Too Much

Too much enough

The shouting stopped,at last. The phone flew across the room he walk past me, in his wake, gloom. The door slammed and the noise of feet receded upon the stairs. On the landing another  door bangs. On my necks electric hairs.

The grief attacks my heart the pain constricts and feeds upon my soul. Pointless to reach out for his mind is as made up as those slammed doors, between us an immeasurable hole.

Why had the phone rung, why had their argument begun, I was not party to the words I was not involved yet my name was bandied,  promises, let downs,and  money, as usual all left unsolved.

Some how the tension had been building all evening I know damn well the phone call was not the beginning just the trigger . It is always the same eggshells to traverse, walking on glass, fear of a row, that is my universe. Why does it happen why will it not stop. I bargain with God I plead until I drop. It is all pointless though, so my spirits drop.

I try to please him his ego I stroke but there is is only so much you can do for such a bloke. I am always in the wrong even if I am not involved it is true.Tell me then what can one do when every fucking thing is always down to you! No matter which of them upset him it always  me who has to carry the can they have all up and left so it is all down to me when the shit hits the fan.

It is late now and I am too tired I think I shall go to bed before any more bad things  start to stink. I pray every day and I pray every night could may the next day be less of a fight.

Author: willowdot21

Female, wife, full time mother and Grandmother. I am not as happy go lucky as I used to be but I am still bubbling along on simmer! I have three handsome sons all grown and flown.The youngest married with a beautiful wife and two sons of his own. Eleven years ago I was working, running a home, driving and socializing then bang in a split second all that was gone. I had an accident at home. I broke my back, not for the first time, I had broken it 10 years previously as well. Unfortunately this time I had broken it really badly and it was truly messed up so I had to have two operations. I was told before each operation that the outcome could mean I spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Still as some guy once wrote "I am still standing " yes "better than I ever was " not quite but with the help of a walking stick and as long as I do not stand or sit in one position for too long, I am still standing! Update I no longer use the walking stick . I had lots of friends before the accident but when things like this happen, you loose most of them. Their lives move on and mine stood still and so they left me behind ...I know that is just the way life is but it hurt and always will. Then I looked around and saw those who were still there for me, these friends are the roses in my garden they need to be tended well. They are the diamonds in the dust, I will of been married 50yrs plus this year . Pain and boredom are my enemies now, I have to find different ways to approach life, use my pain befriend it almost...yer right , well that is what they tell me at the pain clinic ROFLMAO ...... if only I could! I have found an outlet for my fears, frustrations and night terrors . I have started writing poetry if that name can be applied to my writing. I hope I do not come over as a moaning winger. I hope I am past all that. I also hope that you might see how the poetry is moving from very dark through the grey and hopefully in to light ?? I need to update this a little here. I have worked very hard over the years since my accident, I go to the gym regularly, I have a Pilates class and a core class once a week . The guys at the gym and my Pilates teacher cajoled, teased, bullied and encouraged me to abandon my walking stick! :) My back is no longer straight it is C shaped because of the injury and I have lost two and a half inches in height but my Pilates and Core teachers have helped me to stand up as straight and as strongly as possible. Pain and depression are still hanging on my arm but I have weapons to use against them and if I say so myself I cope well. I have made lots of new friends, real diamonds. I am also very grateful for all the support and help I have encountered here on Wordpress. Hugs and welcome to everyone who visits.

20 thoughts on “Too Much”

  1. Extremely effective reporting here,willowdot! The phrasing and the rhymes add to the pointed impetus of the narrators internal wails and dismay at being left always to “carry the bag.”

  2. hello hope your well nice poem again your still producing great poems i thought i would let you know all my knew poetry is on myheartsingspoetry on wordpress i still have 4valentines4words4poetryforyou but thought i would start the new year with a fresh blog take care from kevin

  3. This is very painful to read and makes me feel very sad. That’s how it was between my parents when I was a child, and I spent many years walking on eggshells around my father.

    1. I am so sorry to hear that. It is not fair and it does not just go away when you grow up and leave home does it? Life is hard sometimes I think it is too hard thank you for your comments. XX

  4. NIce one, less-egoistic, full of emotions. Are you writing a novel in daily basis. I read this for the very first time? I think there are many pots you are continuing? I will check… 🙂

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