“Is that a huge black slug or a nasty black worm ” I asked my eldest son . He was sitting next to my bed and holding my hand, ” where mum ” he asked on a laugh! “Up there I said over the clock, I don’t like it , it keeps moving” Quizical look and and gentle reassuring ” No mum I think you are tripping again. You know it is me, not you that does weird !”
He was right I do not not do weird I was the sensible Mum here. I was the adult ( even though he was 36yrs at the time, 40yrs now ). He was right though I was finding it so hard to hold things together my head was buzzing and my back hurt so much . I had a catheter which was good but I was totally constipated all the time. My body seemed to have gone totally haywire. My brain addled with painkillers was panicking , will I ever walk again, will I even stand up will I ever manage to go to the toilet again……… sorry but base as that is that was what I was panicking about, that and what was the black slug/worm doing on top of the clock.
The Dr , no sorry he is a mister, a surgeon , is standing at the bottom of my bed again with all his minions , a sea of faces , international faces. I wish I knew when they will operate , perhaps they have forgotten what they said they would do. I will ask him again. Mr ……. can you tell me exactly what you are going to do. ” I told you yesterday do you rally think I have nothing better to do with my time than to tell you again today? “OH! his bark is as bad as his bite, er no I suppose not. Oh! well I give up , lets put my Ipod on and loose myself in a story.
“Willow” , a hand on my shoulder, “Willow sorry to wake you , ” Oh! it is that really nice registar Mr … ” Willow I am sorry Mr … is very brisk he doesn’t mean anything by his way. He just thinks it is as easy for everyone to understand what he is doing, as it is for him! ” He is smiling at me now and explaining again what they are going to do but they have to wait for the kit to arrive and the swelling to go down. Why am I so scared.
OH! Another Dr what now ? Hello, OH! big smile, it is no d0ctor it is my husband . He has got here through the snow again. He has bought me a rasberry mousse , thank you so much. I have fallen asleep again then the pain wakes me up . Time for oramorph then back to sleep again.
My patient husband he used struggle in to visit me every day, and we were in the throws of one of our really bad winter spells snow and ice everywhere. But he percivered .
The weather was bad and lots of old ladies ( and men no doubt but I did not see too many of them.) were addmitted at regular intivals of the day and night.
Angela , Angela where is Angela ? That was a question that I was going to get very used to. It would be asked morning , noon and night by Gwen. Angela arrived everyday at 2pm and she stayed until 8pm at night.She was as quiet as a mouse and she was always smiling . It did not matter whether she was there or not the question was asked every few minutes.
I remember there were four of us in the ward and we were all tired , there were Mavis and Joan oposite me and Barbara beside me . It was 2am and none of us could sleep because Gwen was calling for Angela . As Gwen asked for the where abouts of Angela for the 9o99th time we all chorused “Shut up Gwen” We were all amazed when she did . We all relaxed , it is amazing how it grates on the nerves to hear someone in true distress appealing for someone , not knowing if there are there or not. We all enjoyed 10mins of total silence … well almost silence the night staff were as usual chatting about their exciting lives giggling and being generally noisy. But it was bliss.
Angela , Angela where is Angela ? what could we do we all just bust out laughing……………… what are those tears , yes I am so tired . Angela , Angela where is Angela ?