Female, wife, full time mother and Grandmother. I am not as happy go lucky as I used to be but I am still bubbling along on simmer! I have three handsome sons all grown and flown.The youngest married with a beautiful wife and two sons of his own. Eleven years ago I was working, running a home, driving and socializing then bang in a split second all that was gone. I had an accident at home. I broke my back, not for the first time, I had broken it 10 years previously as well. Unfortunately this time I had broken it really badly and it was truly messed up so I had to have two operations. I was told before each operation that the outcome could mean I spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair. Still as some guy once wrote "I am still standing " yes "better than I ever was " not quite but with the help of a walking stick and as long as I do not stand or sit in one position for too long, I am still standing! Update I no longer use the walking stick . I had lots of friends before the accident but when things like this happen, you loose most of them. Their lives move on and mine stood still and so they left me behind ...I know that is just the way life is but it hurt and always will. Then I looked around and saw those who were still there for me, these friends are the roses in my garden they need to be tended well. They are the diamonds in the dust, I will of been married 50yrs plus this year . Pain and boredom are my enemies now, I have to find different ways to approach life, use my pain befriend it almost...yer right , well that is what they tell me at the pain clinic ROFLMAO ...... if only I could! I have found an outlet for my fears, frustrations and night terrors . I have started writing poetry if that name can be applied to my writing. I hope I do not come over as a moaning winger. I hope I am past all that. I also hope that you might see how the poetry is moving from very dark through the grey and
hopefully in to light ??
I need to update this a little here. I have worked very hard over the years since my accident, I go to the gym regularly, I have a Pilates class and a core class once a week . The guys at the gym and my Pilates teacher cajoled, teased, bullied and encouraged me to abandon my walking stick! :) My back is no longer straight it is C shaped because of the injury and I have lost two and a half inches in height but my Pilates and Core teachers have helped me to stand up as straight and as strongly as possible. Pain and depression are still hanging on my arm but I have weapons to use against them and if I say so myself I cope well.
I have made lots of new friends, real diamonds. I am also very grateful for all the support and help I have encountered here on Wordpress. Hugs and welcome to everyone who visits.
View all posts by willowdot21
33 thoughts on “The Mirror Lies”
Self image, so easy to be twisted by the modern idea that you can never be too thin…, or so it seems. You have underlined so well, all the ways children/ teenagers can be influenced Willow, by media, super models, so called Celebrities etc… and even when they know that the photo’s are air brushed and their idols are nothing like their image, they still hold onto the fact that by comparison they’re FAT… and therefore to be ‘beautiful’ they need to change their body shape.. A tragedy, and a terrible one.. I only hope that with much love and support they can win through this madness. xPenx
Things are beyond belief these days too many peoples lives are ruined by bad eating habits. So many sad and needless deaths! Thanks for your thoughts PenX
Thank you, it is a very sad phenomenon, it is wicked how the young are hounded into adopting “The Look” we need to help break the cycle and help the youngsters.
I was always tortured by thoughts of self-image: my butt’s too big, my boobs are too small, I hate the freckles on my face, where did I get this hideous hair from? But you know what? It doesn’t matter any more – I love what I see when I look in the mirror now. Kudos to you for tackling this subject!
So much of this is environmental driven. Yes, underneath one has the genetic tendency to fall into this trap, but it really is re-enforced by what one sees, hears, experiences.
Someone changed the glass
There’s a stranger behind it
I visit her day after day
Sometimes she is truthful – you can trust her
Sometimes she’s a liar, a plague – don’t let her near
But which is whom? Which window today?
Shh! Shh! Don’t say!
Oh! to be able to smash all of those false glasses!!!!
So strong. I work with models and people who are supposed to “look good” and I have always complained that we hold the majority of girls to a standard only a minority of them really look like. The pressure to be ever skinnier is a horrible feeling. That image is very haunting. Great work speaking to a deep social issue
The inside is the “key to heart and soul”. Absolutely true. You words hold power and truth and all people, young and old, should hear them. It’s meloncaly that it’s too late for some people. However, hope must never die for those who still have a chance…
Yes that is true hope must spring eternal. The media and the press are making money off of the backs of the insecure and the needy.We all need to fight them and help those we can.
Thank you for writing this. Self-love is difficult to achieve when everyone and everything around you is telling you you’re not skinny enough, not pretty enough. Just today my brother said to me that I should move to a certain city because I’d be more likely to get a boyfriend there since “the girls there are fatter, so you won’t have as much to compete with”. He’s constantly telling me guys won’t like me if I’m not skinnier. And the funny thing? I’m NOT fat. I’m perfectly healthy. I’m no supermodel, but I’m healthy to boot and I take care of myself. But it will never be enough until I’m a size 0. I can’t count how many times I’ve almost fallen into an ED. Honestly, the tiniest comment can trigger it. People have to watch what they say. Not everyone has thick skin. I’m just lucky I love food too much to give it up, but I still feel like a failure when I eat more than I should, or something I shouldn’t eat. This is what society has reduced me to.
Sorry for the rant. This is just something I feel very strongly about. All girls are beautiful. I hate that we have to fight so hard just to see that about ourselves. Our worth shouldn’t be measured by the size of our jeans. Xx Lily
Perfectly put Lily you have spoken of exactly what I an trying to get across “Our worth shouldn’t be measured by the size of our jeans.” I am afraid your brother needs a wake up call, his attitude is just what I am railing against, I am pleased you felt strongly enough to have a rant as that is what we need. We all need to wake up , mothers fathers sisters brothers ( however caring) people are starving themselves to death! Be strong Lily hold true to yourself. I have fought image all my life and now in my fifties I want to stop but I am afraid I will disappear, since my accident I find it harder and harder , why should I or anyone feel guilt because we are not the perfect 10 or is it 8 theses days??Well done Lily stay true to yourself. XXXXXX I believe in you. xx
I think I became aware of my image some time in high school, and it’s been a constant battle since then to live up to society’s expectations of what perfect is. It’s a vicious cycle. The media tells us what “beautiful” is, and not only girls believe it, but guys also begin to believe that this is the sort of “ideal girl” they should be chasing after. I’m sick of hearing everyone say “curves are beautiful” when the truth is that the world is a cruel place that promotes rail-thin models and yes, I think curves are beautiful, but I still want to be thin because I don’t want to be outcast. Same with guys. They say curves are gorgeous, but they go after skinny girls. I’m sorry, but this is a fact that I have seen happen over and over again.
Anyway, sorry for the *second* rant haha. I think you may have inspired me to write a piece of poetry on this topic myself. I’ll definitely link back to this page when I post it. Xx Lily
Rant away Lily, rant away. Make as much noise as you can. I remember years ago when I was just into my teen even before if I am honest I was mercilessly teased and ostracised at school for being on the fat side. Then I was ill and lost a huge amount of weight.. I was still not accepted. I think a lot of my insecurity stemmed from that. I am still insecure about my self but hey I now feel that I cannot run and hide for ever. The media have a lot to answer for and however much we say, “it just needs a few of us to stand against it ” that is not true life is not like that !Lets face it Bridget Jones is a FILM CHARACTER she is not real. We need to educate everyone about the damage anorexia and bulimia are doing! You are right Lily society is so size bound it is prepared to sacrifice it’s young and now it is not only the girls that are suffering the boys are suffering from these two killers now too! It is all so sad Lily ………… xxxxx
I still struggle with what I see in the mirror. I’m in therapy, but when you’ve seen this same image since age 5, it’s really, really difficult to see anything else. My doctor’s tell me to not lose anymore weight, but………………………………….
Thanks for sharing this post, it is so true. Just wish I could turn it around. I’m trying…………….
I wrote that post with some knowledge of what I said in it. Like you I have never really liked what has looked back at me from the mirror. I have teetered on the edge of Anorexia for years. I am sending you love and strength. I could never know how you feel or what demons you face. Please believe on yourself you are beautiful you are unique, be brave and strong. xx
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. That’s just it, the many demons that have haunted me my entire life. I’ve shared a lot, not all, on my blog. I’m really trying to be strong, but every time I stand up, I get knocked down, again, if you know what I mean? I wish you the best on your journey. Take care. XXXXX
I think I do understand a little of what you mean when you say you keep get knocked down. We just think we have turned a corner when something new kicks us back. I shall be thinking of you.
Thank you, I’ll be thinking of you, as well. We just have to keep getting right back up, which isn’t always easy to do. 🙂
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willowdot21 
Self image, so easy to be twisted by the modern idea that you can never be too thin…, or so it seems. You have underlined so well, all the ways children/ teenagers can be influenced Willow, by media, super models, so called Celebrities etc… and even when they know that the photo’s are air brushed and their idols are nothing like their image, they still hold onto the fact that by comparison they’re FAT… and therefore to be ‘beautiful’ they need to change their body shape.. A tragedy, and a terrible one.. I only hope that with much love and support they can win through this madness. xPenx
Things are beyond belief these days too many peoples lives are ruined by bad eating habits. So many sad and needless deaths! Thanks for your thoughts PenX
Such an excellent poem on a very serious (almost epidemic) mental problem in our country. So extremely well handled.
Thank you, it is a very sad phenomenon, it is wicked how the young are hounded into adopting “The Look” we need to help break the cycle and help the youngsters.
Heartbreaking yet with hope at the end – fantastic X
Thank you ,yes we must always have hope, we can help, each of us can help our young ones. Or anyone who needs help.
I was always tortured by thoughts of self-image: my butt’s too big, my boobs are too small, I hate the freckles on my face, where did I get this hideous hair from? But you know what? It doesn’t matter any more – I love what I see when I look in the mirror now. Kudos to you for tackling this subject!
Beauty comes from within but we need to love ourselves before we can find that out!! I bet you are a real beauty!! xx
Beautiful post!
So much of this is environmental driven. Yes, underneath one has the genetic tendency to fall into this trap, but it really is re-enforced by what one sees, hears, experiences.
So true , so true.
Someone changed the glass
There’s a stranger behind it
I visit her day after day
Sometimes she is truthful – you can trust her
Sometimes she’s a liar, a plague – don’t let her near
But which is whom? Which window today?
Shh! Shh! Don’t say!
Oh! to be able to smash all of those false glasses!!!!
Yes smash them all and throw them out with the trash!! Evil lying cheats !
So strong. I work with models and people who are supposed to “look good” and I have always complained that we hold the majority of girls to a standard only a minority of them really look like. The pressure to be ever skinnier is a horrible feeling. That image is very haunting. Great work speaking to a deep social issue
The pressure put on young women and men these days is beyond belief!
The inside is the “key to heart and soul”. Absolutely true. You words hold power and truth and all people, young and old, should hear them. It’s meloncaly that it’s too late for some people. However, hope must never die for those who still have a chance…
Yes that is true hope must spring eternal. The media and the press are making money off of the backs of the insecure and the needy.We all need to fight them and help those we can.
Thank you for writing this. Self-love is difficult to achieve when everyone and everything around you is telling you you’re not skinny enough, not pretty enough. Just today my brother said to me that I should move to a certain city because I’d be more likely to get a boyfriend there since “the girls there are fatter, so you won’t have as much to compete with”. He’s constantly telling me guys won’t like me if I’m not skinnier. And the funny thing? I’m NOT fat. I’m perfectly healthy. I’m no supermodel, but I’m healthy to boot and I take care of myself. But it will never be enough until I’m a size 0. I can’t count how many times I’ve almost fallen into an ED. Honestly, the tiniest comment can trigger it. People have to watch what they say. Not everyone has thick skin. I’m just lucky I love food too much to give it up, but I still feel like a failure when I eat more than I should, or something I shouldn’t eat. This is what society has reduced me to.
Sorry for the rant. This is just something I feel very strongly about. All girls are beautiful. I hate that we have to fight so hard just to see that about ourselves. Our worth shouldn’t be measured by the size of our jeans. Xx Lily
Perfectly put Lily you have spoken of exactly what I an trying to get across “Our worth shouldn’t be measured by the size of our jeans.” I am afraid your brother needs a wake up call, his attitude is just what I am railing against, I am pleased you felt strongly enough to have a rant as that is what we need. We all need to wake up , mothers fathers sisters brothers ( however caring) people are starving themselves to death! Be strong Lily hold true to yourself. I have fought image all my life and now in my fifties I want to stop but I am afraid I will disappear, since my accident I find it harder and harder , why should I or anyone feel guilt because we are not the perfect 10 or is it 8 theses days??Well done Lily stay true to yourself. XXXXXX I believe in you. xx
I think I became aware of my image some time in high school, and it’s been a constant battle since then to live up to society’s expectations of what perfect is. It’s a vicious cycle. The media tells us what “beautiful” is, and not only girls believe it, but guys also begin to believe that this is the sort of “ideal girl” they should be chasing after. I’m sick of hearing everyone say “curves are beautiful” when the truth is that the world is a cruel place that promotes rail-thin models and yes, I think curves are beautiful, but I still want to be thin because I don’t want to be outcast. Same with guys. They say curves are gorgeous, but they go after skinny girls. I’m sorry, but this is a fact that I have seen happen over and over again.
Anyway, sorry for the *second* rant haha. I think you may have inspired me to write a piece of poetry on this topic myself. I’ll definitely link back to this page when I post it. Xx Lily
Rant away Lily, rant away. Make as much noise as you can. I remember years ago when I was just into my teen even before if I am honest I was mercilessly teased and ostracised at school for being on the fat side. Then I was ill and lost a huge amount of weight.. I was still not accepted. I think a lot of my insecurity stemmed from that. I am still insecure about my self but hey I now feel that I cannot run and hide for ever. The media have a lot to answer for and however much we say, “it just needs a few of us to stand against it ” that is not true life is not like that !Lets face it Bridget Jones is a FILM CHARACTER she is not real. We need to educate everyone about the damage anorexia and bulimia are doing! You are right Lily society is so size bound it is prepared to sacrifice it’s young and now it is not only the girls that are suffering the boys are suffering from these two killers now too! It is all so sad Lily ………… xxxxx
There’s nothing worse than someone ruining their body just to please (or be pleasing to) others.
Thin, fat, lanky, or squat – just open the wrapper and see what’s inside the person and let that person out.
I do agree so strongly , beauty comes from within. I am so tired of the media crippling our young!
I still struggle with what I see in the mirror. I’m in therapy, but when you’ve seen this same image since age 5, it’s really, really difficult to see anything else. My doctor’s tell me to not lose anymore weight, but………………………………….
Thanks for sharing this post, it is so true. Just wish I could turn it around. I’m trying…………….
I wrote that post with some knowledge of what I said in it. Like you I have never really liked what has looked back at me from the mirror. I have teetered on the edge of Anorexia for years. I am sending you love and strength. I could never know how you feel or what demons you face. Please believe on yourself you are beautiful you are unique, be brave and strong. xx
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. That’s just it, the many demons that have haunted me my entire life. I’ve shared a lot, not all, on my blog. I’m really trying to be strong, but every time I stand up, I get knocked down, again, if you know what I mean? I wish you the best on your journey. Take care. XXXXX
I think I do understand a little of what you mean when you say you keep get knocked down. We just think we have turned a corner when something new kicks us back. I shall be thinking of you.
Thank you, I’ll be thinking of you, as well. We just have to keep getting right back up, which isn’t always easy to do. 🙂
No it’s never easy but it is something we must just keep doing.
KEEP SWIMMING! Have a nice day! 🙂
😉 🙂