Stuck , running in the mud.

Hello everyone , note I am not  bothering with the Italics  because I shall lapse,  at  some point ,  back into normal New Roman  so lets  start as I mean to continue.

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Sorry I am still finding it hard to write and apart  from that lurking dog  in the corner  there I do not know why. There are a thousand  feelings  and fears screaming to get out of  my head  but they are trapped, trapped and locked in! I am ploughing  through  your posts and comments  trying at least to keep up and keep abreast of the buzz in the hopes that  my block and darkness will lift,

I am annoyed with myself  because there is so much good in my life right now that I should be grateful for and busting with joy . Sadly  the fact is I am not  and with my poetry  not even willing to help me I feel bereft. I am trying not to be on the laptop in my husbands pressence  right now as he seems to think it is sapping  my sanity… the truth is totally  the reverse!  But  hey ho  what  do I know.

 

I am looking out of  the kitchen window  it is 7.50am  and the sun is out and it it looks like it might  be a dry and warm day, a rare thing at  the moment. It is 1st of June  and even last night we had to have the heating on! Later  this morning  we are going over to visit  the Newbie  and his mum and dad  as  their  third wedding annaversary is  this comming week. We have  bought  them crystal glass as tradition demands, for  3rd  anniversary. I found  some beautiful  champagne  saucers which  have tiny Swarovski crystal elements used in  the pattern looking for all the world  like tiny  diamond stars in orbit!. Well I love  them  and they  came in a lovely  black  box  how  could I resist. My  husband  the much  more practical  one  brought our  son  a 1050Watt  all sing  all dancing  impact  power drill…. very  romantic  not … but  all the same  very useful  and I am sure it will be well used!!

Well that was about 30hrs ago  and still I am finding it so hard  to write, it hurts not  to write, not to express myself. I do not  even feel like answering  my  emails and usually I love  to keep in touch  with my friends.

Bare with  me I will be be back, after all I have Little Mae and all her friends  hanging on for me to rescue them!  I think  the Kate  Bush  singing  Running  up  that  hill, expresses  the feeling of  treading  water  and being bogged down in saddness. I think there is light at  the end of the tunnel.