks.  Must always snifz out the designated crossing point, always waiting peep peep peep before it’s safe to trot on.

If only…

“nowlookhereTreacle,you’regoingtoofast” Sixlegs yanks at his handle “thisain’tarace,don’tyerknow?”

I don’t, coz I never been in a butt-lickin’ race, boss

continue reading at Usual Muttwits

Treacle Part 2

A splatter of mud hits Treacle on the snout, followed by another, sailing above overhead.

Splat!

 Onto the pressed white shirt of Sixlegs.

“Treacle!”

Wot in butt-lickin’ hell?

As two small muddy fourlegs scramble up from the pooping pipe hole and trot towards him, crossing the High Street and dangerously dodging roundlegs.

Hi ho Treacle, snifz yuz Treacle! yaps Smudge, who lives with hindlegs in a right proper house den.

Yo, blind doggy, snifz yuz adds Mouse, a daft streetlegs who tags along with any fourlegs wotz out walkies.

I’m not blind yer butt-lickin’ muttwit, that’s him Treacle starts for the thousandth time wotz behind, lyk

Thwack

The roundlegs catches Mouse and sucks him underneath, brakes squealing, Jemmapackmate screaming, fourlegs barking.  Mouse tumbling over and over beneath the roundlegs and spitting out behind.

I’m okay, I’m okay Mouse squeals, staggering in the road, snapped legs attempting to carry him towards Treacle.

“nowlookhereTreacle,what’sthehoohaa?”

Mouse sinks onto his snout. 

I’m okay, real-

Continue Reading at Source at the Usual Muttwits.

Wordless Wednesday. Bees and Dog Dog.

Poppet: Westley Piddle Summer Fayre.

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Part 5. Poppet

Sparky, wot about stoppin’n’noshin’?

No time, mate

Henry shakes his large head, splashing away the rainlick.

No time for noshing? 

Wot I means is, one: I grab Poppet, two: yu slap muttwit, three: we goes noshing, afters

Load of numbers, init?

Henry mate, just give that big brown muttwit a right hammering and I’ll crunch thems numbers

Crunching? Lyk the sound o’ that

C’mon, let’s finish this

The little and large fourlegs spin left and crash down into the undergrowth following the snifz of Poppet and that worrisome brown muttwit. Sniffy colours intensify the closer they trot.

Need some noshing Henry is panting not really built for speed, only submitting

Hold fast Henry.  Gotta get Poppet back to the fayre before our hindlegs start missing us

Who?  Franks?  Nah, he’s banging the piss in the beer tent.  Thinks I’m under the table

Erh, excellent.  Let’s end this – nows!

Poppet is conflicted. Running away into the sunset ain’t supposed to snifz lyk this. Izit?

Cold, damp, dark, versus comfort, warmth, and safety.  Maybe nows the time to go home to Stonks and enjoy that coffee!

Are we nearly there – erh, anywhere yet?

We are my lover Drizzle stops and turns to Poppet.  

A right solid male lyk Drizzle is all her dreams come true, right?  Trouble is, all her dreams also include loads of dry weather, a cozy houseden, and Stonks with food bowl in handpaw. 

Drizzle’s touch changes that in an instant.

Without further ado Drizzle trots ‘round back of Poppet for some well-deserved eightleggers. Sudden weight and Drizzle’s damp front toes are hanging down either side of her flanks.  Large teeth are nuzzling her earflap before firmly clamping down onto her scruff. Not painfully, but in a right solid and intimately submitting grip. 

Poppet is conflicted no more.

Spy ’ems and snifz ’ems!

Hold on, need my second wind Henry lumbers along behind.

The snow drives back the foot that’s slow

Sparky is tingling.  He is Fenrir.  And the time for action is nows.  He streaks forward.

They ask no quarter Henry, and we show no quarter

They – we – wot?

This Drizzle is well fit, thinks Poppet, and wot he’s doing is simply– 

Get off ‘o her! Sparky streaks out of nowhere, crashing into Drizzle’s flank.

Thud!

And bounces off, upside down in the rainlick leaves, paws sticking up in the air.

Yu wot, mate? Drizzle slides off Poppet to stand over the Whippet.  

Great legs tower up into the darkness, merging into sky-blotting head. 

I am Fenrir Sparky croaks, chops dry companion of Tyr, Norse god of war 

And? Drizzle cocks his head, ready to lunge. 

Sparky looks away and, erh – and this is my mate, Henry!

Royt then! Henry lumbers into view any yuz muttwits wanna submit before nosh?

Drizzle leaps away from Sparky. Henry stands foursquare. Poppet feels ignored. 

Aww, mount up again, Drizzle, yu big tonk

The two big fourlegs knock heads, stubs and tails raised respectively.

Snifz yuz

Snifz yuz

Bodies slide past one another, searching and seeking. Butt sniffing all that hunger, desire, disappointment and despair. Both pull away, berserker ready.

Submit! roars Drizzle

Yeah royt huffs Henry. 

They knock heads together once again, and – well, just stand there, shaking earflaps and wagging butts, the daft muttwits.

How yu doing Fudge?

Not so bad, Henry. Yu?

Wot? Sparky jumps upside the right way.

Fudge?  Poppet squeaks, backend still quivering.

Hold up, thought yor name’s Drizzle?

Henry looks at Poppet for a moment nah, this’s Fudge

Unbelievable Poppet steams.

Missing his pleasurable weight is bad enough. Worse, this Fudge is more than happy to stand there shooting the poop with Henry. 

As for Sparky, he drops earflaps and braces for the wrath of a Poppet-denied his coming his way.

Sparky! Yu stupid, little mu–  

Meanwhile, Fudge and Henry are catching up on all the latest.

No sign of yor lost hindlegs then, Fudge?

Nah mate,  sniffed ’ems in Herdwick pooping park beforenows, but – nah!

The two great minds happily peer ‘round abouts the woods.

Nice gaff says Henry, wishing he can live in the woods and not in a small backyard.

Not so bad Fudge replies, content to simply stand with his buddy and snifz in the surroundings. He wanders over to the nearest squirting post and cocks a leg. Henry follows, sniffing Fudge’s squirtz for all the latest intel, before adding a little intel of his own.

Oi, yuz two!  Poppet shatters the bromance moment.  A flaplegs sqwarks in surprise from the branches above. 

And yu she hisses at Sparky stay right there, I ain’t done with yuz yet before marching over to the two great minds.

Right then, Drizzle or Fudge or wotever she barks, before adding softly we still an item, init? 

Item? Drizzle or Fudge looks confused. 

Yes. Us she snarls yu know, a link? 

Fudge looks at Henry for answers.  Henry slobbers a bit before looking at Sparky. All three fourlegs look back at Poppet.

???

It was really, really good. But now… I’ve got to go away! Oh, oh, oh.

Sparky dares to go and stand beside Henry and Fudge – the three fourlegs gawking at Poppet.

Silence hangs heavy in the dark woods.  

The flaplegs sqwarks again. 

Buncha kretins she spits, and flops down to start licking her butt.

Fancy marking some posts? Fudge breaks the moment.

Totally replies Henry.

And just lyk that the two great minds trot off into the woods, abandoning Sparky.

Uh-oh Sparky starts getting tingly as Poppet directs all her fluffed-up blond earflaps frustrations straight at him.

Upon us all, upon us all a little rain must fall. It’s just a little rain oh yeah…

Laters.

“theGibson?” KevLegs is beaming idiotically at Stonks “whenyousaidEDS1275” he pinches out his tee-shirt from his belly “youmeant,thetwin-necked,GibsonEDS1275!”

“corss” Stonks replies “obvs”

“notalottapeopleknowthat” KevLegs admits in wonder, beer glass drooping in one handpaw, tee-shirt pinched out in the other.

“saw’emlive,O2-“ she pokes a handpaw at Jimmy Page.

“noway!” he is stunned into silence. And then, tentatively “aStarWarsfan,also?”

“doesakickinthenutshurt?” she replies, lifting her tiny snout to the sky and scritching happily.

KevLegs fumes every possible shade of orange. A colour of pure happiness wot spreads across Herdwick pooping park, making fourlegs forget wot they’re doing, eating, squirting, eating, sniffing, eating.  Black snout holes everywhere, twitching the air.

Don’t tell me… Poppet starts in amazement.

Yeah, both into Zep answers Sparky with intense satisfaction.

“nonsesense,nonsense,nonsense” scritches KevLegs

“nonsesense,nonsense,andmorenonsense” scritches Stonks. 

They wobble off together, the two hungry fourlegs well and truly forgotten.

This fayre’s the dog’s plum bobs Sparky snifz at all the nosh.

Sure Poppet shakes earflaps been disqualified, dogged and dumped, wot’s not to lyk? 

They trot towards the nosh stalls.

Kicking off with tandoori kebabs this end he suggests.

And noshing ‘it right up to Cornish pasties that end she finishes. 

Wanted a woman, never bargained for yuz

Sparky is feeling tingly all over.

▪ ▪ ▪

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