A Little Tenderness : part 2

“Is  that a huge black slug or a nasty black  worm ” I asked  my eldest son . He was sitting next to  my bed and holding my hand, ” where  mum ” he asked on a laugh! “Up there I said over  the clock, I don’t like it , it keeps  moving” Quizical  look and  and gentle reassuring ” No mum I think you are tripping again. You know it is me, not you that does weird !”

He was right I do not not do weird I was the sensible Mum here. I was the adult ( even though he was 36yrs at the time,  40yrs  now ).  He was right though I was finding it so hard to hold things together my head was buzzing and my back hurt so much . I had a catheter which was good  but I was totally constipated all the time. My body  seemed to have gone totally  haywire. My brain addled with painkillers  was panicking , will I ever walk again, will I even stand up will I ever  manage to go to the toilet again……… sorry  but base as that is that was what I  was panicking about, that  and what was the black slug/worm doing on top of the clock.


The Dr , no sorry  he is a mister, a surgeon , is standing at  the bottom of my  bed again with all his minions , a sea of faces , international faces.  I wish I knew  when they will operate , perhaps  they have forgotten  what  they said  they would do. I will ask  him again. Mr …….  can  you tell me exactly  what  you are going to do.  ” I told  you yesterday  do you rally think I have nothing better  to do with my time than  to tell you again today? “OH! his bark is as bad as his bite, er  no I suppose not. Oh! well I give up , lets put my Ipod on and loose myself in a story.

“Willow” , a hand  on  my shoulder, “Willow sorry to wake  you , ” Oh! it is that really nice registar Mr … ” Willow I am sorry Mr … is very brisk he doesn’t mean anything by his way.  He just thinks it is as easy for everyone to understand  what he is doing, as it is for him! ” He is smiling at me now and explaining again what they are going to do  but they have to wait  for the kit to arrive  and the swelling to go down. Why am I so scared.


bad weather

bad weather

OH! Another Dr  what now ? Hello, OH! big smile, it is no d0ctor it is my husband . He has got here through the snow again. He has bought me a rasberry mousse , thank you  so much. I have fallen asleep again then the pain wakes me up . Time  for oramorph  then back to sleep again.

My patient  husband  he used struggle in to visit me every day, and we were in the throws of one of our really bad winter spells snow and ice everywhere.  But  he percivered .

The  weather was bad  and lots of old ladies ( and men no doubt  but I did not see too many of them.) were addmitted  at regular intivals of the day and night.


Angela , Angela where is Angela ? That was a question that I was going to get  very used to. It would  be asked  morning , noon and night  by Gwen. Angela  arrived everyday  at 2pm  and she stayed until 8pm at night.She  was as quiet  as a mouse and she was always smiling . It did not matter whether she was there or not  the question  was asked every few minutes.

I remember there were four of us in the ward  and we were all tired , there were Mavis  and Joan oposite me  and Barbara beside me . It was 2am and none of us could sleep because Gwen was calling for Angela .  As Gwen asked for the where abouts of Angela  for the 9o99th time we all chorused “Shut up Gwen” We were all amazed when she did . We all relaxed , it is amazing how it grates on the nerves  to hear someone  in true distress appealing for someone , not knowing if there are there or not.   We all enjoyed 10mins of total silence … well almost silence the night staff were as usual chatting about their exciting lives  giggling and being generally  noisy.  But it was bliss.

Angela , Angela where is Angela ? what could  we do  we all just bust out laughing……………… what are those tears , yes I am so tired . Angela , Angela where is Angela ?


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