It is there deep inside eating me
Devouring me whole, I can’t get free.
Taking over my body and soul
Blocking out all light it is a black hole.
I wake feeling sick, I struggle to sleep
It has me in knots I am in it’s keep.
Fear it is here creeping all over me fear
Draining me eating me a rip and a tear.
Where’ve they gone where are the years
I lost the laughter and found only tears.
This fear’s not mine but haunts me still
I can’t fight it now I have not the will.
It is there deep inside eating me
Devouring me whole, I can’t get free.
Taking over my body and soul
Blocking out all light it is a black hole.
Female, wife, full time mother and Grandmother. I am not as happy go lucky as I used to be but I am still bubbling along on simmer! I have three handsome sons all grown and flown.The youngest married with a beautiful wife and two sons of his own. Eleven years ago I was working, running a home, driving and socializing then bang in a split second all that was gone. I had an accident at home. I broke my back, not for the first time, I had broken it 10 years previously as well. Unfortunately this time I had broken it really badly and it was truly messed up so I had to have two operations. I was told before each operation that the outcome could mean I spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Still as some guy once wrote "I am still standing " yes "better than I ever was " not quite but with the help of a walking stick and as long as I do not stand or sit in one position for too long, I am still standing! Update I no longer use the walking stick . I had lots of friends before the accident but when things like this happen, you loose most of them. Their lives move on and mine stood still and so they left me behind ...I know that is just the way life is but it hurt and always will. Then I looked around and saw those who were still there for me, these friends are the roses in my garden they need to be tended well. They are the diamonds in the dust, I will of been married 50yrs plus this year . Pain and boredom are my enemies now, I have to find different ways to approach life, use my pain befriend it almost...yer right , well that is what they tell me at the pain clinic ROFLMAO ...... if only I could! I have found an outlet for my fears, frustrations and night terrors . I have started writing poetry if that name can be applied to my writing. I hope I do not come over as a moaning winger. I hope I am past all that. I also hope that you might see how the poetry is moving from very dark through the grey and
hopefully in to light ??
I need to update this a little here. I have worked very hard over the years since my accident, I go to the gym regularly, I have a Pilates class and a core class once a week . The guys at the gym and my Pilates teacher cajoled, teased, bullied and encouraged me to abandon my walking stick! :) My back is no longer straight it is C shaped because of the injury and I have lost two and a half inches in height but my Pilates and Core teachers have helped me to stand up as straight and as strongly as possible. Pain and depression are still hanging on my arm but I have weapons to use against them and if I say so myself I cope well.
I have made lots of new friends, real diamonds. I am also very grateful for all the support and help I have encountered here on Wordpress. Hugs and welcome to everyone who visits.
View all posts by willowdot21
9 thoughts on “Devouring”
I am in deep admiration, maybe it’s awe, that you have managed to find these words within the pain. My insidious blackness is a rare disease – and it’s reared up again. I have been writing forever, but nothing has come close to the feelings it can overtake me with like your words have just done.
I am so sorry for your pain, but I am grateful for your talent.
Take as good of care as possible. Hugs,
-Robyn
Hello Robin, isn’t it strange that sometimes someone else can explain the pain better than ourselves. I try to write it out but never quite seem to pin it down. I am however glad that it rings true to you. However I would not wish the darkness on you and I hope you are not suffering too deeply right now. We carry on we always do. Thank you for reading and your kind words keep well. xxxx
I am with 12 years of experience and ready to achieve any type of works such as, converting any form from JPG, PDF, ...etc into Excel,Word, PowerPoint and other editable forms, In addition to having a deep experience in inserting and managing data
willowdot21 
I am in deep admiration, maybe it’s awe, that you have managed to find these words within the pain. My insidious blackness is a rare disease – and it’s reared up again. I have been writing forever, but nothing has come close to the feelings it can overtake me with like your words have just done.
I am so sorry for your pain, but I am grateful for your talent.
Take as good of care as possible. Hugs,
-Robyn
Hello Robin, isn’t it strange that sometimes someone else can explain the pain better than ourselves. I try to write it out but never quite seem to pin it down. I am however glad that it rings true to you. However I would not wish the darkness on you and I hope you are not suffering too deeply right now. We carry on we always do. Thank you for reading and your kind words keep well. xxxx
Love that last line, especially. Excellent start to this month of February!
Thanks have a good mouth!
This is amazing and describes the pain perfectly!
Thanks Lynz it is heart felt xxx
Yes I could feel that and reaches many people!
Thanks xx