Pointless

Living with emotional crippledom is hard work , yes it gets no harder. At some point you simply cannot deal with the stress and the fear anymore. You just never know what will tip them over the edge. You get so tired of coping with family “do’s” you get so tired of holding that strained smile, pretending all is well, all the while knowing it bloody well is not.

Tired of being jealous of other families who seem happy  to all appearances, my bitchy side hopes that they are as bloody miserable as I am. My kinder side praying that that their happiness, togetherness, relaxedness is real. OH! God it must be real I pray the world is not as wretched as I am, I pray all marriages are not as taught, fraught  and stretched to the limit as mine is.  crawling across glass bleeding bleeding .

It never gets any better you pray it will you beg God it will but it doesn’t . What is the point , what is the point , what have I done done that is so bloody wrong? Hopeless, pointless no hope.

32 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. psychologypathology
    Jul 12, 2013 @ 20:19:33

    oh

    Reply

  2. Martin Shone
    Jul 12, 2013 @ 20:59:54

    There is nothing more pointless than an eraser, what it does is simply erase a mistake or erase a problem on the page or rub out something we don’t like the look of or don’t like the feel of or something we have simply had enough of and no longer want… Pointless!

    Imagine for a moment that the eraser had not been invented, then all the above would remain and so we would have to create something new something better something that says something good or better or nice…

    We cannot look at ourselves and ask or imagine that we have done anything wrong, we can only look at ourselves and ask or imagine what we can do right and so hopefully within our stresses and pains and problems we can find that little bit of something that will say…

    Freedom comes from loving what is, for in pain there is also pleasure

    xxx

    Reply

  3. Martin Shone
    Jul 12, 2013 @ 21:10:35

    Reply

  4. tjtherien
    Jul 12, 2013 @ 21:28:23

    Willow you must do what is right for you…

    Reply

  5. LindaGHill
    Jul 13, 2013 @ 00:09:22

    I’ve been there, with the not knowing whether to stay or go, whether the consequences will be worse than the present misery. You know in your heart how this will play out. There’s no need to rush it. When your heart is ready to either accept the way it is or to change it, you’ll know that too.
    *hugs*

    Reply

    • willowdot21
      Jul 13, 2013 @ 05:07:50

      Thank you for your kind words , pain and frustration got the better of me but life continues as so do we. Thank you for caring and I do heed your words! xx

      Reply

  6. WordsFallFromMyEyes
    Jul 13, 2013 @ 00:09:25

    Willow, I feel you need to be brave and make a change for your own peace, your own future.

    i wish you be in a well place.

    Reply

  7. reikiheidi
    Jul 13, 2013 @ 07:39:43

    😦 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Reply

  8. saminaiqbal27
    Jul 13, 2013 @ 07:50:50

    I do not know what to say except that I am feeling very sad for you. Be brave and courageous as you are and have patience my friend. I know all this is easy said than done but have faith in yourself and please don’t do anything in a haste. Sometimes we go through phases and maybe and hopefully this phase will pass away gently. Hope for the best and try to relax. I care about you, you are a lovely person and I will pray for your happiness. I wish I could do something.

    Reply

  9. prayingforoneday
    Jul 13, 2013 @ 23:00:38

    I think you need to start thinking about Willow!!
    I pray you are ok xx
    You know how to chat if you need a chat..

    Thinking about you x
    Shaun

    Reply

  10. I HAVE A VOICE
    Jul 13, 2013 @ 23:09:10

    sweetie try not to judge yourself by the yardstick of society and what most of the time is a game of charades and, that of wearing masks. You really shouldn’t be angry at yourself for desiring the happy & peaceful etc… however you are wise enough not to be caught in that web of hate because that’s not you in the least! You’re a princess and nobody is worth that much to bring you down to the dirt! xoxo

    Reply

    • willowdot21
      Jul 14, 2013 @ 10:28:59

      Thanks for your kind words and for reading.Yes never venture down the hate path I have been there and got accosted by jealousy … that hurt me even more so as you say I do not go there!! 🙂 xxxxx

      Reply

  11. LadyBlueRose's Thoughts Into Words
    Jul 15, 2013 @ 03:38:52

    I am where
    I no longer care
    enough to care…
    so I write and write
    I joke and say I have blissfully unhappiy for 37 years…
    sad…but ….
    Thinking of you Willow….
    Take Care of you….
    You Matter…
    )0(

    Reply

  12. Unsungpoet
    Jul 18, 2013 @ 20:58:39

    Things aren’t always what they seem on the surface…Many times those “perfect” families and situations are a shiny veneered front, sometimes people go way out of their way and work hard to present that nice picture to the world, because it’s so important to them what people think, or maybe because they’re hiding something too awful to face themselves….Everybody has family issues, some people are just really good at disguising them…Keep on keeping on sis! Be real and do what you gotta do. You’re human like the rest of us and it’s natural to feel those emotions, especially if you’re in an abusive relationship…only YOU know your limit, and I pray that you have the strength to do what you gotta do when you reach yours (P.S) LOVE the Wizard of Oz reference!

    Reply

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