To live or not ( revised)

I stand alone

I stand alone apart from all the others. I stand alone because of fear. If I should reach out to say hello they may reject me and banish me from here.

I am one of many  in a country on a planet in a galaxy within a universe one of the lost, one of the  cursed.

I stand alone in a room full of people some I know, they smile and say my name but then they turn away to some one more interesting …. it is like a cruel game.

I stand alone at work I do the things the others do , I use the computer carry files take notes speak with clients nothing new. I eat my lunch at my desk or walk in the park , I leave the office late and get home in the dark.

I stand alone in the bar where I have joined my workmates for a drink they seem so together . The alcohol does not help in fact it just makes my heart sink. I say goodbye but no one notices they are all too busy. I leave the bar and hail a cab the alcohol and night air conspire to make me dizzy.

I stand alone in my flat again, and cry , on my own as ever and I do not know why. I do not always what this just to be a place  I own. I want it to be happy I want it to be a home. I need to make the effort I need to reach out , but always in the backgrounds echoes the doubt.

sadness

What am I to do,why did I build that invisible  barrier why do I not let anyone in. They all think I am coping well living life to the full. If I told the truth would it be such a sin. It is so hard to drop my guard I do not know what their reaction will be , to open up is so very hard  for me.

I stand alone in the bathroom and look at my reflection it is not so good just look at my complexion.  Sunken and gaunt my eyes look dead and I am just so pale. I have had enough I just no longer care if I succeed or fail.

I have to try harder if I am to live. I know somewhere inside I have lots to give. So it doesn’t matter how much it hurts me I have to make the move and set me free. It has come to this, the choice I have to make. I either make an effort with the world or I attend my own wake.

I stand alone in the bedroom I am looking in the wardrobe I need to pick my brightest colours my highest heels  I need to lift my soul. Tomorrow I will decide if I knock down the barrier and let them all inside or if not to look my best so they can say “she looked beautiful when she died.” Shall I choose life or suicide?

Follow me on Twitter

Follow Us

Follow Us

Follow Us

Follow Us

365 And Counting

there's plenty more where the first year came from

Ruth Blogs Here

Or not, depending on my mood

Mina's Articles

Writing about all articles that might represent our life such Poetry, Lifestyle, Employment, Education and Investment

A Prolific Potpourri...

The Artistic Endeavors and Musings of Matt Snyder

France & Vincent

Writing Magic, Myth and Mystery

Sun in Gemini

SteveTanham - writing, mysticism, photography, poetry, friends

But I Smile Anyway...

Musings and memories, words and wisdom... of a working family woman

New2Writing

KL CALEY

Hot Dogs and Marmalade

Salty like hot dogs (and tears). Sweet like marmalade (and life).

Two on a Rant

Rants, humor, sarcasm, and a haiku-like substance? It's hard to know what's going to come out of our minds next.

Ivor.Plumber/Poet

An Old Plumber, An Ex-Carer, An Amateur Poet, Words From The Heart

Trent's World (the Blog)

Random Ramblings and Reviews from Trent P. McDonald

Shelley Wilson Author

Multi-Genre Author of YA Fantasy and Non-Fiction Self-Help

Marsha Ingrao - Always Write

Having fun blogging with friends

Caramel

Learner at Love

Chel Owens

A Wife, My Verse, and Every Little Thing

Mr. Ohh!'s Sideways View

For those of you who aren't me...and I've noticed a surprisingly large number of people who aren't.

The Small Dog

Life from the Tail End

USUAL MUTTWITS

DOG TAILS by ZoZo and Jools

kimbladeswriting

poetry and short stories

Ben Naga

Gifts from the Musey Lady and Me. "Laissez-moi vous raconter ma vraie histoire."

About the Jez of It

Poetry, stories and strange odds and ends from the desk of a writer

The Sound of One Hand Typing

Music, Musings, Memoir, and Madness

"LIFE" ( You like it, I love it! )

"LOVE"-Keeping it real, and keeping it simple!

Our Eyes Open

Come along on an adventure with us!

Diary of a Dublin Housewife

Diary of a Dublin Housewife

J-Dubs Grin and Bear It

As Always, More to Come

Smorgasbord Blog Magazine

Blog magazine for lovers of health, food, books, music, humour and life in general

Colline's Blog

a potpourri of thoughts and experiences

lynz real cooking

lynz real life

Darswords

Musings about Havenverse

Sue Vincent's Daily Echo

Echoes of Life, Love and Laughter

like mercury colliding...

...moments of unexpected clarity