Lights in the Cherry Tree

Cherry Tree Lights

Magic lights on the tree in the garden, brightening my evening as Autumn approaches. I see fairy wings in your blossoms. Gentle breezes carry the hint of your scent in through the window. As the sun slips down to the horizon bathing everything with a gold tinge afterglow.

Everyone see something different when they look at you with your yellow lights. Some see angels some see kites  I see only memories  burning bright growing in strength throughout the night. Gentle kisses from my youth , lollipop rewards for telling the truth.

I see happy picnics in the park rounding up the boys and hurrying home before it gets dark. Lots of dark days where the lights don’t twinkle just remembering those makes my flesh crinkle…….. best forgot no use to dwell sad memories can be such hell.

Counting blessing in the lights forgetting  bad and sad times, the chances of that. Slight . As the dawn begins to brake I start yawn and stretch and shake. The twinkling lights begin to fade along with all the mistakes I’ve made. Fill the kettle turn off the light look out to see the glorious pink blossom what a wonderful sight! Everything looks better when you come out of the night!

Stars and Birth

There are thousands of stars  up in the skies like many unborn souls watching us with sad eyes. Waiting  patiently  biding time up in the skies .

Unborn Souls

They say we are born with all the knowledge  of the universe, we loose it all before we’re one.  It would just be a curse to know so much so young. Where would we go if we knew it all before we had begun.

Gentle souls up in the sky how can you bare what you see. You see us being two faced and you know how unkind we can be.You witness war, you see the politicians lie, you hear the good words and you see the millions die!

You see us misusing  our planet poisoning rivers and fishing dry the oceans. You see us lying to ourselves vowing help to the oppressed and slowly going through the motions.

You see us abusing our children and our animals we all pretend this does not happen  but it does and to deny it would be criminal. You see the money makers in the temples the bankers feeding off the poor and making it look simple.

All you see is grief and pain and lies, illness, plague,deceit corruption and in the end everyone dies.  So knowing this it would be alarming if you did not scream your lungs out at the thought of being born.The effort and pain  would be enough to make you bawl and shed blood tinged tears. You are entering a hell full of fears . There is no future and no hope for you, no reason for you to see it through.

Gentle stars from the skies you are ripped from the womb and brought forth from between your mothers’ thighs with all the weight of your gathered knowledge. You look into a humans’ eyes and thankfully your knowledge slowly dies.

Would that you could show us how to help our world , our selves  and do it now.

GREED

Greed

Greed, greed evil fingers reaching out to grab you, it will rip you up and make you bleed.

Feel the tingle feel the gain lovely luca give it give it straight through my vein.

Creeping crawling , sweaty rush give me give me I crave for more see me roll in greed on the floor.

Nothing quenches this endless craving I want I need I will lie and cheat you, I am just beyond saving.

Silk and satin by the roll pretty diamonds I control. Filthy money makes me high like a drug it makes me fly.

Leave me, will you, see if I care my soul is lost. Your touch means nothing if  your money is not there.

Greed , greed come consume me make me fly lift my joy into the sky fill me fill me give me more watch me writhing on the floor.

Greed, greed evil fingers reaching out to grab me, it will rip me up and make me bleed. Slowly dragging me through the ground and in money I am bound .

I have no soul left only yearning, give me, give me  the craving is burning . Nothing left at all of me and all because of greed. greed.

Desserts is stressed backward

Look at those cushions, they are not straight. The dust on this coffee table is inches thick. Clean it up now you lazy bitch you know mess is something I hate. Do it now go move you make me feel sick. Don’t stand there staring as if you were thick.

The kids have wrecked the bathroom,  move your arse and sort them now. I don’t give a damn about your aching head. Where is my dinner I have been at work all day, have  you even heard a  word I have said.

desserts is stressed backwards.

What have you been doing, out with friends all day, go on, what nothing to say. A man slaves away at work it is your job to keep  house and not shirk. Look at you, you are not the girl I married she was bright and happy and full of life , such a sexy sight.

Where is my blue shirt and there is a hole in my socks , look at you, your going grey where are those flaxen locks. I’ll be late tonight don’t wait up , why, I going out for a beer,  dear!

BANG! Where’s the cereal Mum, where’s the milk where’s my homework where’s my new scarf of silk.

Take your lunch take your bus fares there’s your homework on the stairs. I have no idea where your scarf is get a move on your bus goes in five  minutes and a half!

BANG! Thank God they’ve gone peace at last , Lets just take a few minutes and hope this throbbing headache will pass. Put washing out to dry , OH! no that’s he best shirt he’ll be mad .

I had enough this is just too much. Sod the washing sod the shopping sod the house I’m going clothes shopping. New shoes new dress new car? I am off now and I’ll go far. I teach him to call me a lazy bitch . No more cooking  no more cleaning the hoover I can ditch! This worm has finally turned I have taken too much the old life I will just burn.

BANG the house shakes I leave for the last time I have had enough I going to live for me, is that such a crime . The kids are older I’ll write them in time they know I love them they know they are mine. I can’t stay with their father he is an ignorant swine.

Pebbles sitting in my hand.

Here I stand on the beach my feet buried in the sand, my eyes straining out to sea, tiny pebbles dry and rough sitting in my hand. I used to think I was special , one of a kind but like these pebbles in my palm I am just one of many vessels.

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I can not help but wonder how many waves have washed this beach. How many sun sets and sun rises have graced this lonely place. I throw a pebble out to sea and wander where it may reach.

The breeze is gentle on my face unlike your caress, so many times I looked for you but found only emptiness. Another pebble I release and this one  skims the surface. I’ve never managed that before it brings a  fleeting smile to my face and gives me a new purpose.

There is not another soul on the beach I stand here alone the suns has nearly gone now but I do not want to go home. How many little sea shell has the sea deposited here then over time ground them down and turned them into sand. How many stars are there up in the night sky both question sound too grand.

The waves are lapping at my feet I feel it through the sand  it is dark now as I release another pebble from my hand. The breeze no longer warm has found a sudden chill I feel somehow I should move but I just do not have the will.

My hand is almost empty now like my shrunken heart. I look out to the horizon make one last wish and throw this lonely pebble like a dart. The moon has climbed up in the sky I ought to move , but why. The water washes up my legs I look into my soul and count the dregs there is not much left to save. I walk forward then start to swim out to a watery grave.

Escape

I want to run, I want to hide. I want to skip through water and go down a slide, I want to have fun. I don’t want to stay here where it is all so grown up. I am tired of relationships its all too hard to bare. I need to kick my shoes off and slide down the bannister watch the shocked reactions I really do not care.

Searching for the sun-light, reaching for the clear. I no longer recognised it, does it still exist, is it still here. I need to count the buttercups and make a daisy chain it will make lovely decoration  but will it dull the pain. Perhaps I could find Teddy I left him in the den he and I spent hours there do you think we could again.

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I want muddy fingers and dirty fingernails I want a stick to run along the rails. I want Ossie and Jinglebells please could I  go play with them in some hidden dells.

Could I not paint a picture of a house and a huge sun could we just have one game of blindman’s bluff it truly would be fun. I need to find the exit please which way is the door. I have to get out of here and play five jacks on the floor.

It is too hot to cope in here  and there is not enough air to breathe I need to go now I have to get out of here, I really have to leave. I want to jump in puddles and splash around in shiny red boots I want to swing from branches and hide secrets in tree roots. I need to feel the sea air on my face, to let it  blow my hair around so I have to fight to keep it off my face.

Is that a window. I can make my escape anything would be better than these feelings I have to fake. I want to have a tea party with dolly , yes I do. I want to mix a cake and lick the bowl out too!

escape

I need to get as far away from  here and run as fast as can. I want to have a crust of new baked bread and smother it with jam.

I need to find the breeze and watch the blossoms sway. I want to smell it’s perfume and get so far away from all the heavy duties I have to bare today.

A final little jump now and I am on my way I have to just get home now and then I shall be free to dance and play.

Passers By

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We pass each other every day on this busy street. We never make eye contact we never stop to speak.

Rushing here and there we do not stop to think about the people around us who might be on the brink. We  are not allow to reach out or even to smile. People would think  you were mad if you try to stop them for a while.

There are so many lonely souls we pass them everyday  they always avert their eyes , why is that always the way. Why is it so wrong to just turn and smile to reach out to a passer by and talk to them for a while.

We all could make a difference. We all could make new starts, we all could help each other out if we opened up our hearts! Look at me fellow loners I am just like you  out pretending out here building walls between me and you.

Let me reach out to you and you could reach back to me why can’t we join

reach out your hand

together and maybe set some of our fears free. I could be a coat to you I could make you warm we could make our way through this lonely night and out into the dawn.

The Journey

Traffic lights of life

Idling at the traffic lights of life not sure whether to turn left or right. Will my choice lead me out into the light or send me back further into night. Waiting here in the road feeling tired and burdened down by this heavy load.

Straining hard for a sign to see which route could be mine. The darkness that encases my soul ties me back hinders my path and stops me feeling whole. Flicking  on the windscreen wipers to clear my view, the rain of tears seeping through the bonnet saturating  the gears. The dark clouds and this stormy weather doing nothing to allay my fears.

unclear view

It is so hard to see the distance between you and me the view is just a mishmash, and I must not get too close to you or we both could crash. The inside of the car is misting up like the inside of my heart so many years spent following you, so close yet miles apart.

At last I see a signpost up ahead it’s words are not clear some look smeared like lipstick red. Wiping the windscreen again anew  I need to get a clearer view. Maybe if I used the brake  a better decision I could make.

Finally the rain begins to slow, a ray of light sets the scene aglow. An echo of a rainbow appears clearing confusion that has misted years. I reach to see if you are still there . Your not! I wonder if I still care.

A secret for Romi

My Home

Romi Romi follow your star, home for you is where Mum and Dad are. You are so lucky a perfect little girl with a bouncy little  brother to keep you in a whirl.

Things are not always easy and sometimes it doesn’t seem fair but you need never worry as long as Mummy and Daddy are there. Soon you will be flying with Beau up in an aroplane to places unknown. Now that might seem scary but let me make this clear with Mummy and Daddy with you there is nothing to fear.

It is never easy to leave friends and home and fly across the world to a different time zone. Just look at it this way with Beau, Mummy and Daddy at your side you’ll always be home where ever, world wide. It will be hard to leave Nanny and Granddad alone but they will still be there waiting for you when you  return to their home.

Now here is a trick and it is a secret Romi, just for you. If you pick a sparkling star in the night sky and Nanny does too.  Where ever you are you can look up to the sky and find your star. Just remember that Nanny does that too, to see where you are. Which  means you are together no matter how far the miles between you both are. Close your eyes and reach out your hand and Nanny could almost be with you, together you’ll stand.

Nothing lasts forever and things change, it’s true. Yet Nanny and Granddad will always be here for you . So leave with stars in your eyes and smiles in your heart no amount of miles can keep you apart. Walls and roofs do not make make a home  but Mummy, Daddy  and Beau do, because no matter where you are  you will not be alone.

Two Faced Mask

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Why do we think one thing and say another ? Why do we lie to ourselves and to each other. Why bend the truth when it suits us and pretend we care, for in truth we don’t and turn our backs  fooling ourselves that  we are not there.

Why do we show the world one face and our loved ones something completely different.It makes no sense to fawn on those who mean so little and then push the ones we love so hard that the ties that bind become taught and brittle.

Why put on the good mask for the world, smile and be kind, bend over backwards to help others. Then go home and complain that we feel used and put on and unappreciated by our sisters and our brothers. It is those who love and support us that we should care for not people who we hardly know and who would happily just sweep us up like rubbish on the floor.

Why hurt the ones that love us the most with uncaring unkind words. Why shout and rant, why break and bluster  ignoring their pain and shock at our attacks. Why, when we have a bad day or feel hard done by  do we make them take the flack. Why smile at the person opposite you and help them with their shopping off the train. I am not advocating we all become selfish, lets help  folk but  be honest with each other. I fear my words are in vain.

Why put on the smiling face protesting love and all is well when things are not ,they are  are upside down and we feel like hell. So what if the world of strangers see us for what we are ,occasionally. The world will not stop spinning if we told the truth and showed how we felt. Surely that is not a truth too far.

Why does the world not see  the face that you present to me.Why can’t it see the other side that is fuelled with hate and swelled by pride. The angry, loud voice kept just for me. Share it with the world and set me free.

Why then, I could unleash my mask throw off fear, no longer tread on broken glass! Be honest to myself and not worry about the consequences. Not to dread returning home or pretend to be happy when left alone. To say what I think and why. To tell the truth with no fear. To be free and happy is all I ask  but like most of us I will continue to use the mask.