You break my will and you don’t even know
When I tell you this you say it is not so.
You never recall the things you said or did
Sadly I do but they are safe, in a box with a strong lid.
Many and ugly are the mental scars I have carried
Like a cat with a mouse my feelings you harried .
Times have been when I have shaken like a leaf
You have stolen what is me . I want my self worth back you thief!
Author: willowdot21
Female, wife, full time mother and Grandmother. I am not as happy go lucky as I used to be but I am still bubbling along on simmer! I have three handsome sons all grown and flown.The youngest married with a beautiful wife and two sons of his own. Eleven years ago I was working, running a home, driving and socializing then bang in a split second all that was gone. I had an accident at home. I broke my back, not for the first time, I had broken it 10 years previously as well. Unfortunately this time I had broken it really badly and it was truly messed up so I had to have two operations. I was told before each operation that the outcome could mean I spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Still as some guy once wrote "I am still standing " yes "better than I ever was " not quite but with the help of a walking stick and as long as I do not stand or sit in one position for too long, I am still standing! Update I no longer use the walking stick . I had lots of friends before the accident but when things like this happen, you loose most of them. Their lives move on and mine stood still and so they left me behind ...I know that is just the way life is but it hurt and always will. Then I looked around and saw those who were still there for me, these friends are the roses in my garden they need to be tended well. They are the diamonds in the dust, I will of been married 50yrs plus this year . Pain and boredom are my enemies now, I have to find different ways to approach life, use my pain befriend it almost...yer right , well that is what they tell me at the pain clinic ROFLMAO ...... if only I could! I have found an outlet for my fears, frustrations and night terrors . I have started writing poetry if that name can be applied to my writing. I hope I do not come over as a moaning winger. I hope I am past all that. I also hope that you might see how the poetry is moving from very dark through the grey and hopefully in to light ?? I need to update this a little here. I have worked very hard over the years since my accident, I go to the gym regularly, I have a Pilates class and a core class once a week . The guys at the gym and my Pilates teacher cajoled, teased, bullied and encouraged me to abandon my walking stick! :) My back is no longer straight it is C shaped because of the injury and I have lost two and a half inches in height but my Pilates and Core teachers have helped me to stand up as straight and as strongly as possible. Pain and depression are still hanging on my arm but I have weapons to use against them and if I say so myself I cope well. I have made lots of new friends, real diamonds. I am also very grateful for all the support and help I have encountered here on Wordpress. Hugs and welcome to everyone who visits. View all posts by willowdot21
willowdot21 
The upswing ending, ‘give it back’, tells the tale of strength and purpose, Willow. mental cruelty is a cowards tool. One could wish they felt the sting of it themselves. Good and powerful read my friend. hugs aplenty, always xPenx
Yes Pen controlling bullies are the worst but stand up to them and they often crumble! Hugs eternal.xxxxx
Expressive!
Thank you!
capturing pain and painting a vivid picture is what you do so well…
always making one feel as well as see the words you put to canvas…
such talent…no…you are gifted…
Take Care…
)0(
ladyblue
I want people to feel, to empathize these are situations I have lived through , in the past gone but not quite forgotten. Thank you for your kind words!
I like this… x
Does it have personal meaning…I know this is a daft question.
Some type for the sake of typing..
xx
I never type for the sake of typing, I never say anything I do not believe or mean 100%. I have been in the place the poem talks of other wise I would not of written it. 🙂 I have lived Shaun sometimes it has been awful sometimes it has been better! 😉
I guessed so Willow. But I thought I would ask. And yeah, you have lived. I am a great believer in “We all have a story to tell”
Just asking and thanks for being cool about it 🙂
xx
No point in being anything else. Be well chick be well 😉
Chick lol…
I am always well..
I just have moments I hate…
And Ditto.. x
😉
( * ) ( * ) Two Oranges
Beat that 🙂
c *#*3 ❤ HANIBAL LECTER AND A HEART HIS DINNER!
HA HA HA actually see that 🙂
Smart pants lol
@ ~_~@ big headphones 😉
YOU ARE JUST BEING A SMART ARSE NOW. 🙂
HA HA HA ..
I SHALL OUT DO YOU THIS DAY…
>>>Disconnects Internet and hides<<<<
lol
It’s good to know I am getting something right!! 😉
😦
lol
lol
I shall prevail in the emot game to the death…
lol
I have to go out soon but for now 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=( 😉 :o) //:=) :(n ;( //:=(
You Win 😦
hehehehehe I was not even trying!! 😉 xxxxx
I was out of breath and bought 12 books with emots!!
🙂
Well what can I say!! :0) 😉 🙂 //:+ //:= :0) 😉 🙂 //:+ //:= :0) 😉 🙂 //:+ //:= :0) 😉 🙂 //:+ //:= :0) 😉 🙂 //:+ //:= :0) 😉 🙂 //:+ //:= :0) 😉 🙂 //:+ //:= :0) 😉 🙂 //:+ //:= :0) 😉 🙂 //:+ //:= :0) 😉 🙂 //:+ //:= :0) 😉 🙂 //:+ //:= v :0) 😉 🙂 //:+ //:= :0) 😉 🙂 //:+ //:=
To be fair these are just random emots with lots of font lol, lots of copy and pasting here 🙂
I see patterns in things..
Like, say, curtains
A war time german leader??
What has Paul von Hindenburg got to do with it 😉
hehehehe ! I am off to bed in a minute, it has been a long day!! Hugs!!
I am sitting with one eye open here…. lol
SHATTERED!! But won’t give in till 12. 🙂
night night 😉 xx
You woke me up for this? lol
G’night 🙂
Yup!!
Arg…you just made me blog!!! About sleep!
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!
ha ha
🙂
Beautifully written Willow. It has to be one of the most frustrating experiences we can go through and then.. when there is a denial that it is even happening and our feelings are ‘crazy’ or ‘paranoid’.. *growls*
Yes but I know from experience that very rarely are we wrong or going mad … we need to snap back! Thank you for reading!xxxxx
You’re welcome!! xox
😉 love your email title!! 😉
Remind me again?
r_kellys_lover
LOL! I’ve had that since was 16 or perhaps 17, that’s almost 18 years! I changed emails over this morning @ about 5am so that I could manage the filters a bit better 🙂
#Observant! lol
It just made me smile 😉
Oh I loved him so!! My goodness, I had every single one of his albums, and had my mother up in arms about my ‘music selection’ at the age of 14.
*blank stares*… lol
I remember my parents desperate attempts to steer me away from the Rolling Stones…
Oh!! Lol. Oh the days!
Yes long ago and far away 🙂
“When I tell you this you say it is not so.
You never recall the things you said or did” — Makes one wonder if it is on purpose to make us feel as if we are the ones who are paranoid or projecting or delusional or if that casual and not so casual cruelty is/was so unimportant to them that we are petty mean spirited beings to even notice and are supposed to view ourselves as vengeful and malice filled to remember at all. Sigh. Oh well. It is not true. To have loved is not itself a personal flaw. In order to remember the best of love we are also aware of the heartbreak too.
You are spot on, especially when you say they dismiss us as petty and mean minded to remember, they even need to control our memories. They are so convinced of how right and perfect they are. As far as they are concerned they are perfect and we are just nasty and selfish. But they are wrong. I am so pleased that you understand so well what I am saying. Thanks. Xx
You said it so beautifully, how could I not understand. — Here is a quote from DearHusband when he made a GREAT effort to be understanding and thoughtful: “What are you going on about now?” . —- Hahahaha
Men, you got to love them…. Seriously someone has to!