A Little Tenderness : part 2

“Is  that a huge black slug or a nasty black  worm ” I asked  my eldest son . He was sitting next to  my bed and holding my hand, ” where  mum ” he asked on a laugh! “Up there I said over  the clock, I don’t like it , it keeps  moving” Quizical  look and  and gentle reassuring ” No mum I think you are tripping again. You know it is me, not you that does weird !”

He was right I do not not do weird I was the sensible Mum here. I was the adult ( even though he was 36yrs at the time,  40yrs  now ).  He was right though I was finding it so hard to hold things together my head was buzzing and my back hurt so much . I had a catheter which was good  but I was totally constipated all the time. My body  seemed to have gone totally  haywire. My brain addled with painkillers  was panicking , will I ever walk again, will I even stand up will I ever  manage to go to the toilet again……… sorry  but base as that is that was what I  was panicking about, that  and what was the black slug/worm doing on top of the clock.


The Dr , no sorry  he is a mister, a surgeon , is standing at  the bottom of my  bed again with all his minions , a sea of faces , international faces.  I wish I knew  when they will operate , perhaps  they have forgotten  what  they said  they would do. I will ask  him again. Mr …….  can  you tell me exactly  what  you are going to do.  ” I told  you yesterday  do you rally think I have nothing better  to do with my time than  to tell you again today? “OH! his bark is as bad as his bite, er  no I suppose not. Oh! well I give up , lets put my Ipod on and loose myself in a story.

“Willow” , a hand  on  my shoulder, “Willow sorry to wake  you , ” Oh! it is that really nice registar Mr … ” Willow I am sorry Mr … is very brisk he doesn’t mean anything by his way.  He just thinks it is as easy for everyone to understand  what he is doing, as it is for him! ” He is smiling at me now and explaining again what they are going to do  but they have to wait  for the kit to arrive  and the swelling to go down. Why am I so scared.


bad weather

bad weather

OH! Another Dr  what now ? Hello, OH! big smile, it is no d0ctor it is my husband . He has got here through the snow again. He has bought me a rasberry mousse , thank you  so much. I have fallen asleep again then the pain wakes me up . Time  for oramorph  then back to sleep again.

My patient  husband  he used struggle in to visit me every day, and we were in the throws of one of our really bad winter spells snow and ice everywhere.  But  he percivered .

The  weather was bad  and lots of old ladies ( and men no doubt  but I did not see too many of them.) were addmitted  at regular intivals of the day and night.


Angela , Angela where is Angela ? That was a question that I was going to get  very used to. It would  be asked  morning , noon and night  by Gwen. Angela  arrived everyday  at 2pm  and she stayed until 8pm at night.She  was as quiet  as a mouse and she was always smiling . It did not matter whether she was there or not  the question  was asked every few minutes.

I remember there were four of us in the ward  and we were all tired , there were Mavis  and Joan oposite me  and Barbara beside me . It was 2am and none of us could sleep because Gwen was calling for Angela .  As Gwen asked for the where abouts of Angela  for the 9o99th time we all chorused “Shut up Gwen” We were all amazed when she did . We all relaxed , it is amazing how it grates on the nerves  to hear someone  in true distress appealing for someone , not knowing if there are there or not.   We all enjoyed 10mins of total silence … well almost silence the night staff were as usual chatting about their exciting lives  giggling and being generally  noisy.  But it was bliss.

Angela , Angela where is Angela ? what could  we do  we all just bust out laughing……………… what are those tears , yes I am so tired . Angela , Angela where is Angela ?



12 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Let's CUT the Crap!
    Mar 10, 2014 @ 21:45:32

    No wonder so many people fight tooth and nail NOT to go into a hospital. 😉


  2. cobbies69
    Mar 11, 2014 @ 08:38:42

    After my op one vision that always stick with me is — every morning approx 8am the surgeons team came round and stood at the bottom of my bed, discussing me and keep looking at me as they did so. I felt like an object/subject. They would move on to the next bed and one would stay to explain the days procedures, not that I ever understood.. it makes me smile now, a couple of months on. 😉


    • willowdot21
      Mar 11, 2014 @ 09:11:46

      Yes that is the form. My surgeon was younger than me and very arrogant
      He was also sarcastic to the point of rudness. He upset me more than once. My husband, who of course was once removed, believed he was as he was to protect himself. That this ‘I am so clever’ attitude was to give him confidence to mess with peoples spines, after all as, I was warned, a slip would be catastrophic.
      I was too close to see that then but I do see it now. The second op (I had to have three) I was conscious for and he spent it discussing his four cars with his team while I was laying face down on the table feeling very alone and exposed. When he finished he said “we have ignored you a bit do you feel like a lump of meat ?’ But when the porters came in he said to one of them okay I will take her and on the way to the recovery room he did ask me how I was and what to expect so he did have a heart though it was well hidden .
      I hope you are looking after yourself and doing what you have been advised to. Keep getting better. Xx


      • cobbies69
        Mar 11, 2014 @ 12:11:16

        My head surgeon was great, he even came in on his days off and chatted with his patients.. but the group in the mornings were not as rude as yours, but were very cold. I have thought of so many things since coming home I might do another post about my experience… take care 😉

      • willowdot21
        Mar 11, 2014 @ 12:35:08

        Thank you take care too , it ma be a good thing to do it is a kind of excising or closure , it is helping me . I shall look out for this post and I shall check out your hospital posts 🙂 I am grateful for all they did for me . Honest I am writing it as it was from my point of view. Be well 😉 xx

  3. johnallenrichter
    Mar 11, 2014 @ 11:42:01

    Amazing – the human mind and its abilities. It gets us through things that are just unfathomable. What you suffered Willow is probably among the worst of those… Your story is so touching. But one theme I see in your memory, or that actually stands out to me, is love. Is there a greater silver lining than family when something like this happens? True, you might have been seeing crawlies that weren’t really there, or faces might have been merging together and apart in a “Yellow Submarine” kind of way…. But the most special people were there, chipping away through the fog and confusion. Surely that aid who showed contempt for having to assist you is in the wrong profession…. And some priests molest children and some dentists rape their patients. These things go on even when things in life demand the most from us. But so too does the love that we sew and reap, and you have such a wonderful abundance… You are in no way unfortunate as far as that goes…. Blessings to you sweet Willow…… Your stories are so interesting to read…


    • willowdot21
      Mar 11, 2014 @ 13:03:36

      Thank so much for that wonderful comment. I am so happy to say how much my husband and the boys helpped me in those early days, in the first post I told how my youngest lad helpped me he travelled 102 x 2 miles that day to see me. In the second how the eldest worried for my sanity and travelled 60 x2 miles a day to visit me. Not to mention my husband and our youngest son . Look at me going on about miles and time the fact is when I needed them they were there no question and they were there to help no petty squobbles they were united.
      You are right am lucky I have love in abundance and for that I thank God. I did not set out to write this part of my life in fact I shut it away and told myself to forget it but I can’t and nw I have started t is helpping me it truly is teaching me. God bless you John.xxxx


  4. penpusherpen
    Mar 11, 2014 @ 14:53:51

    Terrible and worrying times Sweet Willow, and you’d think they’d realise how vulnerable every patient is, and how they need reassurance, to be treated as a human being and not just a symptom to be prescribed ‘this and that’ treatment. I shudder at your story my friend, and isn’t it amazing, as some of your comments have said, how we get through by sheer willpower, and of course the love and support of our families…Great share my sweet friend. hugs always xPenx


    • willowdot21
      Mar 11, 2014 @ 17:59:28

      Yes Pen we are at our most vunerable when we are in hospital and the staff have the upper hand . I really had no intention of writing about that time in my life but now I have started I feel I nee to finish! Hugs Pen and thank you for the support! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


  5. bearspawprint
    Mar 13, 2014 @ 04:09:40



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