Fear is what it is. I cannot explain it any other way. I see endless years stretching out ahead of me with not quite enough for me to do. Not quite enough energy for me to do it with, not quite enough to occupy my mind or my body not quite strong enough to support me in what I want to to do.
What is the answer, I just do not know but I fear it, I fear being useless I fear getting fat, I fear getting boring and having nothing of interest to say. I still miss my job, I thought I had got passed that but no when I am low it hits me and I miss my friends and the public so. JJust as if it was yesterday and not three years on. I feel lost, cut off, isolated, frightened like a child but as I am not a child I have to cope.
Wastelands of my mind
I am frightened and I feel lost. I do not know which way to turn.I have reached the wastelands of my life and I am panicking,I am sweating blood at the thought of what is left to me. I do not know what to do I only know I must be brave. I must use all the inner strength that I have, every emotion every tactic that I can draw upon to keep me sane.
Of course now having come this far I cannot give in to my fears I have to stand and face them and I hope that I can win. I must face this, same wall of fear every few months I have to smash it and pound it and get over it. It is not easy with pain snapping at your heels and age pulling at your body and the nastiest bogey of them all, fear. Blinding your eyes and cloaking all your thoughts. I shall not give in I shall do my best. This is no reflection on those around me. This is my fight and mine alone.
willowdot21 