How long have I been running I just do not know, across this dark landscape that I hate so. Is there an end in sight will the fear leave me and will there at the end be light.
I reach the edge of a huge corn field the corn is high and the ears move in the wind they sway and wield. Dare I run dare I move. Will I ever find a balm my soul to sooth.
Crouching in the long grass by the stream I pray and pray I shall wake one day and find this has all been a dream. Once again I hear the approach of the dark soul who on my mind does encroach.
Too late I up and run I feel his hot breath at my back I enter the corn and I dash to the light but speed I lack. I feel his nails scratching at me my legs like lead will not carry me. I see the light but it moves away too far too far he mockingly says.
I fall hard and dash my knee too late too late he is upon me.Fear is closing up my throat he has me now I can see his eyes gloat. Just when I can take no more my mind gives out and I fall into the black as I have a thousand times before.
I awake and all is quiet I pull myself up and immediately feel the need for flight. How long have I been running I just do not know, across this dark landscape that I hate so.
Female, wife, full time mother and Grandmother. I am not as happy go lucky as I used to be but I am still bubbling along on simmer! I have three handsome sons all grown and flown.The youngest married with a beautiful wife and two sons of his own. Eleven years ago I was working, running a home, driving and socializing then bang in a split second all that was gone. I had an accident at home. I broke my back, not for the first time, I had broken it 10 years previously as well. Unfortunately this time I had broken it really badly and it was truly messed up so I had to have two operations. I was told before each operation that the outcome could mean I spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Still as some guy once wrote "I am still standing " yes "better than I ever was " not quite but with the help of a walking stick and as long as I do not stand or sit in one position for too long, I am still standing! Update I no longer use the walking stick . I had lots of friends before the accident but when things like this happen, you loose most of them. Their lives move on and mine stood still and so they left me behind ...I know that is just the way life is but it hurt and always will. Then I looked around and saw those who were still there for me, these friends are the roses in my garden they need to be tended well. They are the diamonds in the dust, I will of been married 50yrs plus this year . Pain and boredom are my enemies now, I have to find different ways to approach life, use my pain befriend it almost...yer right , well that is what they tell me at the pain clinic ROFLMAO ...... if only I could! I have found an outlet for my fears, frustrations and night terrors . I have started writing poetry if that name can be applied to my writing. I hope I do not come over as a moaning winger. I hope I am past all that. I also hope that you might see how the poetry is moving from very dark through the grey and
hopefully in to light ??
I need to update this a little here. I have worked very hard over the years since my accident, I go to the gym regularly, I have a Pilates class and a core class once a week . The guys at the gym and my Pilates teacher cajoled, teased, bullied and encouraged me to abandon my walking stick! :) My back is no longer straight it is C shaped because of the injury and I have lost two and a half inches in height but my Pilates and Core teachers have helped me to stand up as straight and as strongly as possible. Pain and depression are still hanging on my arm but I have weapons to use against them and if I say so myself I cope well.
I have made lots of new friends, real diamonds. I am also very grateful for all the support and help I have encountered here on Wordpress. Hugs and welcome to everyone who visits.
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6 thoughts on “How Long”
hallo liebste willow ein sehr schoener und weiser titel ja das ist realitet wuensche dir noch einen schoenen tag alles liebe von jasmin
Vielen Dank Jasmin und Sie haben eine gute Woche auch! willow xx
I can relate… I’ve been under a lot lately and fell like running.
I am sorry to hear, I do really hope that things improve for you soon. I wanted to express the fears of a waking nightmare always hoping it will stop but finding it just goes on!
time is a trickster… When, When becomes Now and how long becomes a memory (*_*)
That is true Art, What I was trying to express, is the fear caused by being trapped in a waking dream, a recurring nightmare. The thought of time trapped in a loop.