Wednesday Poetry Challenge #3 October 26, 2011

Wednesday Poetry Challenge #3

Eliza and her brothers

October 26, 2011
PART 1 WILD SWANS WITH 127 WORDS CHANGED  (FROM MY ORIGINAL POEM)

Each winter our little swallows sing before

flying off to the land of a fortunately blessed king.

Ten plus one sons all handsome and true

He also had a beautiful daughter too.

The sons went to study every day with pride

A bright sparkling star on their chest and a sword by their sides.

The Princes proudly wore their fine baring for everyone to see, they worked with pencils of pure gold

They were truly erudite, always completely learned by rote all that they read and were told.

The Princes, little Eliza fair happily sat all and every day on a clear glass chair.

She owned for the ransom of half a kingdom such a  picture book to rest her eyes on.

Happy and gay these lucky children their lives filled with love and such joys they had.

Good times don’t last forever; their father took for his queen a woman who was bad.

The new queen wanted their father for herself alone. So the children were no longer welcome in their home.

The children were enjoying games as the wedding guests arrived

Enviously watching the meal, which they had cruelly been denied.

They were unaccustomed to feeling hungry or pushed aside

Their father didn’t notice, being too wrapped up in his bride.

Shocked the children found it difficult to believe a cup of sand was all they’d received.

They were ordered, make the best of things and pretend it was delicious food and just to make believe.

The queen who was black hearted, did not want Eliza fair, so her fine life she took from her.

Away into the country, far from the palace, she gave Eliza to a peasant and his wife.

Helped by her evil tongue she whispered in the king’s ear darkening the princes names.

The king began to ignore his sons, forget them, he no longer joined them in their games.

The queen being impatient with the princes soon insisted they go away

And make their own lives in the world. She did not want them there one more day.

“Go, grow feathers and take flight and you shall all be mute.”

Things did not go as she planned because as they went they turned to her in salute

They were handsome, strong white swans they circled the castle and then

Disappeared away off to the woods.

PART 2 WILD SWANS (PART OF) POEM IN 187 WORDS.

the wicked Queen

Long ago where the swallows winter

There lived a happy and contended king who had all he could ask for.

Eleven sons and a daughter but he lacked a queen.

His sons were all hansom and they work hard a school

With golden pens and books to read they were never fools.

Eliza had a throne made of sparkling glass she

She owned a book the price too much to ask.

One day the king  met a beautiful woman he wanted in his life.

She did not like his children but the king was wealthy so she desired to be his wife.

The children had been happy and worked hard at school.

But the wicked woman starved them and was very cruel.

Not even did she let them feed at the wedding feast.

She set their father against them with black lies she whispered in his ears

She banished Eliza to a peasant farm, the black queen did many wrongs.

And put a curse on her brothers and turned them into mute swans.

They flew away from the castle and off to the woods to find Elisa.

PART 3 WILD SWANS (PART OF) POEM WITH 62 WORDS CHANGED.

the once happy home

Long past where the birds migrate

There was a loving and kind ruler, he owned everything you could ask for.

Eleven boys and a girl yet he missed his wife.

His sons were very hansom and they studied long at school

With golden pens and books to read they were not fools.

Eliza had a seat cast in clear glass

She had a tomb the cost too much to ask.

One morning the king chanced upon a beautiful woman he wanted in his life.

She did not want his children but the king was really rich and she wanted to be his wife.

The family had been idyllic and worked hard at school.

Yet the wicked woman hated them and was really cruel.

Not even did she allowed them to enjoy the wedding feast.

She set their father against them with lies she whispered in his ears

She hid Eliza on a peasant farm, the woman did many wrongs.

She laid a curse on the brothers and magiced them into white swans.

They took off from the ramparts and away to search for their sister Eliza

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There is no time limit here, these challenges are open until site is forcibly closed down.

Eliza and her brothers

YOUR TURN NOW!

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7 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Vampire Weather
    Oct 26, 2011 @ 19:45:29

    Wonderful! So intriguing and fantastical! Great imagery as well. It transported me to another place 🙂

    Reply

  2. willowdot21
    Oct 26, 2011 @ 19:55:57

    Thank you , this was a really hard challenge, you should try out the wednesday challenges you are more than capable of doing them!
    http://zumpoems.com/2011/10/26/wednesday-poetry-challenge-3/# have a look see! XXX

    Reply

  3. willowdot21
    Oct 27, 2011 @ 12:29:00

    yes, it is worth a look it really gets you to use your brain! and you know you have the talent to do it!

    Reply

  4. zumpoems
    Oct 27, 2011 @ 15:21:51

    willowdot21.

    Masterful display of skill on Poetry Challenge #3.

    Including link of willowdot21’s original: https://willowdot21.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/wednesday-poetry-challenge-2/

    It’s worth comparing that version to the first version here and following the progression through each version, particularly paying attention to the version of Challenge #2 compared to the version of Challenge #3a and comparing version #3b to #3c.

    It’s so interesting to see the choices in expanding the number of words and in modifications.

    Question not only for willowdot21 but other readers: of these 3 version here and the version in this post (https://willowdot21.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/wednesday-poetry-challenge-2/) which is your favorite?

    Reply

  5. zendictive
    Oct 30, 2011 @ 14:24:18

    wow, impressive (~_~) bows humble

    Reply

  6. willowdot21
    Oct 30, 2011 @ 14:57:28

    Thank you , I think you should try the Wednesday Challenge, you certainly have the talent!

    Reply

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