Please Rip It Out.

© willowdot21

Okay I hope that no one will mind if I open up again. No doubt some of you will run for the hills thinking me bad and ugly or mad. Well that’s how I feel.

Yet I trust you guys and I need to get this out because it’s frightening me.

Now, I have not been well for months well actually it’s been about 18 months maybe longer who knows. I have felt myself slowing up, loosing weight being tired . I was beginning to get stressed. I was afraid to eat because it always ended up with me having indigestion or being sick or both. Then in June I had pain I have never had to cope with before. Yes, worse than childbirth, broken back or even sepsis.

Anyway to avoid going through it all again, what happened next was me in and out of hospital, wearing a Cholesystectomy drain and bag for three months and now I am another month into waiting for an operation. The symptoms are returning and I am scared the excruciating pain will return.

Whats worse I feel guilty because it’s not cancer or anything fatal, it a huge stone blocking my gall bladder. Though apartently in June it was so poisonous they said it was “Too dangerous to operate” .

I feel ill yes, not unwell, not poorly, actually ill. I can’t tell family, there’s been so much happening in the strange Covid times. That hubby has enough to cope with. Though he has been wonderful.

Still there is one more thing that I am finding even more difficult. It’s not the internal itching, described as bad blood or any of the other symptoms it’s what I keep seeing in my head. I can’t get away from it.

The picture below is how I now see my insides. My organs, my viens and arteries every inch of me feels dark and dirty and I want to get hold of the muck and pull it out.

Pixabay Please

I can’t escape it, eyes open or shut it’s there screaming at me. Also things in everyday life are getting to me. Gravel on the path, looks like my insides, rip it out! Stones in mud, acorns and leaves, tuffs of grass or weeds that’s what my insides look like … please rip it out!

Photo by Jock Ocularic on Pexels.com
Photo by Zura Narimanishvili on Pexels.com

So there it is I have actually told you. Does anyone else know what I am talking about. Am I going mad. I do hope you don’t think I am mad does anyone else feel this feelings? Thank you for listening.

Follow me on Twitter

Follow Us

Follow Us

Follow Us

Follow Us

Trent's World (the Blog)

Random Ramblings and Reviews from Trent P. McDonald

Marsha Ingrao - Always Write

Promoting Hobby Blogging

Chel Owens

A Wife, My Verse, and Every Little Thing

Sacred SoulSongs

Sacred Paths and Detours

🐝 The Bee Writes...

about life & everything

Mr. Ohh!'s Sideways View

For those of you who aren't me...and I've noticed a surprisingly large number of people who aren't.

The Small Dog

Life from the Tail End

USUAL MUTTWITS

DOG TAILS by ZoZo and Jools

kimbladeswriting

poetry and short stories

Ben Naga

Gifts from the Musey Lady and Me. "Laissez-moi vous raconter ma vraie histoire."

About the Jez of It

Poetry, stories and strange odds and ends from the desk of a writer

The Sound of One Hand Typing

Music, Musings, Memoir, and Madness

"LIFE" ( You like it, I love it! )

"LOVE"-Keeping it real, and keeping it simple!

Our Eyes Open

Come along on an adventure with us!

Diary of a Dublin Housewife

Diary of a Dublin Housewife

J-Dubs Grin and Bear It

As Always, More to Come

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Blog magazine for lovers of health, food, books, music, humour and life in general

Colline's Blog

a potpourri of thoughts and experiences

pensitivity101

An onion has many layers. So have I!

lynz real cooking

lynz real life

Darswords

Musings about Havenverse

From Cave Walls

The Journey Home

Sue Vincent's Daily Echo

Echoes of Life, Love and Laughter

like mercury colliding...

...moments of unexpected clarity

G-Bears Blog

Real Life - Hard Facts !

All in a Day's Breath

Art, Love of Life, Philosophy, Writing, Spirituality

Kevin Parish

Poetry, lyrics and other words...

Claire Ladds

Crime and dark fiction author

adamdixonfiction

Short stories from a fiction addict

Write to Inspire

Lance Greenfield - Night Writer