I feel so stressed and strung out , what the hell is going on here.
Today should of been a breeze today should of been a doddle
But now it’s all gone pear shaped and my brains have all began to coddle.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Madness Nonnette
~~~~~~~~~~~
Hands reaching out to trap me fast.
To secure me in their misery.
Holding me down drowning me.
Loving it hear them sing
Enjoying my drowning.
Wanting my soul
Pain their goal
Swallowed
Whole
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Female, wife, full time mother and Grandmother. I am not as happy go lucky as I used to be but I am still bubbling along on simmer! I have three handsome sons all grown and flown.The youngest married with a beautiful wife and two sons of his own. Eleven years ago I was working, running a home, driving and socializing then bang in a split second all that was gone. I had an accident at home. I broke my back, not for the first time, I had broken it 10 years previously as well. Unfortunately this time I had broken it really badly and it was truly messed up so I had to have two operations. I was told before each operation that the outcome could mean I spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Still as some guy once wrote "I am still standing " yes "better than I ever was " not quite but with the help of a walking stick and as long as I do not stand or sit in one position for too long, I am still standing! Update I no longer use the walking stick . I had lots of friends before the accident but when things like this happen, you loose most of them. Their lives move on and mine stood still and so they left me behind ...I know that is just the way life is but it hurt and always will. Then I looked around and saw those who were still there for me, these friends are the roses in my garden they need to be tended well. They are the diamonds in the dust, I will of been married 50yrs plus this year . Pain and boredom are my enemies now, I have to find different ways to approach life, use my pain befriend it almost...yer right , well that is what they tell me at the pain clinic ROFLMAO ...... if only I could! I have found an outlet for my fears, frustrations and night terrors . I have started writing poetry if that name can be applied to my writing. I hope I do not come over as a moaning winger. I hope I am past all that. I also hope that you might see how the poetry is moving from very dark through the grey and
hopefully in to light ??
I need to update this a little here. I have worked very hard over the years since my accident, I go to the gym regularly, I have a Pilates class and a core class once a week . The guys at the gym and my Pilates teacher cajoled, teased, bullied and encouraged me to abandon my walking stick! :) My back is no longer straight it is C shaped because of the injury and I have lost two and a half inches in height but my Pilates and Core teachers have helped me to stand up as straight and as strongly as possible. Pain and depression are still hanging on my arm but I have weapons to use against them and if I say so myself I cope well.
I have made lots of new friends, real diamonds. I am also very grateful for all the support and help I have encountered here on Wordpress. Hugs and welcome to everyone who visits.
View all posts by willowdot21
21 thoughts on “FanFoFeb : Stress and then Madness”
Sometimes I wonder if we too are two many marionettes in life, love the way you shaped your words 🙂
for those extra strong ones, let’s bring along some wire cutters.
Excellent idea Deborah you are thinking like me.xxxx
We seem to do that a lot.
Great minds think alike.:). 😉 xxxx
Hello, milady…. First, ’twas good to see you over at my site; I always like to see your icon… but, it means you’re up late again, right… Oh, damn, no, that’s wrong… oh well, sorry… It’s now just 0700 here, which makes it about 1600 in the afternoon today there in England, approximately… I thought for a moment it was the other direction, and you were up at 0100 in the morning, or something…. Never mind, just my hallucinations…. 🙄
I like your poem, but, must tell you, you’re just TOO nice to people, milady… that’s why they try to take up your energy & time, because it’s easy to see you won’t hurt anyone…. It’s a beautiful quality, that everyone, including myself, loves in you, but, it is, at times, I’m sure, a pain in the old kazoo to have negative people attracted to your positivity….
As a practicing curmudgeon, with a relatively large and robust stature, strong if not tall, severely crusty, dark exterior, long hair and a pirate’s mustachio, and a visage worthy of the term, “scary”, (at least, when I choose to allow my feelings into my eyes)…I don’t have a big issue with folks like you are describing (if I’ve read you right…), as they tend to avoid me on sight… though they have not always done so….
I developed my technique for keeping such negative influences away from me in reaction to my own apparent attraction for them in my youth, an attraction which had, until then, plagued me all my life…. Whenever I would, by myself, get on a long-distance bus to ride, or a train, or other public travel venue, the absolute craziest, most needy person on the bus would, within a short amount of time, gravitate to the seat next to me, to regale with their woes for the duration of the endless trips…. So, I learned how to drive them off before they started, with a look that says, essentially “You really DON’T want to talk to him…in fact, turn around and walk away… No, actually, you should RUN!….”, …. It isn’t hard, given my natural talents in that area… I mean, just LOOK at that face!…. 😉
So, try a little harder, dear, to be just a little harder on people, okay? I promise, it won’t hurt…. 🙂
My dear Sir, thank you for the lovely reply. I have to say you read my poem correctly and I do perhaps have MUG printed on my forehead! But you have made me smile I don’t think you are being very kind to yourself though I think you look very kindly, a little stern maybe but benevolent all the same!
As I write this the time is 6.20pm almost three hours after it arrived at 3.20pm. My day did improve I do not mean to moan so I hope I do not I just like to let any stress or irritation flow on to the page 🙂 . I do love reading your post you are so erudite a man and you can have me hopping mad one second crying the next because I am laughing so much the next and then you can pull me up short with a not so completely disguised truth.
Please keep writing and please keep amazing and entertaining us all !!
Love for now willow xxxxx you take care and be blessed too!
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willowdot21 
Sometimes I wonder if we too are two many marionettes in life, love the way you shaped your words 🙂
Thanks Andy I agree but the question is who is pulling the strings.???
mmmm… fate.. god.. which do you feel? 🙂
I tend to believe that they are one and the same
As do I quite often 😀
Great minds think alike!
Hmmm. Sad.
It is it is
Evocative words, Wiillow dear.
Ghoulish to relish another’s suffering and despair.
Peace and more peace upon you,
Eric
Thank you Eric and peace be with you too xxx
I wonder if there is a way to free us from some of the strings. I hope you find some relief from the stress soon.
There must be a pair of scissors somewhere.??
for those extra strong ones, let’s bring along some wire cutters.
Excellent idea Deborah you are thinking like me.xxxx
We seem to do that a lot.
Great minds think alike.:). 😉 xxxx
Hello, milady…. First, ’twas good to see you over at my site; I always like to see your icon… but, it means you’re up late again, right… Oh, damn, no, that’s wrong… oh well, sorry… It’s now just 0700 here, which makes it about 1600 in the afternoon today there in England, approximately… I thought for a moment it was the other direction, and you were up at 0100 in the morning, or something…. Never mind, just my hallucinations…. 🙄
I like your poem, but, must tell you, you’re just TOO nice to people, milady… that’s why they try to take up your energy & time, because it’s easy to see you won’t hurt anyone…. It’s a beautiful quality, that everyone, including myself, loves in you, but, it is, at times, I’m sure, a pain in the old kazoo to have negative people attracted to your positivity….
As a practicing curmudgeon, with a relatively large and robust stature, strong if not tall, severely crusty, dark exterior, long hair and a pirate’s mustachio, and a visage worthy of the term, “scary”, (at least, when I choose to allow my feelings into my eyes)…I don’t have a big issue with folks like you are describing (if I’ve read you right…), as they tend to avoid me on sight… though they have not always done so….
I developed my technique for keeping such negative influences away from me in reaction to my own apparent attraction for them in my youth, an attraction which had, until then, plagued me all my life…. Whenever I would, by myself, get on a long-distance bus to ride, or a train, or other public travel venue, the absolute craziest, most needy person on the bus would, within a short amount of time, gravitate to the seat next to me, to regale with their woes for the duration of the endless trips…. So, I learned how to drive them off before they started, with a look that says, essentially “You really DON’T want to talk to him…in fact, turn around and walk away… No, actually, you should RUN!….”, …. It isn’t hard, given my natural talents in that area… I mean, just LOOK at that face!…. 😉
So, try a little harder, dear, to be just a little harder on people, okay? I promise, it won’t hurt…. 🙂
Take care, milady, and Blessed Be…. 😀
My dear Sir, thank you for the lovely reply. I have to say you read my poem correctly and I do perhaps have MUG printed on my forehead! But you have made me smile I don’t think you are being very kind to yourself though I think you look very kindly, a little stern maybe but benevolent all the same!
As I write this the time is 6.20pm almost three hours after it arrived at 3.20pm. My day did improve I do not mean to moan so I hope I do not I just like to let any stress or irritation flow on to the page 🙂 . I do love reading your post you are so erudite a man and you can have me hopping mad one second crying the next because I am laughing so much the next and then you can pull me up short with a not so completely disguised truth.
Please keep writing and please keep amazing and entertaining us all !!
Love for now willow xxxxx you take care and be blessed too!
happy valentines day (~_~)
and you have a good one too xxxxxxxxxxxx