image from here
They are not in there they have gone.
Don’t search for the beautiful light that once shone,
They are not themselves, their soul has fled
Gone to us, to all purposes dead.
How cruel, how mean, how so unkind
To leave a feeble body and take a beautiful mind.
There are no words that can truly describe
The pain and fear of those trapped inside.
They can not reason they know no rhyme
They are gone and we are left behind.
Recognition in the eyes is sadly mockery.
This is no longer them, they are not who they used to be.
Screams of anger, voices harsh with fists of hate
You try so hard, you have so much on your plate.
There is no more that you can do.
They may be gone, still you try to be true.
Female, wife, full time mother and Grandmother. I am not as happy go lucky as I used to be but I am still bubbling along on simmer! I have three handsome sons all grown and flown.The youngest married with a beautiful wife and two sons of his own. Eleven years ago I was working, running a home, driving and socializing then bang in a split second all that was gone. I had an accident at home. I broke my back, not for the first time, I had broken it 10 years previously as well. Unfortunately this time I had broken it really badly and it was truly messed up so I had to have two operations. I was told before each operation that the outcome could mean I spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Still as some guy once wrote "I am still standing " yes "better than I ever was " not quite but with the help of a walking stick and as long as I do not stand or sit in one position for too long, I am still standing! Update I no longer use the walking stick . I had lots of friends before the accident but when things like this happen, you loose most of them. Their lives move on and mine stood still and so they left me behind ...I know that is just the way life is but it hurt and always will. Then I looked around and saw those who were still there for me, these friends are the roses in my garden they need to be tended well. They are the diamonds in the dust, I will of been married 50yrs plus this year . Pain and boredom are my enemies now, I have to find different ways to approach life, use my pain befriend it almost...yer right , well that is what they tell me at the pain clinic ROFLMAO ...... if only I could! I have found an outlet for my fears, frustrations and night terrors . I have started writing poetry if that name can be applied to my writing. I hope I do not come over as a moaning winger. I hope I am past all that. I also hope that you might see how the poetry is moving from very dark through the grey and
hopefully in to light ??
I need to update this a little here. I have worked very hard over the years since my accident, I go to the gym regularly, I have a Pilates class and a core class once a week . The guys at the gym and my Pilates teacher cajoled, teased, bullied and encouraged me to abandon my walking stick! :) My back is no longer straight it is C shaped because of the injury and I have lost two and a half inches in height but my Pilates and Core teachers have helped me to stand up as straight and as strongly as possible. Pain and depression are still hanging on my arm but I have weapons to use against them and if I say so myself I cope well.
I have made lots of new friends, real diamonds. I am also very grateful for all the support and help I have encountered here on Wordpress. Hugs and welcome to everyone who visits.
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32 thoughts on “NaBloPoMo : Dementia , Alzheimer’s Cruel Game.”
Dementia, and such conditions, are so hard to fathom, or cope with. Well done, Sis ❤
Thank you Sis so painful and scary. 💜💜
It’s such a cruel condition, heartbreaking for those looking on from the outside, and confusing for those trapped looking out from within. Every day is different.
Yes but very confusing 💜
Such a perfect portrayal of this horrible disease. Until their mind is completely gone, it is so frustrating to them and heartbreaking to us.
Yes Dale it is such an awful illness, a forgotten illness.💜
Not forgotten as it seems to be so very prevalent. So many of my friends have one parent who suffers….
By forgotten I mean not spoken about, not a popular donation sector. Luckily now it is finally coming into the public eye. Yes there are many many suffereds.💜
And yet, it seems like I see it everywhere. But you are probably right… it’s less “popular” than say, cancer…
Yes definitely 💜 it’s is.💜
for all who suffer from the fast form of dememtia, researchers have found out, that cancer in older people has led to many elderly being misdiagnosed, this is 100% true, so if there are those diagnosed with dementia, the fast kind, it has been known to be cured, check any research out there, there is hope, amen… a simple vitamin supplement can help
We must all cling to hope 💜💜
its true, there have been numerous reports about it, particularly in older people who are diagnosed
with rapid form of dementia, amen, we believe in
Jesus because his words ring true, and the miracles he provided, were all real i think we dare to hope in difficult times because we fear others mocking behavior, as it was in olden times, amen
Yes you are right 💜
i read the story of a woman misdiagnosed, who recovered very quickly, once the real problem was identified, we sometimes need to dig, rather than accept the expert opinion. I used to be involved with legal matters; the only opinion that mattered, the right one for the client, it suppressed my thoughts for all the experts, then the financial crash, the fake wars etc… it does temper the brain cells,amen.
difficult choices 💜
The feeling of helplessness is disturbing and heart-wrenching…
An evil thief.💜💜
Yes… I know… 😌
So sad and so very true. Beautifully written Willow
Sadly it affects so many 💜
I’ll tell you a story about dementia. I had an uncle who was diagnosed with it in his seventies. I visited him and my aunt quite regularly then at their cottage in Devon. He ultimately became such a liability to my poor aunt who was ten years his senior – that she and I decided she could no longer look after him and he would have to go to a home. What pushed it to the limit was his almost setting the cottage on fire one night when I was staying there.
We visited him in the home quite often. One day, when he’d been there a year or so, we were sitting with him, trying to communicate in some way with him, but with little success. Until, all of a sudden, a flash of lucidity came into his eyes. He looked at both of us and said, “You don’t have to worry about me, you know – I can’t remember anything!” My aunt and I were stunned. At which point, he lapsed into what had become his normal dementia mode and never ever again, to my knowledge, did he emerge from it. Certainly not to that bizarre extent anyway.
I leave that with you for what it’s worth. But it inevitably set me wondering if, in some individuals at least, dementia is not quite the black horror it seems to us on the outside.
That is a lovely story and very comforting. My sister was struggling to cope with her husband, we used visited but it was such a long way which nesscessitated either a twelve hour trip or overnight stay in a B&B. Then came covid. She has lots of family close for her, children right through to great grandchildren. It’s so hard to see someone you’ve known for over sixty years look at you as if you are strangers. In the end she had to concede and he is in a home..and that has been very difficult for her through out covid. …it’s very difficult and thanks for sharing.💜💜
You’re welcome Willow. Perhaps it might help your sister a little too. When looking from the outside and never being told, by an inhabitant, what the inside is like, we’ve a natural tendency to imagine the worst possible scenarios. But as far as it was possible for me or my aunt to judge, my old uncle certainly didn’t feel himself to be in a bad place at that moment in time. Who knows?
Yes indeed who knows indeed 💜
Thank you 💜