Female, wife, full time mother and Grandmother. I am not as happy go lucky as I used to be but I am still bubbling along on simmer! I have three handsome sons all grown and flown.The youngest married with a beautiful wife and two sons of his own. Eleven years ago I was working, running a home, driving and socializing then bang in a split second all that was gone. I had an accident at home. I broke my back, not for the first time, I had broken it 10 years previously as well. Unfortunately this time I had broken it really badly and it was truly messed up so I had to have two operations. I was told before each operation that the outcome could mean I spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Still as some guy once wrote "I am still standing " yes "better than I ever was " not quite but with the help of a walking stick and as long as I do not stand or sit in one position for too long, I am still standing! Update I no longer use the walking stick . I had lots of friends before the accident but when things like this happen, you loose most of them. Their lives move on and mine stood still and so they left me behind ...I know that is just the way life is but it hurt and always will. Then I looked around and saw those who were still there for me, these friends are the roses in my garden they need to be tended well. They are the diamonds in the dust, I will of been married 50yrs plus this year . Pain and boredom are my enemies now, I have to find different ways to approach life, use my pain befriend it almost...yer right , well that is what they tell me at the pain clinic ROFLMAO ...... if only I could! I have found an outlet for my fears, frustrations and night terrors . I have started writing poetry if that name can be applied to my writing. I hope I do not come over as a moaning winger. I hope I am past all that. I also hope that you might see how the poetry is moving from very dark through the grey and
hopefully in to light ??
I need to update this a little here. I have worked very hard over the years since my accident, I go to the gym regularly, I have a Pilates class and a core class once a week . The guys at the gym and my Pilates teacher cajoled, teased, bullied and encouraged me to abandon my walking stick! :) My back is no longer straight it is C shaped because of the injury and I have lost two and a half inches in height but my Pilates and Core teachers have helped me to stand up as straight and as strongly as possible. Pain and depression are still hanging on my arm but I have weapons to use against them and if I say so myself I cope well.
I have made lots of new friends, real diamonds. I am also very grateful for all the support and help I have encountered here on Wordpress. Hugs and welcome to everyone who visits.
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12 thoughts on “Lonliness”
When my Mother passed away suddenly, these were the feelings I felt also. I can’t even remember the year after she died, I was walking around in a fog. I couldn’t stop thinking about her or her death. Time did make it easier for me. I truly am sorry for your pain.
I actually wrote this for my cousin Lindy who found it so hard to get over the death of her Mum. It took me seven years to face up to my mothers death ….. how strange you too equated this with your mothers death too. ….
Such a beautiful expression of the agony of loss. So many moments of pain, of emptiness, of hopelessness. And the façade one must maintain. You painted it all so realistically, providing the smallest comfort that at least, there are others who understand.
Yes it helps to know we are not alone because in times of bereavement we all do feel alone, so alone….. but if I can just touch another with this poem it has served it’s purpose. xx
I am sorry for your loss. It is so hard because no one really know how YOU feel. It is you who have that huge hole in your life and you that keeps coming slap bang up against reminders of this. Take heart it will improve you will always carry the pain but it will become sweeter. One day at a time. xx
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willowdot21 
When my Mother passed away suddenly, these were the feelings I felt also. I can’t even remember the year after she died, I was walking around in a fog. I couldn’t stop thinking about her or her death. Time did make it easier for me. I truly am sorry for your pain.
I actually wrote this for my cousin Lindy who found it so hard to get over the death of her Mum. It took me seven years to face up to my mothers death ….. how strange you too equated this with your mothers death too. ….
I especially love the last line. May that hole–and you–be filled and healed with love.
Thank you Russ that is so kind!!
Such a beautiful expression of the agony of loss. So many moments of pain, of emptiness, of hopelessness. And the façade one must maintain. You painted it all so realistically, providing the smallest comfort that at least, there are others who understand.
Yes it helps to know we are not alone because in times of bereavement we all do feel alone, so alone….. but if I can just touch another with this poem it has served it’s purpose. xx
Beautiful, Willowdot21. I am going through this and I do not feel so isolated now. Thank you. 🙂
I am sorry for your loss. It is so hard because no one really know how YOU feel. It is you who have that huge hole in your life and you that keeps coming slap bang up against reminders of this. Take heart it will improve you will always carry the pain but it will become sweeter. One day at a time. xx
Thank you sister Willowdot21. You have an amazing talent and you are a wonderful communicator. 🙂
Thank you sending you a virtual hug xx
Received. x
🙂 How is your daughter now, I remember that article you wrote about try to get medical help for her asthma at your Drs!