Dear Mum and Dad.

I was so inspired by savoringsixtyandbeyond‘s post this morning that I am reposting a letter I wrote to my parent’s full of the words I wish I had said to them more when they were alive. I loved them ,we all did and do and they knew that.

Polesden  Lacey

© willowdot21

Dear Mum and Dad

I don’t think I ever made it clear enough how much I appreciated what you did for me. It is only now as a parent and grandma that I see what you must have gone through.

© willowdot21. Some but not all of the gang

Nine children you had, nine. You lost three but that was never your fault. How did you cope Mum it must have been hard, and Dad worse for you because in those days grieving was not the done thing. I lost three babies too I could not openly grieve either but you knew you silently gave me strength.

© willowdot21

I am in awe of how you always managed to feed and dress us all. There was always food on the table and somehow the doors were always open to waifs and strays who needed help. No one was ever turned away from our door without help of some kind. I can remember there being an endless stream of family friends, or distant cousins with problems arriving on our doorstep. Some stayed longer than others but no one was ever turned away. I really don’t know how we all fitted into that three bed roomed terraced council house, it must of been like the TARDIS.

Who helped you, did anyone or did you have to struggle through, learning haphazardly! You, no doubt had to and that is why you were both such helpful parents. I am amazed at the sacrifices you must of made to keep us in clothes, shoes and food.

Dad, you worked as a body maker for LT making seats on the buses and tubes! Off to work at 5am and home at 5pm for dinner then 6pm the BBC News … silence reined! You then spent most of your evenings in the front room either at the table or your desk with your ancient typewriter. You had men and women visiting you , sometimes one sometimes more all coming for help and advice because you were a union rep and congressman for the NUVB ( National Union Of Vehicle Builders). The last visitor was about 10.30pm. At work you were a union rep you gave so much to others and yet you always saved so much for us. When you retired you were tapped out the length of the factory. ( All the men stood by their machines spanner or hamer in hand and tapped you out of the building, a sign of respect. ) You only live a year or so after retirement.

© willowdot21

Mum you were such a gentle soul I miss you so, You left your body long before you died and that broke my heart because I could not reach you. I used to bring the boys to see you at the nursing home you spent your last years in… although I loved to see you it hurt that you did not know me and you did not see the boys growing up . I think you missed Dad so much that you left in soul leaving your shell behind.
Mum remember Wimbledon week we had salad every evening because you loved the Tennis , funny thing Mum I can’t stand tennis! 🙂

You have both been gone so long and I miss you both so. I need you here to give me the strength , kindness and love. See even now I am asking for your help. I am so selfish, I was so angry when you died Mum because you were not there to talk to me and help me, do you know it took seven years to accept that you had really gone. Then the flood gates opened.

I have so many wonderful memories of you both. Getting up at 4.30am and sneaking down stairs to find you dad shaving in the kitchen, we would share your breakfast, porridge or boiled egg before you went off to work. Going with you to Chiswick Park on the tube on a Saturday. You would have a haircut while I sat and watched then maybe you would buy me an ice cream. Walking Steve the dog in the park … you always called him Brother …because of your union work no doubt .

© willowdot21

Mum you were always there when I came home from school, always played with me , I was the youngest of the family and by a good while so I was almost like an only child but not because everyone else was around but I was too young to join them . I remember you telling me stories and teaching me to knit sew and crochet sadly all of which I am useless at! As I grew you helped me with life and although I never lived that near to you you always came to my aid if I needed you . When our first boy was born premature and unable to breathe you came down to stay with me when P finally came home from hospital. He did not know how to suck so you helped me to spoon feed him until we got him to use a teat. So many many things to thank you for .

Mum and Dad you took all six of us and taught us everything you knew. How to face the world, how to love how to be friendly, caring and honest. I like to think that you are watching over us all and hopefully being proud of us…. well mostly. . I like to think that our beautiful sister Mary is with you both after horrendous illness and death five years ago.

© willowdot21 Mary sitting and me.

I miss you and I love you !

willow xxxxxxxx

Time Line Ooops!

Apologies to all who read my entry for K.L.Caley’s #writephoto. If you read it when it when it first went live, it was attacked by the Time Continuum Sabators and a paragraph was somehow moved! I have corrected it now! They don’t call me a Time Lord for nothing, infact they don’t call me a time Lord!

Photo by Jordan Benton on Pexels.com

Anyone seen the key?

arrrrrrrrrrrgh!

Where do the hours and the days go. I have been lost in a fug since Thursday. I just can’t get my head together or cope with all your posts flooding into my email . I am drowning in exhaustion , I am so busy there is not a moment in time right now that is not fully spoken for and agressively demanding my attention.

I have tried all day to make time to read my mail and write a post. It’s now 2.46 pm and I have, granted, read a few posts but I have written nothing. To be honest I am not really pleased with this but my head is bursting and I need to get some words out .

head fit to explode
thoughts clamouring for escape
it’s like a geyser
wanting to burst and flow free
but I can’t find the damn key.

2022, what are you going to throw at us next? (Biopsy Blues)

Well what is happening 😳. I honestly thought that after the last two years, Covid, illness and deaths in the family and dear friends! Me being in and out of hospital and Ruby being ill that this year would be a huge improvement…..well I thought by the laws of fairness we deserved a better year this year. Baaahaaha!

Aparently not the fickle finger of fate has decided we have not had enough to cope with. We got Ruby through cancer and a huge op on her leg which took over a month to heal, then the poor old gal got vestibular disease. Hubby and I being ill too, you can read all about that here.

Well just when I thought things were on the mend, hubby got a call from the hospital to tell after his last set of tests they wanted him to have a liver biopsy. Aparently a simple procedure, a tube is inserted into the liver, this tube has a set of snippers to remove a biopsy sample from the liver (two samples in hubby’s case) and a radiologist guides the tube by X-ray.

We read up on the procedure and it all looked straight forward and recovery quick, 24 to 48 hrs of moderate pain/discomfort. Not for hubby. Long story short, he went in for his biopsy Wednesday morning 8am, I took him home at 3.15pm. by 5pm he was in worse pain that immediately after biopsy. No sleep that night as hubby was in so much pain. Thursday morning hubby rang the hospital, the recommended co codamol ….I went and got some from town but also we rang the surgery for advice. Our G.P. rang and asked for me to take hubby in. By this time hubby was in so much pain he could not get on the drs couch. She then rang the hospital and was told to send him to A & E.

The Dr wrote him a note for A & E. I dropped him there about 3pm. He was seen by a doctor. Who could see how much pain he was in. He has had scan and ultrasound. Two does of Morphine and assorted other tablets later and still the pain was just as bad.
The scans and ultrasound were clear no damage to liver or stomach from biopsy and also no bleeds. The pain though was still excruciating? They believe a muscle was strained during the biopsy. As the position you are put in for the biopsy is odd and uncomfortable? That could be true of the lower pain but not the one in the shoulder.

So picked Hubby up from A & E really no better off than when I left him, in pain and looking awful. Anyway they had given him codine tablets and assured him there was no internal bleeding.

Unfortunately he had another very bad and painful night. Today he has been propped up on the sofa still in lots of pain. Of course it’s a Friday and the surgery will be closed all weekend . If things worsen it will time to call an ambulance or another drive to A&E, hopefully we can get through the next two days, but if there is no improvement it will be back to the surgery Monday ….fingers crossed we can get some help.

So yet again I am behind with posts and comments….I am actually exhausted. Plus we have Storm Eunice bashing around outside, two trees down in our road and lots more around the town. So we are staying in , though I have taken Ruby on two short walks so far today .

© willowdot21

Please bear with me I will get round to you all and I may have to miss prompts…..even though I have just got round to catching up! Oh! and we still have to get the results of the biopsy . 🤞

The only way is up!

Hello everyone and I do mean all of you who are kind enough to allow me to visit and who are always so welcoming when I visit you .

Yet again I have had to just empty my inbox and that breaks my heart because I know I will have missed so many beautiful, insughtful , happy, sad, let’s face it the whole gambit of blogging. Sorry but it had to be done so I can start afresh and not drown!

because I miss you

As I said in my previous posts things here have been hard. All through December we nursed Ruby, she had cancer , firstly daily visits to the Vetinary Hospital for wound dressing, then we needed to change the dressing ourselves twice a day and sleep down stairs with her for over a month. Then just as she was improving I had a P. V.D. you can read about that here.

As if that wasn’t enough Ms Ruby collapsed in the garden one morning and could not even stand for 24hrs that was due to Vestibular Disease which meant for a few days we had to carry her out to the garden for a wee and a pooh! This lasted a few days , she is better now but still very unsteady….we call her the drunken sailor. This also meant more time sleeping downstairs with her in turns!

Finally on the 19th January I had to stop blogging because hubby and I both developed chest infections, necessitating antibiotics. Unfortunately after three days I had an allergic reaction to the antibiotics and had to go to A&E. Long story short I was put on a 4 day course of high dose Prednisolone Steroids and Antihistamine tablets. The next day I was worse but by the third day things were improving.

I am now allergic to four types of antibiotics! Below my latest allergic reaction… I was covered in this!

© willowdot21.
© willowdot21.

Anyway, touch wood, fingers crossed we seem to be improving so I am tentatively back , I still have funny eyes from the P.V.D. and a cold and a wobbly dog and coughing hubby but hopefully I am back .

Oh! Just for good measure WordPress decided to suspend my blog on Friday, saying I had contravened their terms and conditions? Luckily after I appealled by three different methods I got an email saying I had a fortnight to remove all my work of ten years or lose it! I wrote again protesting my innocence finally I got another email saying they had re viewed my sight and the suspension had been lifted. Phew!! Thanks to Ritu for listening to me and helping.

So now let’s hope the only way is up!

Ronovan Writes Décima Poetry Challenge Prompt No. 89 (FRIEND) in the A rhyme line.

Ronovanwrite’s.

THIS IS PART OF RONOVANWRITE’S WEEKLY DÉCIMA CHALLENGE.

© willowdot21

It’s time for broke bridges to mend.
Christmas is a time to spread love
The message from heaven above
Reach out now to a long lost friend.
Truth is the best message to send.
The tree is decked with sparkly things
Yet who’s round it fills us with grins.
A time for love and happiness
A chance for us to make progress.
Joy to the world we hope it brings

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS October 16, 2021

Our Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “if.” Start your post with the word “If.” Enjoy!

If only I’d made more time
To travel to your door
If only we been closer
Or I’d known what I know now before.
If only I had told you how much I really care
If only I could touch you, If only you were here.

© willowdot21 Mary and I , Mary seated.

My  dear  and  beautiful second eldest  sister died  in October 2015 . She was a nursing  sister  all her  working  life and  she  touched  so many  lives. She died a horrible  and  painful  death due  to a  drug  resistant  bug. 

Last moments

The  machines  murmured and  slowly  stopped their pings

As her  soul, finally  at  peace, was  released  and  found it’s  wings.

After months  of  pain  and  strain she  was  free  to  run and laugh  again.

I hope  you  are  back  with  your  true love and  dancing  to  a sweet refrain.

God  Bless  you  sister  dear

I shall miss  you  so,  yet still feel  you near.

Your departure on my heart has left a scar

You are  still next  to me not  far.

This is part of LindaGHill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

One – Liner Wednesday. North Star.

One liner Wednesday.

“In the face of adversity, we have a choice. We can be bitter, or we can be better. Those words are my North Star.”

Caryn Sullivan.

Part of LindaGHill’s One-Liner Wednesday.

Sorry it’s a day late!

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