The secret lies buried underneath
Layer upon layer of grief
Under the damp scented loam
Where above feet do roam.
Unloved and unwanted
Lost for evermore
Female, wife, full time mother and Grandmother. I am not as happy go lucky as I used to be but I am still bubbling along on simmer! I have three handsome sons all grown and flown.The youngest married with a beautiful wife and two sons of his own. Eleven years ago I was working, running a home, driving and socializing then bang in a split second all that was gone. I had an accident at home. I broke my back, not for the first time, I had broken it 10 years previously as well. Unfortunately this time I had broken it really badly and it was truly messed up so I had to have two operations. I was told before each operation that the outcome could mean I spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Still as some guy once wrote "I am still standing " yes "better than I ever was " not quite but with the help of a walking stick and as long as I do not stand or sit in one position for too long, I am still standing! Update I no longer use the walking stick . I had lots of friends before the accident but when things like this happen, you loose most of them. Their lives move on and mine stood still and so they left me behind ...I know that is just the way life is but it hurt and always will. Then I looked around and saw those who were still there for me, these friends are the roses in my garden they need to be tended well. They are the diamonds in the dust, I will of been married 50yrs plus this year . Pain and boredom are my enemies now, I have to find different ways to approach life, use my pain befriend it almost...yer right , well that is what they tell me at the pain clinic ROFLMAO ...... if only I could! I have found an outlet for my fears, frustrations and night terrors . I have started writing poetry if that name can be applied to my writing. I hope I do not come over as a moaning winger. I hope I am past all that. I also hope that you might see how the poetry is moving from very dark through the grey and hopefully in to light ?? I need to update this a little here. I have worked very hard over the years since my accident, I go to the gym regularly, I have a Pilates class and a core class once a week . The guys at the gym and my Pilates teacher cajoled, teased, bullied and encouraged me to abandon my walking stick! :) My back is no longer straight it is C shaped because of the injury and I have lost two and a half inches in height but my Pilates and Core teachers have helped me to stand up as straight and as strongly as possible. Pain and depression are still hanging on my arm but I have weapons to use against them and if I say so myself I cope well. I have made lots of new friends, real diamonds. I am also very grateful for all the support and help I have encountered here on Wordpress. Hugs and welcome to everyone who visits. View all posts by willowdot21
15 thoughts on “Not the A to Z April Challenge : Underneath”
a stunning, powerful write Willow.
Thank you Souldiergirl Underneath has been the hardest nonet to write this month. xxxx
God knows – that’s fine with me.
What that the secret is hidden. 😉 have a good day Paul. I hope dialysis goes well this week. xxxxx
I’m getting through it Willow. The needles have gone better (four on Monday and they got the last one in, first shot good on Wed.)). Serious intestinal issues flaring up this week – a result of the radiation treatment so many years ago. That caused some problems at dialysis (as you can imagine being hooked to the machine with blood lines, response time is slow) but we got through it by gritting our teeth. Construction at the hospital so they have moved our pick up point to the other side of the hospital from dialysis – meaning about an additional 1/2 mile walk to and from treatment each day. This will apparently be the plan for the summer while they work on the main entrance of the hospital. Some bureaucratic bulls**t with my transportation that I will rant about during If We Were Having Coffee this Sunday. On the bright side my landlord is upgrading my apartment to a bigger unit at the same price so they can work on the leaking ceiling – which has started to leak again this week after a winter of respite. He says he will give me the people to move as I am not able to do much lifting or walking. The move will be the first week of May after the rush (a lot of students rent here and the end of the university year is coming). I am nervous about that although I have very little, I can’t get down to clean floors and stuff and am afraid that i’ll lose some of my deposit. Although they will be tearing out walls and ceilings in my room (water damage), so i doubt they will care much how clean it is before they start.
Anyway, Ha!, thanks for asking Willow – sorry i ranted on. Hope all is well with you and yours – how did the party for the Newbie go last week? All OK?
Hi Paul so glad to hear all is going well with treatment this week. Though I am sorry that you still are having internal repercussions from the radiation therapy you had years back. I am not pleased to hear that an extra 1/2 mile walk has been added to your journey ! It all means extra stress for you. The authorities mist know so I can’t understand why your transport arrangements can’t be reorganised to accommodate you and no doubt other patients too. I look forward to your rant.
The Birthday party was lovely and it will be discussed when we are having coffee. Be well Paul hugs. Xxx
You haven’t lost a beat since the beginning of the ‘Not the A to Z April Challenge’.
😀 😀 ❤
🙂 Today’s , underneath, was the hardest yet! V tomorrow! 🙂 xxx
Keep on keeping on. ❤
Will do ❤
Powerful. You do well, Willow. These prompts can be overwhelming for some. Would be for me.
Thanks Audrey I do like a challenge but I made it harder for myself by deciding to do each letter’s subject as a nonet! Thanks again for reading!!xxxxx
Soooo hard!!! A great challenge.