It has been hiding in the shadows shrinking from the sun but it had no trouble finding me today it’s had its fill of fun.
Sleep has never been my friend it has eluded me for so long but to bring it’s nasty little friend, pain with it, to me, somehow seems very wrong.
The pills that they give me to fight the pain are not quite up to the job, pain seems to out run them even enjoys itself as it listens to me sob.
I cannot do without them. On them I am hooked there is nothing stronger so my goose is firmly cooked. So pain is hiding, just out of reach of the painkillers so it is me that has to screech!
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Do what I have to do, shutting out my pain I smile and act normal do what I have to do. No one wants to hear me moan, don’t say you do because I know that is not true .
Female, wife, full time mother and Grandmother. I am not as happy go lucky as I used to be but I am still bubbling along on simmer! I have three handsome sons all grown and flown.The youngest married with a beautiful wife and two sons of his own. Back in 2010 I was working, running a home, driving and socializing then bang in a split second all that was gone. I had an accident at home. I broke my back, not for the first time, I had broken it 10 years previously as well. Unfortunately this time I had broken it really badly and it was truly messed up so I had to have two operations. I was told before each operation that the outcome could mean I spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Still as some guy once wrote "I am still standing " yes "better than I ever was " I no longer use the walking stick . I had lots of friends before the accident but when things like this happen, you loose most of them. Their lives move on and mine stood still and so they left me behind ...I know that is just the way life is but it hurt and always will. Then I looked around and saw those who were still there for me, these friends are the roses in my garden they need to be tended well. They are the diamonds in the dust. I will of been married 53yrs this comming year. I have found different ways to approach life, use my pain befriend it almost...yer right , well that is what they tell me at the pain clinic ROFLMAO ...... if only I could! I have found an outlet for my fears, frustrations and night terrors . I have started writing poetry if that name can be applied to my writing. I hope I do not come over as a moaning winger. I hope I am past all that. I also hope that you might see how the poetry is moving from very dark through the grey and hopefully in to light.
My back is no longer straight it is C shaped because of the injury and I have lost two and a half inches in height but my Pilates and Core teachers have helped me to stand up as straight and be as strong as possible. Pain and depression are still hanging on my arm but I have weapons to use against them and if I say so myself I cope well.
I have made lots of new friends, real diamonds. I am also very grateful for all the support and help I have encountered here on Wordpress. Hugs and welcome to everyone who visits.
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10 thoughts on “Painful”
I do. It makes us human. Lots of us have painful parts of our lives, most too vulnerable to share. You write. That is what you do. What is in…..is written! with some good editing and discretion! Love to you, I have had a problem with sleep for decades! Must take something or life would be upside down and feel sick all the time. Write all night, go to sleep at 6am! Not in this World!!!
Hi Linda I am sorry to hear that you are suffering from lack of sleep as it is so blithely referred to. It is so draining and in the real world we have to run our lives. So like you I have had to learn how to cope with the pain the lack of sleep is a sideffect of my medication. I have taken to writing out my pain only recently, just over a year ago the pain therapist I was seeing suggested I write my pain out. I think she almost saved my life I hope I have progressed since then. I do hope you can rest and I send prayers that you can find sleep.. Be blessed and happy and thank you for your support xxxxx
Yes it is a struggle and I have a partner who will not allow me to stay up and write or get up but hey we all survive ….we have too!! I am inspired by you, so you be inspired too!!
Willow, I can relate to this pain you’re feeling (physical and otherwise!) Pain is a drain – on the body and our ability to sleep. (And then lack of sleep just makes it worse.) Sending a gentle hug to you….
Willowdot – I want to relate to this – hear you moan even – but struggle because I don’t know the nature of the pain. I’m not complaining – just my excuse for having no words of wisdom or even divine madness.
Your reply to eof – sounds like something you need to discuss with your partner.
You are so right, I know you are but right now I just feel, not strong enough to cope confrontation that would open a whole can of worms. Thank you for your reply and encouraging words.
willowdot21 
I do. It makes us human. Lots of us have painful parts of our lives, most too vulnerable to share. You write. That is what you do. What is in…..is written! with some good editing and discretion! Love to you, I have had a problem with sleep for decades! Must take something or life would be upside down and feel sick all the time. Write all night, go to sleep at 6am! Not in this World!!!
Hi Linda I am sorry to hear that you are suffering from lack of sleep as it is so blithely referred to. It is so draining and in the real world we have to run our lives. So like you I have had to learn how to cope with the pain the lack of sleep is a sideffect of my medication. I have taken to writing out my pain only recently, just over a year ago the pain therapist I was seeing suggested I write my pain out. I think she almost saved my life I hope I have progressed since then. I do hope you can rest and I send prayers that you can find sleep.. Be blessed and happy and thank you for your support xxxxx
Comrade in spirit… I struggle with it too and that is why I write at night; it helps me settle down and get some sleep. Stay Inspired. 😉
Yes it is a struggle and I have a partner who will not allow me to stay up and write or get up but hey we all survive ….we have too!! I am inspired by you, so you be inspired too!!
Same.TY! 🙂
HA!! someone up there is having a laugh!! 😉
Willow, I can relate to this pain you’re feeling (physical and otherwise!) Pain is a drain – on the body and our ability to sleep. (And then lack of sleep just makes it worse.) Sending a gentle hug to you….
Thank you Betty thank you very much and I am send a hug back to you too !!
Willowdot – I want to relate to this – hear you moan even – but struggle because I don’t know the nature of the pain. I’m not complaining – just my excuse for having no words of wisdom or even divine madness.
Your reply to eof – sounds like something you need to discuss with your partner.
You are so right, I know you are but right now I just feel, not strong enough to cope confrontation that would open a whole can of worms. Thank you for your reply and encouraging words.